Music: 

https://youtu.be/gaCI7Ymn1Jo

LISTEN TO THIS SONG WHILE READING 

Sehun’s POV/Letter is in italics

Dear Luhan, 

It’s been three years. 

Three years since Sehun have done almost everything without relying too much on other people for happiness. Three years since he’d actually noticed positive progress on his career and even life, in general. Three years since he’s had the guts to talk to his adoptive brother, Kris, and became civil. Three years... since Luhan had left him. 

It’s been three years, and a lot has happened. It’s been a while since he’d quietly forgiven Luhan for giving him this permanent space he thought he never needed. 

It’s been that long, yet he’s only had one question in mind he had composed for Luhan. 

These words, “Are you happy?” , have never left his mind since three years ago. 

I hate to this but, you’ve always been right. I’ve always believed in whatever you said since we were kids, because you were the big brother I needed that time. 

I’ve always admired you, idolized you, and loved you, more than anyone could ever imagine, coming from an like me. I think I may now have realized the truth. I don’t think you left me because my love wasn’t enough for you. It was because it was too much. 

Perhaps, my possessive and obsessive love, was also killing you, as softly as it could, until you just bled and bled and it didn’t stop hurting. Or maybe it was the secrets, the painful past, including ours, that had damaged you and made your life miserable. 

I don’t hate you, hyung. It might’ve taken a while, but, I understand. Leaving that night was the right thing to do. 

I just want to see you happy again. 

Life had been going smoothly for Sehun, and he had to admit, he was enjoying it for the first time. He didn’t have to follow a lot of rules anymore, his manager had been rather chill about him learning his ways of being more mature on screen and behind the screen. Sehun had his big break in the previous year also, and it really taught him a lot about self control, self acceptance, confidence, teamwork, and acting. 

He was happy, yet, something was still missing... Something was pushing the paused button for his happiness, because there was a part of him, no matter how much he tried to remove it; it was no doubt that he still thought about Luhan.

This year though, Sehun had planned to take a long break from the big screen. He just wanted to get away, feel the breeze, go on an adventure, have fun, and find out if Luhan was happy like he hoped so. All of these, he did all by himself, mostly. He wouldn’t have survived the harsh world without his new found friends, his family, and his manager’s support and friendship. 

For three years, however, there have been no signs of Luhan. Everyone, including his fans, haven’t heard about him but the fact that he’s been MIA for three years now and the news that he quit his previous TV drama before because of health issues, with a disease unknown to everyone. 

Sehun believes that someone who was previously as popular as Luhan before should have his death announced to the public if he were actually dead though. But knowing Luhan and his extremely private life? Sehun could be wrong. Who knows. Either way, he was just desperate to know. 

And he promised, if Luhan was happy already, he’d let him be. He won’t worry or think about him anymore. 

If you were here, you would’ve told me to stop worrying about you and just have fun with my life. I guess I’m still a little selfless and an idiot coward, because I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy if you’re not. 

If you are, I will gladly breathe in the happiness and freedom that you’ve been telling me about. 

When destiny finally brought them together again in one place, the Luhan that Sehun met was exactly the kind of man he had hoped to see... 

That Luhan was smiling so brightly at him, and the smaller boy just looked as innocent and as pure as the first time Sehun met him... at the orphanage. 

Who would’ve thought I’d meet you again at an orphanage? Who would’ve thought that you moved to a much farther country, where you could start a quiet life in a small countryside with only a few TV owners? Who would’ve thought that after almost a year of travelling from country to country, I’d finally see your face again?  

I could’ve guessed that if I brainstormed more, but I would’ve never guessed that you suffered more than I thought you were. I would’ve never believed that I am no longer in your mind, heart, and worse, in your memories. 

“Good Morning, Sir. How can I help you?” were the first and the friendliest words Sehun had heard from Luhan after all those years of disappearance. His smile had Sehun confused himself as someone whom he’d never hated on in the past. Someone he didn’t even recognize. 

Sehun had fallen into a long — terrifying silence. He almost called out the boy’s name, but stopped when he heard  the latter being called by a different name. 

“Hey Xiao Lu, have you seen Zhi?” A taller man with deep voice asked Sehun’s long lost first love. He had black, curly hair and a very familiar face Sehun had surely seen before. <