Chapter Eight: Ashamed

ashamed: overcome with shame, guilt, or remorse

~*~

The nurse that attended Baekhyun's needs stopped at the foot of the bed, "Baekhyun, your parents would like to visit you." The young high schooler frowned as his hand paused, the tip of his pen hovering above the paper.

How can they be here? The trial should just be starting.

"Baekhyun?" The patient nodded at the nurse, resting his pen above his journal. The young nurse stepped aside and allowed Baekhyun's parents to enter. To them he said, "If you need anything, I'll be down the hallway."

Mr. and Mrs. Byun slowly approached their youngest son, their pain masked as best as they could manage. Baekhyun had already gone through so much, but they had to inform him of his older brother. How could they when he didn't even want to talk to them?

"Baekhyun? Sweetie," Mrs. Byun pulled up a chair and sat down. She took her son's hand in his, fighting back tears at the fraility of his fingers. Baekhyun kept his gaze on the thin white blanket draped over the lower half of his body. He knew the news regarding his brother was far from good. He knew his parents long enough to see through their masks. One glance and already, he knew.

No one wanted to be the bearer of ill news. Silence filled their ears and soon, the tick-tock of the clock hanging on the wall began to drill into their ears. Unable to handle the situation any longer, Baekhyun blurted out, "What happened?" Still, he averted his eyes from his parents.

"There was no court trial. He pleaded guilty," Mrs. Byun whispered softly, afraid of Baekhyun's reaction.

"What was his sentence?" the young man asked calmly.

It was Mr. Byun who replied, "One hundred thirty million won and fifteen years in prison."

The raven-haired boy closed his eyes as the words echoed in his mind. His heart drowned out the sound of the clock and he barely registered his mother's grip on his hand. "Why?" his voice cracked from the threat of tears. "Just like that?"

---

Prosecutor Do sighed, placing the sheets of paper down on the desk. The blood found on the jacket wasn't Baekbeom's. It belonged to Kim Jongdeok, who had yet to be located. He was nowhere to be found, he never returned back to his apartment -- Minseok and Luhan said they hadn't seen him in a long while.

"Is that the test result?" a voice startled the prosecutor. Keeping his heart within his chest, Prosecutor Do nodded slowly, carefully eyeing his friend. "It wasn't Baekbeom's blood, was it?" As Lawyer Kim's eyes scanned the results, his eyes stopped on a familiar name. "No," he whispered softly with a shake of his head. "My Jongdeok?"

"I'm afraid so," Prosecutor Do gently removed the papers from the other's hands. "We also have several other suspects. Although the case is closed, if we can pinpoint another prime suspect -- a reasonable one without rushing -- then Baekbeom can be released and the real culprit will be caught."
The prosecutor left the defense attorney with a pat on the back, "Keep your head high, Lawyer Kim."

---

Kyungsoo couldn't shake off the feeling he got as he eyed his father exiting from the kitchen. He followed his dad to the living room; Mr. Do was well-aware that his son wanted to say something and stopped shortly, waiting patiently for a string of questions.

"You know who the real culprit is?" Kyungsoo asked quietly, his words penetrating his father's ears. Mr. Do hadn't expected that. "If you know, why aren't you doing anything to help Baekbeom?"

"I need evidence, son," Mr. Do stated sternly, "and for the record, I don't know who did it. I can only suspect."

The red-haired high schooler straightened his back and gazed into his father's eyes, "Tell me and I will find out." His father shook his head, he had already said too much. "Dad, please," Kyungsoo took his father's hands, "Baekbeom didn't burn Yoonkyu. I know that, you know that. You are the one who prosecuted him because of evidence that you found, but it's all a lie. People manipulate the system all the time, Dad, you know that."

Mr. Do sighed heavily, shoulders slumped. Looking at his son, he gave a small smile, "Right now, you should worry about Baekhyun." He walked away, pulling his suffocating tie loose. He withdrew his phone from his pocket, "Hello?"

~

Baekhyun was discharged from the hospital on Saturday evening. When his friends found out, they rushed to his house only to be turned away. Baekhyun had isolated himself from the world, not knowing what to do. All he wanted was to see his brother.

School passed by in a blur. Baekhyun had returned to school on Monday, but like before, he was only a walking corpse. He rarely spoke throughout the week. Baekhyun still sat with his friends at the lunch table, which included Jongdae and Yoonmi as well as Jaehwa. Baekhyun ignored his best friend's girlfriend as if she wasn't even there. He kept his attention focused on the other couple he set up. Kyungsoo had tried to get him to talk, but after many failed attempts, Kyungsoo gave up.

After every school day, not wanting to walk home from school, Baekhyun asked Joonmyun for rides home in the third year's car. Joonmyun was more than happy to drop Baekhyun safely off at home, something he should have done that Wednesday evening after their tutoring session. Despite Baekhyun's willingness to pay, Joonmyun refused, saying he owed Baekhyun more than Baekhyun owed him.

Joonmyun offered to take Baekhyun home every day and on days that he couldn't make it to school, the other three promised to him. Baekhyun frowned at the idea of Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, and Jongdae crowding around him after school for about half an hour and possibly meeting those damn reporters. He prayed that Joonmyun came to school everyday.

The cast drove Baekhyun nuts. It was heavy and sometimes his arm began to itch but he couldn't do anything about it. It was a bit difficult using only his left hand for daily activities, but because it wasn't the first time he was unable to use his dominate hand, he managed okay. His writing was still legible, not perfectly well-written, but still legible to an extent. He would have the cast for about eight weeks. Then he would wear a sling for another five to seven weeks if needed. It would be in December or January when he could finally use his right arm again. Until then, he had to adjust to using his left arm for everything. Baekhyun made the effort to put on his watch, because as bad as the association with the wrist watch was, it reminded him of his brother.

---

Chanyeol, Jongdae, and Kyungsoo were seated at a table, overlooking their menus, but their current thoughts were on Baekhyun, not on their stomachs. Chanyeol leaned forward in his seat, "After Baekhyun is attacked, Baekbeom pleads guilty. It's blackmail and we need to find who's behind it all."

"We already figured that out, genious," Kyungsoo rolled his eyes as he flipped through the menu. Without glancing up, he asked, "Who do you know that hates Baekbeom and possibly Baekhyun?"

Jongdae pursed his lips in thought and responded quietly, "Baekhyun is the Well, isn't he? Surely he made a lot of enemies by granting people favors."

Chanyeol shook his head, "Baekhyun is always careful with his favors."

"Yeah, but something could always go wrong," Jongdae replied. "I'm the one here who knows him the least, so you guys can figure it out."

Kyungsoo set aside the menu with a sigh. Nudging Jongdae in the side he asked, "Have you heard anything from your father?" The brunet gave a negative response.

In the middle of eating their meal, Jongdae's phone went off. But the moment Jongdae answered, the call ended.

A restricted number, how nice.

"Are we still up for that date?" Jongdae asked quietly, figuring there wasn't ever going to be a good time to ask.

"Date? What date?" Kyungsoo immediately questioned, glancing from one friend to the other. "You guys are going out with your girlfriends at a time like this?"

"Hey, I know Baekhyun and his family are probably suffering, but that doesn't mean we should sulk with them," Chanyeol replied. "They wouldn't want that, especially Baekhyun. I know my best friend. He needs time alone."

"Why don't you come with us?" Jongdae asked Kyungsoo. The youngest of the trio sighed, not sure what he should do. He knew what Chanyeol had said was true -- Baekhyun wouldn't want his friends, or anybody for that matter, to sympathize or sulk with him. He just felt guilty for having a good time while a friend of his just had his world turned upside-down.

But tagging on a double date without a date for himself wasn't having fun, was it now? Kyungsoo nodded, "I'll go. When is it?"

"What?" Chanyeol asked in alarm. "Why? You don't even have a girlfriend."

"I can go by myself, I don't need a date," Kyungsoo scrunched his face in disgust. Did someone have to have a date to hang out with friends and have a good time? "You guys are my friends, what's wrong with me tagging along?"

"You're strangers with our dates."

"I was strangers once with you and Jongdae, so shut up. You lost this argument, Park Chanyeol," Kyungsoo resumed eating his meal, ignoring the strings of insults and snide comments made by the son of the restaurant owner.

Jongdae's smile didn't last very long. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's bickering sent a sad revelation to his heart. Baekhyun was left out, left to be alone. Jongdae desperately wanted to keep Baekhyun company because no one should be alone after going through what Baekhyun did. What if Baekhyun was driven to madness and attempted to lose his own life? Death was permanent and couldn't be taken back. But according to Chanyeol, Baekhyun's best friend, when Baekhyun demanded isolation it was given to him or else... who knew? It just didn't feel right. Baekhyun's whole world was falling apart and his friends were going out to the movies as if nothing ever happened, as if Baekhyun didn't even exist.

Is is normal? To forget pain that doesn't belong to you?

"Why aren't you eating?" Chanyeol interrupted Jongdae's thoughts. Waving Chanyeol aside, Jongdae picked up his fork.

---

Joonmyun bit the insides of his cheeks. His parents were inviting another young woman to dinner. Joonmyun tried reasoning with his parents that he had to prepare himself for the SATs coming soon in November, less than three months away. He didn't have time to date, not just yet. In the end, his father canceled the dinner plans and Joonmyun retired to his bedroom.

He sat in his rolling chair, resting back and gazing lazily at the picture frame of his family that hung right above his study desk. The photo was taken just last year, but he barely remembered even taking the photo.

He scooted his chair closer to his desk and as his eyes landed on the mountain of workbooks and textbooks, his heart felt ready to crumble. He had studied nearly every evening for the past five or six years. It was time that he began to slowly feel annoyed and lose habit.

He began with taking the weekends off -- keeping it secret from everyone -- but it seemed he needed more time to himself. However, the more liberty he had, the more he felt guilty and unaccomplished. Hence the stored liquor bottles in his closet.

Joonmyun would read for about an hour before he called it quits. Then he would go to bed.

---

Jongdae frowned when he saw Jaehwa walking alongside Chanyeol. He could never see her the same way after what Baekhyun told him. It wasn't difficult to keep quiet, but he developed a sense of dislike toward her. If only Chanyeol knew what Jaehwa did, would he still choose her over Baekhyun?

Kyungsoo noticed the dark expression floating around brunet standing far off with his arms folded across his chest. Jongdae did not look amused, not one bit. In comparison, Yoonmi had a smile on her face as she waved at the three. "Jongdae," Kyungsoo called out, "is something wrong?" He caught the brief flicker of Jongdae's eyes landing on Jaehwa.

"We're going to be late," Jongdae simply answered. He took Yoonmi by the hand and the two began walking ahead.

When they purchased their movie tickets and entered the building, Chanyeol grinned and pulled out his phone, "Hey Kyungsoo, since you're the one without a date why don't you take our picture for us?"

Kyungsoo snatched Chanyeol's phone and stepped back, grumbling under his breath. He positioned the phone, "Ready? One, two-" Kyungsoo snapped the picture.

"Hey, don't be like that," the tall brunet pouted. "I'm sorry, Kyungsoo."

"Come on," Jongdae sighed, "the movie is about to start."

"I don't even want to be here," Kyungsoo commented before taking another picture. Handing the phone back to its owner, Kyungsoo said, "We should use the restroom first."

Jongdae and Jaehwa stood outside the restrooms, much to Jongdae's displeasure. Jaehwa cleared , attempting to get Jongdae's attention. When the brunet was unresponsive, she jabbed a finger into his arm, "I know why you look familiar now. You have an older brother, don't you?" At Jongdae's hesitant nod, the young woman grinned triumphantly. Flipping her brown hair behind her shoulder she said, "Your brother dated my sister before."

Jongdae shook his head in confusion; his brother had never mentioned about a girlfriend.

Jaehwa continued, "It was about two years ago I think. She brought him home for dinner, twice." She withdrew her phone from her pocket and scrolled through her camera roll. Finding the picture, she tapped on her screen to enlarge it and showed it to Jongdae.

The young brunet gaped at the image of his brother smiling beside a young woman, his arm around her waist. He glanced at Jaehwa, "How long were they together?"

"I'm not sure," she replied, "but I know it wasn't long after I took this picture."

So many thoughts crash landed in Jongdae's mind. His brother never contacted the family after graduating from high school. Two years... that would have been about the time he graduated and began college.

He didn't leave us because of her, did he?

Jongdae was about to ask Jaehwa if she knew more about his brother, but the others were returning and they had to buy their snacks and find their seats before the movie started. Jongdae tried to forget what Jaehwa revealed to him while he watched the movie, but it was impossible. Jongdeok was too estranged, Jongdae and his parents had no idea what Jongdeok was doing.

They figured he was in college, but Jongdeok could be lying.

---

Mr. Kim anxiously awaited for Jongdae to return from his group date. If Jongdae had any inkling as to where Jongdeok was, he needed to know. He had to clear his eldest son's name. His shaky hands reaching for his mug of coffee, he gently blew the surface of the brown liquid, steam instantly hitting his face. He glanced at his reflection before taking a sip, the hot liquid leaving an uncomfortable burn on his tongue.

Sitting across the table, his wife sat quietly, her eyes full of worry. She extended a hand and rested it atop her husband's to ease the tension building inside his body.

---

Baekhyun decided to give his third year friend a call. He figured it was late enough for his friend to be done with dinner and early enough for him to still be awake.

Joonmyun answered the phone after many droning rings, "What is it Baekhyun?"

"I didn't want to ask you before because you're one of my closest friends," Baekhyun immediately began. He didn't have time to waste so he jumped straight to the point, "What happened that evening?"

Joonmyun sighed heavily, placing his pencil down, "I don't remember, Baekhyun."

"Please, don't keep anything from me. I'm dying right now," Baekhyun said, the threat of tears evident in his fragile voice. It tugged at Joonmyun's heart to hear his friend breaking down but being unable to help. "If you know something, please, Joonmyun. Baekbeom is innocent. I can't live the rest of my life knowing I sent him to prison."

Joonmyun released a shuddering sigh as he brushed his hair away from his eyes. Swiveling in his chair, Joonmyun glanced at the alarm clock perched on his nightstand, "Let's talk in person. Are you busy right now?"

Baekhyun sniffed, dabbing at his face, "No, are you?"

"I'll be there in five minutes, okay?" Joonmyun hung up, guilt gnawing at his chest. He didn't know who started the fire, but he remembered who attended the party. He could name names. It wasn't much but it was a start.

When Joonmyun parked his car and stopped the engine, he noticed Baekhyun sitting on the roof right outside the bedroom window. Baekhyun gave a quick wave at his friend, beckoning Joonmyun to come inside the house. Baekhyun stared up at the small stars twinkling in the sky as he awaited for Joonmyun. He exhaled, watching as his cloud of breath floated away and disappeared. He hugged himself for warmth as he heard his door open.

"You shouldn't be outside, you'll catch a cold," Joonmyun stuck his head out the window, a small smile curved on his lips. "You might fall if you're not too careful."

The younger male pouted, "I'm always careful, Joonmyun. Are you?"

In the end, Baekhyun retreated inside. The window propped open to allow the chilly air to circulate throughout the bedroom, Baekhyun rested on his bed as Joonmyun sat on Baekhyun's desk chair. Baekhyun blinked a few times at the brunet, waiting for Joonmyun to speak.

"I can remember some people at the party," Joonmyun said, scratching the back of his head. "I don't know if it will help, but during the party we all went out to Yoonkyu -- well, most of us. I honestly can't remember if your brother was there, but I doubt he was. He received a call and had to leave early."

Baekhyun held up a hand to stop him. "If Baekbeom went home early, why was his watch there?"

Joonmyun shrugged, "Maybe he just forgot to take it back?" When Baekhyun gestured for him to continue, the brunet sighed and sat back into the chair, "My brother and I arrived first. It was our job to disable the CCTVs so we wouldn't get caught." He paused, closing his eyes and recalling back to the night of the party.

As his friend began naming the guests of the party, Baekhyun blinked in confusion, barely recognizing the names of people. He quickly interrupted his friend and suggested Joonmyun simply write the names down. Joonmyun glanced nervously at Baekhyun, "Please keep this between us." The young raven-haired boy nodded eagerly. "I'm pretty sure some of them used pseudonyms."

Baekhyun chewed his bottom lip as he stared intently at the names. He only recognized four, from Yonghwa to Jongdeok. The names listed afterwards were unfamiliar to him. Baekhyun thanked his friend, placing the paper inside a book. He would investigate the people he did know later. If he had to check out the others, he would need Joonmyun's help, but that would be a last resort. It would have to be someone who knew Baekhyun. The raven-haired boy tried thinking back to the night he was attacked, though he wished he could erase it from existence.

"What about my pen?" Baekhyun suddenly asked. "How did my pen end up at Yoonkyu?"

Joonmyun tensed up, the palms of his hands beginning to sweat. Should he tell Baekhyun? Ashamed at himself, Joonmyun said in a small voice, "Baekhyun... I borrowed your pen back in July and I forgot to return it."

"You?" Baekhyun gasped, getting up from his bed. "What happened, Joonmyun? You could have caused me a load of problems!"

"I'm sorry!" the older male responded, careful to keep his voice low. "I told you: I forgot. I had it with me in my backpack when I went to the party and I panicked."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Joonmyun wet his lips, "My friend, Yixing. Do you remember the Chinese exchange student I was telling you about?" When Baekhyun didn't respond, Joonmyun quickly continued, "Well, at the party Yonghwa made everyone give up their most prized possession or else they were kicked out. Yixing had nothing, so I dug through my backpack and found your pen."

"You-"

"I never knew the school would burn down and all our items would be found in the ruins," Joonmyun said through gritted teeth. "There was a lot of drugs and alcohol, do you think we were aware of what was happening?"

"You and your bother seemed fine enough to disable the nearby CCTVs."

Joonmyun stood up and placed the chair back where it was, "I'll be going now, Baekhyun. I'm sorry I can't help you more. I'm probably as confused as you."

"Thank you," Baekhyun replied flatly before the door closed behind Joonmyun. The raven-haired boy walked up to his window, waiting for Joonmyun to get into the car and drive away. Once his friend's car disappeared from sight, Baekhyun shut the window and closed the drapes. It was time for bed.

---

The next morning, Baekhyun was up fairly late into morning, preparing brunch for him and his parents. His mother had stayed up late discussing something on the phone the last he remembered and his father was always usually asleep until noon. He was setting the table up when he heard a knock at the door. Checking the monitor to see who it was, he sighed with a roll of his eyes. Who else knocked instead of ringing the door bell?

This kid... leave me alone damn it. At least he's not a reporter with no respect for privacy.

Jongdae was always by Baekhyun's side, whether physically or mentally. In class, Jongdae would always pass notes to Baekhyun, so often that Baekhyun gave up and ignored the notes entirely. Then at lunch, Jongdae would be sandwiched between him and Yoonmi. It was getting out of hand.

Baekhyun opened the door, "Don't you have a life?"

"You don't have to be so rude," the brunet standing outside frowned. Jongdae hadn't had a normal conversation with Baekhyun in what felt like years, though in reality it couldn't have been more than two weeks ago. "I just came to check up on you, to see if-"

"It's not as if Baekbeom died, damn it," Baekhyun snapped, eyes hardening.

"I know that," Jongdae quickly replied, "but being sentenced to prison for a crime you didn't commit is horrendous as well."

"Why do you even care? You barely know us! Stop wasting your time."

Don't be like this, Baekhyun. I just want to help.

"I'm your friend, Baekhyun."

A shuddering sigh escaped Baekhyun's lips as he ran his hand over his bangs, the look in the brunet's eyes making him feel guilty to a certain level. "Look. I'm sorry, Jongdae, but I would rather be alone right now."

Jongdae hastily reached out for Baekhyun's arm, "Can you promise me something?"

"I won't promise you anything. It all comes down to whether or not you trust me."

The brunet swallowed hard, remembering those exact words Baekhyun had recited before. Did he trust Baekhyun? Slowly releasing the older male, Jongdae stepped back, "Don't create a wall around yourself, okay? If you ever feel... if you ever feel like giving up, don't. If you need someone to talk to, you have me, understand? You have Chanyeol, Joonmyun, Kyungsoo, and whoever else."

Jongdae paused when his voice began betraying him, but that was all Baekhyun needed to hear. A small smile formed on Baekhyun's lips as he firmly gripped onto Jongdae's shoulder, "I understand. Don't worry about me, it only makes me feel worse."

"I'm sorry. I-I can't help it. I... I nearly lost a friend to suicide and I do not want to go through that again," Jongdae whispered. "You have my number, all you have to do is dial it. I'll be at your front doorstep as quick as lightning."

"Stop worrying about me. I swear, you will worry yourself to death before I can even call you for help," Baekhyun half-joked. In a more serious manner, he squeezed the brunet's shoulder and nodded, "I promise I will contact you if I need to."

The two young men faced another in silence before Baekhyun caught sight of a figure making its way toward them. Looking over the brunet's shoulder, Baekhyun squinted his eyes at the woman with light brown wavy hair.

"Who are you?" Baekhyun furrowed his brows.

She doesn't look like a reporter.

Jongdae turned around, surprised to see a woman standing about a foot behind him. The woman blinked at the sight of the high schooler leaning against the door frame, surprised by the similarities between Baekbeom and his brother. She placed her bangs behind her ears, her eyes darting from one young man to the other -- momentarily  pausing on the Little Brother necklace -- before parting her pink-tinged lips, "I heard Baekbeom was sentenced to prison? Is that true?"

"I believe I asked you a question," Baekhyun replied.

"Has he never mentioned me?" the woman frowned. "My name is Lee Bohye. I'm Baekbeom's fiance."

Shut the up.

This chapter's title is a little weird, I might change it later on.