I'm in a bigger dilemma than before - first of all I wasn’t under any influence, I was sober when I did ‘it’.  Secondly I’ve discovered that you can’t just dispose of feelings, not only do I have a thing for Jungkook I’ve discovered that I have one too for V.  It could just be because I know he likes me so I’m paying more attention to him.

Now that I know who the father is I should be happy... but I can’t be when there’s lingering feelings for another.   

    “Miss. Lee!” I hear Jungkook’s voice call as I walk out the school gates.  I stop in my tracks and gulp. Stop being awkward Hae Ri. 

    “Is there going to be test resist? I think I did poorly,” he admits.  I force myself to look at him.

    “No, this is your final year,” I say professionally.  The look of his disappointment made me panic.

    “I’m sure you did great- if you studied.  Even if you didn’t it’s still the first topic test of the year,” I say in a hopeful tone.  He gives a worrisome smile full of discouragement.  A horn beeps so out of instinct I look up.

    Appa’s company car was parked right in front of us. 

    “Lee Hae Ri," I hear my name be called. Oh whoever is watching over me, hold me back.

    "Umma, how lovely to see you," I groan. Umma ignores me as her attention is fixed on Jungkook.
    "Student, what’s your name?" She yells out.   

    Umma you’re embarrassing me – Lord knows what’s she’s going to say.

    "Oh, hi, I'm Jeon Jungkook, Hae Ri's friend," he introduces holding out a hand. I quietly snort at his boldness. Umma looks at his hand trying to suppress her smile. I know she likes him, that's the thing about my mum, she either likes you or she doesn't - it's all about the first impression and I could tell that Jungkook amused her.
  She places her hand in his and shakes it.
    "Hello, lovely to finally meet you, I'm Hae Ri's Umma.  Please do come in, I believe we need to settle things.”  I eyeball her. Oh no, I think she found out some news from the hospital. 

    We get into the limousine and if I didn’t glare at Jungkook he’d go wild pressing all the buttons playing with the seats.

    “I believe the baby is doing fine,” she comments. 
    "It's a girl," I add in.
    "A girl? Geez I wonder if we'd ever have an heir," she murmurs. I avoid looking at her and grunt.   
    “You do know why I called you in here don’t you?” She looks at Jungkook.  Uh-oh.

    He glances at me and gulps.  I think he knows why.  “Yes. But we’re still not sure-”

“If marriage is the only way,” I cut him off.  If Jungkook said ‘we still don’t know who the father is’ Umma would go ballistic at me for lying to the hospital and it’s also because the father is….

I sense his strong gaze on me. 

“Marriage?” He whispers.  I lean towards him to make sure Umma didn’t hear me.

“Umma said to marry the father,’ I reply.

“Oohhh right, right,” he expresses.  He then studies me with his eyes with a slight smile.  I clear my throat nervously.  Umma looks suspiciously at the both of us so we smile at her.

 “You know, being student and teacher and all,” he adds. 

Umma rubs her chin in thought.

    "That's right... We are even in a bigger hole now, argh Hae Ri. The media will portray you as a child molester, you'll be fired, you won't ever get a job, your reputation will be destroyed so will ours then we'll be poor and ... Jungkook,"

    "Mrs. Lee it’s okay. If it’s handled in the right way it should be fine. What did you want me to do?" His voice is mature as he remains calm. I squeeze my eyes shut.

Umma digs into her bag and pulls out marriage registration forms.

    "Sign these."
    "No!" I yell as Jungkook takes a pen in his hand. He looks at me with eyes trying to tell me something, 
    "Jung-kook no..." I say defeated. Reluctantly I sign them too… this isn’t supposed to be this way I don’t want him to sign his life away like that. 

I bury my face in hands as I prop my elbows on knees.  What have I done? 

    Okay I’ll leave it there for now because I’ve got to tell you happened that night.

***

        I wake up to see that I’m lying my head on someone’s chest.  One of my ears was pressed up against his pounding heart. I look up and see his striking collarbones and jaw.  His arms are wrapped tightly around my torso to hold me against him.  I start to panic, not knowing what is going on.  Was I ? What am I doing here? This has got to be a dream. Who is he?

    My head is spinning so I roll over onto my back.  I clutch my head and look to my side where I see a familiar face.  Kim Taehyung.   An arm of his still rests across my body while the other is tucked under me.

    I gasp and cover mouth with my hand to stop me from screaming.  His eyes flutter open and we silently stare at each other.

    “Hae Ri-ah.” His voice is low, husky and croaky.  I wince and instantly sit up and look around to see Jin, Suga, Rap mon and J-hope piled on top of one another. I turn to the other side of me and see Jimin laying the other way. 

    I get up and stumble towards the first door I see being greeted with the sight of Jungkook peeing in the toilet bowel.  He flushes the toilet and looks at me while I remain in shock.  I can’t breathe I can‘t speak and I’m frozen. 

My eyes have been ruined.

    It’s like it was totally normal to see me so he just carelessly goes to the basin to wash his hands.  Adrenaline took over me and I started to heave heavily.  It had got to be a nightmare!

My jaw dropped and I cupped my cheeks with my hands. I let out a scream until Jungkook tugged me in and pinned me against the door.

    “Yah keep it down, calm yourself!” He snaps.  I’m a mental wreck at this stage, I’m frightened and I’m panicking.

    “Why am I here, what have you guys done to me, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” I yell as I pound my fists against his chest.  He roughly grabs my wrists so I try to twist my way out of his grip.

    “Let go!” I cry as his grip is unbearably tight.  

    “Ssh, ssh, Hae Ri, Hae Ri, calm down calm down,” he tries to soothe.

    “Get off me you bastard! Get off!” I scream at the top of my lungs.  He tries to silence me but I continue to push him back in fury. I scratch at him managing to graze his face.  He steps back and picks up some blood on his finger from his cheek.

    “Fine, have it your way,” he says sternly and pushes behind me.

I slide down the wall in tears and rub my face.  It all seemed unreal. 

I must’ve been crying in that bathroom for at least half an hour before the door opened again.  All I felt was Jungkook’s presence, he didn’t say or do anything except for stand in the doorway nervously.  

    “H-Hae Ri? Get up,” he orders. It took me a second to realize that it wasn’t Jungkook. I glanced at the figure glaring down at me and dry my tears.

   “Jin?” I whisper.  He closes the door behind him and squats down in front of me.

    “I heard you crying… you must be scared,” he says as if choosing his words wisely.  I keep my teary eyes glued to floor as I bring my knees up to my chest.

    “Please, don’t hurt me,” I whimper.  He exhales and takes a moment to reply.  

    “I'd be too cruel to do that now,” he replies.  I sniffle as new tears cruise down my cheeks.

    “Why are you here? Do you know what happened?” He asks.  It was weird to converse with someone from BTS and not be bullied.

    “I-I-I don’t know,” I stuttered.  All that I knew was that I was distressed and scared and I didn’t have any problem expressing that.  I could feel his hesitation when he patted the top of my head to comfort me.  He seemed just as confused as I was so he was calm and understanding.  I sensed that from him so I didn’t fight him away.

    “I get that you’re scared but there’s no use in crying now,” he mutters.  I feel that vibe I used to get in primary school when BTS came into the room.  With fear rising in my veins I tell him to go away.

    “Leave me alone,” I say in barely a whisper.  He doesn’t get up and leave like Jungkook, instead he remains squatting in front of me

    “Not when you’re like this.  You’re weak in my eyes right now, I thought you were strong.”  Strong? He thought I was strong?  Pfft, BTS always saw me as being weak.    

    “Stop crying,” he orders.  He’s so mean, can’t he take a hint and let me be? I could see his hand moving towards me through my blurry vision.  Instantly I wipe my cheeks before he could.

    “Don’t,” I say.  I can try my own tears thank you.

    I blink back my tears, my eyesight becoming a little clearer.  Without my glasses it was still hard to see so it took a while for my vision to fixate when I looked up.

It was then when I received the shock of my life.

  It wasn’t Jin

  nor was it Jungkook

….

It was Jimin. 

    I gasped and stood up, sending Jimin falling back on his bottom.  Wiping away the rest of my tears I hurried over to the basin.

    “Forgive me for trying to help you,” he says coming behind me.  I glare at him in the mirror and splash water on my face.  He hands me a towel that I snatch away from him. Seeing the sight of him made my blood boil.

    “Listen here you Jerk, I don’t need your help,” I argue, hanging the towel on the rail.

    “No you listen here, before coming in here I was getting ready to rip your head off after I saw what you did to Jungkook. He’s bleeding if you were too concerned with yourself to notice.  I thought you came here to get revenge but you were crying so I tried to understand you. Maybe I was wrong…”

I looked up again at him in the mirror, I didn’t know to believe him or not, but I hated to admit that I felt guilty.  

   He sighed and placed his hands on his hips.

“You’re not the only one who is effected by this because as far as I know the rest of BTS and I went to go out for dinner, and now I wake up here with you in our bathroom. So don’t act like we kidnapped you and-“

“Well you could’ve. Like you said you don’t remember,” I interrupted, turning around to lean on the basin.   His eyes bore holes in my soul but I wasn’t going to let myself be vulnerable like when we were kids.

“Just stop. What?  You’re upset because you thought I was Jin? I didn’t know you hated me,” he responded.  I arched up an eyebrow and tried to remain strong.

 “Well, then you’re dumber than I thought if you think I like you,” I answer back.  He smirks and daringly comes closer.

“Um no, to believe that the daughter of the CEO of Korea’s largest company felt anything good for someone other than herself, is a miracle.”  I wasn’t going to let him have the satisfaction of honing me so I decide to argue back.

“I feel things… like sympathy for the maids who have to clean our house,” I say, but the more I think about it the more I come to a halt.  He lets out a chuckle.

 “Sympathy? Please you only feel sympathetic for yourself when your workers are too worn out to work for you. I mean real feelings deep in the heart,” he challenges.  Why is he doing this when it’s so obvious that he knows I’ve never been put in a situation to care for others?

    “Well I’ve never liked or loved someone if that’s what you’re asking – it’s useless,” I reply.

    “Oh I know that already, you only care for yourself, you only feel for yourself.  You don’t know what it’s like to experience life, the struggles and what it’s like to lose people, make mistakes, suffer and put other’s needs before your own.  Instead you feel sorry for yourself when Appa yells at you and your Umma takes his side.  You’re in your room crying because you think that no one understands you and that the whole world is against you.  You’ve pushed friends away because you were worried about your future, hence having no one to lean on.  Everything you feel is for yourself… but I guess it’s not your fault, your Appa raised you that way.”

    How dare he say that about my Appa! He is good, kind and hardworking man!  He can’t just assume things about me … even if they’re true- wait how does he even know that?

“You don’t know anything.” My voice is soft and wavering.

“Yeah, I do, I know a whole lot of things you don’t want me too.”

“Why do you even care what I feel?”

“I don’t, you’ve never been loved so you don’t know what it’s like to love … your Appa isn’t a good person, he’s made you this way.”

“My Appa loves me and I’m proud to follow in his footsteps!”

“He loves the publicity you bring to him and yeah, I know you’re following in his selfish and lonely footsteps.”

“He has and loves my Umma and my Umma loves me.”

“How has she shown it? Are you sure that everything you do is for you or for your so called father’s image?”

“How my parents and I express our love is no concern to you,”

“Well it isn’t normal, only hugging you after you bring them great news.”

“That’s still a sign of love!”

“No it’s a sign dog owners give their dogs when they perform a trick.”

“So you’re saying that I’m an unloved dog? Fine, if you think you know so much… show it to me.”

“Well I can’t just show it to you if I don’t love you.”

I laugh.

“See you’re all talk.”

Instantly he lunges forward catching me by surprise.  He hesitates as his breath hovers at the crook of my neck.  

He gulps and presses his lips on my cheek.  I don’t think too much of it so I roll my eyes.

“Wow, Umma used to kiss me like that,” his lips trails down to my jaw, “when I was a baby.” Okay you can stop now, I think as he kisses my neck. “Not there, she didn’t k-i-iss ther-argh!” I express as I feel a nip.

He bit me?! What the hell, of course it’s Park Jimin, he’ll take any chance as an excuse to hurt me.

“I don’t think people s-show,” I start to lean back to try and get away from him, “love like t-h-th-th-iss.” My head was backed up against the mirror, the basin digging into my back.

“Okay, thank you for your lesson, you can stop now the basin is really hurting me,” I say trying to remain not phased.  Before I knew it, he sat me on the basin and started to ride his hand up my thigh.  I push his hand back.

   “I don’t think that’s necessary,” I say, afraid of what he was going to do.   He steps back and laughs.   I hop down, my back aching from before so I feel the need to sit down.

What a bastard jerk he is! That wasn't funny.

      “You should leave your hair down more,” he comments out of the blue.

    “Why? Do I look pretty?” I question coldly looking up at him.  

    “Don’t flatter yourself, you look your age,” he replies squatting in front of me again. I roll my eyes and turn my head away as I rub my back.    

    “You were afraid,” he teased.

    “Of you? Wow took you long enough to figure that.  You hurt me again.”

    “I didn’t know you wanted me to call you pretty,” he retorts with a hint of tease in his voice.  I narrow my eyes and glare at him.  Argh he makes me so angry.

    “You know why, why are you always rough with me?” I question. He pouts in thought.

    “I was gentle with you when you were crying.”  I look down feeling defeated. He was right, he was so gentle I thought he was Jin – not that Jin’s any better though. Hehehehe... okay so maybe I had a little school girl crush on Jin - that only lasted a day though.

    “You’re so delusional about yourself.  You hurt me and you hurt others, so don’t give me ‘you’ve never been shown love’ and ‘I was gentle when you were crying’.  Like I said you’re all talk,” I put him down to make myself feel better about my pride.

    “Well you dared me to show you so I did; you’re the one that backed out.”

    “Um it was getting weird,” I comment. Parents don’t kiss the necks and touch the thighs of their children.

    “Oh so she feels, after all that’s why you backed out,” he teases.  I gulp and hold my chin up boastfully.

    “I don’t like boys or girls.  I’m aual I don’t have any desires to be in a relationship or express myself romantically – it’s a waste of time,” I say coldly.  He looks at me skeptically as if I was amusing him.

    “Really? Well maybe I can help you out,” he plays, and brushes my check with the back of his hand.

    “Maybe you can get lost!” I retaliate and whack away his hand.  He holds back his laughter and pulls my sweater off my shoulders. 

    Oh what have I gotten myself into? Okay remain cool and collected, this is nothing.  

Then he grips my collar and pulls the sides outwards, forcing open the top four buttons.

    “Are you sure you’re not fazed?” He badgers.  He should give up trying because it’s not going to work.   Provokingly, he rides a hand up a leg up, my skirt travelling up.  I gulp, now this is uncomfortable.

     “Y-y-es,” I stutter. I didn’t sound convincing.  What is with me?

    “What?” He teases hearing my stutter.

    “Yes, this has no effect on me,” I say more confidently.  He smirks and comes closer.

    “Okay, you can stop now…” I say feeling my heart rate increase.  He ignores me and like last time, his lips hover over the crook of my neck.  I tighten my eyes wanting him to go away. 

This isn’t and wasn’t fun.

    “Fine, I admit…” I give up.  Instantly he retreats back on his knees and looks accomplished.  I gulp and place a hand on my chest.  I feel my cheeks burn up and a strange sensation at the bottom of my stomach.

    “Something’s wrong with me…” I whisper. No, no, no, I wasn’t supposed to feel this way! What has that devil done to me?  I look at him nervously while he blankly stares back.

   He then looks lost, confused and curious.

    “I-”

     “Ssh, no more talking,” Jimin interrupts in barely a whisper as he leans forward. He captures my face in his hands and places a light peck on my lips.  I gulp and take deep breaths, trying to gather my thoughts and figure out why I was this way.

    He kisses me again while I remain frozen trying to sink in the situation.  

This hadn’t just become a dare anymore – we both craved each other.

    I finally close my eyes as I feel myself melt.  Slowly, he moves his hands down to the sides of my waist as he rotates me onto his lap as he sits down against the wall.

    I move my lips tenderly along with his.  I draw back as he reaches to my cheek under my curtain of long thick hair.   

    “We can stop,” he says softly, his voice doing wonders to my emotions.  It was the first time I wanted to look into his eyes and it was the first time they didn’t look like they wanted to stab me.  

   It was as if something took over my body when said I no and roughly crashed my lips on his.  Things got heated up after that… his kisses trailed down my neck to my collar bones, my head tilted back as they reached my cleavage.  He grabbed my face and kisses me deeply again with such a passion that sent me wanting more. 

    But would more be a mistake? I didn’t care; all that I was focused on was ing his shirt to feel his warmth. Damn that boy had abs.

   Thoughts started to invade my mind while I kissed him hungrily; I could just stop and run away.  What am I doing? This goes against everything I stand for! Do I not realize who this is?!

    An unfamiliar sensation seemed to wash away the thoughts. 

    I start to moan in response to his intoxicating scent that drove me crazy. He slides my underwear off and no I will not tell you every single little detail because you can just imagine what happened. 

To get straight to the point we became one; it was painful but pleasurable and beautiful at the same time.    

   Our bodies moved in sync, our hands and lips exploring one another.  We came to our with one last desperate moan. 

    We breathed heavily between the soft kisses we exchanged after.  With my legs still wrapped around his torso, I rest my head besides his as he hugs me close. 

   Then that’s when you could we came back to our senses.  I was freaking out; I couldn’t believe what had happened.

“Oh, Hae Ri,” he says in an apologetic tone.  I tighten my arms around his shoulders still gaining my breath back.  I didn’t want him to feel like he’s wronged me.

“Jimin, take me home,” I say becoming overwhelmed.  He lets go of me and I stand up, buttoning up my blouse, putting my underwear on and cardigan. 

I follow him out of the house, into the freezing hours of the early morning.  He didn’t look back or speak to me, I felt weak and worthless because of it.  

    I scoffed to myself, in disbelief.

    He used me.

“So was this just a thing that you’ll look past by? I was just a toy?  Huh, I should’ve known you’d go back to your old ways,” I yell hurt. He glances and it sounds like he lets out an annoyed groan.

“I’m sorry I felt more than,”

 “No!” he cuts me off. He turns around and walks towards me. “No, no, no I just thought you didn’t want to be around me,” he says as he grabs my arm and links it with his.  I let out a chuckle feeling a gush of relief.  

    As I spot a main road up ahead I stop walking.  

“It’s cold, you should head back,” I suggest.  He tugs me forwards.

“No, do you want to die?!” He barks. Geez he was scary.  I stare at him in fright and seal my lips in case he lashes out at me again.

“If you think I’m going to leave you here in the cold you’re dreaming,” he adds. I unlink my arm and nudge him.

“Just go!”  Despite pushing him he remains to stare at me. I roll my eyes and place my hands on his shoulders.

“Go!” I shout again and steer him away. 

“Aish!” He shakes me off of him.  

“I’m going!” He says harshly.  I’m not affected by his tone anymore and watch as he treads through the snow.  He turns around and waves before carrying on back home

“Pabo,” I chuckle.   I continue to walk up and hail a passing taxi.

I rummage through my purse to find my Seoul University ID card but I can’t find it – there was no way I was going to pay full price so I quickly got out and ran back.  I got lost however, the snow covered the earth so it was hard to see in which direction I came from. 

   I felt dizzy, finally approaching the familiar shed.  I out and that’s all I could remember.

So yeah… surprise?!

Do you get my problem now? Regardless of what happened and what I felt, I still hate Jimin. 

I hate that I’m carrying his child, I hate that I lied to the hospital and I hate that Jungkook has tied himself to me….

I hate myself but most of all,

I hate that it wasn’t Jungkook. 

Finally I have revealed the father! Okay I know some, okay, a lot of you are dissapointed because you all wanted it to be jungkook but I had to stay true to my initial idea otherwise it would change the story.  I didn't want to make it too obvious but I let off a couple hints here and there.

I too wanted it to be Jungkook at first but I just couldn't imagine writing him that way so yeah- anyway regardless of who the father is I hope you still continue to read my fic because obviously the next big question is WHO WILL SHE END UP WITH??! I might not update for a while because of exams...... seriously this chapter was the death of me, I didn't know how to write it and I was cringing and taking a lot of drinking and doing completely nothing breaks. BUT i wrote it without looking back and now I'm going to sob away and think what has my life come to...

XXXX