Story Title: Runes of Despair
Reviewer: NorthMelon
Author: myunghyun4ever

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FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

This title definitely got me questioning. It was really effective, the way you worded the title. It was very intriguing and pulled me into wanting to read on.

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

The poster set the mood for the story really well. Although, I would've preferred you get the poster to be a little darker because of the events that happen in the story but overall, it was good. However, I would've liked it if you had a background to set a more serious and dark tone for your readers as they read on into the story.

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

Your description was very well written and gave me a good background information about how everything started. That was good. Although, I would've had you write something along the lines of a "hook" to "hook" the readers into reading more when writing the description and then put whatever you wrote in the description, into the foreword. It would've made more sense this way.

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

Your plot so far has been laid out quite well. I can easily follow your plot and follow through with you storyline.

However, to be soley honest, it really bored me to read about the character's past because I was expecting more action than explaination as I read along. I apologize if I'm being a little harsh here but you just left a cliffhanger, talking about how Mark wanted to help break them out but then you suddenly wrote about the minor character's backgrounds. Really? Like, why would you do that? I wanted to know (by that point) what Mark has planned for them and not how they ended up in camp. 

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through? 

The pacing was perfect. No complaints here.

Was the characterization consistent?

Your characterization was fairly consistent. Although, the characterization wasn't distinct enough. I suggest you to bring out your characters al little more later on in the story to make the characters more like a unique person even if they are minor.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

The story flow was really smooth and concise. I don't see any problems with it.

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

Please don't get offended here but your organization was a little weird. Why'd you decide to touch upon the other characters afterwards in chapters 6-10? How come you didn't do it before? That kind of order threw me off a little. I don't think that it made sense to do that. Instead, you should've talked about them from chapter 2 and then go on about how they were living happily together until they met Mark. I think it would've made more sense to have done it this way. Or, if you really wanted to write in their backgraounds later on, you could've made them more like flashbacks. For example, when Eun was smiling back to the happy memories s about everyone when she was losing concusiousnes, you could've slipped their backgrounds in little by little as a good memory instead. This way, when she has lost consiousness, it would've made more sense to the readers that what we're reading were purely her memories so that when she regains conciousness, she would've snapped back to reality.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

Your endings of chapters weren't bad but they weren't great either. It would bore me to contiue sometimes especially when you were talking about the minor characters. 
 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

You didn't have much grammar issues and barely any spelling issues. But I found a few that you might want to keep a sharp eye for as you edit later on.

ie. “You had never heard Luhan speak in that manner; never had he used such a cold and disapproving tone when he addressed any one of you, even when he was angry and disappointed.” (Chapter 6)

 

This was a run-on sentence. I suggest you shorten it or break it up because it sounds weird to say this out loud all in one breath.

 

ie. “He repeated uncertainly, the last part of his sentence sounding like a sentence.” (Chapter 10)

 

"The last part of his sentence sounding like a sentence"? The previous sentence was of Jongin saying it like a question. Are you sure you didn't make a mistake here because it sounds weird to have a word sound like itself.

 

ie. “ There were none, the bomb went off with leaving anything behind, and that mysteriousness was going to buy you guys more time as they searched in futile.” (Chapter 10)

 

It should've been "the bomb went off without leaving anything behind" if not, you've just contradicted yourself in the same sentence.

 

ie. “Blinking back tears of agony, you bit your lip, tightening your grip around his hand as your arm brought him closer to you as you let out a soft sigh” (Chapter 10)

 

It should've been written as "bite" not "bit" because in this case, you are writing in present tense but you wrote "bit" instead, which is past tense.

ie. “Words you never wanted to here from him, from your Jongin.” (Chapter 12)

"hear" not "here"

You had a couple more of them here and there but I'm not going to point them all out because they were pretty much the same mistakes being repeated. Although, these mistakes are really minor and they are easy to brush past and/or missed so I suggest you be a little more cautious when you edit. I recommend you read this outloud to yourself when you edit so it would be easier to pick out the mistakes.

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

You're use of transition words were really well used. It made your story very smooth and easy to read.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

Wow. I was practically mind blown as I read on with the story. Yes, you did have some boring parts here and there but you made up for it with suspenseful chapters throughout 10-14. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU MADE __________ (left blank for readers to find out what happened themselves but for the author that may be confused, chapter 14) !!!!!!! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! HE WAS SUCH A NICE GUY! I honestly loved your story. It kept me at the edge of my chair, dying to know more of what happened. Great story! 

Thanks for requesting and I hope you liked your review. ^^

 

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