Chapter Thirty: Distance

distance: separation; the extent or amount of space between two things; absence of warmth

~*~

It wasn't difficult for Baekhyun to see that there was something going on with Jongdae. If Baekhyun was correct, it began happening after that day three weeks ago. He picked random days when Jongdae worked to drop by the restaurant. The first time, Jongdae hadn't seem quite so thrilled, but neither did he on the second and third and fourth times. Eventually, Baekhyun stopped going. Why should he bother wasting his time visiting his boyfriend when his presence was unwanted?

Baekhyun came to the conclusion that Jongdae was upset at him. Why, Baekhyun couldn't answer, but it may have had something to do with that day.  He couldn't blame Jongdae, if the tables were turned, Baekhyun would likely hold some anger toward Jongdae. Would he, though? It was all said and done and forgiven. Baekhyun couldn't stay mad at Jongdae any longer. Maybe Baekhyun was wrong. Maybe it had nothing to do with Baekhyun, but whatever happened between Jongdae and Jongdeok, or maybe it was Jongdae's father.

Baekhyun had to do something to get Jongdae's attention.

Kyungsoo let out a dramatic gasp and dropped his phone on the table. The ruckus was enough to pull Baekhyun back to reality. "Good God! Look! Baekhyun, look!" Kyungsoo fumbled with his phone as he tried showing Baekhyun what he saw on his screen. "Look!"

With one raised brow, Baekhyun snatched the phone. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to "look" at. It was a photo of nine guys, probably a pop group with how they were dressed.

"Look at them! This guy--" Kyungsoo searched for a quick second before zooming in on the man to the second far right, "--looks just like you! And this guy right here looks like Jongdae! And this guy looks like Joonmyun! And even me and Chanyeol!"

"So this is how we'd look like if we were in a band together," Baekhyun joked. He took a careful look at the first guy Kyungsoo had pointed out to him and was rather surprised. It was almost like staring back at a mirror. "Hello handsome."

"Jongdae told me about them before but I didn't think anything about it," Kyungsoo said.

Baekhyun read that the group was called EXO. He instantly recognized it because Jongdae had droppd the name more than once, saying how he wanted to see them live one day. The article revealed they were having a concert in October and tickets were going on sale in five days. Perhaps that "one day" would come for Jongdae sooner than he expected.

A grin grew on Baekhyun's face. "My dad has a friend who works in that company. Maybe I can get a couple of good tickets."

"You're planning on going? Didn't think-- oh. Jongdae?"

"We're already going to dinner so he'll never suspect it." Although Baekhyun was the one who spoke, he hushed Kyungsoo when Jongdae appeared around the corner.

"Hey Baek," Jongdae said with a wave, then softly hit Kyungsoo's shoulder, "You done yet?" Kyungsoo retrieved his phone from Baekhyun and disappeared with Jongdae. Not wanting to sit alone in such an open space, Baekhyun got up and left too.

~~~

The remaining months until the SATs were a busy time for high school seniors. Between school and work, Jongdae had little to no leisure time. He spent his days studying and working. Jongdae would take any available shift at the restaurant, so long as he had time leftover to work on homework and his studies. He would stay up for hours on end. Sometimes he never slept. Sometimes he skipped meals. Jongdeok would have to remind him to eat. Although he shared living space with his brother, the two rarely spent time together outside of eating dinner.

Baekhyun and Jongdae contacted each other less and less. They only ever saw each other at school in the mornings and lunch. It didn't leave much room for spending time alone. The distance didn't affect Jongdae nearly as it Baekhyun. Jongdae was too wrapped up in his school-work-study schedule, but Baekhyun would often find himself staring off into space or his phone thinking about Jongdae. Baekhyun understood the need to study for the SATs, he was too, but going days without a single text exchange made him feel lonely. He respected Jongdae's space and attempted to focus on his own studies in the time he would normally be spending with Jongdae. It never hit Baekhyun how much free time he had to do other things when he was away from Jongdae.

Kyungsoo saw Jongdae more than Baekhyun did. He would drop by Jongdae's place once in a while to study together. Along with Joonmyun, Kyungsoo was the only other friend of Jongdae's that knew of the move. Jongdae had revealed everything when Kyungsoo questioned why Jongdae wouldn't be going to school and back home with him anymore. Jongdae also made Kyungsoo promise not to tell Baekhyun. Kyungsoo was rather surprised how Jongdae was still managing to keep it a secret. He believed it would be a bad idea to prolong the truth, but it wasn't his place to tell Baekhyun about it.

It was Saturday, also known as their second to last day to work on their project before it was due. Three hours into it and Jongdae and Kyungsoo needed a breather. While Kyungsoo dug out some snacks from the pantry, Jongdae stepped outside to the little yard. He felt restless and rather trapped inside. Jongdae observed the dying plants that perched on the mini patio table. He touched a leaf and it crumbled. He was about to turn around and head back inside before he completely destroyed anymore of the plants when he heard a voice shouting from the distance, "Get back here!"

"I am done with you!" another voice screamed. 

"Where are you going?"

"To find a divorce attorney! I can't stand being around the biggest mothering to ever exist!"

A door car door slammed shut. The engine sputtered on not a second later.

"Kim Haeun!"

Jongdae inhaled. He had never seen, or in this case hear, his parents fight as often as they did until his mother found out about his father's ultimatium. He didn't know it was that bad. And it was all his fault.

"Hey," Kyungsoo's voice softly called out. A hand gently took Jongdae's and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You okay?"

Jongdae breathed out, not realizing he had been holding his breath. "Yeah," Jongdae said, although both of them knew it was a lie. For the rest of the day, his parents were all Jongdae could think about. What if his mother was serious? What if she did go meet up with a divorce attorney? Jongdae played out the possible scenarios in his head. His mother would want him to live with her. Jongdae's father could probably care less. He would be grateful to never have to see Jongdae again.

"Jongdae."

Jongdae blinked at Kyungsoo in confusion. "Hmm?"

Kyungsoo offered Jongdae a smile. "I can finish up the poster tomorrow. You can work on the powerpoint and send it to me and I'll look it over." 

Jongdae nodded wordlessly, his mind still on his family. He glanced down at his phone. Nothing. Not even from Baekhyun. Jongdae dug his palms into his eyes and groaned. "Do you mind if I take a can of coffee with me?"

"Of course not," Kyungsoo said. "Take all of them if you want. I think they're about to go bad. No one's been drinking them. Except you."

With that, Jongdae gathered his belongings and raided Kyungsoo's fridge for coffee before hopping on a bus to the subway to another bus and arriving home. 

When Jongdeok saw his younger brother, his brow raised. "You look awful. When was the last time you slept?"

"Doesn't matter," Jongdae said while cracking open one of the coffee cans. "You want one?" 

"Nope. Bohye and I are meeting up the doctor in the morning." Jongdeok handed his little brother a brown paper bag. "While you burn your midnight oil."

That night, Jongdae stayed awake even after sending the finished powerpoint to Kyungsoo around one in the morning. He was working on his research paper when Jongdeok woke up and left five hours later. It wasn't until 10 in the morning that Jongdae stopped to check his phone. A part of him hoped to see a message or missed call from Baekhyun. He only had an unread email from Kyungsoo about the powerpoint.

Jongdae frowned, his thumbs tapping on the screen. He wanted to send a simple "good morning" to Baekhyun, but after a moment's thought, he deleted it. He checked Kyungsoo's email. All seemed good. Now all he had to do was memorize most of his lines for the presentation tomorrow morning.

Jongdae started to get a little shaky. He noticed it when he went out to use the toilet. He could barely walk straight and his limbs felt weak. His heart was beating too hard, too fast. He shrugged it off. He had survived worse. He figured if he grabbed a bite to eat, he'd have enough energy to power through the rest of the day. Jongdae would work hard until he had to shower that evening before bed. It had been three days. He joked to himself that Baekhyun could smell him from miles away, which was why Baekhyun was being distant.

When Jongdeok got back, Jongdae had just gotten out of the shower. Jongdeok looked exhausted, though not nearly as Jongdae did. "I didn't think you would get back so soon," Jongdae said, but he was thankful Jongdeok had brought home dinner.

"Bohye offered a night at her place, but I had to make sure you eat tonight."

"Maybe you should have stayed with her. What if she was hinting you that she was lonely? And I can take care of myself."

"You're the lonely one, let's be honest," Jongdeok said and for some reason, it hit Jongdae harder than he expected. Jongdeok must have noticed because he dropped the topic and began talking about how he needed to see Minseok and Luhan soon. Whatever Jongdeok said went in one ear and out the other; Jongdae was too preoccupied with everything else.

Jongdae slept that night, though only for three hours. It wasn't intentional. The moment the lights turned off, he fell asleep, but then after three hours he suddenly woke and tried to fall back to sleep but after two hours, he gave up and spent the remainder of the night, or morning, memorizing his lines for his presentation. Pretty soon, it was time to leave to catch the subway.

He almost dozed off on the bus, but the girl standing next to him dropped her phone and it his leg on the way down. When Jongdae arrived at the school, Baekhyun had just finished locking his bicycle. "Hey, sunshine," Baekhyun smiled at him. Jongdae returned the smile. "Good luck on your presentation."

"Thanks," Jongdae said. Baekhyun held out his hand and Jongdae reached for it. Hand-in-hand, they walked inside the school. It was the closest they've been with each other in a while. Jongdae wished he could lie in bed with Baekhyun exchanging kisses until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Maybe they would have the same dream and share an adventure together.

Too quickly it was when they had to part ways. Baekhyun pecked Jongdae on the lips before leaving him by the classroom. Jongdae watched Baekhyun as he walked away, waiting for Baekhyun to disappear around the corner before entering the classroom and taking his seat.

That morning went by all right. It wasn't until Jongdae and Kyungsoo were called up for their presentation that Jongdae's troubles began. His mind went blank when he leaned over the computer because he forwhat what it was that he was supposed to be doing. He glanced around the room hoping something would jog his memory. It wasn't until he saw Kyungsoo propping up their poster that he remembered. Then, when he stood at the front with Kyungsoo and everyone was staring at them, he started to break a sweat. He had forgotten how frightening it was to stand in front of everyone, but he couldn't recall ever feeling that terrified.

Kyungsoo opened for their presentation so most of their peers were focused on him, but the students seated near the front close to Jongdae could see how shaken he was.

Jongdae felt funny. The lights were too bright. He could barely hear Kyungsoo speaking and for a moment, Jongdae thought maybe it was his turn to speak, but he saw Kyungsoo's mouth moving and hands gesturing to the powerpoint. Jongdae leaned against the whiteboard when the ground beneath his feet started sliding away. His heart was going too fast; he could hear it pounding in his ears. His veins were ice, then fire.

Kyungsoo stopped speaking mid-speech when he noticed how pale and exhausted Jongdae looked. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Jongdae's eyes rolled back and his body collapsed. The class let out a collective gasp and it felt as if time had frozen. Kyungsoo remained frozen where he stood. It wasn't until the teacher ran past him that the spell was broken and Kyungsoo was able to join Jongdae's side.

---

Baekhyun left his classroom early for lunch and snuck over to Jongdae's to surprise him, but it was Baekhyun who received a surprise. Jongdae wasn't there. His desk was empty, but Baekhyun saw him in the morning. Baekhyun tried to get Kyungsoo's attention, but the latter was deep in a conversation with the teacher. He waited outside the door, peeking his head in every few seconds to check on Kyungsoo. 

Finally, Kyungsoo turned aroud and saw Baekhyun's head disappearing behind the wall. He kept his head lowered as he made his way over to his friend. Kyungsoo took Baekhyun by the wrist and guided him down the hall.

"Hey, where are we going?" Baekhyun asked. "Where's Jongdae?"

A noise came from Kyungsoo's throat and without warning, he spun on his heels and threw his arms around Baekhyun. Baekhyun thought it was a joke until he heard his friend sobbing. "Kyungsoo? What's wrong?"

"Jongdae... got sent to the hospital," Kyungsoo croaked out. "He... we were giving our presentation and then he just... he fainted a--and hit his head against the table and there was blood! I don't know if he's okay and--" Kyungsoo began crying again, fresh tears streaming down his face and soaking Baekhyun's shoulder.

Baekhyun thought he was going to die. Not Jongdae, but him, Byun Baekhyun. He had never seen Kyungsoo cry to the point where his entire face was wet and pink. "He'll be okay," Baekhyun said, embracing Kyungsoo at tightly as he could.

"It was the scariest thing in the world," Kyungsoo said. "God, I was terrified. He looked right at me and then his body just fell. I didn't know what to do. I just stood there. I could have done something!"

Baekhyun tried his best to calm Kyungsoo, but his own imagination was running wild. Kyungsoo was shaken up and Baekhyun had to take care of him first, as hard as it was for Baekhyun not knowing Jongdae's condition. Kyungsoo had witnessed everything. Baekhyun didn't know how he would react to seeing the love of his life go through that.

---

Jongdae woke up in an unfamiliar place. Actually, he knew where he was -- a hospital -- but not where. Nor why. The curtains were pulled back and he recognized the woman as his mother holding a small paper cup. "Mom?"

"Jongdae, sweetie, you're awake!" She hurried to the bedside and set down her cup before taking a seat and holding his hand. "How are you feeling?"

"What happened?" Jongdae asked as he tried recalling the last event he remembered. "I'm so tired."

"You fainted at school."

Jongdae gasped before he looked around frantically for his phone. "What time is it? Our presentation!"

"Hey," Haeun said as she tightened her grip on her son's hand, "you are not going back to school. The doctor says you need rest. Your teacher is giving you an extension. Also, I called your work, told them to cut your hours."

Jongdae's eyes widened in alarm. "You what? You can't do that, can you? Mom, I need the money."

"You're technically a minor and I'm your parent," she replied. "Don't worry about the money, I'll give you some. And before you say anything else, think of it as an early birthday present." Jongdae knew he couldn't win, so he thanked his mother. She then whispered, "Please come back with me."

Jongdae never wanted to go back, not until his father accepted him for who he was. The sadness in his mother's broke heart heart. Instead of everything he wished to say, he only said, "I'm sorry."

Haeun smiled down at him anyway before she dug into her purse and handed Jongdae his phone. "Your friends are worried about you. I told them you're resting, but that boyfriend of yours is extremely persistent. You might want to talk to him before he comes bursting through the door.

Indeed, Jongdae had a whole string of unread texts from Baekhyun and a few voicemails, though Jongdae couldn't be sure all were from Baekhyun. Jongdae got up and went out into the hall before calling Baekhyun. Baekhyun picked up right after the first ring.

"Jongdae?!"

Jongdae cringed and pulled the phone away from his ear. "I'm okay, Baek."

"Are you? Are you really? Did you get any stitches?"

"No, not even one. I'm fine, honestly. Doctor says I need rest, that's all. My mom's actually going to take me home in a few minutes. I wanted to let you know I'm okay."

"Oh, okay. That's a relief then."

"Yeah, it is. I-- umm, I'll probably stay home tomorrow."

"Did you want me to come over? I can make you some soup and bring it over."

Jongdae couldn't help smiling. If was still living with his parents, he wouldn't mind Baekhyun coming over. "It's okay. Don't worry about me. I got to go, okay?"

"Okay. I love you. Take care of yourself. Stay hydrated. Dream about me."

"I love you, too. And I will, as long as you do the same."

The call ended and Jongdae's smile slowly disappeared. What if Baekhyun went to his parents' house anyway?

Five days later and that was exactly what happened.

Baekhyun weighed his options before him -- wait until Jongdae texted him back or drop by the house to check on him. Jongdae had skipped school on Tuesday as he said he would, then returned for the rest of the week. It was Saturday and although they had seen each other yesterday at school, Baekhyun wanted to see Jongdae outside of school. Baekhyun needed more time with Jongdae and alone, preferably. Baekhyun missed him. 

Baekhyun was currently sitting outside on Kyungsoo's porch. His presence was unannounced and he should get going before someone caught him lurking about, but Baekhyun remained at a standstill and he needed time to sort through before making his final decision.  He checked his phone again. No response from Jongdae. With a frown, Baekhyun decided it was now or never.

He walked over to Jongdae's house and rang the doorbell. He almost left when it seemed like no one would answer, but then the door opened. Jongdae's father looked down at Baekhyun in puzzlement. "What are you doing here?"

"I want to see Jongdae. See how he's doing."

"Well, you came to the wrong house. He doesn't live here anymore."

Baekhyun thought it was a ruse to get him to leave. For a second there, he actually believed the man and doubted himself.

Taehyun sighed. Judging from the look on Baekhyun's face, Baekhyun wasn't made aware of Jongdae's move in with Jongdeok. "I guess you two aren't as in love as you believed. Shame."

If it wasn't Jongdae's father but a random stranger, Baekhyun would have spewed out curses and insults, but he bit back his tongue. He fixed his composure and cleared his throat. "Do you know where I can find him?"

"You should try calling him. Oh, has he been ignoring you? Is that why you came by?"

"You know what," Baekhyun said, "I'll figure it out myself." He returned to Kyungsoo's house, all the while swearing under his breath. He pressed the doorbell and pounded his fist on the door.

Kyungsoo gave Baekhyun a dirty look after answering the door. "What do you want?"

"Give me Jongdae's new ing address right now," Baekhyun demanded. "And don't you dare pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I just went over to there-" Baekhyun pointed in the direction of Jongdae's parents' house, "-and his ing father told me moved." 

With much reluctance, Kyungsoo texted the address to Baekhyun and he left in a hurry to find his boyfriend while betrayal, hurt, and confusion swirled inside his heart.

---

Jongdae tossed his phone aside to finally answer the door. It wasn't Jongdeok because Jongdeok had the keys, unless that was the reason for his swift return, but he would have said something like, "Open up, I forgot my keys," but all that came from the other side of the door was the persistent knocking.

Jongdae wasn't expecting to see his boyfriend on the other side of the door. He was at a loss for words. Maybe it wasn't Baekhyun, maybe Jongdae was hallucinating because he was still exhausted. The expression on Baekhyun's face wasn't very inviting with the hard, narrowed eyes and the frown with the set jaw. Jongdae slowly pulled the door closer to himself to prevent Baekhyun from seeing inside the room, and before he could form the words in his mind, Baekhyun spoke first.

"Why didn't you tell me you moved?"

"Hello to you, too," Jongdae said. He leaned against the door frame and put his foot against the door to prevent Baekhyun from entering. "This is just temporary."

"When did you move?"

Jongdae almost answered the question, but then he stopped himself. "Why do I have to explain myself to you? Why are you here?"

"I swung by your parents' house to see how you were doing. Imagine my surprise when your father tells me you've moved out."

Jongdae muttered, "It was Liberation Day."

"Liberation Day? You mean that weekend you bailed on us to help your brother with 'something'? That was last month!"

"Baek, I don't want to fight. Please, just... I moved because I got in a fight with my dad. I didn't tell you because... I thought it wasn't important."

Baekhyun crossed his arms over his chest. "You couldn't have mentioned it to me just once? You were lying to me all this time. Who else knows besides Kyungsoo?"

Jongdae did all he could from bursting into tears. He needed nothing more than to hold the one yelling at him. Jongdae hadn't the strength to argue back and opted to remain silent. His eyes lowered like a child caught red-handed.

Baekhyun continued, "Are you hiding anything else from me?"

"No."

"If you aren't, then why can't you look at me?"

Because if I do, I'll start crying.

Baekhyun tried peering past Jongdae, but he couldn't see anything because Jongdae was practically using the door as a shield. "What are you trying to hide? Is there someone in there? Can I come in?"

"No one's here," Jongdae whispered, "except for us." It took a few seconds before Jongdae understood what Baekhyun was implying and the accusation burned right through him. How bold and shocking Baekhyun's question was that Jongdae couldn't stop himself from looking up. He asked in a quivering voice, "You think I'm cheating on you?"

"You said it."

"I can't believe you--"

"I can't believe you!" Baekhyun snapped. "How could you keep something like this from me? It wouldn't surprise me if you found a buddy behind my back!" Oh, how Baekhyun wish he hadn't just said that. 

Jongdae said, "Take that back." When Baekhyun said nothing, Jongdae stepped into view, his hand gripping tightly onto the door knob. Jongdae knew it was pointless because it was too late. The words had already left Baekhyun's mouth and Jongdae's ears already heard every word. "You know I would never. Take that back," Jongdae croaked out. The tears were starting to blur his vision.

Baekhyun parted his lips but nothing came out. He was still grasping onto the situation at hand. How could he have said those words to Jongdae? Without warning, Jongdae stepped back and slammed the door shut. Baekhyun wasn't sure what to do. A part of him wanted to flee and avoid Jongdae, who was obviously upset. Another part of him told him he couldn't leave until he fixed what he had just done.

Baekhyun knocked on the door. "Jongdae? Jongdae, please open the door. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have yelled you at you, I'm sorry. Jongdae? Please, let me in. I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that. I'm just... I love you. You know that, right?"

Inside, Jongdae sat motionless against the door. Whether or not Baekhyun had meant what he had said, Baekhyun had revealed what he felt -- insecurity about their relationship. It tore Jongdae to pieces to hear Baekhyun verbally say it aloud, but it also opened Jongdae's eyes to how terrible of a boyfriend he was being. His life was taking a sharp and Jongdae was trying his best, he honestly was. He was too focused on not being a burden to Baekhyun, he ended up damaging their relationship.

Jongdae wiped away his tears, stood up, and opened the door. Baekhyun looked rather small, as he stood there with his lips pursed, trying to fight back his tears. "I wanted to see you to make sure you were okay, but I ended up yelling at you. I am so, so sorry. I didn't give you the chance to explain yourself."

Jongdae took Baekhyun's hands in his and stared back at those beautiful brown eyes that he loved. "If you have the time, I'll tell you everything right now."

"Okay," Baekhyun said with a sniffle. 

The couple sat outside on the plastic stools near the front door. They talked about Jongdae's father's ultimatum and Jongdeok letting him move in, about how Joonmyun provided Jongdae with support, about how he overworked himself which resulted in the trip to the hospital on Monday, about his parents' possible divorce. Baekhyun felt a twinge of jealousy and hurt that Jongdae hadn't gone to him for support, but he also felt relief that Jongdae wasn't on his deathbed. Baekhyun's ill feelings toward Kim Taehyun, however, only grew.

Baekhyun noticed his boyfriend was shivering, so he shrugged off his coat and draped it over Jongdae. Baekhyun held onto Jongdae's arm as he remained silent and listened, but he wished Jongdae had felt comfortable enough to share his burdens with Baekhyun. They were boyfriends and that meant dealing with and handling each other's baggage together. When Jongdae finished speaking, he allowed Baekhyun to say what was on his mind and Baekhyun said that and more. "You helped me in the beginning, remember? I had that mental breakdown and you swooped in and cared for me even though I told you to stay away. I want to do that for you. I want to protect and take care of you. And I understand you needing time for yourself, but please don't shut me out."

Jongdae burst into tears. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry. I get why you're upset, but I didn't want to dump all my problems on you. I promise to communicate better with you and to refrain from keeping... secrets. I'll start telling you everything! I'll be an open book just for you."

"Ah, that's not necessary. Unless that's what you want. I don't mind at all. I love sharing with each other." The last comment made Jongdae grin. His darling Baekhyun was growing softer each day.

Thanks to Baekhyun's coat, which was the one Jongdae gave to Baekhyun almost a year ago, Jongdae didn't feel terribly cold. Baekhyun, on the other hand, was freezing his off. After deciding he couldn't handle the weather any longer, he asked if they could step inside.

"Just a warning," Jongdae advised, "it's worse than the first time you stepped into my room, if you remember." Baekhyun was too cold to care. He followed Jongdae inside and...

The room was a little bigger than Baekhyun's bedroom, but in all fairness Baekhyun's room was rather large. There was one bed with two desks on either side, both cluttered with books and papers. Above the desk furthest from where he stood was a photo of Baekhyun and Jongdae pinned to the wall, so Baekhyun assumed that was Jongdae's little study area. On the opposite side of the room, Baekhyun spotted a small sink, a mini fridge and a microwave, along with the smallest rice cooker he had ever seen. The waste basket wasn't difficult to miss; it was filled to the brim with more trash on the floor around the basket.

In the corner near Jongdae's desk was a liter bottle half full. In black marker, Jongdae had written, "DO NOT DRINK." Baekhyun guessed it was urine, judging from the small bin beside it along with a roll of toilet paper. His boyfriend was urinating in a bottle.

Jongdae was well aware that his little potty station had captivated Baekhyun's attention. His cheeks turned warm in embarrassment. He was actually waiting for Baekhyun to say something about sanitation, but Baekhyun looked around before settling on, "It's... small."

Jongdae sighed. "It's a mess, I know. That's why I didn't want you here. To see me living in this cramped space I call my home, I was afraid you'd get a heart attack." Jongdae hung Baekhyun's coat up before he headed to the bed and gathered the miscellaneous items to make space for Baekhyun. "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting a guest. Let me just..." Jongdae relocated the items onto the floor and pushed the blankets out the way. With a smile, Jongdae patted the bed, "Here you go. Sit."

Baekhyun slipped his shoes off and sat on the edge of the bed. He tried not to let his eyes wander, but the room was a mess. Jongdae's little bathroom in the corner, belongings scattered everywhere, the overflowing waste basket, Jongdae's bottle of urine. Depsite the mess, the room smelled rather pleasant, which Baekhyun found unusual.

"You do wash your hands after you pee?" Baekhyun couldn't help asking.

"Yes. When I get busy, I don't want to walk all the way to the bathroom so I just... you know."

Baekhyun nodded. "So what were you doing before I got here and began screaming at you?"

"Oh, just laying in bed watching music videos."

"That definitely sounds like your version of resting," Baekhyun said with a smirk. He took Jongdae's hand in his and began playing his fingers. Baekhyun whispered, "You forgive me?"

"Yes. We're okay."

They sat in the silence, Baekhyun still playing with Jongdae's hand. He traced circles and hearts and stars, shapes of all kinds. He wrote his name and Jongdae's too. Meanwhile, Jongdae sat closer until their thighs touched, his eyes focused on Baekhyun's lips. He wants them so badly, to kiss and breathe against them. 

"I've missed you so much," Baekhyun blurted out.

"I missed you, too."

Again, silence.

Jongdae decided to position himself on Baekhyun's lap. Their eyes met, then simultaneously traveled down and fixated on the other's lips. Jongdae unconsciously wet his own lips while Baekhyun gulped. It had been quite awhile since they were truly alone together. The couple remained as they were, neither sure if he wanted to be the first to close the gap.

Their fingers interlocked. Jongdae leaned in, pressing his lips against Baekhyun's neck.

"You missed," Baekhyun breathed out, eyes closing. Jongdae hummed in response, trailing kisses on Baekhyun's neck to his jaw, his cheek, and eventually his lips. Jongdae could feel Baekhyun's smile and he couldn't help but smile back.

"I love you," Jongdae whispered against Baekhyun's mouth before nibbling on his bottom lip.

"I know you do," was what Baekhyun had tried to say, but the words came out muffled. For all Baekhyun knew, Jongdae could have misheard him say, "I love you, too." But Jongdae did hear and it meant the world to him. Jongdae would have been happy either way.

Their hands separated. Jongdae pulled back to allow Baekhyun to sit up before their lips met again. Jongdae's legs wrapped around Baekhyun's waist. He cupped Baekhyun's face to deepen their kisses. There was a sense of urgency and desperation from Jongdae and Baekhyun wasn't sure if he could match Jongdae's pace anymore. His hands were busy on the bed supporting them up. He was trying his best to catch up with Jongdae, who was the one initiating the kisses and the tongue and the hips...

Jongdae's hands found their way beneath Baekhyun's shirt. Baekhyun slowly lowered themselves back until he lied on his back. Jongdae withdrew his hands and propped himself over Baekhyun with his forearms. Baekhyun stopped returning the kisses. Jongdae didn't notice. Instead, he began to plant kisses on Baekhyun's neck. "Jongdae," Baekhyun finally said.

"Hmm?"

"Let's stop."

Jongdae removed himself from Baekhyun, guilt etched on his face. He understood he had gone too far and he felt ashamed. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I got carried away. I just want to be with you." He hopped off the bed. Too slow did Baekhyun reach out. He grabbed air.

"Hey, it's all right. Come back." Baekhyun patted the empty space next to him. "We can nap together."

Sleep sounded awesome. Jongdae could sleep forever in Baekhyun's arms. "Jongdeok should be back soon with food. And you're here. we can't just sleep when we've finally gotten together."

"It's my first wish," Baekhyun said. "I wish for you to get your over here and take a nap with me."

Jongdae pouted, "Well, that technically counts as two wishes." He crawled back into bed and laid down beside Baekhyun. He was tired of fighting. The events of the day were draining and he had his most favorite person in the world beside him.

"Nuh-uh," Baekhyun interjected. "I added an 'and' and it was one whole, short, very concise sentence."

"Unlike that one?" Jongdae asked with a sleepy smirk. He snuggled against Baekhyun and pulled his blanket up over his shoulders. "It's okay, you still have two wishes." Jongdae hadn't expected to fall asleep so quickly, but the quiet was welcoming and he felt comfortable laying down in his bed beside someone that wasn't his brother. Jongdae never wanted to share a bed with Jongdeok in the future ever again. He once got back-handed in the face and elbowed in the gut, neither on purpose of course. Whereas Jongdae was a side-sleeper who enjoyed cuddling a pillow -- or Baekhyun -- Jongdeok slept on his back and occasionally tossed and turned, resulting in restless nights for Jongdae. The solution: stay up studying or sleep on the floor.

A wave of sadness hit Baekhyun when Jongdae drifted off to sleep. Baekhyun considered taking Jongdae's picture to add to his lovebook, but he didn't want to risk waking Jongdae up so soon. Baekhyun sighed softly. "You could have told me," he whispered in a voice barely audible. His eyes scanned the bedroom once more. The remaining puzzles pieces began to click together. Jongdae had no room for all of his extra clothes. Baekhyun looked down at the shirt he was wearing, suddenly remembering that he was wearing one of the shirts Jongdae had planned to toss out.

Awhile later, Baekhyun heard the door unlock. Jongdeok walked in, carrying a take-out bag in one hand, the other hand fiddling with the keys. Jondeok paused upon seeing Baekhyun and he took a couple seconds to assess the situation. Jongdeok whispered, "Is he sleeping?" Baekhyun nodded. Jongdeok sighed with what appeared like relief as he kicked his shoes off. "About time. So, you found out, huh?"

Baekhyun nodded again.

"You know," Jongdeok glanced at Baekhyun, "I doubted you two. Thought he was blinded by love like I was before." Jongdeok placed the take-out bag beside the rice cooker on the small counter. He continued, "On days he worked, he'd come home and sleep, wake up later to study and do his homework. Sometimes he pulled all-nighters by drinking the nasty coffee from the vending machine down the street or the ones Kyungsoo gives him."

Jongdeok washed his hands before checking the rice. "Not gonna lie, I thought he was going overboard. I mean... no offense, but he was practically killing himself for you, and what were you doing for him? Course he said you loving him was enough, which confirmed that he was completely out of his mind, but I gave up and was willing to let him see for himself because that's how you learn, you make mistakes through experience."

"Okay," Baekhyun said with a hint of irritation. Was Jongdeok really insulting him to his face? Right now?

". Sorry," Jongdeok said, "what I mean to say is: Jongdae's going through a lot, so I'd appreciate it if you took good care of him." Realizing he may have said a tad too much, Jongdeok switched the topic. "You hungry?"

"Not really."

"I'm sorry that all came out wrong," Jongdeok said. "I just... I'm about to leave him but I don't want him unsupervised. Look what happened even though we live together."

"No, I get it," Baekhyun interrupted. "You care about him." Baekhyun glanced down at Jongdae and tucked away strands of Jongdae's hair behind his ear. Though Jongdeok's words may have been a bit offensive, Baekhyun didn't believe Jongdeok was all that wrong. Baekhyun was partly to blame for Jongdae's troubles. Their last year of high school was supposed to be the toughest and Baekhyun didn't make it any easier for Jongdae. "Should I wake him?"

"No, let him sleep. The food will still be here when he wakes. Maybe. Sure you don't want any? It's chicken and broccoli and we have rice. I got enough to last us until tomorrow."

"Uhh--"

"You know what? You're eating." Jongdeok stated as he took out a second bowl and started filling it with rice.

"You guys are so loud," Jongdae grumbled, eyes still closed. He slid an arm around Baekhyun's waist and pressed his face against Baekhyun's chest. "You're so nice and warm."

"Sorry," Baekhyun whispered while all Jongdeok said was, "Whoops," before he got out a third bowl.

Jongdae smiled. He savored every second he had with Baekhyun. "It's okay. How long was I out?"

"About an hour?" Baekhyun said after glancing at the time. 

"You could have left, you know," Jongdae said although a part of him was thrilled to wake up beside Baekhyun. A soft chuckle left Baekhyun's lips before he kissed Jongdae's forehead.

"You two are ten percent cute, ninety percent gross," Jongdeok said from across the room. "I still can't believe my little brother is dating my friend's little brother. It really is a small world. Anyway, food's prepared. Come and eat."

"He's got a lovely personality," Baekhyun whispered. Jongdae laughed louder than he meant to, but only because he found it funny that Baekhyun couldn't see just how similar Jongdeok and the old Baekhyun could be at times.
 

Sorry if there are any mistakes I overlooked! I think this is the longest chapter I've written for this fic lol, I got kind of burnt out.

-170908 (F)