You Want Me
Don't you?

Wants 034
I want you. That's all I'll say. 

Cold. Everything felt cold that night. Her heart felt numb from the truth that was shoved up her face the moment she caught her phone. It's over. Everything she held onto vanished along with that warm past that saved her from the darkness back then. Jiae wasn't stupid, she knew what she could have done last night. She could have stayed, she should have stayed with Myungsoo before the operation starts. But she didn't want to. She knew about the chances, she knew how painful it'll get, so she left. 

She avoided the reality that hurts that night.

And now? Was it karma that came to deliver a slap to her face? She stared at the brightened phone screen in daze. The message from Dr. Zhang, Myungsoo's doctor, was more than enough to crush all the remaining hopes she had. She was hoping that he'll somhow live, but that couldn't happen. Kim Myungsoo was gone. But that would mean that Myungsoo's plan went well.

Jung Daesom will live. That's what she knows.

"Mm..." She paused, eyes darted to the man stirring in his sleep. He groaned and turned, his huge palm covered his face as he mumbles nonsense next to her. She would have smiled, but her heart sunk when she saw how tired Mark looked right now. It's all my fault. She brushed his messed up hair as she sighs. Her eyes hurt whenever she tries to blink. It feels puffy, numbed from the tears she must have forced out. How long had she been crying? She couldn't remember. But he stayed up with her. He held her close and tried his best to comfort her. 

He chose to stay with her despite all she has done to him. 

"I love you..." Her heart shook. Why did she say that? Who was she telling that to? Her eyes were tired, her heart was exhausted from the realization that crashed without her notice. It's funny how she should have expected the crash, but her heart just couldn't bring itself to be ready for it. 

Brushing his bangs aside, she took in the sight of his hard frown. Mark's frown had been evident these days, as if he couldn't seem to relax around her anymore. She frowned and bit her lips. He's not comfortable anymore. She pulled back and shook her head. It's stupid to think that he'll ever get cozy with her after knowing her past. No one would be in their right mind to do that. 

Carefully, she got out from the bed. She made sure that Mark wouldn't notice her leave. She needed space. To breathe, to be able to look ahead without being blinded by the pain again.

She made his favorite breakfast. Something as simple as toast and a morning coffee. Her mind was still a blank, her heart was still trying to get over the fact that someone is in fact, gone from her life. She was numb from the pain, the sensation has slowly became something she was used to.

The coffee she made for herself felt bitter no matter how much sugar she added to the cup. The toast was completely tasteless no matter how much jam she spreaded on the bread. Everything felt... Dull now that he's gone. This wasn't what she was expecting to feel when she agreed to part ways with Myungsoo officially. It wasn't supposed to feel numb. She was supposed to smile, and be happy that his wish came true. 

But it still hurts no matter how much she tried to lie to herself. 

How is Eunmi taking this? She wondered, the corner of her lips lifted lightly as she thought of that poor child. She must have felt worse. Jiae thought. That child had been with Myungsoo for as long as she can remember. She was a naive, adorable child. If only Myungsoo didn't push her away like that...

Jiae shook her head and drank the bitter drink. Unlike Eunmi, she wasn't the naive one. She knew at least that much from how the girl treats Myungsoo. She felt bad for her, but Myungsoo told her not to. That bastard... How could he hurt someone as pure as her? That rascal... She placed the empty cup into the sink and left the kitchen. 

She made a phone call in the closet room. It was a call to Dr. Zhang. The same doctor who tried to treat Myungsoo, the same doctor who was treating Daesom. She never liked how inconsiderate the doctor can be with his words, but he probably just didn't want to give her any empty hopes. He gave her a fair warning that it was more likely that Myungsoo wouldn't survive, that she should prepare herself for it. But did she listen? She continued to hold onto that empty hope when she knew that he has given up before he even try.

"Mrs Tuan." She was used to the way Dr. Zhang addresses her. To him, she was Mark Tuan's wife, nothing more, nothing less. He doesn't care if she was actually cheating on Mark, he was just there to treat his patients. A cold, emotionless doctor who couldn't care less about his patient's personal lives. 

"Have you... Settled everything?..." She wasn't sure what to ask first. How did he passed on? What happened in the surgery room? Did he even try to survive? There wasn't so many things she could have asked Dr. Zhang, but nothing came out of other than the four words that she muttered under her strained throat.

"Yes. Kim Myungsoo's body has been transferred to the morgue." She winced at the harsh tone of Dr. Zhang's voice. She almost hoped that she could hear these from Dr. Hwang, his assistant instead. At least, she wouldn't sound as harsh as Dr. Zhang. He did nothing wrong, but that wasn't what she wants to hear right now. 

"I understand..." She muttered softly and ran her fingers through her hair. There were no more tears, she couldn't have anymore even if she wanted to. She was tired from everything that has happened in her life. She was sick of it.

"I'll arrange a funeral for him." She drew a breath and leaned against the wall. "Just... Please tell me when Jung Daesom is awake. I'll arrange the date by then."

"Understood." Dr. Zhang responded, his voice softened then. "Once again, I apologize for your loss." 

"Don't be." She smiled and closed her eyes. "At least, he saved a life."

That's right, at least he left something behind.   

She changed out of her dirty clothing next, putting on the clothes she wore when she first met him. The white shirt was left hidden in the closet for so long, that she had almost forgotten about it. She wore the same skinny jeans as well, the old piece of clothing that she brought along with her. She shifted her eyes to the old, broken backpack she kept in the corner of the room. Everything was in there, all the things she needed to survive. 

She never thought that the things will be left unattended for so long. She kept everything she needed in the backpack knowing that she'll have to live out in the cold, that she might never have the chance to meet her family again. But what is this now? She found something more than the family she once had. 

What family? The warmth just wasn't the same as the ones they gave her. 

Myungsoo's love was warm, comforting as the summer sun. He was gentle and understanding. He'll always support her decisions no matter how absurd they were. He was one to keep her in track, to prevent her from crossing the line and break the rules. He was someone she enjoyed having in her life.

But what about Mark? She took the laundry basket to the washing machine