3 signs you have a bad life

Chapter 18 – Is this goodbye?

---

The gate to the academy was shone brightly as if there are a lot of lamps shining on it. Little Soomin was holding onto my hand tight since just now and it took me a while to accept the reality.

“No.98 to report to headmaster,” I told the gatekeeper and he looked over to the little girl beside me who was smiling widely.

“Who is she?” He asked.

“Jung Haerin.” I answered and the gate opened wide as I slowly stepped in.

The road to headmaster’s office was short and I was in pain. I felt my heart throbbing and my tears couldn’t stop falling. This is dangerous.

“Dad, where are you bringing me?” The girl asked and I looked down on her.

“You’re going to the afterlife, Haerin.” I answered.

“You gave me the name Soomin, not Haerin.” She sulked and I kept quiet instead of answering.

“You’re here,” Headmaster appeared in his office and I looked at him straight.

“I’ve bought the girl you wanted me to find.” I said and headmaster replied with a small smile.

“Soomin, let’s go.” He extends out his hand but the little girl wouldn’t let go of my hand.

“It’s time for you to go, sweetheart.” He grabbed the girl hand softly and she followed him. Slowly, she turns her head around and looked at me with her downcast eyes.

“Bye dad.” She waved her little hands and I slowly wave back.

---

Golden rays of sunshine peek through the classroom window and the class was silent too silent that it made everyone so sleepy. I couldn’t focus in class either since the moment spirit told me about who he was.

I took a huge deep breath and let it out but it only sounded like I was sighing and Hana turned her head as she gave me her raised eyebrow.

“What’s wrong with you?” She whispered.

“Everything is wrong with me.” I answered and this time I had a deep sigh.

I felt the necklace I was wearing and the ring was still looking nice and shiny. What is the reason that I had to get married to Joohyuk and his twin became my guardian? What is the reason that this ring holds? It has been nearly 3 months since we got married but never have I really sit and thought about what the reason was.

Mrs. Lee released us for lunch and the girls and I quickly left the classroom as we walked to the cafeteria. I was literally dragging my legs as we walked and I swear I wasn’t feeling well like usual. All I want to do now is just sigh and sigh all day long.

“Girl, you need to smile. How will boys approach you if you keep showing that long face?” Eunna made fun of me but I couldn’t be bothered.

“Eunna, will you stop talking about boys? It is so annoying.” Hana sounded harsh and Eunna stopped talking.

Just when I thought everything went back to usual and silent, my phone rang and it was from Joohyuk’s mum.

“Hello,” I greeted as soon as I answer the phone.

“Soomin, will you be able to come and meet me after school today? I have something to tell you.” She said over the phone and my heart literally stopped for a moment.

Does she know that I wanted to know what the reason was that I had to get married to her son?

“Sure, where will I meet you?”

Class ended for the day and I went to the café that Joohyuk’s mum said and I make sure to prepare myself to hear every single thing she is going to say and tell me. I pull open the door of the café and walked towards where she was already sitting.

“How’s your day at school?” She greeted me with a smile.

“Great.” I said and she passed me an iced tea.

“Have a drink first, honey.” She said and I grab the drink in my hand as I slurp it as if I hadn’t drink for a year.

“I have something to tell you, Soomin.” She started off and I bit my lips.

“I kept dreaming of Joohyun these days and my heart felt heavy. I wanted to keep this a secret for as long as I can but I just couldn’t.” She said with her furrowed eyebrow. She looked worried and it made me anxious.

“What is it about, mum?” I asked and she looked at me in the eyes.

---

11 months ago…

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Mum asked me while I was packing my luggage.

“I’m already, mum.” I answered with a smile and she entered my room as she sat beside me on the floor.

“Are you really okay that we won’t send you off?” Mum asked, worried.

“It’s okay, mum. You and dad don’t have to send me off. I know both of you are busy with work.” I assured her that it’s okay but she doesn’t seem very sure.

“Make sure to eat well and drink well while you’re there, alright? Don’t roam around and take good care of yourself and your belongings.” She starts to remind me again and again.

“Make sure to call me before you board the flight,” She said and I stopped doing everything I was doing and looked at her.

“Mum, don’t worry. I am already 20. I can take care of myself. You too must take care of yourself while I’m not around.” I said and mum smiled with her eyes teary.

“Mum, you’re not going to see me for 2 weeks, not forever.” I laughed it off but mum stood silent.

“Don’t say like that-“ She clicked her tongue.

“Mum, but I want to tell you something. Please keep it a secret from Joohyuk. It was hard for me that I had to keep this a secret because I don’t even want Joohyuk to know about this.” I turned and faced her and she looked like she was all ears, ready to hear my secret.

“I liked Soomin too.” I told her and instantly my heart felt like it became light.

“Soomin?” Mum tilted her head for a second and looked at me after a second, “The girl Joohyuk like?”

I nodded my head and brush it off with a smile, “I want to tell her that but that would just be the worst thing ever. Every night Joohyuk would talk to me about her and how he likes her so much but I couldn’t help to feel jealous.”

“Are you sure you liked the same Soomin?” Mum asked.

“He showed me her picture that he took during the industrial trip.” I explained and she swallowed hard.

“You’re such a nice brother, Joohyun.” She bit her lips.

“Last month, I heard she told her friend that she lost her ring that her mother bought for her so I went to buy a ring for her but I just couldn’t give it to her.” I told mum everything and she asked me where the ring was.

Slowly, I opened the zip of the luggage and grab the black box as I gave it to her.

“It’s such a nice ring.” She opened the box and smiled.

“Do you mind if I help to give this to her instead?” She asked with a genuine smile on her face.

“How will you do that?” I wondered.

“Soomin’s mum is my friend. I can contact her and tell her to give the ring to her daughter.” She explained but I grabbed the ring back and put it in my luggage.

“I think I’ll just keep the ring for myself.” I smiled and she held my hand.

“Don’t be discourage, son. I believe if she’s fated to be yours, she will be yours no matter what.”

---

“The ring that I asked Joohyuk to give you,” She continued and a tear dropped down her left eye, “That was the ring Joohyun wanted to give you.”

My heart sank to the deepest of ocean and my eyes became as cloudy as it could.

“Two days after he came back from Vietnam before he passed away, he told me to keep the secret from Joohyuk and doesn’t want anyone to know about this but I just couldn’t keep this from you anymore.” She sobbed.

“Joohyun wasn’t the one who wanted me to marry you and Joohyuk off but I was the one who wanted both of you to be together.” She continued and my tears dropped.

“I couldn’t help but to feel like I need to get you and Joohyuk together. Both of them like you, Soomin and I just couldn’t see him sad whenever Joohyuk talks about you in front of him. I thought if I could marry you off with Joohyuk, it would be the least I could do for him. I am a bad mother, Soomin. I am so selfish.” She sobbed again but harder this time.

“I found a letter in his room while I was trying to clear his luggage.” She took out something from her bag and passed it to me on the table.

“Please don’t hate me, Soomin. I don’t know what else I could do to help my youngest son be happy up there. One of his last wishes was to see you before he go.” She said before I take the letter in my hand.

“Will you promise me something, Soomin?” She asked and I nod my head slowly.

“Please don’t let Joohyuk know about this and please don’t let this make you treat Joohyuk any different. If there’s anyone you should hate, it’s me.” She closed her eyes and grips my hand tight.

The ride back home was slow and everything felt like it was paused. I sat on the bus which took a longer way home and stuck my earpiece in but I wasn’t playing any songs. I wanted to be alone for the whole day and I don’t want to even face anyone today.

I slowly reach the letter in my bag and unfold it.

I am finally going to Vietnam tomorrow but why does it feel like it will be my last trip? I want to leave Korea with a light heart but why does it feel so heavy? I’ve said my goodbye to mum, dad and Joohyuk but why it feels like I am missing someone? I thought I could see her for the last time but jokes on me, I couldn’t even see her for the past few weeks, how could I see her during my last days here.

I’ve decided on what to get mum, dad and Joohyuk while I’m in Vietnam. I’ll get mum a soft scarf that will goes well with whatever she’s wearing. I’ll get dad a wallet that he can use for a long time and for Joohyuk, I’ll just present him a portrait of us so that he won’t get sick of me.

To the girl whom me and my older twin likes, please be healthy so that I could see you back in school 2 weeks later, JSM.

---

The bright skies turned dark in a matter of second but Soomin was still not home. She doesn’t answer my call neither did she reply to my text messages. I grew worried but I kept cool until I hear the password being keyed in at the door.

She enters the house with a sullen look on her face and anybody could tell she wasn’t feeling well.

“Soomin,” I walked up to her and take her bag off her.

“Are you sick?” I put my hand on her forehead and feel her temperature but instead of hot, she felt cold.

“I’m just tired.” She replied and slowly dragged herself to the room but stopped when she looked at my formal wear.

“Where are you going?” She asked.

“Jung Soomin, the little girl, passed away this morning.” I told her and her eyes instantly became teary.

“She what-” She asked again and I repeat.

“I’ll go to the funeral hall for a while to visit her, you go and have your rest alright?” I told her but she insisted of following.

“Wait for me, I’ll be right back.” She rushes to her room and came out literally a minute later wearing all black.

“Let’s go,” I grabbed her hand and off we go to the funeral hall with my motorbike.

I was sitting at the living room while waiting for my favorite television show when I received a call from the orphanage telling me that Soomin has passed away and they will carry out a funeral at the nearby funeral hall.

Hearing the news shocked me for a bit and it made me think of that time when Joohyun left me. I hated seeing funeral hall ever since but I just forced myself to go for the last time as I send little Soomin off.

I sped off to the funeral hall together with Soomin at the back. We arrived at the funeral hall but it was empty except for the 2 caretakers sitting on the floor. The emptiness could feel through my heart and it felt even worse when I looked over to Soomin and she was crying silently.

“Let’s go,” I grabbed her hand tight as we went over to where the caretakers were.

After we’ve done giving our last respect to little Soomin, the 4 of us sat at one of the table and all were silent until I asked what happened to her since she was fine yesterday.

“She was happy last night after both of you have left. She was coloring her books with purple and pink instead of black.” One of the ladies said with a smile.

“Every night she would color her books with either a pencil or black marker but yesterday,” She showed us the book Late Soomin colored and the last 3 pages was filled with colors, bright colors.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked and they nod their head.

“What did she meant when she said Joohyun was the one who gave her name?” I asked and they let out a smile.

“Her real name was Jung Haerin but she wanted Joohyun to call her a different name. She wanted the name to be special since he was her favorite. He wanted to name her RinRin as her nickname but she asked for a different name than hers.” One of the ladies explained, “It turns out Joohyun named her Soomin and since then, whenever we called her Haerin, she wouldn’t answer.”

Soomin looked down all the way and was silent. I thought that it was a bad idea that I bought her here but then again, she insisted on following.

“During breakfast today, she wasn’t around and we thought she was still sleeping or getting ready but it turns out she passed away in her sleep.” She explained again and was sobbing this time.

We left the funeral hall after we realized it was already late. Soomin couldn’t look at me in the eyes and she kept silent since just now. What is bothering her?

“Hey, is something bothering you?” I asked carefully but all she responded me with was a shook of her head and a long sigh.

“There must be something,” I stopped myself from asking and put her helmet on for her.

“Do you want to drink tonight?” I offered and she looked up.

“Will that make me forget about today?” She asked and I smiled before starting the engine on.

---

Joohyuk tried his best to make me smile and laugh but I just couldn’t face him. It felt weird and I felt more burdened after hearing the reason from his mum.

“Are you not going to drink?” He asked as he opens the second can for himself.

We went back home after buying the drinks and snacks and decided to drink at home instead of the streets.

“I’m sorry, Joohyuk.” I stood up and leave for my room.

I shut the door close and walk to the drawer where I place the ring Joohyuk put on my table months ago. The ring box was black and I opened the box slowly as I was greeted by how shiny the small diamond was.

“How could he hear what I told Hana a year ago?” I stared at the ring and it still amazes me.

Just then, spirit appeared in front of me and he sat on my bed.

“Human,” He called and I quickly put away the ring box and close the drawer shut.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I feel so suffocated.” He answered and sat up as he looked at me with his downcast eyes.

“I don’t know what is happening.” He said and I don’t even know what the heck is happening and why is it happening.

“Now that you know who you were, are you going to stop being a guardian?” I asked carefully as I stare at his facial, his sharp nose and huge eyes with perfect sculptured lips.

“I still have time for you,” He said and tilted his head towards me.

My heart stopped for a second and I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him.

“Would you tell me how you know who you were?” I asked and he began to explain.

---

Yesterday…

“Both of you knew each other. Make sure to find Jung Soomin before midnight in 2 days and bring her here.” Headmaster said before I leave the room.

“Nam Joohyun,” He called and I stopped my foot from going forward.

“You really need to find her-“ He said before he disappeared.

---

“That’s how I knew I was Nam Joohyun. I don’t understand why he would call that name. I thought I wasn’t supposed to know who I was in the past.” He wanted to continue but stopped suddenly.

“Be happy with Joohyuk, Soomin.” He said and disappeared.

I took a deep breathe in and let it out loud as I throw myself on my bed and cover my body with my thick comfy blanket. If I could, I want to just live under this blanket for my whole lifetime and not face anyone.

The next morning came which felt like a split second and it was time for another school day. Joohyuk’s door was wide open but he wasn’t inside. I walked into the living room and fair enough, he was there lying on the floor with his eyes tight closed.

“Joohyuk, wake up it’s time for school.” I wake him up as he stirs in his sleep.

After I finished getting ready for school, he was still sleeping so soundly on the floor. I shake him slightly again and he woke up right away.

“Yes, Soomin?” He asked looking straight at me with him forcing to open his eyes wide.

“It’s time for school, bro.” I told him and his shoulder dropped.

“I drank too much yesterday and now I feel like vomiting.” He stood up and immediately rushes to the toilet.

We walked to school together instead of riding his bike to avoid any accident since he was still drunk from yesterday.

“I feel so sick.” He whined and I take out a mint from my skirt pocket as I feed him straight to the mouth.

“That’s why you shouldn’t drink the night before school.” I said and he linked he arm with mine.

“I didn’t want to but yesterday you were so down, it made me down as well.” He answered with his eyes close.

“We’re near school,” I said but he still won’t get his hands off mine.

“Soomin,” I heard a familiar voice in front of us which turns out to be Haru’s.

She was scanning the 2 of us from top to bottom and it felt uncomfortable.

“Haru,” I called her but she responded with a smile.

“See you both in class.” She said and left me and Joohyuk alone.

“What was that all about?” Joohyuk looked at me and let go of his arm as we continued walking straight to class.

“Was she angry or not? How come she’s so cool about me walking with her crush?” I mumbled to myself wondering what is going on with Haru.

---

After that sudden meeting with Haru, we both walked straight to class without talking. Okay this is when I think I have to start worrying about. I know Haru’s feeling for me and how she has liked me for 3 years but then Haru is Soomin’s friend. How is Soomin going to explain herself that she’s walking to school with me?

“Joohyuk,” Soomin called right before we make a right turn to class.

“If my friends were to find out about us, what would you do?” She asked while focusing looking in front.

“I would be happy but only if you’re comfortable with that.” I answered carefully and she let out a short sigh.

We entered the class and no one was really paying attention to our entrance except for Haru. She had her head up and smiled at us when we both entered.

Scary.

God, please don’t make it hard for Soomin to deal with this.

---

Lunch time came and I hurried to the toilet where Haru was. She was washing her hands under the sink and doesn’t look like she wants to turn off the sink any moment.

“Haru,” I called her softly and she answered without looking at me.

“Don’t even say anything right now.” She said and pushes the tap down as she dries her hand.

“Why are you-“ I wanted to ask why isn’t she asking me anything but she cut me off and gave me her famous death glare.

“I know I looked like a fool all these while in front of you while talking about Joohyuk but I can’t help it to lie to you girls.” She said and my lips went ajar.

“Why were you lying then?” I asked and she did a little chuckle.

“It was because I don’t want to look like a loser compared to you. Who could have known that you’re dating one of the popular guys in the school? Who could have known that you, the quiet one, get Joohyuk?” She laughed and I was flustered.

What does she meant by all that? I get she’s pretty popular among the guys but I deserved to date someone too.

“I know that you and Hana have been laughing behind my back because of the things I lied about Joohyuk.” She threw the tissue paper hard onto the bin and looked at me, “I guess life has been good to you that you get to have the dream guy your friend likes.”

And then, she left the toilet leaving me alone.

I couldn’t bring myself to lunch and I kept myself in the classroom alone while everyone went to have their lunch. Hana kept calling me but I couldn’t get myself to answer it. It has only been 2 days but everything happens so fast as if I have that much strength to move on.

Just when I thought I could be alone for the whole one hour, the door slides open and a familiar figure enter the classroom.

“Why are you not eating?” Joohyuk enter the class with a sandwich in his hands and iced tea. He closes the door behind him and walked towards me as he sat on Hana’s seat which was beside me.

“Why are you here?” I asked him while he took out the sandwich out from the packaging before handing it to me.

“Hana called me asking whether you’re with me and that’s why I came here.” He explained.

“How is Jisoo doing then? How could you leave him alone?” I asked and he laughed then stopped.

“Baby, I made Hana go with Jisoo.” He winked and I let out a chuckle.

“Here, eat.” He passed me the sandwich and I slowly grabbed it with both my hands.

“What happened?” He asked as soon as I take my first bite.

“Nothing happen, I just wanted to be alone.” I answered.

“Did you and Haru talked?” He asked carefully.

I grabbed the iced tea and sip it slowly as I respond to his question with a nod, “She was cool about it.”

Definitely not cool about it.

---

May I say this is one of the most awkward moments I ever had in my whole life? Why did Joohyuk that middle parted hair make me sit together with Hana? He could have just left me alone by myself but…

“Am I disturbing you? Should I just go?” Hana asked with a smile on her face.

Holy crap, I think she could hear my thoughts.

“No, I didn’t say you’re disturbing me.” I fake a laugh but she wasn’t smiling.

“Your body language and facial expression tells me everything, Mr. Kim.” She answered.

“I’m not, just finish eating your food.” I clear my throat and she showed me her food tray.

“I have finished eating 10 minutes ago. You’re the one who should finish eating your food.” She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes at me.

---

That night we were both in our individual room when the peaceful dark night suddenly interrupted by the loud sound of thunder and lightning could be seen across the window. Just when we thought we want to sleep early for tomorrow’s class, another loud sound of thunder was heard.

At the same moment, we opened our door and both of us faced each other in front of our door.

“Are you scared of the thunder?” I asked Soomin but she swallowed hard and shook her head.

“Scared of the thunder?” She laughed then stopped, “I’m just thirsty.” She walked over to the kitchen and opens the fridge door where there’s nothing inside except for all the containers and bottles of plain water.

“Ice water will do.” She took out one of the bottles and uncapped it.

I followed her to the kitchen and sat at our bar chair as i rest my elbow on the counter and lean my chin on my palm.

“What are you doing here too? Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?” She asked and put the bottle inside of the fridge back.

“I can’t sleep.” I answered but only god knows what the reason is that I couldn’t sleep. It is because of the scary loud thunder and lightning.

“Since you’re here,” She walked towards me as she took a sit beside me, “can I ask you if we can go and visit Joohyun when we’re free?”

Both my ears perked up and turn my head as I looked at her in the eyes, “Are you still bothered of the little girl?” I asked carefully.

“My heart hasn’t been in peace since then. Maybe if I could visit Joohyun once,” She paused and did a little sigh.

“Let’s go this weekend then.” I held her hand tight and she smiled as a respond.

---

“Your future is dark, my son.” The fortune teller took a look at my palm as the red liquid flows following the lines on my palm.

“What do you mean by dark?” I asked curious.

“It all depends with what kind of dark you think.” She said and wipes my palm with a piece of cotton.

“Your human is going to visit you.” She explained and opened the door.

“Leave 2 red threads at the door before leaving. I’ll take that as a payment from you.” She said and I leave the room.

After what Senior Kim recommended me to do, seeing the fortune teller, it only scares me a little more. I need to know why I can’t see the 2 people who are visiting me this weekend. There’s a lot more to the guardian life than I know and I need to know everything.

“So,” Senior Kim appeared beside me and gave me his ‘how-did-you-do’ look.

“My future is dark,” I said and he nodded his head.

“I could see that. How dark could it get?” He asked again and I told him about Soomin visiting my grave.

“How bad could it be?” I asked but all he responded with was disappeared into the air, leaving me alone wondering what the heck is happening.

---

The weekend arrives in a blink of an eye and both of us are ready to go visit Joohyun for the first time after a long time. We ride to the grave together with my bike and Soomin was holding the white carnation flower bouquet in her hand.

“Thank you for wanting to come and visit,” I grabbed her hand tight as we walked to Joohyun’s grave.

“If it’s not because of you, I would have never thought I could face him again.” I appreciate her and she grips my hand tighter as a respond.

“Joohyun, we’re here.” I said as we stood in front of his tombstone.

It was kept well and neat. I told myself before leaving the house to not cry or sob in front of Joohyun’s grave and I managed to do that while Soomin stood behind of me.

“Soomin’s here as well. She was the one who wanted to give you a visit.”

---

‘Spirit, I’m here standing in front of your grave.’ I said in my own thoughts while I looked at the picture of Joohyun on the tombstone.

‘You don’t have to be my guardian anymore. You should go in peace now.’

As if the gods know how emotional I was feeling, droplets of raindrop dropped from the sky lightly.

“Let’s go now.” Joohyuk said as I made my last respect to Joohyun as we linked our hands together and walked back to his bike.

“Let’s grab dinner, shall we?” Joohyuk offered and I nod my head with a smile.

But, before I could get on the bike, I saw at the rear mirror of Joohyuk’s bike and spirit was there, standing right behind us. I turned around quickly to see him but he wasn’t there.

He looked sad. He looked really sad.

Please rest in peace, Nam Joohyun. It’s time for you to rest.

---

The record keeper slides a ticket on the desk.

“Would you at least explain why I should go even though it’s just my human visiting me? I need to know the reason.” I fought and she blinked her eyes twice before answering me.

“The reason is your human knows who you were and still went to your graveyard to pay you a visit. In the guardian world, we take that as you failed with being a guardian since no human shall know about their guardians past life and you are not allowed to be anyone’s guardian anymore.” She explained and my legs began to feel like it’s losing its energy, “The gate is still waiting for you.”

“Would you allow me to see my human for the last time?” I begged but she shook her head.

“There’s no such thing as last time. Now go,” The gate was still opened and a person was standing there.

“Dad, let’s go!” Little Soomin shouted as she waves her hands over her head.

---