Hae In’s POV

“I don’t want to choose, Jun Hyung. I don’t want to choose between the two of you.” I was choking.

Jun Hyung kicked the wall angrily and yelled at me, “What are you going to do? He proposed. Are you going to hesitate until he finds out about us?”

He was telling the truth. I was holding on to the both of them for too long. I was being selfish each day. As each day passed, it meant someone was going to get hurt even more. Jun Hyung sighed and looked up at the sky, “Since you won’t make a decision by yourself. I’ll make one for you.” Jun Hyung cupped my face gently and looked into my eyes intently, “We will have nothing to do with each other anymore. Go to Ji Hoon.”

Upon hearing him, I was stumped for words. Jun Hyung was pushing me to Ji Hoon now. “What?” It was the only word I could say.

 “Don’t lie to yourself,” Jun Hyung gulped and explained, “You love Ji Hoon. Not me.”

“I love you, Jun Hyung. I love Ji Hoon but I love you too.”

“Yes, you love me. But you’re in love WITH Ji Hoon.”

“I…” I was speechless. Was it because he hit the nail? Was it because I didn’t love Jun Hyung more? It scared me that I wasn’t able to rebut back his point. I wasn’t good at stringing thoughts into words.

“I have asked myself. How can you tell whether you love someone instead of liking them a lot? There’s a difference between the two. Like is when you are attracted to a person and curious about getting to know them, maybe even being with them for a while.” Jun Hyung was suddenly wise on this, “Love is realising that you can possibly spend your entire life with someone, needing to be around them and being attracted to them in ways beyond describing.”

I touched my chest as I pondered about his words on ‘love’. I was able to give him advice on life obstacles and difficulties but when it came to love, I was completely clueless. Didn’t I know my own heart well to have mistaken my ‘love’ for Jun Hyung?

“Which category do I fall in?” Jun Hyung turned and questioned me but he smirked slightly, “I think I don’t need to hear you to know the answer.” Jun Hyung held both my hands up to his chin area, “You like me, Hae In. You don’t love me. I was there for you when Ji Hoon isn’t by your side. No matter what happens, Ji Hoon is the one that you need the most, not me.”

“Why are you trying to be wise and analyse my feelings for the both of you?” I challenged him weakly.

“I’m not analysing. I’m making you face the reality.” Jun Hyung stated.

I bit my lips.

Jun Hyung sighed, “I saw the difference when you’re with Ji Hoon and with me. Your eyes never lie. The way you look at him… so passionate and loving. The way you look at me is friendly and caring. That’s not love.”

“Jun Hyung…” I spoke up, “Then what are your feelings for me?”

Jun Hyung’s POV

“Honestly, I’m not sure of it myself.” I muttered under my breath without looking at her eyes.

“Loving someone is a lifetime and takes patience, commitment and joy all at the same time. It’s that ultimate surrender.” I explained it to her. I was upset when Ji Hoon proposed but that had already determined why Ji Hoon was better for Hae In. It was a slap in my face for saying that Hae In was better going off with him, not me.

I took her hands again and kissed them, “Ji Hoon is ready to commit to you because he knows you’re the one for him.” I shook my head and was disappointed at myself, “I’m more selfish. I cannot give up everything that I have to be with you, Hae In. My career, my life right now… I’m not going to give them all up just for you. Maybe…”

I clenched my teeth as I proceeded to say the next sentence, “Maybe I don’t love you enough either.”

I was afraid of hurting her but I had to tell her the truth. I was intrigued to her but did I really am in love with her? I wasn’t so sure. Ji Hoon was willing to put down his education to come here for her. He was willing to sacrifice everything for her. If I was in his shoes, I wasn’t sure whether I would do the same. Right now, my most important thing was my work but for Ji Hoon, his most important thing was Hae In. Hae In was his priorities but Hae In wasn’t mine’s.

I couldn’t be selfish as to have her when I couldn’t give her hundred per cent of myself. It wasn’t fair.

“Maybe I thought I loved you but I was just lonely. I was just sick of being alone with no one to be there for me. And you came into my life and I mistakenly thought that was love.” I admitted.

Hae In started to sob, “I don’t know what to do anymore…”

I saw her tears falling from her eyes and hugged her tightly, “Accept Ji Hoon’s proposal. I know you want to. You’re just afraid of hurting my feelings.”

She just kept crying in my arms as the rain poured on us. We weren’t bothered about the cold or the rain. Our matters of the heart were bothering us so much more and it was killing us both. She embraced me tightly, perhaps for the last time.

She let go of me when she was more composed and calm with herself. She wiped her tears away which were mixed with the rain, “I’m sorry, Jun Hyung. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She kept repeating herself but I knew it wasn’t her fault.

I waited for her next sentence. She finally made a decision, “I had a great time in those ten days with you. No, I had a great time with you ever since I have known you from the start. You’re one of the friends that I can depend on and will always be.” Friends. She had made her choice very clearly now. She forced a smile and mumbled, “If I have given you the wrong ideas about things along the way, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have make things harder for us.”

“No, no,” I defended her quickly; “I was the one who make things harder. I was the one who came up with the stupid ten days idea. I led you on and forced you to do this behind Ji Hoon’s back.”

She shook her head, “I was willing. It’s not your fault.”

There was no point arguing with each other anymore. There was a dead silence. I stretched out my hand after much hesitation. She was bewildered at my sudden action. I smiled at her and moved my hand closer to her, “Congratulations. Congratulations for being engaged.”

She was pondering whether to offer me back a handshake. “Return my handshake if you still treat me as your friend…” I explained it to her.

After my words, she returned it willingly, “Thank you.”

-

Author's Note:

Please don't kill me!