I'm back everyone! On break now, done with classes for a month so hopefully I'll be a better author and give you more updates >.<

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Through Muddy Water
Chapter 22: Nobody is Losing Anybody

All he wanted to do was go back to sleep.

When JiHoo had gently woken him, YiJung had been immediately annoyed. He was actually oddly comfortable in the treatment room with GaEul curled up beside him also napping quietly. When she’d hopped off the bed, the warmth of her body faded leaving him cold and grumpy. In all truthfulness however, he would be glad to get home. The chemo always inevitably made him weak and he was anxious to trade the stiff hospital bed for his own soft covers where he would sleep for the next twelve hours-or maybe even longer than that without interruption.

JiHoo had already left to bring the car around as the nurse handed him the forms to sign. He did, staring at his horrible penmanship. It shocked him how weak even his hands actually were. Feeling tired was one thing, but not even being able to sign your name properly was another entirely.

The hallway seemed like a blur as GaEul pushed his wheelchair carefully. She walked almost as if she was pushing a baby carriage. YiJung didn’t really mind though, the extra care was a sweet gesture and even if he did mind, he wasn’t in any state to get upset over it. Once outside, JiHoo opened the door to the car and she got in the backseat first. She slid in so he didn’t have to walk around as WooBin helped him from the chair to the seat.  The outside air was chilly and his head ached so when he was finished buckled up, he instinctively lay down and rested his head on her lap.

She seemed startled at the action, her legs tensing slightly beneath him and he immediately felt self-conscious about his decision.

“Mian…” he mumbled under his breath and preparing himself to sit up.

“Ah, anyo, I just… gwaenchana?” She asked, peering down at him with wide eyes.

He nodded, closing his eyes and relaxing with her words. Truth be told, alright was a relative term at the moment but she was letting him take up residence in her lap so he was comfortable enough.

 “Just have a headache,” he sighed, crossing his arms and tucking his hands in the folds of his jacket.

“Does it always hurt afterwards?” she asked softly, letting her hand rest lightly against his forehead. He felt her fingertips brush along his thinning hair.

“Mhm,” he murmured, “Because of the spinal injection.”

He though he felt her shiver beneath him as he explained. Her movements made him worry that he shouldn’t stop talking before she got really upset. He knew he couldn’t handle it if she was going to get upset.

 “I thought the cancer was in your blood.”

“It is,” he began but he trailed off losing his thought. He was so tired it was really hard to explain things in a way that wouldn’t be overwhelming.

“The injections protect his spine so the cancer can’t spread,” JiHoo piped up, giving an all-knowing look in the rearview. YiJung silently reminded himself to thank his friend later. It wasn’t that he didn’t care to explain, he just didn’t have the physical or emotional energy for details right now. His eyes felt so heavy he could barely keep them open.

“Oh,” she said quietly.

He thought he heard a quiver in her voice and he very purposely fought against the fatigue, trying to come up with things to say. “Gwaenchana?” he managed to ask.

In reply, she softly put her palm out and covered his eyes, shielding him from the glare of the sun off the car windows. “Concentrate on yourself first, I’ll be fine.”

He couldn’t see her face, but he had the feeling that she was purposely hiding from him. He also knew she was probably lying to reassure him but even so he let the matter go, allowing the vibrations of the car and the sweet smell of her clothes lull him back to sleep. When he was feeling more rested he’d try to talk to her again.

For now, he was content to try to rest easy and enjoy having her by his side.

***

She combed his pockets for the key, easily finding it and slipping it into the lock. It gave her an odd sense of deja-vu, the way her hands shook slightly when turning the handle as the two men stumbled into the studio. YiJung leaned against JiHoo wearily with half-lidded eyes, looking almost like he might be intoxicated. GaEul found herself wishing that were the case because if he were drunk, by morning he would be completely fine again.

“Where do you want to go?” JiHoo asked YiJung as he ushered him down the hall. “Couch or bed?”

“Bed,” was the automatic answer.

JiHoo nodded as he ushered the potter down the hall. Pausing for a moment, he looked over his shoulder and locked eyes with her.

“GaEul, Can you please bring a glass of water and the bottle of pills from the second shelf on the left side of the sink?”

She nodded, glad to have something- anything to do that might help.

In the kitchen, she quickly filled a glass with water from the refrigerator. Sitting on the shelf she described were two bottles of medication. Both had YiJung’s name printed. Confused as to which to take she picked up both, balancing them with the water carefully and making her way back to the bedroom.

YiJung had already changed and was propped up in the bed. He looked rather pale against the dark sheets but when he smiled at her she could still see his dimples and the faint glimmer of happiness in his eyes. He seemed a bit more alert than he had in the car and he motioned for her to come in.

JiHoo took the pills from her hands, checking the labels carefully.

“I wasn’t sure which…” she told him uncertainty.

“Mian, I should have been more specific,” he apologized scrutinizing the writing and then uncapping the first. “You brought the right ones anyways,” he said encouragingly as he handed two to YiJung along with the water.

 “Gomawo,” he said taking them and swallowing them easily.

“Drink all of that. I’m watching,” JiHoo warned with a look.

YiJung made a face but brought the glass back to his lips and took a few more sips with a small snort of annoyance.  GaEul giggled at the sight, watching the two bicker with their body language.

“Happy now, appa?”  YiJung asked with a smirk as he put the glass on the nightstand.

“Yes, yes I am.” This brought about another chuckle between the two of them as JiHoo rose and took the cup with him. “You’re all set for now?”

“Ne,” he confirmed.

“Araso, I’ll let you two have your time then. Yell if you need me I’ll be just down the hall.”

GaEul nodded politely as he left, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.  She turned back to YiJung with a shy smile. He had already settled himself down under the covers and was starting to look very sleepy again. She had to admit, it was quite an adorable sight.

“Do you want me to turn out the lights?” she asked. When there was no answer she went to stand when his hand reached out and tugged at her sleeve. “Don’t go.”

She smiled down at him, biting her lip. “I’m not leaving, I’m just going to turn the lights off so you can sleep.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

He released her, either too exhausted to argue or comfortable enough to believe her. For a moment she actually thought of leaving, the silence of the room was suffocating. At the hospital there had been things to keep her occupied but here- here it was him and her, and reality.

Forcing herself to go back, she approached the bed warily, afraid of how fragile he looked. She lay down beside him, looking at his still handsome jaw-line. Shaking, she took his hand she tugged it up to her cheek, holding it there with both hands.

“Please stay with me,” she whispered through the dark. “If I can be strong enough to stay with you, you can stay right here… right here with me.” went dry as she pleaded with his sleeping form. “Please,” she repeated. “Please don’t ever leave.”

“GaEul.”

Someone was calling her and she awoke with a start, realizing that she’d fallen asleep without meaning to. It was much darker than earlier and she squinted through the dark, trying to see if there was a clock nearby.

“GaEul.” She jumped hearing her name again.

“YiJung-ah?”

“You’re awake,” he murmured, rolling to face her.

“Ne, are you okay.” Through the dark she could just see the outline of his face.

“Is JiHoo still here?”

“He’s still here.” She reached out to push his bangs from his face.

“Can you get him please… I need his help.”

“Oh?” She adjusted the blanket so it covered his exposed shoulders. Lying on top of the covers, she could feel how chilly the room was and she made a mental note to close the window. “ What is it, I’m right here.”

“Ah ani… I need him for this,” he pleaded quietly.

“Whatever it is you can tell me,” she assured him. “It’s okay.”

He fell silent for a moment and rolled away from her, staring at the ceiling. “I have to go to the bathroom,”  he began apprehensively. “… and I don’t think I can get there on my own.”

Her heart sank at the words and she swallowed hard as a lump formed in .

“I can’t-“ he began again, his voice strangled like he could cry as well.

Quickly she reached out lay her hand on his chest, trying to comfort him. She let go when she felt him tense beneath her. She could tell he didn’t want the contact and she tried to steady her voice to avoid further upsetting him. “Okay, I’ll go get him.”

JiHoo was calm as usually and immediately walked into the bedroom, turning on the bedside lamp and helping YiJung to his feet. She felt like she couldn’t watch anymore so she retreated hastily to the hall where the tears began to slip from her control. As the last scraps of light disappeared from the sky so did her resolve. One salty drop on the hardwood became two then three then a number she couldn’t possibly keep count of.

There was so little she could do, so much out of her control. She wanted to go back four years- to before this stupid disease ever existed in their lives. She’d even go back to when YiJung had no interest in her if it meant that the nightmare would end. It just didn’t seem fair, any of it. She felt selfish to be frustrated that her life was so difficult but it was only because seeing him suffer bothered her. So really it wasn’t selfishness at all- or was it?

When it came down to it she was thoroughly confused.

“GaEul…” someone called from the doorway. She turned, trying to hide her red eyes. She never used to cry this much and tears felt like just another indication of her many weaknesses.

“Oh JiHoo-ah. I was just…” she didn’t really have an explanation to give but his sad half-smile told her it didn’t matter.

 He stepped closer, handing her his handkerchief. “You don’t have to be invincible you know.”

She nodded slowly, blowing her nose as he looked at her with friendly eyes.

“Come with me. It’s warmer in the kitchen.

***

He didn’t know why, but there was always something about a cup of tea that seemed to remedy all sorts of situations.

“Careful, it’s hot,” JiHoo warned, putting the steaming mug in front of her and taking a seat across the table. “Are you feeling better now?”

She shook her head slightly. “Ne sunbae, kahmsahmnida.”

He smiled, eyes wandering around the room at all the dusty pottery. YiJung would probably throw a fit if he saw the state his studio was in. He actually thought about cleaning it before he realized how absurd he was being. He was beginning to understand just how much one diagnosis could change the life of not only a patient, but also the family and friends of the person who was sick.

As the minutes ticked by GaEul sat quietly, blowing some of the vapor off the top of the tea. JiHoo was silent as well. He fiddled with his fingers, unsure of what to do or say to break the silence.

“We were all wondering when you would come back,” he finally said. “It’s nice to have you around. I know it makes YiJung happy.”

“Ne.”

“There’s no need to be embarrassed,” he commented, taking a sip of his tea. “Everyone handles things in their own way.”

“I wanted to call,” she said in a weak voice. “I really did. I planned to come back, I wasn’t going to run away.”

“We know.”

“After that day… in the h-hospital. I kept waiting for him to call, to tell me I wasn’t being a bother. But he didn’t and I didn’t know what to do.” She looked down at her cup, lip trembling like she could cry again. “WooBin sunbae called apologizing and saying he was s-s-orry.”

He took another swallow of tea and let her talk.

“I wondered why he wasn’t calling if I wasn’t a burden and then I remembered.”

“Remembered?” he asked, sitting up a little straighter.

“We made a promise. He promised to tell me as much as he could-“ she paused, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers nervously.

“Go on,” he prodded gently.

“And I promised that if he didn’t talk I would understand that it wasn’t because he didn’t want to it would be because he wouldn’t be able to. And then I realized that he couldn’t call me…  and I was being stupid and selfish because I was s-s-scared.” She hung her head, sniffling again. He could see her trying to restrain herself but fighting a losing battle against the tears.

“Ya,” he said softly putting down his tea and approaching her. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters. You’re here and you’re trying and that’s all anyone can ask.”

She nodded slightly, wiping at her eyes with his handkerchief. “Ne Sunbae.”

“Everything’s going to be fine,” he told her, pulling her into a friendly hug. When he let go, he held her at arm’s length with a smile. “Why don’t you go down to the bathroom and wash your face and then say good night to YiJung.  It’s getting late and I’ll take you home.”

She nodded shyly, picking up her cup and neatly bringing it to the sink before looking back at him. “Gomawo.”

He shook his head to tell her it was no problem and cleaned up his own cup, rinsing both out with a sigh. Drying them both, he wiped his hands clean and went to check on YiJung.

The potter was awake, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He barely blinked as JiHoo entered, but instead frowned, eyes still fixed above.

“JiHoo-ah.”

“Ne.”

“Is GaEul okay now?” JiHoo wasn’t terribly surprised that he had sensed something was wrong, YiJung potter had always been perceptive like that.

“Ne. I gave her a cup of tea and let her talk. She’s alright now.”

“Oh,” the potter sighed, closing his eyes.

Leaning against the doorframe and surveying his ailing friend was strangely unsettling. WooBin would know what to say here, but JiHoo was having a hard time reading what it was that YiJung was looking for in the conversation.

“Do you think it’s going to work?”

The question threw JiHoo off balance; he certainly hadn’t expected that to get thrown out there. Crossing his arms with a frown of his own, he replied rather forcefully. “Of course. It’s really rough on your body but you’ll get through it. You’re plenty strong enough.”

At his words, the twitches of a smile danced on YiJung’s lips. “Ani- Me and GaEul.”

“Oh.” For a moment JiHoo felt quite foolish but he shrugged it off easily. “Yeah, it’s going to work. I know you don’t want to hear this anymore, but it’s going to take time. She’s scared and she doesn’t want to let you down. “ He paused, running his fingers through his hair and trying to find the right words. “But she loves you YiJung-ah, she really does.”

There was silence after that. JiHoo wasn’t sure if that was the end of the conversation or if the potter had finally drifted off to sleep. “I think it’s best if you let her go home for the night. It’s getting late and she has school tomorrow. It will give her a chance to collect herself and I’ll bring her back tomorrow.”

“JiHoo-ah.”

“Ne, YiJung.”

“I love her too… I don’t want to lose her.”

“You’re not going to.” JiHoo stood up straight now, stepping to the foot of the bed with his jaw set so that he was looking YiJung dead in the eyes.

“Nobody is losing anybody.”

***

Honestly, how was it? It's been so long, I have to get back into this...
I'm trying to move things along so expect some new plot twists soon ^^