Epilogue

For a long time, he’d been just like this. He would go home and stare at the old photos and handwritten letters he wrote himself. These were the only little fragments he had left after letting go of everything else, whether he liked it or not. He saved some of these unknown memories in a box which he had kept under his bed. 

It seemed like no matter how far he runs away from his old self, the past keeps knocking on his door. In his dreams, from strangers he meet, and some in his nightmares. It did scare him, but still, the dreams and nightmares he has every night oddly pulls him back to these familiar images out of curiosity. 

Chanyeol doesn’t stop him every time he finds himself rummaging in the old box; it seemed like this guardian of his just knew what it must feel like to not remember something, something important; and to feel like there’s something missing. 

“A girl called me Luhan today,” the boy said with a grin. “She said she’s my number 1 fan,” he added whilst picking up a ripped page from a magazine. The page showed an image of him performing on the stage. “That explains this. Was I cool back then, Chanyeol?” 

Chanyeol looked down in shame, feeling as though he was the bad guy for keeping Luhan’s past life buried for years even though the latter clearly asked him to do it for him. The man began, “Xiao Lu, you know I can just tell you what I know about you, if you want. I don’t have to keep it from you -“ 

“I’m good,” replied the boy whose face brightened up  upon seeing the rain falling through the window outside. “I was just,” he mumbled, “momentarily curious.”

Are you happy?

Luhan, who now calls himself Xiao Lu, had never once forgotten that once upon a time he had a beautiful encounter with a stranger. The stranger’s smile was beautiful and genuine, yet it was as if there was longing and pain hidden behind it.

It made Luhan wonder if anyone could see something else behind his smiles as well. Did he really look happy when he said he was happy? Did he really manage to look like he wasn’t feeling empty at all? The emptiness — the lost memories, of blurred images, of people and places, of slurred names being called in his dreams? 

Maybe not. But maybe he doesn’t have to be in vain. Maybe all he really needs was to fill his memory with new ones. Happy ones. Maybe... beautiful ones will find him on its own. 

Luhan smiled as he took one last look inside the box, a paper with his handwriting was laying in there. 

I will always love you, Sehun. It was written there, albeit he doesn’t remember writing them, the recepient’s name was strikingly familiar. “Chanyeol, I need you to throw this box away. Either burn it or just... you know, whatever,” Luhan said. 

“Won’t you just be looking for it again?” Chanyeol asked. 

“I won’t look for it, so just throw it away,” Luhan demanded. “Promise, I don’t wanna see it. From now on, I want to focus on the present. I think my past self would agree with me, don’t you think so?” 

Chanyeol smiled softly; admiring Luhan’s positivity and genuineness which shone radiantly in the boy’s most innocent smile. That was the main reason he decided to stay with him and watch over him after all.

Chanyeol felt the need to protect Luhan from anything that hurt him, even before he promised Luhan’s late manager that he’d take care of him. He didn’t need to have a relationship with Luhan to care so much about him as if they were a real family. He just vowed, and that vow was to do anything and everything to help Luhan know happiness again. 

“Of course, Xiao Lu,” Chanyeol agreed as he held the box in his arms. “I’ll take care of this.” 

On weekends, Luhan would go out with his co-workers and friends he met at work. They would go eat at a Korean BBQ restaurant, drink soju, or sing at the Karaoke bar. Somewhere down the crowded places Luhan had been too, someone else was always watching him. Someone who had to be lonely whenever Luhan cries when drunk, and happy whenever Luhan laughs at his friends’ jokes. 

Oh Sehun couldn’t just leave him after all. Not after finding him after all these years... 

Luhan eventually noticed; he remembered all the times when Sehun appeared out of nowhere to give him water after throwing up in the men’s restroom multiple times. Luhan had been acting drunk, and Sehun had been hiding under his hood, but Luhan recognized his voice somewhere. 

One night, Luhan rushed to the men’s restroom again. That time, however, he’d faked being drunk just to lure the stalker who was Sehun in his trap. Well, he was a little tipsy, but he was definitely faking the puking and staggering part. 

“Thought you’d be here,” chuckled Luhan as he turned away from the toilet and looked up at the hooded man. “Hey, we haven’t met yet, have we?”

Sehun didn’t speak as he froze and instantly dropped the water bottle he bought for Luhan. 

“Hey, don’t get nervous,” Luhan muttered as he beamed, not moving from his squatting position on the floor. “I’m not the one stalking someone here," he added sarcastically. 

Sehun turned red. Luckily, he was well hidden in his hoodie. But his pride? If Luhan finds out he’d been watching him and following him like a pup, he’d be extremely embarrassed. And Luhan would probably hate him for not listening to his last request before the said secret surgery.

Luhan and Sehun ended up being in the same room that night, for almost an hour. The distance was evident though. Luhan was sitting on the floor next to the toilet while Sehun was next to the front door, sitting in a cr