Through Muddy Water
Chapter 25: Right.

***

Sitting by Yijung’s bed, Gaeul ran her fingers through the space where, just months ago, they used to caress the potter’s warm, soft locks. Even though there was nothing slipping through her hands at the present moment, if she dipped head low to view his profile he looked like the same Yijung she’d fallen for all those years ago. Really, whether or not he was still what others called handsome didn’t really matter in the end because he was there- breathing and alive.

As she pulled the chair closer and leaned her chin on her own hands, she thought about how quickly everyone had adjusted to the world of battling this disease. All around her she saw little ways in which her friends had changed in order to support their friend. Junpyo had begun making time in his schedule to come visit, always sporting the dark circles indicative of not enough sleep. In addition, when she wasn’t making sure her fiancee was taking care of himself, Jandi was also always coming to check on both her and Yijung as well as bring the occasional meal and story to make her smile. Woobin of course, was busy being the picture of support even when he couldn’t physically be there at the moment. And who could forget Jihoo lending his knowledge of hospitals and advocating fiercely for the best possible care when needed.

All of these things were thoroughly indicative of each of her friend’s personalities and hearts. And by comparison she felt weak, falling short. At first news of the diagnosis, she was the opposite of calm and supportive. As treatments began, she’d slowly found her inner strength but it still often felt as if her efforts were a poor second best in comparison.

“I didn’t know either,” she whispered over his ear gently. His eyes opened the slightest bit with her voice and she pulled the chair closer, resting her elbows on the side of the bed and taking his hand in both of hers almost instantly, feeling the gentle squeeze he gave in recognition. “It’s just me, keep sleeping if you’re tired.”

“No,” was the mumbled reply, as Yijung pushed his eyes open and squinted at the clock. “I slept all day. I want to see you.”

GaEul laughed, leaning forward to turn on the light as he reached for it slowly. He looked paler under the glow of the lamp and as close as she was, she could clearly see the dark circles under his eyes. Somehow, even so, she could still see the same face that had made her heart race at the porridge shop.

“What are you looking at?” he inquired with a yawn.

 “Just how nice you look.”

Her comment drew soft laughter from the potter. “Yeah,” he breathed, “right.”

“It’s true,” she insisted, bringing her hand up to the edge of his cheek. “You’re always going to look handsome to me.”

For the first time since they began dating, Yijung shied away from her touch.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, surprised at the sudden change. Since coming back from Sweden he’d become a much touchier person with her, always keeping a hand in contact with her own or making sure she was within arm’s reach. The attention had only intensified when he’d gotten sick, at points almost frightening, as if he thought he might be in danger of losing this fight.

“Don’t lie to me, don’t you lie too.”

“Yijung…”

“I can deal with being sick but knowing the wedding is cancelled because of me, knowing that you cry at night because of me… I can’t take more lies.”

“Shh…” she automatically replied, pressing a finger softly to his chapped lips. She wasn’t sure where the boldness came from, but it was beginning to come more easily, as if for each ounce of energy he lost, she gained in order to support him. “It’s not a lie. Believe me.”

For a full two minutes it seemed as if Yijung obeyed. Either that or he was sleeping but after a while he opened his mouth to speak again.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything,” he promised.

“That pillow thing,” he murmured, “that you used to like when you were small. That you did when I was sick that day.”

“Oh that,” she giggled, “do you need anything else?”

He shook his head, but a smile danced on his lips. Leaning over, she lifted his head gently up and cradled it close to her as she deftly slipped the pillow out and flipped it over. Laying him back down, she ran her fingers gently down his cheek. “There.”

Stepping back to admire the contented look on his face, she reached down to pull off her boots before climbing up and onto the space beside him. Stretching out and looking up at the ceiling she found it amusing how comfortably she was able to do so now. She laughed softly, “Chu Gaeul and So Yijung sharing a bed.”

“Yeah well they don’t call me Casanova for anything,” he grinned. It was nice to see a real smile on his lips and in reply, she lightly swung a pillow at his arm.

“Keep it up and you can sleep alone.”

“You wouldn’t, you l…”

“Love you too much?” She sighed, laying down and laying a hand on her chest. It was true, she loved him so much. Too damn much to walk away no matter how uncomfortable things may become.

“When did you become so strong?”

The question startled her and he tilted her head in thought. “When I knew I didn’t want to lose you again.

“Geul.”

“Hmm?” she hummed, reaching over to find his fingers and lace them between hers.

“I’ll never regret coming back.”

Closer her eyes she drank in his gentle and honest words, affixing them into her mind where she would remember how they sounded in this quiet moment. Without hesitation she answered him with equal confidence.

 “You’re here now and that’s all that matters to me.”

***

“He was so angry,” he sighed, leaning back against the dark leather couch and catching his friend’s face in the glow of the fire.

“Wouldn’t you be?” was the reply from the F4’s prince.

JunPyo groaned, knowing he should have expected that. Of course he would have, just the thought of everyone knowing Yijung was ill before him made his blood boil. Being kept out of the loop was something that bothered him to no end so if he really thought about it, his previous statement was probably stupid.

 “You should have told him,” Woobin commented, taking a sip from the glass he cradled in his hand. Junpyo himself had one in front of him but he’d barely touched it. Alcohol wasn’t of much interest at the moment.

“I know, but it was to protect him.”

Woobin sighed, leaning back against his chair, a look of amusement displayed on his face. “He’s been angry before you know.”

“Not like this.”

“Not that you’ve seen,” Woobin corrected.

Junpyo felt his hands curl into fists automatically. He hadn’t come to Yijung’s best friend to get a lecture, but rather genuinely looking for advice but it seemed the prince was in no mood to do so. Quite honestly, he was getting sick and tired of Woobin’s attitudes. He understood that it was stressful not to be able to be there to support a friend through treatment but it wasn’t as if they all didn’t experience the same thing.

“You wouldn’t realize but we haven’t exactly been the closest,” Woobin said calmly. “But I don’t blame you, I never have blamed you. The F4… we were young. We didn’t know any better. But it was always me and him… You and Jihoo and Yijung and I.” There was a pause as the prince stretched out his legs comfortably before him. “When I tell you these things it’s not because I’m trying to accuse you Junpyo.”

Blinking, he contemplated the words being said. If there was one thing Jandi had certainly taught him in the past few months, it was to actually shut up and listen sometimes. And to be honest, Woobin’s words were absolutely correct. If he thought back to any given moment in their high school past, he could always see a clear separation within the group. Why he hadn’t noticed it before he wasn’t sure, but it was blatantly obvious now.

“I’m sorry,” are the surprisingly first words out of his mouth.

“I know. And you should know I never held it against you. Not once.”

The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile. He probably didn’t deserve that train of thought but here Woobin was giving it to him. He wondered how many other graces the Song prince had given him across the years, and how many of those were also overlooked.

“So what do I do?” he sighed, leaning back and picking up the glass finally. It felt nice to be sitting by the fire, comfortable talking with an old friend. Something about the truth being revealed was comforting in a sense.

“Well for starters,” Woobin’s eyes sparkled in the firelight,” I do have one idea…”

***

The orange hued autumn light streaked through the window of the treatment room, casting shadows far too early in the day. Leaning back on his chair, he reclined comfortably as the plastic tubing that ran from the hanging black bag down to the catheter in his chest slowly delivered what he hoped was a life saving concoction of drugs into his body.

“They say when your treatment ends, the hair starts coming back right away. I thought that was fascinating,” GaEul piped up suddenly from her chair which was just feet from his.

“Well maybe I’ll keep it bald. Or I’ll steal some of yours,” he laughed, tugging at the ends of her long hair playfully. Ever since the wedding fiasco had blown over he had been in good spirts. Physically, his body was exhausted, but mentally he wore a smile. It also helped that the doctors had found a good combination of anti-emetics so his twice weekly infusions didn’t leave him feeling sick to his stomach for the entire time he was getting them.

There was a knock at the door signaling the ever-anticipated arrival of visitors. Yijung pushed himself up in his chair and wondered who exactly it would be today. It was never a surprise when all of his friends showed up, but always interesting who was first as it changed on any given day. Shaking his head in silent laughter at how sad it was that these were the things keeping his mind occupied these days, he looked over at the door expectantly.

Woobin stepped in first, grin as wide as Yijung had ever seen it.  “You bastard, you didn’t tell me you were coming,” he laughed. Seeing his best friend’s face made it feel like he’d been gone for more than just the single week he’d been missing in reality.

“Yeah well when have I ever needed an invitation, huh?” came the expected reply. The prince crossed the room and leaned over to give a gentle hug to him. It was probably the best hug he’d ever gotten from the prince but everything was better when you had to wait for it.

The rest of the gang was quick to follow, each coming over to greet him. Returning all of the embraces, he settled back against the padded comfort of his chair and observed his friends rather suspiciously. “Whats with the hats? It’s not that cold out yet.”

“Nothing,” Junpyo mused, a smile slipping out from behind his bad poker face.

“Look at this kid,” Yijung laughed. “Still can’t tell a lie. You never wear hats so give it up.”

Looking at each other, the three men smirked. Yijung had no idea what was going on but it was clear there was something up their sleeves but before he could question it again,  Jihoo held up his hand and counted off of his fingers. “Hana… dul… set!”

With a flourish, the friends pulled over their caps and stood there with a silly grin plastered on each of their faces. An audible gasp slipped out of Gaeul’s mouth as Yijung saw there completely dumbstruck and silence for what must have been a full minute or more.

With the hats gone, it was now obvious that neither of the three heirs had a single hair left on their round, smooth heads. With a sort of ridiculous glee he realized that where there had once been neatly coiffed hairstyles were three, shaved, skulls that matched his own.

It took him all of another ten seconds before he burst out laughing. “You three look r-i-di-cu-lous,” he choked, holding his sides.

“Really?” Woobin asked, “Because I thought we were rather dashing.”

“Yeah,” added Jihoo. “I was thinking we’d keep this look. Could be the new trend right?”

“You guys are something else,” Yijung marveled, eyes sparkling at the sight of his brothers. He had never once expected them to go and pull a stunt like this but yet, here they were in front of his very eyes.

 “But what about the wedding? I’m pretty sure your fiancée will want you to be a little more attractive on the special day,” he pointed out with a slight frown.

“Hey now,” Gaeul giggled, “I still find you handsome so why not Jandi?”

“Well that’s because I am,” he replied with his trademark Casanova smile. “Much more so than these three egg-heads.”

“Easy on the names, I think Junpyo might explode,” JiHoo laughed while pointing at the bald president who was doubled over stifling chuckles.

“Too late I think.”

“You’re lucky you’re getting treatment right now or I might have to smack you for starting this,” Woobin joked, reaching out a hand to gently squeeze his shoulder.

“Well…” Gaeul piped up expectantly. “I do want to know what Jandi thought when she saw you?”

Yijung nodded, trying to imagine the look on her face when her fiancée walked in devoid of his trademark curls. It made him think back to the day he’d straightened it just to impress her. It was funny how little inane things like hair used to matter so much. Having cancer put everything into a completely different perspective really.

“Eh,” Junpyo shrugged, “I’ve got two weeks to grow it back.” He paused and Yijung realized he was purposefully looking him in the eyes. “Right Yijung?”

And Yijung wouldn’t be able to wipe the smile off his face even if he tried.

“Right.”

***

Ok, it's been so long I don't know how to explain...
I really struggled with deciding what to do with this story but lately people have still been subscribing and even leaving the occasional comment for me. I can't tell you how much that means to me. So despite most of my subscribers probably having forgot about this and left this story I will keep going for those that have stuck with me over months and years even as this has progressed... thank you. I know I always apologize but I will again for taking so long. But I also give you my word that even if it takes a while I will keep trying to finish this.
Please keep praying for my boyfriend's mother too. She finished her first round of chemo and is waiting to see if she is cancer free.

Love you all,
~Alicia