The sensation of Luhan's lips against his own was enough - even though it somehow felt like it would be the last time, the last kiss. It was more than enough that he wasn't pushed away violently. The soft brush of his hands up against Luhan's flawless cheeks was the sign of his painful longing for the latter. Sehun wanted to tell him that he means no harm for the latter, that he merely wants to love him. But those words were trapped somewhere.

Luhan closed his eyes and kept his mouth shut. He fought the urge to kiss Sehun back. No, he couldn't bear letting his guard down just like that. Yet again, there goes Sehun, breaking his heart in silence.

How could he punish him like this? How could he not consider his feelings? How could he still love the man who destroyed him? Then Luhan lifted his other hand slowly, reaching for the latter's face. Maybe so he could push him away or maybe to pull him in closer. To deepen the kiss. To welcome those lips begging for attention. 

But he couldn't. 

He felt too weak. 

He was too weak.

A few seconds after Sehun pulled himself away, the taller man noticed the discomfort in Luhan's expression. It was only then that he regretted kissing him recklessly. "Lu, I'm sorry..."

"Please leave me alone," Luhan said dolefully as he lowered his head in shame. "I need more time, Sehun. I just can't think clearly right now. I can't let you close enough to hurt me."

"Do you hate me that much?" Sehun asked with his voice as brittle as ice and his orbs glistened as tears began to pool in his eyes. Luhan didn't speak or look at him anymore so Sehun reckoned he needed to just step back and give Luhan the space he wished. "I understand."

The conversation ended as Luhan scampered towards the doorway. He only stopped momentarily when Dr. Wells stepped in with his wheelchair who immediately noticed his kid's puffed red eyes. "Luhan, what happened?" Dr. Wells asked but Luhan just ran past him. 

Sehun, who was about to leave, was called by the elder man wheeling himself towards the young actor. "Oh Sehun," Dr. Wells called calmly.

"E-Excuse me," Sehun managed to say before he was called back by the elder man and he came to a halt with his back turned against the elder.

"Wait a moment." 

"I'm sorry, I need to go back."

"Did you fight with Luhan?"

"..."

"Don't hurt him anymore. You've done enough."

"I... I have no intention of hurting him. I swear..." Sehun balled his trembling fists, feeling outraged at the elder's statement albeit it was kind of true at some point.

"Of course, but you did, Oh Sehun. He'd been hurt over and over again. He had tried putting up with all the pain. The pain of losing his mother, of losing you and losing himself," Dr. Wells said as he gripped on his arm chair. "It's a pity you chose to hurt someone who loved you."

"Old man," Sehun uttered as he spun around and gave the elder man a deadly glare. "You sound like you know a lot about Luhan." 

Dr. Wells pursed his lips as he looked at the latter briefly.

"I suppose you know what happened to him nine months ago? Something that made him hate me this much. Tell me, what really happened?" Sehun asked eagerly, the tone of his hostile voice didn't change one tad bit.

"I'm asking you, old man or Luhan's manager, whatever your name is." Sehun raised his voice when Dr. Wells remained quiet instead of forming words to end Sehun's intrusiveness. "What happened to him nine months ago?" Sehun proceeded with hesitation. "W-Why was he sent to the hospital? Why does he still hate me so much?! Why?" His voice slowly dwindled as he continued... "Why? What did I do again?"

Dr. Wells knew he wasn't in the position to meddle with Luhan's affair, and yet somehow, he had a feeling that maybe, just maybe they were wrong about Sehun all those times. 

"You really don't know, don't you?"

And with that look of seriousness in the elder's eyes, Sehun unclutched his fists and shook his head. 

"Let's talk somewhere private then," Dr. Wells finished saying before he wheeled himself past the young actor. Sehun quietly followed him and they talked about the things the boy missed in Luhan's life...

Sehun went home straight after having his heart broken from the truth. Suho called him but he dodged all the calls for some reason. He didn't feel like talking anymore. He didn't feel like crying his heart out either. It was as if he'd ran out of tears already, so he was just crying and breaking internally while his face remained blank. He just stared at the white ceiling as he laid flat on his bed, thinking of how Luhan must have suffered all those years...

Sehun felt like he was the worst friend and the worst brother anyone could have - especially to Luhan. Sehun knew he was stupid and a coward, he'd always been like that. Instead of running after Luhan, he ran back to his apartment with a heavy heart trying to break free.

"Luhan was bullied and assaulted by a group of high school students. They battered him until he couldn't feel his body anymore. They threatened him until he lost the power to speak for himself. They humiliated him until he wished he was never born."

Those words stung him in the heart.  He kept begging the elder man to stop but only in his mind. 

"He suffered devastatingly for years, not only physically but mentally. He was haunted by the people who hurt him and traumatized him until nine months ago, one of those people who attacked him showed up again.

That man told him it was you, Oh Sehun. That you ordered them to hurt him, break him, humiliate him and damage him. Luhan easily believed because he knew you hated him, because you him..."

Sehun was quiet the entire time and his heart tightened in his chest as Dr. Wells told him everything he needed to know. Everything he wanted to know. All he could do was move his head from side to side, ball his fist on top of the table and think of the horrible things Luhan had to go through without him. And with him.

"And yet he forgave you, didn't he? Once. Before he found out what you made your friends do to him." 

Sehun immediately shook his head. There were so many words he wanted to say to elder man. Words to prove himself innocent and clueless of what happened in the past but when he opened his mouth no words came out. Like he was being strangled from inside and out, and that kept his words unspoken.

"You don't have to say anything. I know Luhan wants to believe in you. He's holding it back but I can tell. He still cries in his sleep and call your name like he still needs you. Sometimes it makes me think that maybe if you decided to fight for him, maybe he could've given you a second chance, maybe he could've listened to you one more time.

Maybe he could have taken the risk, but you didn't come back so he decided to end it right there and then. He cried and told me how much he wanted to move on from the past that has been weighing him down. He opened up to me and that's when I found out just how vulnerable he was. I'm sure you already know that, Sehun. So if you think you're really innocent, then prove it to him but make sure you don't hurt him anymore. If you can't do that, then stay away from him...before you kill him inside." 

If he was innocent, he would prove it. Sehun wanted to do that, but the question 'how and why would Luhan still believe in him?' always kept him from doing anything at all. This was exactly what happened with him nine months ago. His lack of courage had always been a hurdle. 

For a few days, he stayed in his apartment. Suho visited him some times when Sehun asked to give him a few days of break from training. He'd end up watching TV and eating too much. He was just like a little kid...And he knew that. And he hated that mostly about himself. Because he knew Luhan hated that about him too.

"You really need to go out and stop acting like a child Sehun," Suho told him. 

Sehun looked at the elder momentarily. "I don't know what to do anymore," Sehun mumbled. "What if I end up doing the wrong thing?"

"Okay?" Suho gave him a puzzled look. "Are you scared that the show will be a flop because of you?"

Sehun didn't answer. He just stared at Luhan's cheerful face on the TV screen, talking and laughing with the reporter.

"Don't listen to your stepbrother," Suho continued with a deep sigh. "He's just jealous. I think Luhan thinks the same thing as I do." 

"Luhan..." Sehun called. "Luhan thinks..." 

Suho glared at him. "Are you being like this because of him? Again?"

Sehun lowered his head in confirmation. "I'm sorry, manager hyung."

"Hey Oh Sehun, what is wrong with you?" Suho asked, annoyed. "Just because a man rejected you, you're acting like a dejected mouse."

"You don't understand, hyung."

"I partially understand, okay? I understand why you are so attached to him," Suho added. "I just don't understand why you're being such a mouse with no pride. Come on, Sehun, this isn't you..." Sehun looked at Suho with dagger eyes. Suho smiled wryly before he sipped on his coffee and finished, "If you want him, fight for him. Don't just run away and hide, you gotta