He was back in the waiting room.

After the diagnosis had been delivered, YiJung had kicked them all out to speak with his doctor privately. Now the doctor was long gone, probably off somewhere delivering news to another patient, and a nurse had informed them that YiJung was not up to seeing anyone for a while.

The longer WooBin sat in the waiting room in silence, the more time his imagination had to run wild. He found himself imagining all of the worst-case scenarios over and over, growing more nauseous with each thought.

Standing quickly, he ignored JiHoo’s puzzled look and bolted to the bathroom Once inside, he heaved into the sink, sick with fear and confusion until nothing was left in his stomach but the knot that had coiled there. Running the tap, he cupped his hands beneath the stream and brought them to his lips to rinse his mouth.

The door swung open behind him. “WooBin, gwaenchanayo?”

He nodded shakily, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Everything was not alright, but he knew what his friend meant. JiHoo handed him a paper towel looking concerned.

“I’m fine.” He was trying so desperately to make it sound believable, ironically more for his own benefit than JiHoo’s. He knew his friend wasn’t buying it but then again, how could he.

“The nurse came to say that he’s asking for you.”

WooBin immediately started to panic. “I can’t-“

“I know, but we’ve got to be strong for him right now, araso?” JiHoo was so calm it was amazing. He was always like that really, even as a child. It made him perfectly suited for his chosen profession. Tossing the paper towel in the trash he nodded slowly, steadying himself on legs that felt like rubber.

“Ok,” JiHoo reassured, leading him out with a hand on the shoulder.

Swallowing hard, he cautiously entered the room before he had any time to hesitate. YiJung was perched on the bed, back to the door. He was no longer in a gown, but redressed in his normal clothes and it almost seemed like the whole situation was a sick joke.

The potter’s voice was strained and hollow. “Someone needs to tell GaEul. I won’t… I won’t be able to tell her and then be there for her.” WooBin could hear the break in his friend’s voice.

“Araso. What do you need me to do?” WooBin’s was also struggling to speak, to keep his voice steady. Not here, he thought. Not in front of him.

“Just be there. I trust you, it has to be you.” His sentences were growing shorter and more choked. WooBin wanted to run to him, but there was an air of distance hanging over the room.

“I’d like to be alone now.”

The words were so foreign to him. Woobin took a step forward.

“Just go… please.”

“Araso.”

*****

She knew something was wrong the instant she arrived at the hospital.

Neither Woobin nor JiHoo would answer GaEul’s questions, and both of them kept looking at her with sympathetic eyes. Silently they pointed her into the room. YiJung was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed, playing with the corner of the blanket. He was silent as well. The hair on the back of her neck stood up almost immediately.

“YiJung-ah, what’s going on? Is something wrong?” She prayed that he would say no.

“GaEul. I need to tell you something.” His bottom lip trembled, oh god. “Please don’t say anything until I’m finished.”

She nodded, her anxiety building like a wave. “Araso.”

“The test- it showed a problem.” The way he stammered through his words was frightening.

“Anyo,” she stepped further away from him like a broken record. “Anyo…”

“I- I have leukemia.” The words came like a wrecking ball, smashing her into a million pieces. She wasn’t even sure she could understand what he was saying.

Mianhe… Oh GaEul, mianhe,” he hung his head, hands gripping fistfuls of blankets.

Her gut reaction was disbelief, anger, rage.  “You lied to me!” She heard the words she wanted to say being screamed hysterically. “You said you’d be fine!” Half aware, that was open and the cries were hers, she charged at him, swinging as hard as she could. As he raised his arms against her weak fists, she saw his face; saw him look away with a pained expression.

“Look at me, you liar! You promised me, you promised!” Her body was no longer under her control as she lashed out.Strong hands grabbed her by the arms, pulling her away. She harder she fought, the tighter WooBin held on, keeping her from YiJung. “Anyo!”

“Ya GaEul. Ga Eul!”  WooBin struggled to hold her still. He spun her around, pressing her against his chest so she could no longer see. “Ya, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay.”

Her legs gave out beneath her and she slid from his grasp to the floor. He let her go and knelt between her and the bed as she sobbed, her long hair further obscuring the view. Someone else in the room was crying as well, their breaths noisy and unrestricted. YiJung.

“GaEul,” WooBin said gently, one hand on her shoulder. She didn’t answer him; she didn’t have the energy to. Exhausted she lay on the ground trembling and unable to move. There were footsteps and she was lifted gently. As she was carried from the room tears still rolled down her cheeks.  

Closing her eyes, she could still hear him crying too.

*****

His fingers hurt, but he was nowhere near ready to be done playing.

The pain was what how JiHoo knew he wasn’t dreaming. Music was his escape and his release all at the same time. Drawing the bow across the strings, he could forget about the events of the day and lose himself in the sound of the violin’s cries. Over and over he played through his repertoire, arms aching and fingers burning but heart still sinking. Forcing every fiber of his muscles to work, he tried to let the notes take him away. Frustrated he succumbed to his mind, dropping his hand and laying the instrument on the table.

This was never supposed to happen to him. His parents, his grandfather, his best friend; he’d lost them all just as he’d become comfortable in a relationship with them. And now there was JunPyo angry at him for accidentally falling in love, WooBin preoccupied with his best friend, Gaeul going to pieces in the hospital, and YiJung potentially slipping away from all of them. He fell miserably across the bed. He was exhausted mentally and physically but he could not sleep. His fingers stung and he studied the deep marks of the strings etched into them wondering how many scars he’d accumulate this time around.

*****

The last sound he wanted to hear was a knock on his door.

Downing another glass of alcohol, YiJung lazily refused to move. His hip no longer ached, the liquor had taken care of that long ago. Now it was only his head that was full of complicated medical terms, treatment options, and empty reassurances. He heard the door open and soft steps patter across the floor. He looked up at his visitor as he filled his glass again.

“GaEul, you shouldn’t have come.” He looked down, vaguely aware that she wouldn’t approve of his behavior.

“I wanted to see you. I wanted to apologize… for yelling at you and trying to hurt you It’s not what you needed.”

Luckily for him, she had yet to catch on to his drunkenness. On the flip side, the intoxication was making him surly and felt ready to pick a fight about nothing. “If everything works out by saying sorry, then why would there laws in the world and why would there be police?” He laughed, ignoring her hurt look.

“I was scared… “ Her eyes locked onto the table before him. “I’m still afraid.” She couldn’t seem to look away from his glass.

“Bwoh, this is not okay to you?” He showed her the bottle shamelessly.

“Anyo, you’re just upset. I don’t like it but I- I understand.” Her demeanor betrayed her as she shifted uneasily and looked around the room avoiding his eyes.

“No GaEul.” He scoffed like a bully on the playground.

“YiJung.” Her eyes grew wide and she seemed almost frightened of him.

“This is the man I’ll always be. I’m no good for you.” He meant this one, tasting the sting of his drink as it slid down his throat.

“Why are you being like this?” She was trying to make him realize what he was doing but he was already too far into his lies to stop now.

“Is this upsetting you? You should have thought about that earlier.” He couldn’t think straight anymore and he wanted it to just end.

“But YiJung…”He stiffened at her pleas, delivering one more blow.

“Don’t come around anymore.”

He watched her face crumple, the tears she was fighting back raging forward with ugly force. He used to think she was beautiful when she cried, but at the moment he needed reasons to not want to grab her and hold her close.

“YiJung sunbae…”

“Don’t!” He was yelling because it was so difficult to think about her and the hell he was facing. He was drunk and a coward and screaming at the girl he loved because she cared so much. For each tear he shed, hers were tenfold as she stood frozen, two rivers tracing down her cheeks.

He watched her leave and immediately picked up the bottle again, trying to drown her from his memory where her beautiful eyes still haunted him.

*****

He had kidded himself into thinking that Yijung would be alright alone when he insisted he’d be okay by himself.

WooBin should have known by now that he would have ultimately sought comfort in a bottle. He could deduce what had happened as soon as he received the hysterical call from GaEul. He’d given strict instruction to his men to make sure she was brought somewhere safe and JanDi was supposedly on her way over to console her. Once that was sorted out, he had made his way to the studio as quick as possible. This long day had already turned into a long night and it was only quarter past midnight.

 “YiJung you open the door right now or I swear I will break it down. Studio or not, I’ll find my way in there!” He pounded on the door with both fists as he yelled. Abruptly, the door cracked open and an exhausted looking YiJung leaned his head against the doorframe. WooBin could see the sickenly familiar bottle in his hand.

“God YiJung.” He shook his head as he pushed his way through the door. YiJung staggered along beside him, bleary eyed. He sighed, reaching for the bottle. “Give me that. You’ve had enough for now.” YiJung ignored him, brushing aside his hand as he unsteadily ran a hand along the table.

“I’m fine.”

Obviously not, he thought looking at the sorry state his friend was in. Changing subjects, he remembered why he had come down check on his friend.

“What did you say to GaEul? ”

“GaEul,” he laughed softly.

“Ya, what’s so funny?”

“She waited four years for me and you know what? I’m not the one.” He half laughed, shaking his head and leaning against the counter. “She’s better off now anyways,” he muttered taking another sip from a glass he clasped in his hand. “I don’t need her.”

“YiJung, you know that’s not true.” WooBin tried to pull the alcohol away from the distressed potter.

“Anyo, don’t touch me!” He waved him off rather violently, stumbling backwards to get away.

“You don’t have to do this YiJung, there are other ways to deal with this.” He pleaded with his friend, while trying to figure out how to get him to put down the drink.

“What makes you think I want to deal with it, huh? Maybe I just want it to end right here.” As soon as the statement slipped out, influenced by alcohol or not, WooBin grabbed him by the collar so fast that the glass in his hand smashed on the ground.

“You do not get to talk about that,” he hissed “You do not get to do that after all we’ve been through. You owe it to yourself, to me, to the guys… to GaEul to at least try. You are not allowed to say things like that, Araso?”

YiJung simply stared at him, lost in his drunken stupor.

“ARASO?” WooBin flug him away. Emotion compromising his judgment, he stalked across the room headed for the door. Something held him back before he exited and he paused, breathing heavily.

There was a long pause and then a meek whisper.

“WooBin.”

“Yeah.” He looked at his friend, exasperated.

“I’m sick.” YiJung’s demeanor had changed and he was now staring at the broken glass and scotch on the floor. His tone was much quieter and WooBin had to strain to hear him.

“Yeah buddy.” Woobin acknowledged, watching him carefully.

“I’ve got cancer.”

WooBin sat beside him, just beside him. “Yeah buddy, you do.”

YiJung looked up at him, eyes wet with tears. “It’s not fair…”

WoBin’s chest hurt as he looked his friend in the eyes.

“Anyo, it’s not. But it’s going to be okay. Everyone’s with you and I’ll be right here, I promise.”