Story Title: Second Chance
Reviewer: NorthMelon
Author: thescarletfox

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FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

The title wasn't bad. It did sum up the story but I think it summed the story a little too much. Reading the title alone tells me that either the guy or the girl has screwed something up in their relationship and wants a second chance to start over with them again. In fact, I think I would've preferred you to keep the title "Her Girlfriend" because that does sum up the story but not too much, still leaving a mystery for the readers.

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

I think that your foreword was well done. It talked a little bit about the story, but not so much that it gave everything away. You left a really good cliffhanger, intriging the readers to want to know what happened.

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

The plot was your everyday "I love you, please come back to me again" plot so there wasn't anything new. Although, how you got Sehun to confess to her again was new. Not everyone could think of dragging their girlfriend up on stage and confessing to her infront of a live audience. I think you gave that a really good plot twist.

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through? 

The pacing of the story was good. Wasn't too fast or too slow.

Was the characterization consistent?

The characterization was very consistent. I could easily emphasize with Sehun. Although, I wish I could've seen more of Hayoung's character because she didn't have many parts, letting her female leading role seem like a more minor role. It would've been nice if you were able to add more perspectives of her and as to how she feels which, I don't think, is very hard since you wrote this story in third person.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

The story flow was very smooth and easy to read.

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

Your organization was really good. It wasn't confusing and it was very easy to just click on and start reading.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

The ending of your chapters were very good. It kept me wanting to know more about what happened to Sehun and how they'll end up to be.
 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

You did have a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes here and there but they were very minor and barely noticable.

ie. "A girl yelled made Sehun realize the table she were talking about was him! She going to take his order!" (Chapter 1)

When writing, you don't put two past tense words right next to each other. That will just make it sound really weird when you read it out loud. Instead, it would've been better if you wrote it like this:

A girl yelled, making Sehun realize...

However, this overall sentence is very awkward, the way you worded it makes it really weird therefore, I suggest you reword it entirely. A good suggestion for when it comes to editing, is to read it out loud to yourself. This makes it much easier for you to pick our any grammar errors and awkward sentences. 

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

You didn't use many transition words although, your story is smooth and readable. But I suggest you add some in there to make it better.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

Overall, I really liked your story and it's overall idea. The story was really well written however, I do wish that you could've made it a little longer to bring out Hayoung's character. Great job though ^^

Thanks for requesting! I hope you like your review.

 

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