Jiyong made the decision to do what he was doing in a short time period because he knew if he spent more time thinking about it, he wouldn’t do it. After his class ended, he walked over to stand outside Seunghyun’s English class. The teacher always went a few minutes over time, so Jiyong knew he would meet Seunghyun. And then I can ask him to eat lunch with me.

Jiyong was slowly getting used to spending more and more time with Seunghyun, and not feeling embarrassed about it. He smiled to himself as he remembered their last conversation on the rooftop of an abandoned building. They were having bubble tea and gazing out at the lit up city below them. Traffic, billboards, shop decorations… it was all a collection of pretty lights. Jiyong however found himself wanting to look more at Seunghyun instead. His heart warmed when he found Seunghyun gazing back, an endearing smile playing on his lips.

“What?” Jiyong asked, leaning forward so he could better see the city lights reflect in Seunghyun’s eyes.

“What what?” Seunghyun replied, grinning.

“You’re thinking something. I can hear your brain wheels turning.”

“This is probably the first time you have acknowledged that I have a brain, J.”

“Hard to believe, but you do have a brain, Choi Seunghyun. I saw you rattle off the answers to today’s quiz in class.”

“I was showing off, for you.”

“Interesting way to flirt, I must say.”

Seunghyun chuckled. “I figured you’d like a smart guy. Hence, the showing off.”

Jiyong laughed in response.

“Not funny, J. Do you know how long it took me to memorize those chemical formula?”

“A few weeks?” Jiyong answered, smirking.

“Didn’t know you had such potential to be savage, J. Anyway I am glad you picked up on my subtle art of flirting.”

“How can you just admit it,” Jiyong asked, “that you were flirting with me? I’d be so embarrassed.”

“J, I am probably the most shameless person you’ll ever meet.”

“I wouldn’t say shameless,” Jiyong said, smiling. “Diligent, more like it.”

“Ah yes, diligence at chasing men. Fantastic.”

Jiyong had laughed then, and he was smiling now. No one could amuse him like Seunghyun did.

Soon, students began to peter out of the classroom. Jiyong lounged around shyly, shuffling his feet and looking out for Seunghyun so he could get out of the crowd as soon as possible. Why are these highschoolers so noisy? Wait, I am a highschooler too. In a grandma’s body. Jiyong’s monologue was interrupted when his eyes landed on Seunghyun’s mop of blue hair.

“Seunghyun!” Jiyong called out. He felt his lips curve into a delighted smile. Dang it, this blue haired idiot making me smile like I just won the lottery. He blushed as he saw Seunghyun pause and then turn around. However he was shocked when he saw how red Seunghyun’s eyes were. Hurrying over to him Jiyong said, “Are you okay? Have you not been sleeping?”

Seunghyun didn’t say anything at first. And then, he abruptly grabbed Jiyong’s hand and pulled them through the crowd and out into the courtyard, to the empty bench Jiyong liked sitting at. Once they were there, Seunghyun pulled Jiyong into a tight embrace. Jiyong was taken aback as Seunghyun crushed him in his arms, holding him tight to his shaking chest.

“You’re alright,” Seunghyun whispered.

Jiyong raised his head as much as he could while Seunghyun clung to him. “…yes. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Seunghyun finally let go of him and collapsed onto the bench. “I was so worried Jiyonggie. Why weren’t you answering your phone? I called you a million times. You didn’t even reply to my texts!”

“When did you message me?” Jiyong asked softly, sitting down next to Seunghyun. After a moment’s thought, he gently held Seunghyun’s hand. “I am sorry, I was probably asleep… and I forgot my phone at home this morning… Is everything okay?”

Seunghyun didn’t say anything. He just looked at their interlocked hands, and then at Jiyong. And then, he slowly pulled his hand away.

“I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

Jiyong felt like a truck had hit him in the chest. Seunghyun’s words rang in his head like an echo.

“What…I don’t understand. What do you mean?” Jiyong’s voice was higher than he expected.

Seunghyun just sighed. Then he said, “We shouldn’t see each other J. I…I’m not ready for it. I think I moved too fast, and… I think we both need a break. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. And I don’t want to go too far. I am sorry J.”

Jiyong just stared back a Seunghyun. He didn’t know what to say. He hugged himself, his hand colder after Seunghyun had pulled away. Silence filled the air.

“J, I am sorry. Why aren’t you saying something?”

Silence.

“J?” Seunghyun repeated, his voice wary. At last, Jiyong responded.

“… I have nothing to say.”

Seunghyun sighed. “J… I am so sorry. I hope you don’t feel too bad. Never meant to hurt you.”

Jiyong sat there, staring at his shoes. His shock was slowly turning into something red…and burning. Anger.

“Of course you didn’t mean to hurt me.” Jiyong replied, his voice quiet. He finally looked up to meet Seunghyun’s eyes. Eyes that had gazed tenderly at him as they drank bubble tea on the rooftop of an abandoned building, both their smiles brighter than the city lights. Eyes that warmed up when the two of them held hands and drove down the moonlit beach. Eyes that sparkled when Seunghyun teased Jiyong and then pulled him into an apologetic hug. Eyes that were red now, and refused to make contact with Jiyong’s sad, brown ones.

“I don’t believe you, Seunghyun. You were the one who approached me, you were the one who kept trying to make it into something I never thought was reasonable. And now you tell me you weren’t sure what you were doing? Is everything a joke, a game to you? I don’t understand how I let myself be fooled into thinking there was more to you than I had always thought before.”

“J…”

“I’m not J. Call me Jiyong. Actually, don’t call me at all. Goodbye, Seunghyun.”

Jiyong pushed himself off the bench and walked away, avoiding eye contact at all cost. His hands shook as he pushed the doors open to go back into the school building. With shaky knees he finally managed to get into a bathroom stall at the end of the corridor. And then at last, he let the tears flow.

Unknown to him, a blue-haired boy sat alone at a bench, his head in his hands, and his own shoulders trembling with sobs.