Story Title: The Game of the Maze
Reviewer: NorthMelon
Author: doubleabs

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

The title was quite interesting. Right away, I wanted to know more about the story because your title was short and easy to remember. Also, your title makes me ask questions like "what is this game?" and "what's going to happen?" stuff like that. Therefore, I really like your title.

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

Your graphics set the mood for the story quiet well. Although, I would've preferred a darker background image to compliment your poster and set a more mysterious mood, it's pretty well done.

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

I didn't really like how you set up your foreword and description. It was fine to put the rules in the description to start drawing readers into your story but I would've moved your "brief intro" to the foreword. This is because your description is supposed to "hook" your readers while the foreword gives a little more info but doesn't reveal too much of the story itself. You've done a pretty good job with that but the intro should really be in the foreword and not the description. After that, I would separate your author's note and reviews with a horizontal line or a large gap to keep everything separate and organized.

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

I liked your overall idea of the story and the plot was easy to follow. You're plot was pretty well written so I really don't have any comments for improvement. Good job!

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through? 

The pacing was good. However, sometimes you would rush into things like how you got Insu to come up with dreamscaping. The idea seemed to spontaneously come to his mind which was a little sudden. He, himself, said that it was a legend yet he pushed forward to the blood test without hesitation which is a little weird considering that no one in real life really does that. But if you really wanted the blood test to happen immediately after he says that it's a myth, I would've added a couple of extra lines, saying: "They say it's a legend but legends, themselves, have some truth behind them. Why don't we test it out." or something similar to that because that would demonstrate that Insu has given some thought to this rather than having that idea seem like it popped into his head out of nowhere. 

Was the characterization consistent?

The characterization was pretty consistent but there were quite a few of unnecessary characters. What I mean by this is that you didn't need every single 

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

The story flow was very consistent and smooth. However, your story itself raised quite a few questions. The way you got things to happen the way they did was questioning. For example, how did Mr. Jung suddenly have fake ID cards ready for EXO right after his phone call? He never planned this well ahead of time so where'd the ID cards come from? A lot of things don’t make sense nor add up in your story. It’s all over the place. Please re-read and fix them.

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

Your events were in chronological order and pretty straight forward. No complaints here.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

The endings were pretty well done. The cliff hangers were effective and they definetly made me want to read on more.
 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

You did have many grammar issues but you had A LOT of typos. I'm assuming that you haven't been able to go through you chapters and correct your mistakes. They were so many of them, it was a little distracting as I read through your story. I suggest you get those fixed ASAP. 

You also had some awkward sentences here and there.
EX. “His hair grayed so much it was almost all gray.”
This sentence sounds awkward since you used the same adjective twice.
Suggestion: “His hair grayed so much, it looked as if someone attempted to fully dye his hair but missed a couple of strands.”

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

transitions from scene to scene are a little awkward and confusing. It’s hard to tell or know when you’ve changed views until a long time later. I suggest you use little indications to tell your readers that you're going to be switching time to time or POV to POV.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

Overall, I quite enjoyed your story. It was very interesting to read how Hyeri and Tao was going to save each other in different ways. I also liked how you didn't protray Hyeri as the damsel in distress but as a girl who is strong and who is able to fight through her own battles without her man. I loved your ideas and you overall attack on this story. Well done!

I apologize for the long wait for your review to be completed. I have been busy at home over the summer along with school which has started not long ago. I thank you for your patience and for requesting from Tomboy Review Shop. I hope to see you again :)

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