He was exhausted and the sun had only been up for a few hours.

WooBin didn’t know how long he had sat with YiJung, he just knew that eventually his friend had calmed down enough to drift into sleep and even though he seemed alright, WooBin was too nervous to also catch any rest. Instead, he wandered about the hall in between frequent checks on a snoring YiJung.  It made him laugh when he thought about all the times that YiJung had kept him awake during sleepovers as a child with his heavy breathing.

Somewhere around the eight o’clock check YiJung stirred, rolling over with a groan. “Don’t let me do that again.”

“You shouldn’t drink so much.” WooBin warned him gently, but firmly as YiJung sat up pressing a hand to his forehead.

“Here.” WooBin pressed a glass of water into his hand, taking a seat beside him on the bed. “You’re dehydrated.”

“Thanks.” He took a few sips of the water, staring about absentmindedly.

“YiJung,” he began uncertainly, “This has to stop.”

“I know, I just… I couldn’t… I didn’t know…“ WooBin could see his friend searching for some explanation realizing that the potter probably didn’t even know why himself.

“I understand,” he reassured. “I don’t need an explanation. Just know that you’ve got all of us behind you for support, araso?” YiJung nodded gratefully and WooBin patted him on the back. Now that that was taken care of, it was time to move on to part two of the days plan. “Get ready so we can get out of here.”

“What?” YiJung looked thoroughly puzzled.

“We’re shooting with the guys today, remember?” He tried to make the conversation as normal as possible. “YiJung, we made these plans last week.”

“Plans… change.” YiJung looked down.

“There’s no reason to cancel. It’s a beautiful day outside and it’s been a while since we’ve had fun together.” He purposely put on a positive attitude

“But-but,” YiJung sputtered.

“Anyo, the fresh air will be good for you.” He gave his friend a sharp clap on the back before leaving the room before there was another chance for him to refuse.

*****

He was accustomed to waiting in the large foyer, but this time he was waiting for a different person. JiHoo was surprised that it didn’t feel stranger to meet her here but maybe he was finally starting to accept the reality of the engagement.

“JiHoo sunbae?”  A familiar voice came from behind him.

“Guem JanDi.” He smiled at her but she didn’t return the gesture. He had hoped that the events of the hospital would have been forgotten but it didn’t seem like that was the case.

“ JunPyo already left the house to go shooting with everyone else.” He really wished she’d stop looking at him like she wanted him to leave.

“I was never really into that. I thought you and I could have some tea.”

“Anyo, I don’t think that’s a good-“ It hurt the way she instantaneously rejected the idea. Maybe coming here wasn’t such a good idea for him. Quickly, he cut her short so he could tell her why he really came before losing his nerve.

“Mianhe JanDi. It was unfair of me to say what I did at the hospital.” The words rolled out of his mouth and he held his breath, waiting for her reply. She looked down, averting his gaze stubbornly but only for a moment. With her reply came a piercing stare.  

“He’s been really upset you know- about you… YiJung. And on top of that he has the company to take care of. He’s kept completely out of the loop, rushes to be at the hospital, and then his best friend starts accusing him.”

He paused, composing himself after her outburst. Honestly, he hadn’t come here to talk about JunPyo and despite having begun to apologize, seeing her defend him made him want to take it all back. Five years of standing by her and here she was yelling at him.

“JanDi, I came to find out howyou are.”  He was through with discussing JunPyo. That topic had never really been his intent in the first place.

 “Yoon JiHoo. I think you should go.” The statement nearly took his breath away. He didn’t remember the last time she’d been so formal around him.

“JanDi, mian. I know he’s your fiancé.” He couldn’t believe he was back to apologizing again, but he couldn’t bear to see her get hurt again.

“But?”

He sighed, this was not going where he wanted it to. Exasperated, he swept his bangs from his eyes trying one more time.

“You’re a special friend. You deserve to be taken care of. I hope you’ll still consider me someone to talk to if he doesn’t.” There was a long awkward moment with the two of them standing face to face, neither looking at the other directly.

Nodding he took the cue, “I’m leaving now.”

*****

After much coercion and safely armed with sunglasses and a bottle of water, WooBin had finally managed to drag him out of the house.

Typical. YiJung thought as they trudged up the hill. Ever since they had been friends, WooBin had refused to let him be solitary. Today was certainly not the exception, although he couldn’t say he wasn’t glad to be out and about. The sun was warm and despite the lingering effects of the alcohol he felt pretty good.

“YiJung.” JunPyo approached, hands in his pockets. He nudged the potter gently, taking stride beside him. The pair were silent as they walked the rest of the way until they had just about reached the top.

“Mianhe. I should have been there the other day.”

He knew it was only a matter of time before the hospital was brought up. “Anyo. It’s not that big of a deal.” He was hoping the conversation would end sooner than later. Luckily, the exchange was interrupted by a friendly shout from WooBin.

“Yo” He had managed to already reach the platform, gearing up and loading his rifle. “Coming?” YiJung nodded at him smiling at his friend’s enthusiasm and signaling that they were coming.

“Ya,” JunPyo said seriously regarding him. “If there’s anything you need- anything, araso?”

YiJung nodded. “Thanks.”

“C’mon guys!” WooBin shouted impatiently once more, lining up the gun and looking towards the target.

“Ya WooBin! Would it kill you to wait a second?” JunPyo retorted, sounding more like his usual self.

YiJung laughed at the reaction. “Ga Ja?”

At the top of the hill, YiJung stopped to lean against the rail and take in the surroundings. A headache still hung vaguely behind his eyes but the warmth of the sun felt nice. The company of his friends felt even better though and he gladly joined in as they began firing rounds.

“Where’s JiHoo?” YiJung mused after several rounds.

“Must be at the hospital.” WooBin hastily commented as they paused to reload. “We used to do things like this every weekend, remember?”

“Yeah. Although,” YiJung murmured mischeviously, “we didn’t have much say. This guy made all the decisions.” He pointed in JunPyo’s direction.

“Aish, really now. I never forced any of you, besides I picked good activities,” came the indignant reply.

“I don’t know if I remember good outings.” YiJung joked, winking at WooBin. It felt good to be outside, hanging out with the F4 like old times.

“Aish.” JunPyo ignored them as usual, lining up his sight for his next aim.

“JunPyo!”

JunPyo squeezed off the shot before bolting upright, looking around. His face lit up at the sight of his fiancée striding up the hill. “JanDi-ah, what brings you up here. I thought you were going to plan wedding stuff.

“Anyo, not until GaEul gets out of school.” She gave him an I-can’t-believe-you-didn’t-remember-that look before continuing. “But I thought you guys might be hungry. Lunch is ready back at the house.”

“Sounds good to me, guys?”

WooBin nodded, laying aside his firearm and brushing off his hands. Both men turned towards the potter for his reply.

YiJung froze for a moment, watching as JunPyo held JanDi tightly, laughing in sync with her. JunPyo ruffled her hair affectionately, smoothing it out after she fiercely objected to the static it created. The gestured stirred an awful memory.

“Don’t come around anymore. Don’t!” He remembered. He could see her reaction now, the tears rolling down her perfect cheeks and splashing onto the wood floor. Had he really been that malicious to her, to his sweet Gaeul?

JanDi looked over at him. “YiJung-ah, are you alright?

“You guys go, I have to be somewhere. Really,” he looked up at them hastily,“go.”

“Are you sure you’re-“

“Yeah I just- I have to go somewhere.” Checking his watch, he saw that he had just enough time. Keys, where are the keys? He was anxiously patting his pockets trying to get his thoughts back in order. I don’t have… WooBin- WooBin drove us. He looked at his friend frantically. “Do you have-“

WooBin shook his head in agreement. “Ya!” He tossed him the keys with a supportive look. “Do what you need to.”

“Thanks.” He barely spit the words out before his feet carried him down the hill.

“What was that?” JunPyo looked thoroughly confused.

WooBin smiled. “I think he just remembered last night.”

The school buses were lined up in a row when he pulled in the driveway. Relieved, YiJung found a parking spot nearby as he waited for the front doors to open. No sooner had he hastily checked his hair in the mirror, wishing he looked a bit more presentable, when the audible sound of the bell cut through the air.

Almost instantaneously kids were running down the stairs, some struggling with backpacks nearly as big as them. It made him smile to see. He’d never admitted to anyone, but having children of his own was one of the things he hoped for someday. Exiting the vehicle, he took up residence on the curb at the bottom of the stairs. Scanning the scene, for a few minutes, all he could see were little bodies teeming across the steps and scurrying to mothers with open arms. He didn’t think he could remember that feeling, the warmth and safety of a mother’s embrace; it was a foreign concept. Frowning, he tried to retrieve any memory of physical affection from his mother to no avail.

And then he saw her, his mind abruptly giving up and focusing on only her. She was quietly exiting the building and the sun was reflecting off her dark hair as she took each step. Even after spending all day with kindergarteners she was still composed and graceful.

He forgot he was staring from plain sight until she looked right at him. formed a tiny “O” of surprise.

“GaEul…” he began, unsure of how she was going to react. His mouth was suddenly dry and even so he couldn’t stop swallowing nervously. She hadn’t moved, her eyes searching his as if questioning his motives.

“Last night-“ He took a step closer. “I didn’t mean it. I-I-I…” God this was embarrassing, he couldn’t even speak straight let alone make up for his ugly words the night before.

“Sunbae, what are you-“

Forgetting about the speech he had hastily composed on the way over, he let his emotions take over. Reaching out he grabbed her wrist, drawing her into him. Pinning her to his chest, he felt her hear thudding away with a velocity that matched his. With arms wrapped tightly around her, he buried his face in her hair. Her small frame felt so warm against his and he was full of regret for ever letting her go.

“Miahne GaEul,” he breathed into her hair. “ I was scared too. Mianhe.”

The sound of the children’s laughter drowned out his words and he was unsure she had heard him for she remained frozen and mute in his embrace. Then slowly, he felt her gentle hands grab hold of his coat, those small hands grabbing tightly to handfuls of material as all of the air left her lungs and warm tears seeped slowly into his collar.

He felt his eyes will with water as well, closing them as tightly as his hands kept their grip on her. “Mianhe… GaEul, mianhe.”

I’ll never let go of you again.

*****

The wedding magazines were spread across her bed as she gazed at photo after photo. JanDi sighed looking at everything before her. There were so many decisions to make and here she was stuck by herself to make them.

Pushing it all aside, she wondered what GaEul and YiJung were up to. After his dramatic exit earlier in the day, they had apparently reconciled and were out on a date. As much as she wanted to be furious with him for breaking her friend’s hear the way he had, she couldn’t imagine bearing the kind if news he had been dealt. At this point, she was just happy he had fixed the whole thing. She wished that JiHoo and JunPyo would to the same but so far it seemed unlikely.

JunPyo. Her fiance was locked away in his office apparently working so hard he didn’t even have time to tell her what exactly he was working on. She understood that he was extremely busy being the head of the company, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that work was his way of avoiding talking about anything of consequence. We don’t talk about the important things anymore. Everything is just surface talk. He doesn’t even seem interested in the wedding plans since YiJung was diagnosed.Hesitating, she looked at her phone. There were two people she could call and each conversation would be equally risky. Biting her lip she bounced between her options perplexedly.

On a gut feeling she chose, holding her breath as dialed the number.

*****

The night air was crisp and refreshing as they walked slowly down the sidewalk.

YiJung’s hand was warm in hers and GaEul was content to just be by his side. The gentle sway of their bodies felt natural and in sync. The events of the night were no longer looming over their heads and they were able to enjoy each other’s company.

“What happens now?”

She felt his grasp grow slightly tighter.

 “Mian… we don’t have to talk about this.” She was afraid to push the issue even though she had a million and one questions burning through her skull.

“Anyo, you should know.” His answer was surprising, but she was eager to hear what he had to say. They were still walking with his eyes trained ahead but she was content with the mere fact that he was willing to talk about it. “Friday they start the treatment. I go in at nine to get a central line,” he continued. “It’s a tube that will go into a vein in my chest.”

“And it stays in?” A lump was forming in the back of with each new piece of information.

“Yeah. I’ll have to be real careful to keep it clean and taken care of, but it will save me time and a bunch of needle sticks.”

“Araso… so the medicine- it goes in there?” She was trying to understand without making him give every little detail but it was difficult with so much new information.

“Yes. Friday I’ll need to stay overnight because it’s the first day. But each time I go after that it will be an out-patient procedure and I’ll be able to go home.” He paused to look at her as if he knew her confidence was wavering. She smiled at him reassuringly even though inside she wanted to start crying again.

Steering them to the right, he directed their steps to a bench overlooking the street. Sitting down on the bench, he put his arm around her. It wasn’t that cold outside, but she was grateful for the warmth it created.

“It helps,” he mused out loud.

“What does?” She was confused by the sudden statement.

“Having someone to explain everything to… Lately I’m the one that is getting talked to. I never get a chance to explain my own situation to anyone.” He looked out at the city lights. “I never have chances to talk it through with someone.”

“YiJung-ah, I’m glad I can help. I was afraid to be too nosy.” She spoke quietly, leaning against his shoulder.

“GaEul,” he said quite seriously moving away. “Can you handle honesty?”

“What?”

“I promise to tell you if you are asking too much but you have to promise to understand that if I don’t want to talk it’s not because I don’t care for your feelings- I just won’t be able to…” He looked down at his feet, eyes glinting in the dark.

She smiled slightly, also looking down shyly. “It won’t be easy and I might not be perfect, but for YiJung sunbae- I will do my best to understand.”

He nodded. “I have hard time talking to the guys.” He smiled and even in the dark his face was the cutest she’d ever seen. “But that doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It doesn’t?”

 “Anyo,” he declared firmly. “You know why? It’s because I have Chu-Ga-Eul.” He tapped her nose playfully with each syllable. She was sure if it was daylight her face have been visibly redder.

“Ya! She giggled under his touch, wrinkling her nose. He laughed tickling her. “Ya!” she shrieked, squirming away from him and nearly falling off the bench. With a strong tug she felt herself being pulled back up by the collar of her jacket. The momentum tipped her backwards and somehow her head landed in YiJung’s lap. Looking down at her with his handsome eyes he flashed her a smile.

“I got you,” he reassured with an affectionate laugh. She giggled back and rolled toward his stomach as they both chortled pleasantly. Embracing her, he cradled her torso as she lay across the bench and they gazed into the sky.

He sighed, “GaEul…”

“Hmmm?”

“Friday… let’s go together?”

“You want me to be there?” She looked surprised.

“Yes.”

“Really?” It was so cute when she was confused.

“Yes, really. Did you forget the promise already?” He asked, pulling her closer to him.

Shaking her head, she stared up at the stars.

“Anyo, let’s go together.”