Through Muddy Water
Chapter 24: Stop Lying

It shouldn’t surprise him that the fifth round of chemo hits his friend with more ferocity than the first, second, third, or fourth.

With each dose, the toxins build in YiJung’s body and JiHoo has enough training and knowledge for this all to make perfect sense.  Even so, understanding alone doesn’t make watching the process any easier. “This is a good thing, it means the chemo is working,” he repeats out loud for the full twenty minutes it takes before the anti-nausea medications finally seem to kick in.

The vibration of his phone in his pocket shakes him from the routine. Glancing over at the potter who is somewhere between awake and unconscious, the doctor decides he seems okay for the moment and slips from the room quietly to take the call.

“Hello?”

“Jihoo-ah, it’s Woobin. How is he today?” He knew that Woobin would be calling sooner or later. Even apart from the hospital, he has always been on top of Yijung’s treatment schedule.

“Not good,” he answers truthfully while taking another peek back into the room. Some part of him still thinks that maybe one of these times he’ll see something or someone different in the room.

There’s a pregnant pause before the prince speaks again. “I want to come by today.”

He knows that it’s well intended, that Woobin is missing his friend and just wants to be there but it won’t do the sick man any good to worry about anything other than himself.  “Is your face still bruised?” he asks.

“It looks better.”

He expected this sort of answer but if there was ever a time to be firm it was now. It’s funny because Woobin is usually the one calling the shots over him and not this way; it’s backwards. “But have you healed enough so he won’t worry? You know I’m not trying to keep you away because I don’t want you here.” 

There’s another pause because there isn’t a favorable answer to that question. In the background JiHoo can hear Yijung coughing again. “I’ve got to go, just a few more days and you can come back.” He doesn’t want to hang up, he knows Woobin probably doesn’t want him to either but he has to. Showing his phone back into his pocket and running back into the room, he makes it in time to wipe the potter’s mouth and lay him back down.

“Who was that?” the younger male croaks, lips chapped from the beginnings of dehydration.

JiHoo sticks a straw in a bottle of water and hands it over, knowing full well he can’t lie. “WooBin. He wants to be here but he might still be contagious.” He keeps up with the lie they’ve started because he knows the truth is more than his friend should be worrying about.

Yijung nods, almost as if he expected as such. “You should tell him not to worry so much, I’ll be fi-“ The sentence is cut short by another angry round of heaving that practically, or rather does,  steal the potter’s breath, leaving him lying exhausted against the pillow.

And looking at him, Jihoo has no idea how this is fine- none at all.

***

“Well you look like hell,” are the first words out of his mouth.

He didn’t quite mean for it to slip from his lips like that but it’s too late to take it back. Even from where he’s standing, Junpyo can tell he probably should have thought about it a little bit more before speaking.

Woobin isn’t exactly in the mood for such nonsense, especially after talking to Jihoo earlier in the morning and he stands in the doorframe of his room frowning. “How’s he look,” he questions.

“Yijung?” Junpyo asks, raising an eyebrow. Of course he knows without a doubt who the inquiry is about, but truthfully he hadn’t been seen the potter yet that day.  “I’m not stopping by until later,” he shrugs.

“Then why are you here?”

The words are rather bitter and sharp. Junpyo’s knows that out of everyone in the F4, he’s probably the person Woobin feels least connected to. “I came check on you,” he replies simply. He can see the marbled yellow and brown of fading bruises across the prince’s chin and he tries not to stare. He’s always known that the song family was involved in questionable activity but never had he seen Woobin suffer such consequences.

“Since when have you ever come to check on me?”

“If you don’t want my concern then fine, I won’t come next time.” He scoffs slightly, annoyed that Woobin is annoyed and doesn’t seem to appreciate him expressing concern.

“Don’t be an .” The reply is almost instantaneous.

“I just expected a different reaction from you,” he mutters in response.

“Shut up,” Woobin shoots, turning away and looking out the window. “You can’t possibly be saying that to me right now.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“You can go see him, you can go be with him. I’m supposed to be there and I can’t yet you’re standing there avoiding it like it’s some sort of chore.” The prince slammed his palm against the wall in frustration, his back stiffening as he spoke. “Just get out.”

“Woobin.”

“Get out, just go…”

Woobin is whispering now, maybe even crying for all Junpyo knows but all he can see is the other man’s back. He wants to stay but he doesn’t know how to deal with the prince when he’s in one of his moods. In fact, he doesn’t think Jihoo knows either. Thinking back on it, in all the years they spent as four, the only one who’s really knows has been Yijung.

“I’ll come back later and tell you how he is,” he says softly before turning around to leave. He has no idea if that’s what the other male hopes to hear and that alone is enough to make him question if he even knows Woobin at all.

***

When he finally woke up, he wasn’t sure what time it was or where he had even originally fallen asleep.

Blinking, Yijung could have sworn when he first came home from the hospital he had flopped onto the couch, but now he was comfortably nestled beneath the covers of his own bed. Someone must have moved him without his knowledge. It felt strange to think about not waking up to that, and even weirder to imagine one of his friends carrying him.

his lips, he swallowed and made a face at his parched throat. Rolling over and smiling slightly, he reached for the bottle of water that was sitting just an arm’s reach away. He had to admit that everyone close to him was really doing a wonderful job taking care of him. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to see that it was still fairly early. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he stayed there for a moment still feeling groggy.

Pushing himself off the edge, he stood and made his way towards the kitchen. He could hear quiet voices from that direction and he knew that there had to be at least one of his friends down there. Shuffling because everything ached, he slowly inches down the hall.

“So you two have officially decided.”

“Yes, it wasn’t easy but in the end we thought it best to wait.”

“It’s a good thing- that you’ve at least come to a decision.  Have you thought about when you’ll be postponing until?”

“Perhaps a few months, when all of this is in the past.”

Pausing, he tilted his head at the snippets of conversation that were filtering down the hall. He could discern JiHoo and Junpyo’s voices but what exactly they were talking about he couldn’t get his finger on. At first it seemed as if they were discussing a business merger or deal that Junpyo might be dealing with at work but the tone just felt wrong for that sort of conversation.

“And the reservations?”

“Well you know my mother, if she says wait then the staff will wait.”

Yijung catches Jihoo’s laughter, soft and airy as it floats through the kitchen. He inches closer, wanting to hear the rest of the conversation before revealing his presence. He isn’t sure why, but he thinks somehow the topic will come around to himself and he’s curious.

“That is true. Are things with you and Jandi alright? Coming to the decision to postpone the wedding must have been stressful.”

He practically falls over at the words, head spinning dizzily. He doesn’t understand why the wedding which everyone has been preparing for would suddenly be postponed. His stomach twists, already knowing why even though he doesn’t want to accept it.

“We’re just fine, she seems to understand. Gaeul’s her best friend and things are just so… we just think there are more important priorities.”

Yijung’s actually feeling sick now. He doesn’t want to listen anymore so instead de deliberately drags himself into the kitchen past both men who stare at him rather dumbfounded.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

“How are you feeling?”

He huffs slightly at the question because it’s probably the thousandth time he’s been asked in the past forty-eight hours. He knows his friends mean well but right now he’s upset that his friend has seemingly decided to cancel his wedding because he is sick and to add insult to injury, not tell him. ”Fine, came to get a drink,” he mumbles.

“I left one in your room for you,” Jihoo says gently, standing up to come over to him.

“Felt like tea,” he replies. He opened the cupboards looking for what he wanted. His arms felt like lead but he wasn’t about to show any more weakness in front of them. They didn’t need more reasons to worry; worrying had taken up enough of their lives already.

“I can get it,” the young doctor told him, starting to prepare hot water. “Why don’t you sit and r-“

Yijung shook his head, stopping as soon as the lightheaded feeling returned. “I’ve been sleeping all day, I don’t feel like sitting.”

“I think maybe you should,” Junpyo insisted while standing up and offering his own seat.

He didn’t move but instead deliberately stood by the sink, leaning against the countertop. Jihoo looked at him curiously but continued preparing the tea.

“Yah, what are you doing?” Junpyo asked, voice rising.

“Practicing.”

“For?” Junpyo asks as Jihoo poured the tea into three mugs.

“Just walking around, standing up… I want to be ready for the wedding,” he stated simply. He could see the guilt behind the eldest’s gaze and he waited to see if he’d say anything.

“You’ll have plenty of time for that, just rest now,” came the sputtered reply. He knew that behind him Jihoo was probably sending him a look that read something along the line of ‘You’re going to have to tell him sooner or later’.

He looked at his friend blankly. He couldn’t believe that they were keeping this from him, especially when their reasoning was based entirely on his condition.

“The tea is ready, why don’t you sit and drink it with us and then if you feel like lying back down you can.” There was a hand on his shoulder suddenly as Jihoo gently steered him towards the table. He shook off his hand in annoyance.

“I can get there on my own,” he snapped rather angrily. He knew the touch was well intended, but everything about his two friends was frustrating him at the moment. They were blatantly lying to him like he was some sort of child.

“Just let us help you, it’s alright to need help.” Junpyo piped in, also coming over to stand behind him.

At those words, something inside of him snapped. He felt fuzzy and breathless like he had no space to move, no space to breathe. Throwing his hands up, he took a few steps back, trying to reclaim his own space.  He felt the alarmed grip of his friends on either side of him but that only made things worse. “Stop lying about things, stop treating me like I’m going to break!” he shouted, barely aware that he was pushing them away.

There was a long and stifling silence as everything froze. All hands slipped off of him and he stood, panting slightly at the exertion of the outburst. “You… should have…  told me,” he whispered between breaths before walking away. 

He felt Jihoo move behind him, hands ready to catch him lest he fall but at least leaving a gap between them. Junpyo stood frozen where he was, quiet for once. Walking into his bedroom, he wearily threw himself onto the bed and haphazardly trying to yanking the covers over his exhausted body and giving up halfway. He was so tired of feeling this way, so tired of needing help, so tired of being a burden, so tired of running out of energy. Frankly, he was tired of being tired.

“Go away,” he mumbled into his pillow, a few frustrated tears leaking from the corner of his eyes. “I want to be alone.”

It was true except that it really wasn’t. There was only one person he wanted- Gaeul. 

He wanted Gaeul to be there. He wanted her to come and lie next to him and tell him it was okay to be mad. He wanted her fingers running through his hair, her whispers echoing in his ears. He wantedto disappear into her arms where things felt right instead of wrong.

 “I want Gaeul,” he found himself whispering as he gave into the tiredness. He felt Jihoo pull the blankets up and over him properly. He wasn’t even mad at his friends anymore, he just wanted her.

 “School’s almost out, she’ll be here soon,” was the quiet reply.

“Mm.. sorry…” he barely managed as sleep tugged at his mind.

“I know you are, now just rest now she’ll be here soon.”

Closing his eyes, he focused on the last part as he began to drift off.

Soon. She’ll be here soon.

***

Hello Readers, it''s sure been a while and I apologize for that. Even thought I always apologize many of you are still here and I appreciate it so much. Even if slowly, I intend to finish this story. It might get tough as my boyfriend's mother just began chemotherapy so this is a touchy subject. Please pray for her and their family.

Thank you for reading,
Alicia