Story Title: Little Star
Reviewer: NorthMelon
Author: AiAstin

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

It was pretty effective. It's short and easy to remember and it most definetly intrigued me to read more. 

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

The poster and BG is really well made. It was soft and gentle and juding from what you have so far, it most definetly set a dream-like atmosphere for your story. I like the layout too. It made your foreword look really organized.

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

The foreword was well done because you ended it off with a prologue. It was enough to give me a sneak peak of what I was going to be reading therefore, that was really good. I have one complaint though, there is no need to write "Just a little sneak peak on how the story will be" because that the whole point of the description. 

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

So far, you have only one chapter up so I can't assess anything about the plot yet. Although, I can say that the introduction was really well written. It played a little on my mind as I read which is a good thing because that causes your readers to start questioning, leaving them wanting to know more.

I can't assess anything else because again, you only have one chapter up so there is insufficient information.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

The ending of your first chapter was really good because it I most definitely wanted to know what was going on with the whole "magical world" thing.
 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

I don't see any spelling mistakes so far and your grammar is readable. Not too distracting. 
Here are some examples:

What you wrote: "I heard the school bell ring marking the end of the school day, waking me up from my slumber. Sleepily, I stood up and packed my things up and said to the teacher goodbye. I went out of the room and noticed that the hallways were empty and I looked back at the classroom and noticed that the teacher was not there making my hair stand on end. I clearly saw the teacher was there one minute before...standing and smiling to me and now she's gone. Suddenly, I felt cold which make me shiver. Then I saw something at the end of the hallway...."

How it should've been written: The school bell went off marking the end of the school day, waking me from my slumber. Sleepily, I stood up, packed my things and bid the teacher goodbye. I walked out of the room and noticed that the halls were empty. I looked back at the classroom and noticed that the teacher wasn't there anymore, making my hair stand on an end. I remember clearly that I saw the teacher standing there and smiling at me a minute ago. Now, she's gone. I felt cold all of a sudden which made me shiver. That's when I saw something at the end of the hallway.

So, you have quite a few of your tenses mixed up throughout the chapter but I'll just give you this as an example. The ellipses (...) though, were not necessary. It's normally used when you haven't completed a thought. It would've been fine to use it in the prologue, idicating that there's more but not when you're using this paragraph to start off your chapter. Keep this example as reference for you future chapters and when editing.

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

I was a little confused by how you got your paragraphs to flow because they weren't exactly smooth. You used transition words once in a while but you need to use it more often especially when you're trying to indicate a change.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

Not bad but still a work in progress. I really like your story so far and the idea that you have planned for your story. Keep working at it and thanks for requesting.

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