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-Gargi (A)

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“What would you like to listen?” Seunghyun asked Jiyong as he pulled his car out of the driveway and onto the road.

“I don’t really care, what do you have on?”

“Hmm, here you go. My phone. Play whatever you like.”

Jiyong scrolled through Seunghyun’s music playlist. There was a lot of slow, sad music which surprised Jiyong. Seunghyun seemed so happy all the time, he expected similar music on here. He also couldn’t help but smile at the number of Taylor Swift songs on there. This guy. Jiyong’s hand slipped and he ended up pressing Blank Space by Taylor Swift. Oh wow, he thought. Not the most appropriate choice for a first date…?

First date?? Jiyong scowled. His brain could come up with the strangest things. This wasn’t a date was it? Ugh it totally is a date, and I am being an idiot.

Seunghyun however wasn’t thinking so much. He was belting out the lyrics as if his life depended on it. He turned to look at Jiyong, grinning, as if prompting him to sing along too. Jiyong just smiled back awkwardly and ran his fingers through his hair. He just wanted to get out in the cool air. His nervousness was making him sweat.

“What’s up Jiyong?” Seunghyun asked when he took a break from screaming the lyrics. They had just stopped at a red light and Jiyong had been looking out the window. He turned towards Seunghyun and shook his head. To be honest, he was quite mad at himself. Seunghyun wanted to hang out with him, and just have a good time. But Jiyong’s crippling anxiety was making it so damn hard. He sighed. Honesty was the way to go. It’s not like he could embarrass himself any further anyway…

Jiyong chuckled nervously. “Honestly?”

Seunghyun smiled. “You can tell me whatever, J.”

Jiyong took a deep breath. “I am just nervous. I…I don’t know why. That’s it. Just nervousness.”

Seunghyun didn’t reply right away. The light turned green and he began driving. Jiyong sat in awkward silence. Was he too weird for Seunghyun? Did he mess this up? Whatever this was? And he was surprised to realize that the thought made his heart hurt.

“You’re so brave Jiyong. I wish I could be brave like that too.”

Jiyong turned his shocked face to look at Seunghyun who had brought the car to a stop on the side of the road. They were on the road next to the sea. Cool sea breeze blew in through the open window and made Seunghyun’s hair whip around his face.

“Brave?” Jiyong whispered. “I am nervous,” he laughed. “Not brave.”

“You were brave enough to tell me you were nervous. I was busy pretending I am not.”

Jiyong didn’t know what to say. Seunghyun was nervous? “Why?” he blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Why?” Seunghyun laughed. He ran his hand through his hair and leaned back. He closed his eyes and paused. Finally he said, his eyes still closed, “Jiyong, you know why I am nervous. I don’t know why you said yes to tonight. It was…it was so wonderful talking to you the other night. But I don’t know why you would want to…I mean, why do you want to hang with me? I don’t know…All I know is I want to be around you, because…it makes me happy. I…wow. I need to stop babbling, yeah?” Seunghyun laughed, but Jiyong could hear embarrassment and nervousness in his laugh, for the first time all night. Seunghyun’s eyes were still shut close, and he was so tense that his hands were knotted together. Jiyong’s mind flashed back to the night at the pub…

*** Seunghyun held Jiyong's hand gently, and he slowly opened his fist, intertwining his own fingers with Jiyong's and placing their interlocked hands on the table.
"I hope I don't make you nervous."
"But you do!"
“How can I make it better?"
"Maybe give me a warning next time you hold my hand?"
"So it's okay if I hold your hand?"
Jiyong opened his mouth and then closed it again. What could he say? He didn't want to hold Seunghyun's hand, but at the same time he really wanted to…
"Jiyong?"
Jiyong looked up to meet Seunghyun's warm eyes.
"I was just thinking. And yeah, you can hold my hand. After warning me." ***

Jiyong found himself blushing softly just thinking of the memory. His eyes went back to Seunghyun, whose cheeks were quite red too. Before he knew it, he slowly placed his hand on top of Seunghyun’s hands that were quite pale now because of how hard he was squeezing them. Seunghyun’s eyes fluttered open in surprise, meeting Jiyong’s blushing face. Jiyong almost pulled his hand away, but a sudden burst of boldness stopped him. Was this the bravery Seunghyun was talking about? He pulled Seunghyun’s hands apart, and said, “You almost cut off your blood circulation there.” He chuckled nervously, but Seunghyun just gaped at him. Jiyong knew he could let go of Seunghyun’s hand now, but he realized he didn’t want to. Seunghyun clearly didn’t want to either, because a moment later he restarted the engine and interlocked their fingers. He smiled shyly at Jiyong. “You good?” he asked Jiyong, squeezing his hand. “Yes,” Jiyong replied, surprised at his own confidence. Smiling, he squeezed Seunghyun’s hand back.