Story Title: The Titanic Story
Reviewer: lovelyndgrey2230
Author: paula1988

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

The title was not lengthy and was not too short either but it was plain. Although it did connect with the forewords and it tells the readers what setting it will be, the title did not really grab my attention. What I loved about your title though is that it made me wonder what the story was about but again it needs more to it. Try to search for words that are not too simple yet not too complex either because titles are one of the main points of how to hook a reader into reading your story.

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

It's colourful and an eye catching poster and background but there was too much going on in the illustration. The flowers kind of let it down because there were too many also there are a lot of unnecessary patterns and some errors in the poster as well so overall the poster could have been better. I recommend a poster and background change.

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

There were a lot of errors in your Forewords and Description. I had to re-read it twice to get it because some parts did not make sense at all. Also it didn't really give me the urge to want more of your story but the whole idea of "Titanic 2" is new to me and so it still intrigued me, just a little bit though. I also like that you didn't give too much information in your forewords because it makes your readers wonder how the story will flow but this will again bring me back to its contents and how it was delivered. Overall, it lacked a lot of points that would make your readers want more but don't worry, this can be fixed by putting more intriguing quotes or something that would spike the readers curiosity and finally click that upvote and subscribe button.

Here is the edited version of the Forewords and Desrcription:

Description:

In 2012 was the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the famous ship Titanic. Sunhwa aboards The Titanic 2 from America but what happens when love finds its way to her heart? What happens when she finally meets her one true love? 

Forewords:

I remember it was the 15th of April 2012, the 100th anniversary of the Titanic's sinking. There was a ship called The Titanic 2, opening by the majesty queen of England in Southampton, England, everyone wanted to go America. (please re-read this part since I didn't quite get what you were meant to write in here so I am unable to correct this part.) The lucky ones who received a golden ticket went abroad with me & my family on a chance to finally board The Titanic 2. I came over from South Korea to England to the USA but I want to get married and have a family since I came from a rich background. My dad is an investment banker back in Seoul. He's going to probably work for the New York stock exchange and my mom was a singer who gave up on her career because she had me. I was really excited for a new life but all I want do to is to get marry and have a family. I hope I can meet the man of my dreams on this ship.

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

In all honesty, the plot was cliched. I have read a lot of stories similar to it, not to mention, it was very similar to the movie Titanic itself. Not that it's a bad thing but I was kind of disappointed that it was just like Jack and Rose's love story which means, the lead male being in the third class and the female lead being in the upper class society. I mean the title directs to the movie Titanic but I thought that there would be some kind of twists that would happen in the story but unfortunately there wasn't but it was indeed a smart idea to come up with this kind of plot since not everyone is able to pull off a great story based on the original movie.

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through? 

The pacing of the story was rushed. I have seen the Titanic movie and I also thought that their love story was rushed too however I didn't expect this story to be the same as well. You see, I understand that you have titled your story as "The Titanic Story" but it doesn't mean that your story has to be the same because it makes it cliched and not unique. To be able to achieve a great plot and a great mix and match of events, you must describe the feelings of each character and take things slowly and do not rush their relationship because it makes it uninteresting. Remember that what makes a reader stay with your story is through how you develop the character's feelings to another character because let's face it, every reader wants a good cliffhanger that will make them stay tuned and wonder what's going to happen next.  

Was the characterization consistent?

It was very consistent and I understood their point of views well therefore you've done a good job in this section.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

Although this story was rushed, the flow of events through out the story was definitely spot on.  

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

The events were well organized and weren't confusing. However adding more interesting events would've made the story even better.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

They weren't really the strongest sentences that would make a reader click the next button in fact it made me question if that was really the end of the chapter. I hope you won't get offended but I found each chapter very short and each ending didn't really spike my interest in reading the next chapter. Cliffhangers would've helped a lot with this story therefore I suggest that you use a lot of these because it urges to readers too keep on reading the next chapters. Also, it's not just the cliffhangers that the readers hold on to, there are also some good quotes that you can put in to your story to make it interesting and a factor of curiosity at the same time.
 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

Overall, the grammar and spelling was good. I also noticed that you had a beta reader for this story therefore I didn't really see any Grammar and Spelling mistakes however I did spot some, here's are the editions for some chapters: (The highlighted colour is the edited version)

Chapter 1: Meanwhile in third class, the lowest class of all, Kwanghee was getting everything unpacked. He didn't bring much with him and left his family behind. But he was with his best friend Siwan who had everything sorted out for him. "Let's look around." Kwanghee suggested.

Chaper 2: 
- ''Tell me what's his name? What does he do? And is he Korean?'' Her mom was curious to know as she rose up from the bed.
- "Her name is Sunhwa and I didn't ask her what she does but what she wore was pretty and nice. It was a red miniskirt with a white sweater and it looked expensive.''

Chapter 3: "Sunhwa darling, can I speak to you outside diner room?" Her father said, trying hide his explosive emotions. And she followed without choice of now or later. "WHY DID YOU GO OUT WITH A POOR MAN LIKE HIM!!! HE'S ONLY GOING FOR YOUR MONEY!" He shouted at her in front of everyone, causing a scene.

(There are still more however, this review will turn into a story if I mention everything so feel free to PM me if you would like more corrections from me. You don't have to though.)

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

It was great and I understood the next paragraph fully. Just remember to describe how the characters feel and what they do while they talk though so your readers are able to visualize what they do thus, making your story more realistic.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

You're story was a pleasure to read. Even though the characters you used weren't my biases, you still managed to create a wonderful story and made me read more chapters. Just consider changing some of the bits that I have mentioned and the mistakes that I have pointed out and your story will be an eye catcher to readers. I hope this review helped you and I also hope that you weren't offended in some parts. These are only to help you with your writing skills and I really hoped that you learned some through this review. 

Ps: I also deeply apologize for the late review. I have been busy these past 2 months and therefore I have not concentrated on reviewing. I'm so so sorry, i hope you understand.

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