Chapter Twenty-Six: Ignite

ignite: to arouse; to provoke; to burn

~*~

Jongdae's relationship with his father could have been worse, in his opinion at least. His father, whenever he was around that is, avoided Jongdae. It was a childish act, but one that Jongdae preferred over the other possibilities. Nothing remarkably changed; his father spent long hours at the office and if Jongdae was home, the brunet would simple coop himself in his bedroom. However, it was the comfort of each other's presence that vanished. Now, Jongdae felt odd and out of place whenever he saw his father, the heavy feeling of dread gnawing on his heart.

It went without question that Baekhyun should avoid Jongdae's place. Jongdae didn't know if his mother revealed to his father that Baekhyun was the one, but Jongdae was positive his father knew by now. In fact, a surprise visit from Jongdeok confirmed Jongdae's suspicions. Jongdae was busy doing his laundry when Jongdeok randomly popped in one day.

"You like guys?" Jongdeok had asked with a straight face. "I heard from Dad." Jongdae didn't reply, not like he needed to since Jongdeok continued, "What happened? You're still alive and you're still dating Baekbeom's little brother, so it couldn't have been that horrible."

"Are you kidding me? Don't talk unless you've experienced it yourself."

"I can't, I'm not gay."

"Why are you here?" Jongdae demanded, slamming the dryer's door shut. "Are you supposed to give me the 'you're just going through a phase' talk? If you are, don't waste your breath. Leave me alone." He lifted his basket and shouldered past Jongdeok into his bedroom.

"Sorry, little bro, but that's not why I'm here."

Jongdae set his basket on the floor and began hanging and tossing clothes into his closet. As much as he liked his brother, whenever Jongdeok showed up, it made Jongdae on edge. There was always a reason why Jongdeok made an appearance. "I have a phone. You have a phone. Why don't you just call instead of taking up space in my room?"

"Kyungsoo called me over, said he wanted to talk, but I don't see him."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Jongdae gestured to the door as he violently shook a t-shirt before retrieving an unused hanger. Shaking his head, Jongdeok went to open the door. A nervous Kyungsoo greeted him and together they stepped into Jongdae's bedroom.

"Hey, Kyungsoo. You didn't tell me you were coming over," Jongdae said as he continued hanging his shirts and jackets while throwing the rest into his drawer in their respective compartments, too lazy to fold any of his pants.

"Yeah," was all Kyungsoo said. "I didn't feel comfortable..." Kyungsoo's eyes flickered to Jongdeok for half a second before he made his way to the bed. Kyungsoo coughed and cleared his throat before placing his hands over his lap, "I just thought... it would be better if someone else heard, and who better than the younger brother?"

"How serious is this?" Jongdeok said.

"Umm, well, the other night I heard that you were the last person with the bag at Yoonkyu."

"Me?" Jongdeok asked incredulously. "I was nowhere near that bag. Who told you that?"

"No, I overheard him, he said that they gave you the bag before he left because you said you would return it. He thought that you were high off drugs or--"

"Who?"

"T-Tae-- Lee Taemin."

"I never even talked to him that night."

Jongdae shushed his brother, "Let him continue." Jongdae signaled Kyungsoo with a nod.

Kyungsoo resumed speaking, "Well... Taemin said he thought you were high or drunk or something. They weren't sure if they could leave you alone with the bag, but it was an emergency so they left."

"So... you're saying I started the fire?" Jongdeok gasped. "That's impossible. I didn't drink or use any drugs."

"You said you fell asleep, didn't you?" Jongdae asked, rather calmly as if Kyungsoo's absurd words meant nothing significant. Jongdae wasn't worried at all, that is, until those words left his mouth. He stopped and turned to his brother, "You used to sleepwalk."

"Yeah, when I was eight. Are you implying I fell asleep, got up and took the bag without anyone noticing, started the fire, and returned to my spot, waking up just as Yongwha came up to me? Sounds like a novel Mom would write."

"But you don't know. No one knows--"

"Kim Jongdae!" Jongdeok snapped. He couldn't believe his own brother was suggesting that he could be the one who started the fire. Both Jongdae and Kyungsoo jumped in alarm. The shirt Jongdae was holding slipped and crumpled to the floor in a heap over his feet.

"I'm not accusing you," Jongdae said, "I'm merely saying that no one knows."

"Isn't that the same as not outrightly saying it was me, no?" To Kyungsoo, Jongdeok said, "So you believe that druggie's story? I'm going to have to have a talk with him."

Jongdae bent down to retrieve his shirt, "Yeah, good luck with that." Without a word, Jongdeok pounded a fist into Jongdae's shoulder and took off. Jongdae rubbed his arm in surprise before remembering that Jongdeok used to beat him up when they were younger. Jongdae turned to Kyungsoo, "You think he's mad at me?"

Kyungsoo's look said everything.

~~~

Baekhyun appeared distraught as he seated himself beside Jongdae. He'd lost his appetite after hearing what was being discussed in the boy's restrooms. Baekhyun almost confronted the sick, erted bastards standing in front of the urinals but he remained trapped inside the stall forced to listen to every word, every syllable. Baekhyun wanted to throw up.

"Are you going to eat?" Jongdae nudged Baekhyun in the side. "We don't need another grouch roaming the halls." Baekhyun scrunched his face in disgust and shook his head. He avoided looking directly at Jongdae because the sickness in the pit of his stomach would rise again. "You sure? You thirsty?" Again Baekhyun shook his head.

Strangely enough, Kyungsoo recognized the look in Baekhyun's face, or at least he thought he did. It reminded him of the time he first showed Baekhyun the video he was watching back in middle school. After getting beaten and called many names by Baekhyun for watching such content, a dark expression crossed Baekhyun's face and remained there for a great length of time. Baekhyun wouldn't look at Kyungsoo or talk to him for over a month. "What happened?" Kyungsoo asked curiously.

"Nothing," Baekhyun said curtly. Kyungsoo smiled lightly, knowing Baekhyun probably wouldn't tell him no matter how much he pestered.

"You sound mad," Jongdae commented without sparing a glance at his boyfriend. Jongdae didn't need to hear the tone in Baekhyun's voice, the aura around Baekhyun was enough. "Want to talk about it privately? Away from Kyungsoo?"

"I'll be fine," Baekhyun muttered. Baekhyun hoped to shrug off the issue, but it ate at him constantly throughout the rest of the day. He'd text Jongdae, asking for Jongdae to wait for him after school because he needed to tell Jongdae something. At first, Jongdae complained about doing nothing for an hour, but Baekhyun's calm manner in the way he asked Jongdae convinced Jongdae otherwise. Jongdae figured he could wait at the nearby Internet cafe and meet up with Baekhyun when Baekhyun's class was almost over. Besides, it was their last day before summer break. Jongdae didn't mind waiting for Baekhyun.

Heading out, Baekhyun could see Jongdae waiting by the bicycle racks. His boyfriend waved at him with a bright smile. Baekhyun returned the gesture. "Hey," Jongdae said. "What did you want to tell me?"

Baekhyun glanced around before adjusting Jongdae's tie although it needed no real adjustments. "When you uhh... change in the locker rooms... you don't go to the bathroom do you?"

"You're the only person I know that does that, Baek."

"Well, can you start going to the bathroom?"

"What, why?"

"Our school is full of erts. I don't want them to look at you. Who knows what their dirty mind is thinking," Baekhyun said. He shuddered in repulsion before giving a gentle pat on Jongdae's neck. "I don't know, Jongdae."

"Why are you so worried? Did something happen? Are you okay?"

"It's not me," Baekhyun snapped. "I'm worried about you."

"Why?"

Baekhyun would rather not tell Jongdae anything but... "I overheard these guys... they were... they were talking about--" Baekhyun tried not to puke at the memory "--they... they-- Jongdae please." Underneath Jongdae's gaze, Baekhyun sighed and closed his eyes, "They were talking about you."

"Me? About what?"

"You," Baekhyun s his arms around Jongdae's waist. He placed his chin over Jongdae's shoulder and whispered quietly, "You don't want to know what they said."

Jongdae could only guess what Baekhyun heard. He gently patted Baekhyun's back, "You want me to start changing in the bathroom stalls. You know there are only four stalls?"

"I can manage it, why can't you?" Baekhyun sighed and pulled himself back. "You know what, forget it. I'm just being... annoying. You don't have to, but just don't... flaunt yourself."

"I don't."

Baekhyun groaned in frustration. He didn't know how what to do. "I know you don't, but I don't want people oogling you! God! I know you can't help but be yourself, but look at you! Look!" Baekhyun had gestured to Jongdae's entire body. He weakly punched Jongdae's arms, "Look at your stupid arms! What happened to them? And your chest." Baekhyun slapped Jongdae's chest, startling Jongdae once again.

"Ow! Why are you hitting me?"

"You used to be squishy, you know, especially down here," Baekhyun said, lightly slapping Jongdae's . The contact made Baekhyun cringe and groan loudly in frustration once. He walked off to get his bike.

"You don't like that I've been working out?"

"I don't care if you work out, I just don't want nasty- erts staring at you. You're too ing nice and you'd probably just laugh it off or some , but I want you to ing punch their teeth out and kick them in the balls. ing tell them to back the off and that you they're making you feel uncomfortable and you'll report them for ual harrassment." Baekhyun's face had turned a shade of red by the time he stopped, his chest heaving with each breath.

"Baek, is that what this is about? You heard someone say something about me?"

"I heard a lot!" Baekhyun cried out. "I heard more than I would have liked, and I couldn't do anything about it!"

"Hey, just stop and take a deep breath," Jongdae joined Baekhyun's side. "I'll be more careful, okay? I won't fight them, that's not going to do me any good."

An extremely heavy sigh escaped Baekhyun; the older male stepped forward and brought the other into a tight hug. "Tell Chanyeol if anyone's bothering you. He'll fight them in my name, our name."

"Umm, okay." Jongdae softly patted Baekhyun's back.

Baekhyun pulled back and offered his boyfriend a smile. "Hey, since we're on the topic, sort of, you're definitely ready?"

"For... what?"

"Well, summer break is about to start. Don't tell me you forgot about our little talk?"

Jongdae most definitely did not forget. A failed suppressed smile made its way onto Jongdae's face. "No, I remember. We just need a date and time."

They'd talked a little about intimacy back during Valentine's Day, that one day they'd get to it when they both felt they were ready. Baekhyun even made Jongdae sit beside him while they researched the web for tips and advice for everything in a relationship. Jongdae thought it was ridiculous and a waste of time, but Baekhyun insisted they needed a general idea, and there was one. Baekhyun had come across a nifty technique that he found doable and Jongdae was more than willing to try out.

About seven or eight months of dating -- depending on how one counted the months; Jongdae counted December as the first month, but Baekhyun counted January 6th as the first month -- almost a year of knowing one another, Baekhyun and Jongdae came to a mutual agreement to take each other's hands and move up to the next level.

It proved a little difficult to prepare for what would be their special evening. They needed a time and place -- Baekhyun's, obviously, but when was the real question. Baekhyun's father usually remained home all day until the evenings when he left for work; Baekhyun's mother was the one who made things difficult. She could be gone all day, gone some hours of the day, or not leave the house at all.

Baekhyun would casually ask his mother for her schedule and eventually, he called Jongdae and they settled on a date. Jongdae arrived at Baekhyun's around four in the afternoon and the couple spent some time with Minbeom in the kitchen trying to learn a new recipe. In the end, they ordered chicken and cleaned up the mess. After Minbeom left the two alone in the house, the couple washed up in separate bathrooms, both hearts racing in excitement and anticipation within their chests.

"Here you go," Baekhyun handed Jongdae a slip of paper. The younger male stared at it with furrowed brows. "It's for future references."

"What?"

"Just in case we need proof, we'll just whip out this sheet and go, 'Here's our consent form, signed and dated accordingly.' Unless of course you've changed your mind." Baekhyun reached for the paper, but Jongdae hastily hid it behind his back.

"No, no. I got it," Jongdae said, taking a pen and signing his name on the blank line. "You know, most people would be fine with a verbal 'yes.' It kind of feels like you don't trust me."

"Of course I do. What if-- I don't know, you want to remember our first time?" Truthfully, Baekhyun had two reasons, the first because a written consent was always more solid than a verbal consent. The other reason being he wanted to include it in his lovebook. It would be either something to laugh at or feel sentimental about.

Baekhyun felt ready, or at least he believed he was, but when the moment came, when his lips melded with Jongdae's and he felt that familiar bump and Jongdae's hands caressing his body, Baekhyun panicked. His heart rate increased rapidly and on more than one occasion, Baekhyun thought he would faint from the lack of oxygen. His fingers turned numb and it felt like he left his body and was watching in confusion at who appeared to be himself perched atop Jongdae's lap.

They were kissing but Baekhyun couldn't feel Jongdae's lips. His focus was on Jongdae's hands and that was the moment Baekhyun knew he most  definitely wasn't ready. Jongdae had already unbuckled Baekhyun's belt and was working on the button of Baekhyun's jeans. Baekhyun broke apart from the kiss and pushed Jongdae's hands back. "No, I-I-I can't do this, I'm so sorry. I thought I was ready, but I am so not."

Momentarily dazed, Jongdae stared back at Baekhyun, trying to comprehend what just happened. Staring back at his boyfriend, that was when Jongdae could see the visible discomfort on Baekhyun's face. Baekhyun was actually sweating, small clumps of his hairs stuck to his face. His face was a paler shade than usual and Baekhyun looked ready to burst into tears. "Oh, Baek," Jongdae reached out to cup Baekhyun's cheeks. "You should have told me sooner."

"I'm sorry, Sweetie," Baekhyun closed his eyes. "I just... I wanted to be a good boyfriend. I mean, you were so into it, I couldn't just stop."

"Baekhyun, do you know how horrible I would have felt for the rest of my life if you didn't stop me?"

Baekhyun leaned in and tightly embraced Jongdae. "I'm sorry. I promise we'll get to it in the future. You're not mad are you?"

"I am, Baek. You should have spoken up earlier."

Baekhyun slid off Jongdae, patting the latter on the shoulder, "You wanna take care of that raging or you good?"

Jongdae's cheeks flushed pink and he snatched the blanket to cover himself. "I'm good."

"Wow, Kim Jongdae. How can you possibly be ready for if you get embarrassed about me seeing your hard-on?"

"I don't like it when you point it out. It always seems to happen to me, but never you."

Baekhyun shrugged, his eyes landing on the slip of paper. "What do we do with this now? It's null."

"Rip it up and toss it, what else?" Jongdae responded. He stretched his arms upward and yawned. Baekhyun continued to stare at the paper while Jongdae's eyes wandered about Baekhyun's room. The tick-tocking of Baekhyun's clock was the only noise breaking the silence between them. After awhile, each tick sounded louder and louder until it felt like the clock was screaming into their ears. Unable to bear the thundering ticks any longer, Baekhyun grabbed his phone.

My Moon: i'm sorry

My Moon: truly

"Why are you apologizing through texts?" Jongdae waved his phone in the air. "I'm right here, you know."

My Moon: i'm not going to throw the paper away

Jongdae: why not? it's null like you said

My Moon: idk for memories sake. the time i chickened out

Jongdae: don't beat yourself up

My Moon: yeah i already promised you next time anyway

My Moon: but seriously how are you even ready when you turn red whenever i talk about your

Jongdae set his phone down with a scoff, the blood rushing to his cheeks. "What do you want to do now? Should I just go home?"

"No!" Baekhyun responded immediately, reaching out for Jongdae's arm. He loosened his grip and cleared his throat, "I mean... unless you want to, go ahead."

"Are you still afraid of being alone?"

"I just miss you is all," Baekhyun scooted closer to Jongdae, giving a small kiss on the latter's cheek. "I don't like being in a different class than you. And I'm in the stupid class that stays later than everyone else. We don't even get to say bye to each other."

Baekhyun truly wished Jongdae would stay. He didn't mind if they simply wasted time together laying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. They didn't even have to talk. He hated sounding so desperate and making Jongdae stay by his side. It made Baekhyun feel selfish, like Jongdae's feelings came second to Baekhyun's. "You know what, it's getting late, you should just go home."

A shy smile found its way onto Jongdae's face. "I don't mind staying, Baek. I--" The smile vanished as quickly as it had come. Jongdae cleared his throat, "I'd rather stay here with you, if that's okay."

"You're always welcome here, love." Baekhyun pecked Jongdae's cheek.

~~~

A few days later and Jongdae was in the middle of fishing out his Idiot shirt when his father passed by his bedroom, backtracked, and stopped in the doorway. "Why don't you just move in with them?"

Jongdae looked to his father in surprise, "You're acknowledging me?"

"They don't seem to care that you're fooling around with their son."

Jongdae felt something inside him start to bend. "I am still me. I haven't changed other than realizing the truth about my personal tastes."

"You're just young and curious. It's your way of rebelling against us and society. When you get older you'll realize how immature you were in high school."

Jongdae grit his teeth in anger, his fists clenched by his side. It took everything in him not to raise his voice or lash out. Before he could respond, Taehyun continued, "You fix your act and you fix it soon."

"You can't fix something that isn't broken."

"It won't be my problem for long -- your birthday is arriving soon. You'll officially become an adult. I am willing to wait until then for you to change. I am also willing to cut all ties with you. We already have one estranged son, we don't need another." Taehyun paused to take a deep sigh. "Those Byuns are nothing but trouble. Baekbeom lured Jongdeok to join his group of alcoholics and you allowed Baekhyun to seduce you."

His father's words stung more than he'd thought, more than he'd like to admit. Not only was Taehyun attacking Jongdae, but Jongdeok, Baekbeom, and Baekhyun. Jongdae processed the crude words coming from his father, his mind replaying the words over and over. "You're just waiting, then? You're going to disown me? I'm your child--"

"Not by your 18th birthday if you don't clean up your act. I'm being lenient here."

"What will Mom think of this? You think she'll be okay with this? With you tearing our family apart?"

"Me?" Taehyun snarled. "You are the one tearing this family apart with your sick homoual phase. Of all the things in the world, Jongdae--"

"It is not a phase! You don't understand! You don't want to understand!"

"You think he'll stay with you? What do you think will happen when he snaps out of the foolishness that he's convinced you to do with him? Once you realize you're so-called relationship is a mistake, you're going to regret it because you'll have no one to turn to. When you come crawling back and pleading for help, you'll just be another pitiful beggar in my eyes."

"What we have is real; you can't see that because you're so--"

"You have two months," Taehyun stated before walking away.

---

"I'm at the cheesecake place, what did you want again?" Baekhyun asked Jongdae through the phone, impatiently tapping his foot while he awaited a response. "Hello?" Baekhyun glanced at his phone to make sure he had the right person on the line. "Jongdae? You there?"

"I'm sorry, Baek," Jongdae's voice, hoarse and tired, finally came through, "I don't feel good today. I have to cancel."

"Sweetie? Are you okay? You need me to come over with medicine? Soup?"

"No need. I'm just going to sleep and get some rest. I'm so sorry."

Jongdae hung up before Baekhyun could respond. Baekhyun left the bakery empty-handed and hopped onto his gray bicycle. Baekhyun wanted to make sure Jongdae was okay; he pedaled on over to his boyfriend's house, but his body went stiff at the sight of Jongdae's father. He had yet to see the man after Jongdae revealed the big secret and was rather afraid of what Taehyun might do to him. Baekhyun hastily braked to a stop, else he would have crashed into Taehyun's car. Noticing the young man, Taehyun, too, hit the brakes. Their eyes met and Baekhyun would have looked away, but fear kept his eyes glued onto Taehyun's. Remembering he needed to be on Kim Taehyun's good side, Baekhyun awkwardly bowed a greeting. "H-Hello, sir."

"Why are you here? Don't you have better things to do on a Saturday morning?"

"I'm... here to see Jongdae."

"You're not invited to my house. If you want to see him, you have better call him out and go someplace else. You're not allowed to set foot on my property."

Baekhyun swallowed the rock lodged in his throat. His fingers were holding onto his bike handles so tightly he couldn't feel them anymore. Reluctantly, Baekhyun took out his phone and called Jongdae, but Jongdae didn't pick up the first or second call. Wetting his lips, Baekhyun bowed to Jongdae's father once more. "S-Since he's not answering, I'll go now. I'm sorry to have bothered you." Baekhyun turned his bicycle around.

---

"Hey, it's Kim Jongdae, Jongdeok's younger brother."

"Oh hey. I'm kind of busy right now--"

"I just have one question: has my brother ever sleepwalked?"

"Uhh, yeah. It was only once or twice, though, why?"

"I was just curious. He used to a lot when he was younger. Well, thanks, I'll let you go now."

"Wait. I found a box of Jongdeok's still here. I don't know where he went with the rest of his stuff, but he forgot the box. Could I maybe give it to you to give to him?"

"Sure, I can drop by your work and pick it up. When are you free?"

-160105 (Tues)