Story Title: The New World (Orignally: She's Our Flower Boy)
Reviewer: NorthMelon
Author: Parkyong-Kyo

WARNING! WHAT YOU MAY READ IN THIS REVIEW MAY BE HARD TO TAKE IN DUE TO HARSHNESS AND HONESTY. BRACE YOURSELF.

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

Tbh, your first title "She's Our Flower Boy" was not appealing what-so-ever. I read the title and the first thing I thought that this was going to be a cross-dressing story without a doubt and I didn't even have to read the tags. It gave no mystery and the title was way too straight forward. Also, your plot so far was more about the group battle and how B-U wanted Kris back whereas Julie's infiltration into the school for boys was more of a side story.
However, you did change the title to "The New World" which made a little more sense since the group that Julie joined was called The New World. It did give some mystery to the story which did encourage me to read on but other than that, I honestly though that you could've done a much better job with the title.

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

Your previous BG and Poster was a little more fun. It had characters and everything and it set the mood for the story pretty well. But then, you switched it to this. I honestly don't like this poster. Your poster just had the sub-units elements and then the title. Nothing else. This made it boring to look at and didn't appeal to me at all. I understand why you had to because the group is called the New World and those are its sub-units but couldn't have you used that as a background for the poster and add some characters into it? You could've easily put exo and Julie in there, making it a cute and fluff poster to set the mood for the story instead of just 4 boring elements.
Then, you have the bg. It was too much to put the same elements as the bg. You already have it as the poster and now it the bg for your story. First of all, it's too repititive (since AFF tiles the bg for you already) and second of all, it's too distracting to the eye. So, your readers would be reading the story but the bg is causing them to loose focus because your background is so flowery and it's just too much.

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

Your foreword, at first, gave too much away. You practically summarized the whole story and there was nothing else really for your readers to "discover". But then you fixed it and took away the foreword. Which is better since you didn't reveal as much but then it kind of defeated the whole interest purpose of your foreword. Your foreword now has nothing but crediting and your description just briefly talked about the school. If I didn't read your previous foreword, I would've taken a look at your description and I would get bored right off the bat. 
Your description had practically nothing to do with the story's plot and all I saw was the school's description. So what? What about the school that makes me want to go on reading? You have the title reading "The New World" and then you see the description that talks about the school. You didn't relate them to each other at all making me wanting to completely skip and not read your story.

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

Your plot so far was ok. You have the usual siblings which one happens to get into trouble of some sort and then the other has to take over as them, inflitrating something of some sort. This kind of plot is really cliched but you put it off as a side story afterwards and now the main plot is the Aboroir Battles whereas B-U is trying to get Kris back. There wasn't enough suspense to your story that made me want to read more and find out what happens next so I think that you could really work on your story development in terms of story plot and suspense goes.

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through? 

Your pacing was too fast. In the beginning, I couldn't tell what Julie's objective was. Why would she just say yes after a lot of Uh-Il's pestering? That made no sense. Shouldn't she have to go through a lot of hardships and thinking before she comits herself to something? I mean, she knew that she was about to infiltrate an all boys school that her brother was supposed to attend. It made no sense what-so-ever and you could've dragged it on a little bit. She could've gone to visit her brother, see the terrible state that he was in, understand Julian's need for her to take his place temporarily in that school and then she could've accepted. That would've made much more sense than just some random guy that she met only moments ago, pestering her to go.
Your after chapters were a little better but I think you should re-read your whole story and think in a reader's perspective, "does this make sense?"

Was the characterization consistent?

Your characters were pretty consistent however, not enough development. All your characters were pretty much the same in EXO. Most of them hated Julie and some warmed up to her. Like, your EXO characters did have somewhat of a differentiation but not enough. Again, you can work on that with your further chapters.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

Your story flow was really jumpy. You would keep changing POVs whenever you feel like it and then it would get me really confused as to what was going on. 

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

Your order of events, by far, is pretty good. It makes sense throughout the story which is a good thing.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

You did add cliff hangers but they weren't powerful enough that makes me want to scream "I NEED TO CONTINUE READING THIS!" kind of thing. I think you could've had a stronger impact as far as cliff hangers go.
 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

I've read some of the reviews that you've recieved but I don't think you have this clear enough yet. PLEASE RE-READ ALL YOUR CHAPTERS AND FIX YOUR MISTAKES! Everyone who has given you reviews has mentioned about your typos and small grammatical errors. Please go and fix them. It's kind of annoying to have people nagging you about the same mistake for you and what's worse is that you have multiple people asking you to do the same thing but you wouldn't do it. They're easy to fix, small, but all over the place. So please, re-read and fix the mistakes.

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

You have transiton words but you don't have enough, thus, making your story very choppy and jumpy. Please add those in.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

I'm so so sorry if this review is harsh but I honestly was not impressed with this story. Your previous reviews loosely talked about the same things that I have pointed out yet you still refuse to go ahead and fix the problem. I don't know if you forgot, or if your too busy to, or if you're just plain lazy but whatever the reason is, please find time and fix the mistakes. It's really frusttrating to the reviewers, even the readers, to notice your little mistakes that could've easily been fixed right off the bat. 
But I will say, that I enjoyed the story's overall idea and where it's heading. It was a fun read and your last chapter was hilarious. Keep that imagination going and you'll turn out great! It's really the mechanics and structure that needs improvement. Other than that, your story was enjoyable.

Thank you for requesting ^^

REMINDER: Do not forget to credit the shop with our banner and the reviewer in your foreword if you are using our review.