Jealousy

Eating noodles is such an insignificant thing, it's so mundane and simple that it shouldn't even be acknowledged. But here I am, eating noodles in her company and not even the fanciest restaurant I could've booked could compare. Nothing could be more delicious than this. No moment could feel sweeter because for the first time since I met her, she didn't run to him, she stayed with me. Even if it was for something so small, she picked me.

I feel like all the pieces of my heart have been picked up and handed to me. I feel like she's done that and now it's up to me to put them together. I don't even care if she was the one who shattered my heart over and over again, she smiled at me and picked up the pieces for me.

I don't regret all the things I've done for her, all the times I tried to make it work... I just wish the outcome had been different. But if all this had to happen for this moment to come, then I'm okay with that.

Maybe, if she picked me, I would be too happy and that's not allowed. Maybe being that happy isn't plausible and that's why she picked him and not me. That's why she loves him and not me. Because the happiness I feel right now it's all what I can feel, which is not just a little.

"I met people from everywhere, Oppa! And everyone acted so differently. No one really knew how to act at first and it was really awkward, but I did my best to learn and help," she tells me about her experience in Ghana. "I've learnt a bit of other languages, too. Even if we had translators, the kids taught me words and I taught them, too."

"That surely must've felt great," I support and she nods energetically.

"I loved every moment I spent there! I've always loved kids but this still felt different," she explains and I don’t doubt it. I bet that the sight of her and kids was the most beautiful thing around. I would've loved going with her, helping alongside Minyu and learning as much as she did. I would've loved to see the same things that marvelled her.

"I would've liked to go, too," I blurt out before I realise I've said that out loud.

"You should totally go one day, Oppa! I know I want to go again or to another place. There are so many places where I could go and give a hand," she dreams and the sparkle in her eyes warms my heart better than any cup of tea.

"Maybe one day we can go together," I dare to say and she smiles brightly.

"That would be even better, Oppa!" she chirps and I prepare myself to hear her include everyone else in this plan. But she doesn't, she just keeps smiling. "You're better with English and that makes things easier. I have to learn more. French as well, there are plenty French colonies in Africa so that language is useful."

"I don't know French. Maybe we can learn together," I dare to say one more time. Maybe I'm testing the waters or maybe I'm digging my own grave. I don't know.

"Wonderful!" she exclaims, honestly happy. "I bet it would make it easier if the two of us work together."

The two of us.

That shouldn't make my heart race like it does, but I can't help it. It sounds too sweet to ignore and I'm not that strong. Making plans with her is tearing down all my walls.

"We would teach the kids about Korea and play with them. I'm sure they would love you, Oppa," she adds and I just smile.

I still wish you loved me, I think with a sigh.

"I guess we have to start preparing, then. And what else are you gonna do here, Minyu-yah?" I ask because she won't be in the band anymore. Now that Go Minam is here she has her life back to do whatever she wants.

"I was thinking to keep helping at the orphanage. I talked to Reverend Mother and she agreed," she provides and I nod.

"You'd make a fine teacher, Minyu-yah."

"Thank you, Oppa. Would you like to come to the orphanage one day? When you're not too busy, of course. The kids are always happy to have someone else to play with. Besides, I'm a bit nervous to go back now. It's been a long time since I saw them last."

"I'm sure they missed you as much as you did," I comfort her and she smiles at me but she still looks a bit hesitant.

I dare a bold move and I reach out to take her hand over the table. I give her a quick squeeze that I hope can offer her the comfort I'm trying to transmit. I don't like seeing her feeling so unsure. Even if there's nothing in my power I can do I still want to try and assure her, no matter what it's about.

"When you go back, let me know. I'll go with you," I offer and she smiles grateful.

"Thank you, Oppa. I was thinking of going tomorrow," she supplies and I make a quick mental scan of my activities for tomorrow. I have to be at the studio for a creative meeting, but surely I can be late without getting in major problems.

"I'll be there with you," I promise and her smile widens and becomes even more beautiful.

We stay for a while longer there, eating without a worry in the world before she decides it's time to go back. It's no surprise that I don't want to go back and see her with Taekyung, but what else can I do? I can't kidnap her or anything like that. Today's been more than I could've ever dreamt of. We spent the day together, we made plans and she picked me. I can't be that greedy.

So I drive back home and even if I try to take longer than usual, we arrive eventually and she practically runs inside.

"Hyung-nim!" she calls and I try to ignore the pang in my chest. "I'm back!"

But there's no reply and as I make my slow way inside the house I can see Minyu looking for him anxiously. I go to the kitchen to prepare a cup of tea and go to the rooftop before going to bed. I'm still in the middle of pouring my cup when she walks inside the kitchen.

"I can't find him," she pouts and I'm about to suggest that maybe he's in his room, because I hate seeing her sad, when someone else joins us in the kitchen.

"Go Minyu, you're back," he announces in that pompous tone and I try to ignore them, I try not to see the bright smile on her face but fail.

"Did you have a good day? We had loads of fun," she says and I nod with my eyes still glued on my cup.

"I was super busy and worked really hard and now I'm tired. I just came for water," he announces walking past her and past me to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. "Good night."

"But Hyung-nim," she protests but he ignores her completely.

"I'm tired. You have fun with Kang Shinwoo," he spats and disappears, leaving Minyu and I alone in the kitchen.

"Mianhae," I say when I see her gloomy expression.

"I'm tired, too, but still wanted to spend some time with him. I just didn't want to sit here and wait for him the whole day. That's not bad, right?"

"Of course no!" I hurry to say because she shouldn't feel bad about what she did today. She doesn't live in Taekyung's shadow. "You have your own life and do what you want with that."

"Then why is he so angry?" she asks me and even if I know the answer I don't want to say it because I'm scared of what she might do. If she learns that Taekyung is angry because she spent her day with me, then I'm scared she might put distance between us in order not to hurt Taekyung.

"It's my fault," I end up saying because I'm incapable of doing anything that could add up to her worries. "He's angry because you went out with me today."

"But you're my friend, why would he be angry about that? That doesn't make sense. I can have fun with my friends, that's not a bad thing," she says and I can tell now she's getting angry. "Aish!" she stomps and folds her arms.

"He'll be back to normal tomorrow," I supply but she still looks angry. "Cup of tea?"

Slowly, she gives me a smile. "Thank you, Oppa. You always help me to feel better."

"We are close, aren't we? I'll always be here for you, Minyu-yah," I promise her.

Always.

I hope you keep enjoying this! I know I am! I changed the cover :D

Bel, xx