I was listening to this song while typing this.

Luhan

1. The World He Lives In

I believed that in the world I live in...

Nothing is forever.

People come and people go. Sometimes we need to forget some people from our past. Sometimes holding on isn't the best solution. Sometimes what's in the past will always stay there; it can’t be in the future or the present. Sometimes they're just part of our history, not our destiny.

Sometimes life doesn't always go the way you planned.

Sometimes you just have to let go.

My mother told me that. Over and over again, just to remind me that what's gone is gone. You can't come back to it, you can't bring it back and you can't change the past. You just have to move on with your life, create the life you wanted with the new people around you.

Of course, I didn't want to believe her because she wasn't really my mother by blood. She was the woman who adopted me because I looked like her deceased son. Everybody says the woman was being selfish, but so was I. I came with her because I thought I could find my real mother by being taken into a rich family. I took advantage of it and grabbed that opportunity before losing it. That was being selfish too...

I left everything behind me; the orphanage that gave me hope, the friends I laughed with and the promises I made with my best friend. All because of what I wanted for myself: mother. My biological mother.

I knew I was only thinking of myself, I even threw away the promise I made with him.

"Don't worry, don't cry. You're safe now, Sehun." I assured the little boy whose name was Sehun. The little boy in front of me sobbed for as long as I can remember. That day the little six years old boy was almost adopted and as he begged me to stop them from taking him away, he cried as if it would be the end of the world for him if he gets taken. His teary eyes made my heart skip a beat, his whimpers made me take Sehun in my arms; for the first time, I found someone to protect and a reason to stay. So I did everything so he could stay. I did everything so they wouldn't adopt him.

And that's how it all started. Our friendship grew stronger as years gone by. I even made the younger boy so attached to me unintentionally. He started following me around. He was so cute; I couldn't resist him every time he begs of me to sleep beside him. Sehun was like a little brother to me. Sehun was as special to me as I was to him.

"Hyung," Sehun mumbled while drawing the stick on the sand in the playground. I looked over my shoulder to see him and stopped drawing my little house.

"What is it Sehun?" I asked him.

"I'll grow taller." He said all of the sudden. Like a promise, or a goal.

"...Huh?" I just blinked my eyes in confusion.

"I'll grow taller than you, hyung! Then I will be able to call you by your name!"

I chuckled, amused of what he said. I moved closer to Sehun, looking over his drawing on the sand. Two people holding hands. The other one was taller than the other. It was like the two of us. I thought I was supposed to be the tallest in his drawing but it was the other way around.

"I'm the tallest one here. 10 years from now, hyung." Sehun insisted, not leaving his sight on his drawing. "You'll be shorter than me."

"Of course, I'll look forward to that, Sehun." I ruffled his hair, only to receive a pout from the younger. I laughed again. "Come on, let's go steal some milk, what do you think?" 

Sehun was also my partner in crime. Well, everyday we would go to the kitchen and steal some milk. We would drink it by ourselves in the backyard when nobody's around. After that. We would play tag with the others. I would never let Sehun get caught no matter what; I would always hold his hand so tight that I'd noticed the young boy wince. Sometimes we play hide and seek, and we are just never found unless we decide to come out from our hiding place.

Sehun loved to play, but he never liked losing unless I convince him. "Sometimes we have to lose small battles so that we'll know the real joy of winning. If you just keep on winning, that would be boring. There would be nothing new to learn." I would twitch the corners of my mouth upward; forming a warm smile and poke the younger's forehead lightly.

"Fine, fine." Sehun would say and sigh in defeat. "I'll accept my defeat, hyung."

"Good boy." 

Sehun was only younger than me for three years. He was six when he first arrived in the orphanage. Whilst I have been in the orphanage since I was seven, ever since my mother never returned home and I was left alone for weeks. I told everyone in the orphanage that mother was going to come back for me, that she only left to look for my father, that tomorrow she would be by the door hand in hand with my father and then we would go home and eat my favorite fish for dinner.

But it didn't happen.

It was only a dream.

Sehun was the only one who really stayed by my side. Sehun was my only family left. Sehun gave me another hope when I lost it because of my mother. I wanted a new life with Sehun, but I still wanted my mother in it.

"Promise me, you'll never let anyone adopt you. Promise me, you'll stay with me forever! If not, then we must get adopted in the same family so that we can always be together forever!"

"I promise, Sehun."

I made a promise to him.

But in just a glimpse...

I broke the promise.

"Miss... Can't you adopt Sehun too?" I asked the elegant woman in front of me. I heard from the social workers that her husband's very rich and that they had a son before so maybe adopting another child wouldn't be a problem, I thought. I wanted her to adopt my little brother Sehun from the orphanage too, but the woman shook her head as a sign of 'no'.

"I'm sorry dear," she said with faint smile. "Next time. Let's go, okay?" She held my hand as I stared at hers. She led me to the door outside, but I was hesitating.

It was early in the morning...

"I promised Sehun I'll eat breakfast with him..." but he wasn't there. Sehun started crying the moment I told him I was going to be adopted. He hadn't said anything else but whimper like a baby.

"We have to get you home before lunch; your father is waiting at home. We'll come back for your friend soon, okay?" The woman tried to assure me, but I didn't feel her assurance at all. As if she was lying. Still, I just felt like a dog following its master. I just felt like a snail walking slowly, as if waiting for someone to drag me back to innocence. But then, part of me felt like I wanted to escape the place right away while I still had the chance...

I thought that if I couldn't bring Sehun with me... Then I didn't have other choices. I began to think of only my own pleasure. Everything was just a pitch black to me except my goal to meet my mother again. Self-centered and obsessed, that was how stupid I was. Desperate to bring my family back when the truth was just right in front of me. I chose to leave my real family just to bring back something that's already gone.

"You promised me! You promised me, hyung!" Just when he followed me back. Just when he came to stop me. Just when he came to remind me of the promises I made. Just when I decided to turn my back. Just when they dragged him away from me, as if he was only a pest in my childish plans.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I mumbled to myself, tears streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably. Sehun was screaming. Sehun was calling out to me but I just kept on walking. Sehun wanted me. Sehun will hate me if I don't turn around.

 I turned around, with one last smile and said to the little boy. "I'll come back!"

"If you leave now, I'll hate you forever!"

Yet I just said what I wanted to say, "I'll come back for you!" It was another promise. It wasn't goodbye. Turning back again, the woman who adopted me dragged me with her and I followed obediently. I'm sorry, Sehun. I'm sorry for making you cry.

"Luhan, I love you!"

I heard him.

I heard him but I didn't look back anymore.

My heart started to pound.

The ground began to pound stronger than me.

Louder.

Stronger.

Stronger and stronger as each seconds passed by.

I felt like my head was spinning.

No-

It wasn't just me.

Everything was moving and shaking.

People are shrieking along with the walls and the buildings.

The ground cracked I almost fell.

The first thing that came to my mind was that the world was breaking apart. 

And then Sehun.

"Sehun is inside... Sehun is..." I fell to my knees, losing my balance. Terror strikes me as realized that this was what they called, the end of the world.

The shaking didn't stop.

It was only getting stronger.

"Sehun..."

I was so scared, too scared I couldn't move.

"Mom..."<