Confession

Brave or a fool, I don't really know what I am.

She doesn't say anything and I smile sadly. I wasn't expecting a reply when I said that. In fact, I don't even know what I was thinking when I confessed. I got carried away, I lost control, I was overwhelmed by my feelings, I stopped listening to my brain and just acted impulsively. I honestly don't know, but I confessed, I kissed her and I'm still holding her, waiting I guess. I just don't know what I'm waiting for. Of course she doesn't love me back, I'm not an idiot as to believe she could say it back.

She sighs and her arms sneak around me, hugging me. She doesn't say a word.

She doesn't say a word!

She's not saying she loves me back, but she's not rejecting me either. She's not telling me to stop being a fool. She's not apologising for not returning my feelings. She is not saying she doesn't love me back. There's just silence and silence is hope.

I dare to hug her tighter and I move my face, this time hiding it in her hair and she lowers her head and rests it on the crook of my neck. She's not pulling back, she's not pushing me away.

Hope. There's hope.

My heart is beating stronger than ever, strengthened with the fire of a new born hope that this time things might go in my way. Maybe this time she'll look at me.

"Minyu-yah…" I say and wait a bit. She remains silent. "I really love you and I'm sorry if this is not the time to say it. I know it's soon and you still love Taekyung, but I can wait for you. If time is what you need to properly face me, then I'll give you all the time in the world. And if you need me to do something else, I'll do it. Anything."

I might sound desperate right now, but I'm speaking from my heart.

"I don't," she starts and I freeze. Did I hope for too much? Did I read the situation wrong? "I don't love Taekyung anymore. Or I think I don't. I haven't felt like I love him for a long time," she carries on and I can breathe again. She pulls back and looks up. Our eyes lock immediately. I see sorrow and guilt in hers. "I thought that love was all what you needed it for a relationship. I thought that even if I could love him enough for the two of us it would be enough but I… I was wrong."

One of the hands I kept around her waist raises and cups her cheek, my thumb wiping away that lonely tear that escaped. I hate seeing her hurting. I would've done anything to prevent her from finding this out. But she's growing up and pain is part of the process.

"I'm sorry you had to find that out," I say. "Love is only the ground for a relationship but for a healthy one you need so much more. I'm not an expert, but I've also had my dose of heartbreak."

She looks down for a bit because she knows, she knows very well that she broke my heart before.

"If the two people don't work together to make it work, it'll fail. If only one is committed, then that one will wear out. But heartbreak isn't forever and we all have a first love. That's what called first love, because a second will come and I'm here, Minyu, I'm here waiting for you."

I kiss her forehead and she closes her eyes. I wish I could know exactly what's in her head. I wish I could know how my words are affecting her, if they are reaching her at the very least.

"I-I can't know how I feel yet," she says and I smile at her, my hand still cupping her face. "And I don't wanna hurt you again, Oppa."

"It's okay, I'm the one taking this risk, I'm fully aware of it but love without risk is not love," I tell her with a smile that she hesitates to return. "Take the time you need, I'll try to make things easier for you. I'll try to make you see me this time."

Her smile widens in that sweet and innocent way of hers and I take confidence from it. I have hope that I didn't have before and I feel stronger than ever. I can't give up on her so I can only keep fighting for her heart.

"Do you wanna leave? I'll help you move tomorrow," I say after a while. I think I've pushed her enough for one day.

Reluctantly I break the embrace and we pull away, feeling rather awkward at first.

"Okay," she agrees and looks around one more time. Her smile changes and she still looks beautiful. So beautiful.

Before we leave the flat I dare to take her hand and she's surprised. "I won't do it if you mind," I tell her rising our hands.

She shakes her head with a deep blush and I only smile. We walk out holding hands and I dare to dream that this could become something natural for us.

Am I being too ambitious?

But this, being so close to her, holding her hand and hoping for the best feels right, like it's supposed to be.

Am I allowed to dream for this to become our reality?

I open the door for her and then get in before I start the ignition. Once we are already on the road I start a casual conversation because it's been too intense up to now. "I can help you get some furniture. We can bring some things from your room in the house," I offer and she nods.

"Until I can get my own things," she clarifies and I nod.

"I'm sure Jeremy and Minam will come and help you. Don't get surprise if they get copies of the keys," I laugh and she does the same. "You'll have a better place to study and I'll come visit if you don't mind. I can compose better when you're around so if you allow me coming here with my guitar…"

I leave the sentence hanging and look at her from the corner of my eye. She flashes me a smile of her own.

"Please. It helps me to understand the subjects when we discuss it," she says and I grin like a fool because knowing we help each other makes me feel even closer to her.

"I start to believe that moving out was for the best," I muse and I notice her smile trembles a bit. "Not easy but you'll be better off in your own place. It'll help you to spread your wings."

"I hope so, Oppa," she concedes and I smile at her for a few seconds before focusing again on the road. "I'll have all the things I like. I'll hang the map you gave me and we'll keep visiting restaurants until we see them all. I'll get a guitar and I'll learn to play properly."

"I'll teach you," I cut her off and she nods excitedly.

"I'll have all the stars I want," she continues and I lose my smile. "And I'll make sure to have a big sun so I won't feel cold at night when he's not around."

I freeze at her words, not knowing exactly how to take them. I dare to see her and she's smiling brightly at me.

"I like the sun, I was underestimating it but now I want to regard him and face him properly."

Can I… Can I interpret her words as her way to refer to me? I know I'm not her favourite star, but can I be her sun like she's mine?

Isn't Shinwoo the cutest? Anyhow, remember the story only has 20 chapters + epilogue... so after that, would you like me to keep writing on here? Not a fan fiction per say, I would write a Yongshin story (Dooley couple) because HARDCORE OTP! I'll wait for your answer.

Bel, xx