SUNGJONG'S POV

 

The elevator closed the doors and I found myself being hugged by Sungyeol-hyung.
He told me that Myungsu-hyung wouldn't want me to leave and neither did he.
How would he know that? ..

"I told the other hyung that I would leave." I stated solemnly.

Sungyeol-hyung hugged tigther and shook his head, "I'm not letting you leave like this, Sungjong. You went through alot-"

I gave a reminiscent smile and said, "I went through alot because of you, Sunggyu-hyung and Woohyun-hyung. But, don't worry. I'm happy now."

The hug loosen and I saw Sungyeol-hyung staring back at me, "What the hell are you talking about? You just got kicked out for no apparent reason!"

"There was a reason!" I blurted out angrily, "I'm lacking, hyung. Maybe this was the best decision they have ever made. What if the debut doesn't go well? And the stupid reason behind it was me? It's better like this, don't you think?"

"I'll talk to Jung Yeop-sajangnim." Sungyeol-hyung nodded, "Alright? I'll tell him to take you back and-"

"Forget it, hyung." I abruptly interrupted him, "There's no need to do that. I'll just leave. As simple as that."

Sungyeol-hyung stared at me intensely before looking away and screaming irately, turning back to me, 
"Which part of 'I'm not letting you leave' , don't you understand? Can't you see that I'm trying to help you? You're so stupid and clueless!"

Again, with the stupid. 

"Stupid? Hyung," as I smirked, "Is that what you're suppose to say when I'm kicked out? What-"

"Yes, you're stupid. You're clueless. So damn oblivious!" he was then starting to laugh out of his madness, "What are you?"

I wanted to retort back but the doors slid opened that I decided to just leave him and his anger alone.
Couldn't he just keep it to himself? .. Moreover, at a time like this?
I stepped out of the elevator quickly and walked towards the lobby's exit, clenching my fist and holding my unfallen tears.
This hurt too much. Too much for a kid like me to handle.

"Yaa!" Sungyeol-hyung shouted behind me, "Where do you think you're going?"

I ignored him, acting as if he wasn't even there, and of course that pissed him off more.
I heard his footsteps getting closer and when it stopped, he grabbed my wrist, and made me whirled to him.
"If you're still thinking of leaving, Sungjong, then I have no other choice to make you stay."

 

NOONE'S POV

Back at the dorm, everyone was eating dinner quietly.
The atmosphere seemed a little gloomy. Everyone was just paying attention in their food and didn't even utter any word.
Dongwoo suddenly stopped eating and placed his chopsticks down, earning some confused looks from the other members.

Howon turned to him, seeing that his hyung didn't even finish his rice, "What's wrong, hyung? Are you full?"

Dongwoo slightly shook his head, and put his hand on his chest, "Something is bugging me, but I don't know what it is. Usually, this only happens whenever something bad is going to happen."

Myungsu started to chew slowly when he heard that. He was thinking about Sungjong.
Worries built up in him. What was taking him so long? .. What exactly happened? ..

Sunggyu looked at Dongwoo and threw a concerned expression, "Something bad is going to happen? Is it always.. accurate?"
At some point, Sunggyu trusted Dongwoo, since, well, he never lies.

Hearing that, Woohyun slammed his bowl on the small table and scoffed, "It's not like he's pyschic or anything. It's just some random feelings!"

Howon glared at Woohyun and said calmly, "I believe him." he then turned to Dongwoo and smiled, "I believe you, hyung."

Dongwoo let out a sigh, closing his eyes, "I don't know what to do."

Myungsu continued eating, as if to show everyone that he didn't have the slightest interest when he did.
He somehow wanted to show everyone that he had a poker face at the moment, but when actually, throughout the dinner, his mind was all about the maknae.
His Sungjong.

 

SUNGJONG'S POV

"I want some time alone." as I fixed my gaze at his hand, which was still holding my wrist.

"If I let you go now, I'm letting you go forever." he stated, surpressing his anger as hard as he could.

"I don't mind at all." and forcefully, I removed his hand from wrist, "Because I would never want to stay and see you again."
I bowed and greeted him a goodbye, and turned my back on him, making my way to the exit.
I'm sorry, hyung. I just want to be alone for now. Mianhae..

When I swung the door open, the cold-air was stinging up on my face as if ice-pierces were thrown directly at me.
It was cold and I wasn't even wearing those really thick clothes or jacket. I only wore a jacket and had a red scarf around my neck to keep me warm, which was why, I needed to get back to the dorm quickly.

 

NOONE'S POV

Myungsu was pacing back and forth in his room, wondering why Sungjong wasn't back yet.
He kept galncing at Dongwoo, who was folding his crumpled clothes on the floor.
The older boy was curious of Myungsu's behaviour that he couldn't just keep quiet,
"Why are you like this?" he queried, as he shoved a pile of folded clothes aside, "Are you worried about something?"

Myungsu halted his annoying pacing, and sighed, putting a thumb to his lips, "Hyung, should I or should I not?"

Dongwoo rubbed the back of his neck, a little perplexed, "What? I don't get it."

Myungsu didn't even listen to Dongwoo, that he just grabbed his jacket, his scarf and left the room immediately, suprising his hyung.
"I'm taking a walk!" he shouted to Dongwoo, when the door slammed.

Dongwoo blinked his eyes, confused at his dongsaeng's peculiar behaviour, "Aigoo. What is going on?"

 

When Myungsu walked out of the dorm, he wrapped his scarf around his neck, and faced the street infront of him,
"If only you have a cellphone!" he murmured, letting out a form of mist when he sighed, and started walking away from the dorm.

 

SUNGJONG'S POV

Why was the dorm so far away?
And I only realized it now? .. Aish!
If only I had money on me, then I would be warming up myself in a cafe. Drinking hot chocolate or coffee!
Besides, I couldn't even cry if I wanted to. I was scared of freezing up my whole face.

As I was walking in the street, Jung Yeop-shii's words were hovering around my head.
Lacking. Kicked out. Leave. 
Words that I never expected to hear. Words that I never wanted to be said to me.
.. I wasn't that bad, right?
That's right.
I may not be the best, but I've tried my best. 
I don't have to worry about anything. I've tried my best.
 

Who was I kidding? .. I couldn't take in everything. 
Strong? Everyone has their weak sides, so why shouldn't I show my weakness? 
If I knew I was a burden like this, why would I even sign up in the first place?
And Myungsu-hyung. What would he say if he knew that I would no longer be in the dorm or attending practice anymore?
This was all too much. Too much for me.

The tears in my eyes were buliding, that I quickly wiped it off, before it ran down my face,
"Andwae.. No tears. Andwae.." but then, I lost to myself. 
I had enough. Enough pretending to be so strong and thinking that everything was alright.
The tears managed to escape from my eyes, and onto my cheek. I let it be.
A frozen face? I didn't care anymore.
I suddenly squatted in the middle of the crowded street and started sobbing like a little kid.
"Why am I so lacking? Why? .. I don't know why. Noone would tell me why.." I kept repeating as I hit my head lightly numerous times.
People that past by me, stared in a surprised way, and I could hear some whisperings, probably thinking that I was some kid who had problems.

 

NOONE'S POV

"This must be the street to the headquarters." Myungsu said to himself, as he looked around the street, finding the tall building.
He smiled to himself when he knew he was walking in the right direction, proud that he didn't get lost.

As he was continuing his 'journey' to the headquarters, he saw a a teen, perhaps younger than him, crying in the middle of the street. Everyone, including him, was dumbfounded by the situation.
Why the heck was he crying in the public like that?

Seeing that it was embarrassing, he decided to approach the teen slowly,
"Excuse me? .." he squatted to the teen and gave him an assuring smile, "Are you alright? You should-"

The teen tilted his head to Myungsu, and that made Myungsu stopped smiling.
"Sungjong?" he blurted out of shock.

 

SUNGJONG'S POV

"Excuse me?" 
Why did I feel like it was familiar voice? ..
I tilted to him and that made me speechless.
Though how blurry my sight was at the moment, I knew who it was.
Myungsu-hyung.
That was him, right? .. It couldn't be anyone else here that could be his long-lost twin.

"Sungjong?" Myungsu-hyung looked quite surprised too.
As expected, he quickly grabbed my shoulders,
"Yaa, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Did you trip? Did you hurt yourself?" as he checked if I had a scratch or something like that.

I shook my head, "Ahne, I don't."

"Then, what's wrong? Sungjong-ah, you shouldn't be like this here, people are watching you." he then tried helping me get back on my wobbly feet.

I wiped my tears and managed to give a weary smile, "Don't worry about me, hyung, I-"

"Don't worry? Look at you." Myungsu-hyung emphasized, "You're in tears. Soon enough, Seoul will be flooded by your tears."

Should I tell him? .. Maybe, I shouldn't.
But, just seeing how he cared for me made me feel like I was a bad person for not telling him.
He was always there for me, yet I wasn't telling him the sad news.

I forced a laugh and pushed him lightly, "Hyung, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the dorm?"

Myungsu-hyung shot me a worried look and sighed, "Dongwoo-hyung said he had a very uncomfortable feeling and the first thing that I thought of was you. Turned out, I was right."

"You should just go. I'm with Sungyeol-hyung." I convinced, though I couldn't find him in the street.

Myungsu-hyung peeked behind me, and whirled, before turning back to me, 
"I don't see him anywhere." 

"He's .." I stuttered, "Probably still talking to the CEO?"

"I'm taking you back to the dorm." Myungsu-hyung stated sternly as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to start walking.

"Wait- No. Hyung, let me-" I closed my eyes and bit my lower lips, "I said let me go! Why aren't you listening? I want to be alone!"

Myungsu-hyung's steps eventually stopped, after hearing what I said. 

I made a mistake, I know.

I released myself from his tight grip and said, "You don't know what I'm going through right now, hyung, so please. I beg of you. Please, just leave me alone for just this one time. I don't need you."

Myungsu-hyung didn't move from where he was standing, but I could see that he was clenching his fist, maybe trying to stop himself from punching me on the face? 
Seeing everything had gotten a little messy, I decided to turn my back on him and started walking the opposite direction of him.
I'm sorry, hyung. I don't want to be with you right now. 
It hurts me too much, knowing that I won't be able to spend as much time with you anymore.

I felt like crying again.
Why was I so weak? Was it just me? ..
I never acted so rude towards Myungsu-hyung, however, tonight, I blew it.
Big time.

Out of nowhere, a sudden swift took hold of my hand, startling me,
"I don't care where you're going now, I'll be with you. Whether you hate me for that, and whether you like it or not."

When I knew that it was Myungsu-hyung who had chased me, I felt secure.
Maybe I needed him right now.
Saying that I wanted to be alone was just a lie, because I never wanted to be.
It sounded so scary.

 

NOONE'S POV

Sungyeol stood still on the same spot, eversince Sungjong had left.
When Sungjong said that he didn't mind him letting go of him forever, the aching in his heart hurt more.
Sungyeol closed his eyes and sighed, running his fingers through his hair,
"You're an idiot, Sungjong." Sungyeol murmured sadly, "Was I that mean in the past that you can't look at the good side of me?"

"Ah, Sungyeol. You're still here." a voice called, making the younger boy spun to the stranger.
It wasn't a stranger, it was their manager.
As soon as he saw the manager, he approached him with a tight fist and grabbed him by his collar,
"Hyungnim," Sungyeol said, gritting his teeth, "How could you let this happen? How could you let this happen to Sungjong?"

The manager lifted both of his hands in the air, as if to show that he surrendered, 
"I- Sungyeol-ah, calm down." he advised.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Sungyeol yelled irately, not giving a damn to those who was in the lobby, watching them.
"You knew that this would happen, didn't you? Then, why did you tell me to come along? To watch Sungjong cry, was it? So that, he would feel bad seeing that the president chose me over him!"

"Sungyeol-ah, it's not like that." the manager said, still trying to calm Sungyeol, however Sungyeol abruptly let go of the collar and pushed him away,

"If it's not like that, then what, hyungnim? What?" Sungyeol retorted, glowering at the manager, "Sungjong's gone from the group, who's next? Me?"

"Sungyeol!" Finally, the manager shouted angrily, stopping the raging Sungyeol, "Do you even know how I felt when Jung Yeop-sajangnim told me that Sungjong would be leaving? Don't act like you know everything. You're just another boy who still have lots to learn!"

Sungyeol heard the last sentence and smirked, "Ah, really? Then, what are you, hyungnim? You were suppose to protect Sungjong." he looked away and continued, "Just so you know, hyungnim, even if Sungjong isn't good enough, you could've let him stay. He is a hard-working person. He doesn't deserve all of these nonsense." and with that, Sungyeol turned away from the manager, and made his way out to the exit of the building.

The people in the lobby were staring at the manager and watched as Sungyeol walked out, pissed.
Some had their mouth wide opened, not believing in what they just heard and witnessed.

 

SUNGJONG'S POV

We reached the Han River and sat on one of the bench facing the river.
The night was so chilly and peaceful.
The tranquility of it sort of ease my tired heart and made me realized that it wasn't the end of everything.

Myungsu-hyung sat next to me and bent forward, fixing his eyes at the composed river.
I looked at how his jawline was showing when he titled his head towrds the night sky, everything.
I wondered if he was an ulzzang once since he had the looks, or possibly a part-time model.
I lifted my legs up on the bench and hid my face, thinking how it was too real to be having Myungsu-hyung with me right now, after what I had been through.
 

"Sungjong-ah." he called softly, "What happened back there?"

Hearing the sudden question, I swallowed and raised my head, "Nothing. I just tripped."

However, Myungsu-hyung didn't seem to believe that bland lie.
"I want the truth, Sungjong. I know something happened, or you won't be like how you were, crying."

"It's really cold, isn't it, hyung?" as I touched my scarf and pulled it up slightly to cover my chin.

"Diverting the question is never the answer, Sungjong." he stated solemnly. His eyes showed how serious he was at the moment, and I didn't like it.
If I told him the truth, .. I wasn't ready to see his reaction.
I didn't want to be called an 'attention-seeker.' No.

Myungsu-hyung moved closer to me, shoulders almost touching, "I need to know, Sungjong. The reason why you cried, the reason why you were angry."

I stared at my fingers, my pale fingers and sighed, 
"I'm just not feeling well." I replied, trembling.

"Something happened in the CEO's office, right?" Myungsu-hyung queried, and all of my nervous feelings suddenly faded.

I turned to him quickly and found myself so close to his face. 
He looked so flawless in such distance, every features of him was perfect.
.. 
I avoided his eye-contact and went back to my fingers.
"I'm happy, hyung." I said, "I'm happy to have met everyone, especially you. But," I buried my lips under the scarf and continued, "Things just doesn't work out like we expect them to."

"Are you leaving, Sungjong?" Myungsu-hyung asked, a sense of surprise was evident in his voice.

I wanted to say yes confidently, but I couldn't, that I only responded with a small nod.

Myungsu-hyung shook his head, "Ahne, wh-why are you leaving? You can't leave. You're with us. Why the sudden-"
It was obvious that he was also shocked at the decision, made by Jung Yeop-shii. All his words jumbled up that he couldn't even utter properly.

"Hyung," I smiled as I turned to him, "All those time, when you were with me, through my ups and downs, I'm really grateful. Even if with your poker-face, you actually have a good-heart."

"Poker-? Sungjong-ah, if you stay, I promise you that I will not show any poker-face to you. I'll show you my real self."

"Ahneyo, hyung. I'm leaving, anyway." as I hit him lightly, "I didn't want to tell you because .."

"Because you know it'll hurt me."

I bowed my head, "I'm sorry, hyung. I'll find a way to repay back your kindness."

"Then, stay." he interrupted, "Sungjong-ah. I don't want you to leave. I like you in the group. Do you still rememeber that time when you hurt yourself from falling down the steps outside the dorm? I took care of you, didn't I? That was also-"
He stopped and gulped. 

I shot him a confused look and repeated, "That was also what, hyung?"

Myungsu-hyung was suddenly pulling the hood of my jacket onto my head, puzzling me.
The hood was pretty big that it hid my face from the lights.

"Hyung, what are you-"

He stopped his hands on my shoulder, "If you weren't in the group, I wouldn't have done this, Sungjong." 

"Done wha-"

Out of the blue, he moved his face closer and pushed his lips onto mine.
I froze. My eyes grew wider, speechless at his action.
It was just a light-kiss but it felt like forever.
Hyung.. he kissed me. The hyung that I had been liking eversince day one, kissed me.
My heartbeat slowed down and everyone around us seemed to be walking in slow-motion.
Was this normal? .. When you had your first-kiss, was it normal? ..
 

When he pulled away, he hugged me and laughed,
"It's better if I hid your face." he sighed as he stared at the night sky, "Sungjong-ah, you like me, right? .. Should I leave with you too?"

... I still couldn't move. Everything was just too ..
Anyone? Someone?
Please help me.

 

A/N Whatsupp!~ Lovelywinter here! Here's chapter 19. Hope it's good enough. I put in the myungjong moments that I had promised in chapter 18. hope it was good. ;) hihihi. Anyway, sorry for the late update. School was in the way. (Yes, I have started.) ^^" fun but tiring. 
Sorry to say but, the next chapter, is probably the last chapter. Everything, from the woogyu's kiss, Dongwoo's camcorder, YaDong's noona problem will be explained next chapter. (Stay tuned!) 
Sorry that I said it was ending in February but it's already March. School got in the way T T 
MIND THE SPELLINGS AND GRAMMARS.
To all subscribers, thank you. All comments, I love yoouuu, sadly, I can't reply T T 3
Do subscribe or comment! <33 :3 *BEAR HUG.