FADE OUT
I wish to fade back in. But...

Too quick to fall, too quick to push away:

"Marry me, Lingling. Say you will. Before I leave, say that you will."

Although her heart's passion is no lie, Xinling has thought it through... that it is unwise to accept his first declaration. She believes it will do him good to leave the countryside. To return to the city. To return to the life he was born into. Allow him to do much thinking... much needed thinking away from her. Does he truly mean to marry a farmer's daughter? With his status, with his comfortable lifestyle... does he truly mean to marry her?

Only after he leaves does the fear grip her heart. The fear of being forgotten. Will he forget? Will he forget her during the course of long summer days and long winter nights?

Absence only makes the heart grow fonder:

"Jae... do you still remember what I told you before you went away?"

"You told me to think it over. You told me if I truly wish to have you as my wife... that it will not be too late to return. I have, Lingling. It is clear. It is very clear I cannot live without you. The day I left, I had asked you truly, honestly."

"Are you sure you have not come back too soon?"

She seems to be bent on tormenting... to the very end. "Lingling... day after day, I have spoken to you... confessed to you. You have listened to me... only listened. You grant me no words of affection, you grant me no favors so that I may know the love is returned. What do you think of me? What am I to you? Do you love me?"

"Could you not have waited until I finished my chores to come visiting?"

"No... no, I could not. It is natural for me, wishing to see those I love. It seems I am the only one eager... eager to see those I love."

"Kim Jaejoong. Do not think you know me. You do not know me like you say you do. Are you accusing me of being dispassionate? How do you know who I love? How do you know I am not eager to see those I love? I love my goats and chickens. You will not keep me from seeing to them first."

"Will you give me your answer after?"

Yes. Yes, she does. Her answer, honestly, truly. With all her heart.

Doubts ruin:

After receiving her answer, her passionate declaration of acknowledgement and love, Jaejoong cannot help but think... as he turns restlessly in bed. He prides himself in being a worldly man. Unbound by money and status. He has set out to marry for love... unlike his poor father. After she has accepted his proposal, he begins to ponder. How will the city suit her? How will she suit the city? What will his parents think of her? What will his siblings think? Will she like them? Will they like her? By morning, Jaejoong finds himself laughing at her and laughing at himself. Has he not sold himself too cheaply? To a farmer's daughter? Is she not rude? Does she not lack femininity at many a times? Her little jokes. Is she not too free spirited? The look in her eyes that he had mistaken to be sweet and warm.... only improves because of the good countryside air. Her beauty...? He must confess... there is very little. She is tolerable... but only at a certain angle.

It is true that he must have loved her at some point... but not enough to shield him from her faults. He prides himself in being honest, good, and a man of his word. He will not break his promise. He will marry her. He will help her learn. He will help her improve... but... there is still that lingering feeling... that bitterness...

Cleverness and understanding: 

The way he addresses her... it is not she who is now in doubt. His new feelings do not go unnoticed.

"Jae... all the world's prestige, all the world's wealth... you can offer me both, but it will never match in weight of what I am giving you. If only you have given me your heart in return for my own."

"What are you saying, Lingling?"

"We have engaged ourselves to each other in all rashness. Our values are too different. We will not be happy. We will be quite miserable. You know it to be true, Jae. You know that you cannot propose to me again and say it with all honesty... truly. Do you think you are doing me a favor by giving in and staying? You are mistaken. Do not think me a child. Shall we... shall we say goodbye?"

He is relieved.

She is heartbroken.

But in their separation... there is... true love.

^{RELATED: N/A}

^{BACK TO MENU}