Story Title: Flowers and Hope
Reviewer: NorthMelon
Author: clasicoustic-

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

Your story title actually made me think of less friendship and more love. Flowers are often used to represent love for another person and your "hope" kind of gave me the impression of hope in love instead of hope in friendship. However, your title was not too lengthy and easy to remember but I don't 100% like this title only because it sounds a little boring and it doesn't catch my attention. 

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

Your poster and BG is very nice and soft so it set the mood quite nicely. I like it.

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

Your description is really nice because it doesn't give too much of the story and it is enough to hook me into the story. However, that little part where you wrote about Baekhyun could be placed in the foreword instead because the responsiblitiy of the description is to "hook" your readers into wanting to know more whereas your foreword's responsibility is to give a little more information of the story. The foreword is a nice place to put prologues and or synopsises. However, in your foreword, you just introduced yourself, following a lot of crediting from other shops. Thus, your foreword isn't really doing it's job. After the prologue, you can leave a space (or those dashes if you prefer) and then put your introductions and crediting.

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

Your plot was a little confusing at first glance but as you continued, it became more and more meanigful. I really liked your plot. Because it was a one-shot, you don't really have much time to develop a full plot, but this one-shot was more about meaning and finding hope no matter what so this is a really well written plot.

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through? 

The pacing of the story was just right. Since it was a one-shot and there isn't time to develop anything, the way you made through your story was nicely paced. Well done!

Was the characterization consistent?

I really thought your characterization was great. It was consistent and all of Baek's friends were all similar yet different in many ways. Yet you were able to not get mixed up with their similarities and allow their differences to show through at the same time, therefore, it was very consistent and very well done.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

Your story flow was very fluent. No problems here.

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

Your organization of events were okay. I say this is because you switch in between present time and flashbacks a little too often so it was quite confusing at points. I suggest you distinguish the two a little more with colour coding or something because that "///" thing yous used in between didn't really tell whether or not it's going to be a change in time period or a flashback moment.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

There was really no "ending of each chapter" since it is a one-shot, but I will say though, the endings of each flaskback to present -time was quite effective. So well done!
 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

You had a variety of different mistakes here and there but further into the sotry, majority of your mistakes are repetitive so I won't point all of them ut. But I have written the reason behind some of the corrections so that you understand what you're fixing when you go to proofread your work. 

What you wrote: He couldn't remember anything. And his head was really hurt.
Suggestion: He couldn't remember anything and his head really hurt.
Reason: These are just simple grammar mistakes. First of all, these two sentences can really be one sentence. In fact, it sounds awkward because you split up the two since the second setence is really just a continuation of the sentence before. Secondly, you wouldn't say "his head was really hurt" because since you already wrote "couldn't" before hand, the rest of the sentence is pretty much in past tense so that "was" is unnecessary. If the sentence were to be in present tense, you would write "hurts" instead of "hurt" so that is another indication that the sentence is in past tense. Also, they way you used "was" was incorrect. Some examples of how you would use was are: I "was" doing something. My head "was" hurting. "Was" is normally used right before another verb but you put "was" right before "really" which made that part sound awkward. Therefore, you take out the "was" and leave the rest as "and his head really hurt."

What you wrote: The white colored room, the window beside his bed, and the magazines on his desk. Nothing changed- at all. He was still in the hospital.
Suggestion: The white colored room, the window beside his bed and the magazines on his desk. Nothing changed at all. He was still in the hospital.
Reason: The first mistake was the comma before "and". The comma and "and" mean the same thing in this case. The way you're using the comma right now is a way to replace words like "and", "but", "although", "because" etc. Putting the comma before the "and" is just like saying "and and" which sounds repetitive and redundant. Watch out for those. The second part is that the dash isn't necessary. I understand that you're trying to break it and have this kind of pausing effect but in such a short sentence like this and the way you're using that dash, it really isn't necessary so take it out. The third mistake is that that sentence really doesn't need to be italicized. It's not a thought nor does it need any special emphasis so the italics can be taken out as well.

What you wrote: The day when he crashed his legs while playing basketball.
Understanding: What do you mean by "crashed"? Your choice of words is really unclear to me as a reader, thus, I don't really understand what is going on. I think it's best if you either chaged the word or you make you sentence a little longer explaining what you meant.

What you wrote: He wanted to avoid it and ran- uh what's next?
Suggestion: He wanted to avoid it and run. But what was next?
Reason: Again, since you already wrote "wanted", the word "ran" should be turned to "run". The next mistake is that you wrote "uh, what's next?". The way you wrote it was very unprofessional. Your passage here is a recap of his memory and not thoughts. Again, it shouldn't be italicized. Also, you wrote "what's" which means "what is" instead of "what was". You have just suddenly jumped into present tense. Most contractions are in present or future tense so I would try my best to avoid them if I were you.

What you wrote: He couldn't remember exactly what happened after that.
                           He wasn't in a coma, he hadn't lost his memories. He had only woken up from a sleep.
Suggestion:  He couldn't remember exactly what happened after that. But he wasn't in a coma nor has he lost his                        memories.
                     He had only woken up from a sleep.
Reason: So, I would merge those lines together and then make "He had only woken up from a sleep" as it's own paragraph. Other than that, the rest are me giving examples to show you a way to make your sentences sound a little more fluent than what you previously had.

What you wrote: He felt as if he were about to collapse.
Suggestion: He felt as if he was about to collapse.
Reason: "Were" is plural and "was" is singular. Since you're talking about one person, it should be "was".

What you wrote: He thought he was lucky, for being alive.
Suggestion: He thought he was lucky for being alive
Reason: Unnecessary comma there.

What you wrote: They even wasted their time for him.
Suggestion: They wasted their time for him.
Reason: "even", in this case, is an extra word. Right now, this sentence isn't adding onto a list of reasons from the sentence before so the word "even" is an unnecessary word. Here is an example of a time where you would use "even": He was very depressed but he didn't let anyone see right through him. He didn't even let his closest friends know that he had broken up with his girlfriend.

What you wrote: They would visit him with that smile on their face [...]
Suggestion: They would visit him with a smile on their face [...]
Reason: When you write "that" you're referring to something very specific. But since you're not referring to anything specific about their smile, you should use "a" instead.

What you wrote: He couldn't help everyone.
Suggestion: He couldn't help anyone.
Reason: Again here, "everyone" is a very specific word that is supposed to refer to something very specific. But right now, you're not really referring to anyone specific so you would use "anyone" instead.

Other than those specific ones, you missed a couple of periods here and there and quite of few extra words like in the examples above. Please look over your work, read it aloud to yourself even, and try to revise your mistakes.
 

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

Transitions were all fine. No problems there.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

I really like your plot. Even I felt a little more hopeful after reading this. I also like this because it wasn't revolved around your basic love stories or anything. It was mainly about one person finding hope within himself to live again and there was a little bit of how his friends brought him up up to his feet again. I could've cried because this story really touched my heart. Thank you for writing such a beautiful story! 

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