The gravity of the situation was becoming frighteningly real.

Dressed in a hospital gown, prodded, poked, and asked a hundred questions, YiJung was now waiting in the procedure room for a doctor to be ready. JiHoo was with him, the only friend permitted to come this far because of his involvement in the medical program. Much tohis dismay, WooBin had been banished to the waiting room where YiJung guessed he was probably going stir-crazy. Rarely was his friend in a position where he couldn’t find a way around the rules and already, by mid-morning his intent of staying by YiJung’s side had been thwarted.

“Are you nervous?” JiHoo’s question was friendly and honest.

“Truthfully?”

JiHoo nodded affirmatively, still looking at him. YiJung nodded back as he shivered beneath the thin fabric they’d forced him so wear.  JiHoo leaned against the table next to him. "Usually they only give general anesthesia. I've asked them to give you a mild sedative so you'll have to stay here for observation until tomorrow. It’s better for you not to be alone. You might be a little sore after, but they’ll give you medication,” he paused for a moment, looking around, “Is GaEul coming?”

YiJung looked away quickly. “I told her not to worry and to go to school. She doesn’t know any of the details.”

“Do you really think that’s best?”

“We don’t know anything yet. It won’t do any good to worry her.” It felt strange to try and explain to his friend. He knew he didn’t need to justify his decisions, but part of him knew it was wrong to keep so much from GaEul. JiHoo opened his mouth in response, but was interrupted by a nurse briskly entering the room. YiJung groaned at the sight of her tray.

“Another needle?”

“One more, but this one’s going to stay put for a while,” she explained while setting up her materials and inserting a slender IV needle. He was sure his face must have been comical, but nothing about the needle currently taped to the crook of his elbow. He started at the plastic tubing, his stomach churning with anxiety.

“Alrighty,” the nurse continued while pulling out another needle. YiJung bit his lip, expecting another stick, but this one was inserted into the line that ran into his vein. “I’ll be back in a few minutes; you might start to feel drowsy before then.”

YiJung nodded in thanks as she left, resisting the urge to touch the foreign IV in his arm.  JiHoo turned to face him, motioning for him to leave it alone. “I’ll be in there the whole time. WooBin and Gaeul can come in once you’re out of recovery.”

“Ok,” he nodded; his eyes were beginning to feel really heavy. The room seemed to be spinning a bit as he closed his eyes to fight the dizziness. He was starting to feel very confused.

“It’s the medication YiJung. Don’t fight it.” He felt a hand touch his arm and he opened his eyes to see JiHoo’s face swimming blurrily before him as a wave of drowsiness washed over him.

“That was quick…,” he murmured as JiHoo’s profile disappeared and the room faded to black.

He watched his friend nod off and then nodded to the doctor standing by the door, freshly scrubbed and ready to go.

JiHoo took a step back as the medical team immediately stepped in. An anesthesiologist moved to monitor the potter’s vital signs and started him on the more effective IV sedation while two nursed turned YiJung onto his side and applied iodine to his hip.

JiHoo looked away, biting his lip. He’d seen the procedure plenty of times before, but never on a friend. It wasn’t a pleasant one to witness either. Staring at the wall he heard YiJung’s sharp intake of breath as the biopsy needle was inserted. The potter gave a small whimper. "YiJung. Ya, look here. You're okay. You're okay." He forced himself to look at his friend, grabbing hold of his hand. He’d forgotten the sedative didn’t render patients fully unconscious and it surprised him when YiJung’s fingers closed around his.

“All set,” the doctor stated as he withdrew the needle. “JiHoo, do you want to apply the pressure bandage?” JiHoo stepped forward, trying to put his feelings aside and act professionally. When the doctor had gone, he looked down at his sleeping friend.

“I’m here YiJung,” he promised, “I’m here.”

***

He hated waiting.

The hospital wall clock was not WooBin’s friend and if it wasn’t mounted so high on the wall he would have smashed it by now. Half an hour they had told him, and coming from a background where being punctual was regarded as important, he was more anxious as the thirty minute mark grew closer. Luckily, the waiting room was surprisingly empty and he was free to pace as much as he wanted. Footsteps other than his own broke the monotonous rhythm and he looked up hopefully.

“Ji-Hoo? Hows-“

“He’s fine. They just moved him back to his room. The sedative will take a few hours to fully wear off. He’ll probably just sleep for most of the time. If he has any pain, just let one of the nurses know and they’ll take care of it. You can see him now.” JiHoo gave him a relieved smile. “Ga Ja?”

He nodded, conflicted at how to feel. He was certainly relieved that YiJung was doing well following the procedure, yet still wary to celebrate without a good diagnosis. At his bedside, he felt slightly shocked at the sight of his friend in a hospital bed, IV and oxygen monitor attached to his body. WooBin leaned over the side of the bed, mouth dry. “YiJung, are you in any pain?”

“Anyo,” he murmured, eyes still closed. “Tired.”

WooBin put a hand on his arm with a friendly pat. “Araso, you did good buddy. Just sleep for now.”

***

The only thing stopping him from speeding and swearing the whole way to the hospital was the presence of his fiancée.

JunPyo kept his eyes on the road, trying to focus on driving and forget about the welling anger inside of him. He couldn’t believe that his own friends could have left him in the dark like this. JanDi was silent, taking the hint that he was not in the mood to discuss the situation. Inside, he felt a little guilty for interrogating her after she had mentioned that YiJung was in the hospital. He just didn’t understand why none of the F4 had said anything to him about something as important as this. His thoughts were a torrent of confusion that grew inside of him, building force the closer the got to the hospital.

When they finally arrived and he parked the car, his anger was at such a point that he couldn’t suppress it any longer. Storming through the doors, leaving her to run behind him he caught sight of his two comrades. “JiHoo! WooBin!” His sudden shout startled them both, he could seem them jump from where he was. They better be nervous, he thought to himself.

"JunPyo." WooBin was extending a hand in greeting. He ignored him, bristling at the audacity of the gesture.

“Where is he?”

“YiJung? He’s sleeping.” WooBin gestured towards the door and JunPyo automatically stepped to it, pausing with a shaking hand on the doorknob.

"You guys thought you'd just keep me out of the loop, huh?" His words were icy and laced with accusation.

"Anyo, it's not like that.”WooBin protested, eyes darting from JunPyo’s face to his clenched fist and back again. “I thought JiHoo was talking to you." His words were an unintentional catalyst as JunPyo rounded on JiHoo as soon as he heard them.

“You, do you want to die?”

 “Anyo, JunPyo it’s-“

“If you paid a little more attention to someone other than your fiancée, maybe you would have been more aware.” He heard JiHoo mutter fiercely under his breath, interrupting WooBin’s pleas.

“JiHoo.” WooBin looked over as if shocked at what he was hearing.

“You bastard!” JunPyo felt his fist fly as fast as his words, striking JiHoo across the jaw and forcing him to stagger backwards.

“Goo JunPyo!” All three looked over at the voice. In the commotion, they had overlooked JanDi standing just ten feet away. “Stop it! Please…”

JunPyo froze, hand still clenched in fury and eyes darting from his fiancée to the fallen JiHoo. They all stood there for a moment, looking at her. Slowly he lowered his fist, kicking the wall angrily. “Aish!” He spun to face JiHoo who was helped to his feet by YiJung. “This time,” he threatened through each heavy breath, “we really are through.” Blood still boiling, he left, fingers curled so tightly that his fingernails could slice his palms.

JiHoo grabbed JanDi’s wrist as she made to follow him. Angrily, she pushed him away. “Don’t touch me.” With a look that clearly read “keep away”, she shook her head and went after her fiancé with her jaw set firmly in an expression of disgust.

He wiped his mouth, feeling the sting of both the punch and JanDi’s emotion. Looking up, he was surprised to see WooBin also clearly upset with him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” WooBin gave him a push that forced distance between the two men.

He looked at him, frustrated. “He hasn’t been around. You’ve seen how much time they spend together. While we all noticed something was going on with YiJung, he didn’t even bat an eye. And then he comes in here yelling…” He wiped blood from his lip with his hand, still keeping out of arms reach of WooBin

WooBin looked at him in disbelief. “That’s what you’re going with?” The protective side of him was coming out, ready to protect his friend.  “Listen, I don’t care what feelings are still there for JanDi or he hasn’t been around or whatever your problem is. He’s here now and picking a fight with him isn’t helping anything. He stepped forward, grabbing JiHoo’s jacket with fierce a fierce gaze. “This is thelast thing YiJung needs. Thelast thing.” Releasing his hold, he turned his back and slipped back into YiJung’s room leaving JiHoo alone again.

***

He tried, but he even as angry as he was, he couldn’t leave the hospital.

 “Ya,” a voice came from behind. JunPyo turned to see who it was, shaking his head.

“Aish JiHoo I swear, do you want me to hit you again?”

“JunPyo.” His answer was calm and more like his usual tone. It peaked JunPyo’s interest so he allowed him to take a seat next to him. There was a long pause before anything was said again.

“Where’s JanDi?”

“Don’t.” He immediately responded cold.

“JunPyo. Mianhe.”

JunPyo laughed, looking down and shoving his hands into his pockets. “Mian. That’s all you have to say? Mianhe?”

“Anyo.” He waited for more, but all he received was more silence in place of an explanation.

“Go ahead.”

JiHoo sighed and leaned forward so his arms rested on his knees as he looked ahead. “We shouldn’t be like this. YiJung needs us. We need each other.”

In that moment, he realized that JiHoo’s words meant nothing to him. He’d had enough of this game and he was leaving. Rising from the bench, he used his last bit of politeness for this stranger he once called friend.

“I’m leaving first.”

 ***

His comrade had dozen off in the large easy chair beside the bed. JiHoo found it endearing, the devotion they had for each other. Their friendship had grown leaps and bounds ahead of his shoddy mess of a relationship with JunPyo

“WooBin,” he tapped the young man on the shoulder, rousing him “I’ll sit with him for a bit, take a break.”

“Anyo, it’s alright.” WooBin was clearly still angry with him for the incident earlier.

JiHoo pointed to the clock, trying to act normally. “School lets out soon, you should pick up GaEul. You need to spend some time out of this place anyways. You’ll be back before he even wakes.”

Hesitating, Woobin nodded and picked up his keys. “Araso”.

 She was already waiting outside when he arrived at the school.

“GaEul,” he called to her.

“Sunbae!”

“GaEul, you need not look so frantic. YiJung did just fine. He’s resting now and he’ll probably be a little sore. The medication made him a little sleepy but he’ll be more alert in a few hours. I came to bring to the hospital to see him.”

“Oh thank you Sunbae!” She threw her arms around him as he awkwardly

He nodded his head in the direction of the car as she continued to keep her hold on him. “Ga Ja?”

“Sunbae?”

“Mmm?”

“This test… what exactly?”

“YiJung didn’t explain to you?”

“Anyo, he was very- reserved… with the details.” She sounded as confused as JunPyo had been yet it didn’t surprise him that YiJung was keeping the details to himself. He’s just trying to protect you, he thought. WooBin tapped his fingers nervously on the steering wheel, not taking his eyes off the road.  “Do you know anything sunbae?”

“Anyo,” he lied through his teeth.

“He didn’t talk to you abo-“

“GaEul, this is something you should talk to him about.” He wished he could tell her, but he knew it wasn’t up to him to do so.

“Mian.” She sounded so scared that he almost said more but he bit his tongue and lied once more.

“I’m sure he’ll tell you at some point.”

He wasn’t sure he believed it, but she needed to.

 ***

He hated the feeling that things were going from bad to worse in twenty four hours’ time.

JiHoo cradled the results of the bone marrow biopsy in his harms, staring at the numbers as slowly paced the hallway. There was a soft click as WooBin emerged from the hospital room looking weary. He perked up visbibly when he noticed the file.

“Are those the test results?”

He nodded, "I can't say anything though, I'm bound by confidentiality." He knew it was a potentially disastrous statement so he braced himself for another confrontation.

"JiHoo I swear-"

Quickly, he tried to diffuse the situation. “I could jeopardize my position in the program if I told WooBin.”

“You’re really not going to tell me?”

"I can't!" The words flew out his like daggers, sharp and full of pain. He hadn’t meant to, but his tone revealed everything there was to know.

“Something’s wrong, right?”

He nodded, not looking up. “All I have is the results, it’s not a diagnosis. When the doctor reviews them he’ll speak with YiJung. Then he can decide whether or not to tell everyone. Mianhe WooBin.” He expected a reaction, but not the one he got. Instead of protesting or grabbing onto him, WooBin ran. Shocked, JiHoo fumbled to put the chart back before taking off after him. He knew WooBin wouldn’t have gone very far and in the darkness JiHoo squinted to try and find his friend.

A shadow caught his eye. WooBin was sitting on the same bench JunPyo had discovered earlier. He was sitting tensely, shoulders heaving with quick breaths. As he drew nearer, JiHoo saw the glint of blood on his hand. An uneven gas ran across his comrade’s knuckles. Probably from the brick or concrete that made the walls of the building.

"Let me see." He said quietly, reaching out. WooBin pulled away from him, jaw still clenched. Quietly, JiHoo tried again and again WooBin pulled away. Kneeling, JiHoo continued to try until WooBin sfinally topped fighting his touch.

"He saved my life you know." Woobin was staring ahead as if in a trance. He didn’t even seem to care if there was an answer. JiHoo didn’t reply, but instead began bandaging the hand.

"I was going to jump. I was on the bridge walking the rail. He grabbed me. Told me what a selfish bastard I was being.”

JiHoo had always known something had gone on between the two of them and he knew WooBin wasn’t looking for a conversation so he let him keep talking as he pulled tape from the pocket of his white coat.

“He was right you know, I was being selfish.”

JiHoo finished and stood, facing his friend. "He'll be getting the best treatment. And he came in early which is always good.”

"You really believe that?" He wasn’t sure he did but he sure wanted to. They all wanted things to be okay again.

"I have to."  He nudged WooBin’s foot with his own. "Come, we should go in and sit with him until he wakes."

 ***

The room was awfully bright as he cracked an eye open, annoyed that the sun had woken him up.

YiJung sleepily reached up a hand to push his hair from his eyes, looking around the room. WooBin was hidden behind an open newspaper; he could tell who it was by the ring on his friend's hand. It had been a birthday gift, the year he had stopped WooBin on the bridge.

"Ya. Don't you have a life?" he inquired sleepily.

"Yo my bro, you're awake." WooBin folded the paper neatly, putting it to the side and surveying his friend. "How are you feeling?"

Out of the corner of his eye, YiJung saw JiHoo excuse himself so quietly that it seemed his presence was the remainder of a lost dream. He shifted in bed uncomfortably, feeling a deep ache in his hip. "Like I'd rather sleep my own bed."

WooBin had drawn the chair closer, smiling. It was then that YiJung noticed the clean white bandage encasing his friends knuckles. "What happened to your hand?"

WooBin shrugged, looking away. "Nothing..." he murmured, rising quickly and turning his back. There was an unnatural tension in his stance. YiJung shook it off, stretching out beneath the covers. He looked around the room with a hopeful glance.

"Where’s GaEul?"

"With Jandi. They went to look at flowers for the wedding. It's a good distraction for her. She's been worried about you.” He nodded, half disappointed that she wasn’t there and half glad that she wasn’t cooped up worrying about him. It made him feel guilty to see JiHoo and WooBin still in the same clothes they had worn yesterday. He had a pretty solid hunch that the pair had been there through the night.

“She was here for a while but after the procedure you were pretty much out for the count. I brought her after school yesterday. She just stayed next to you and said she was happy to just sit and let you rest. JiHoo took her home when she fell asleep in the chair around midnight. He insisted it was better for her to rest and see you today when you get home.”

YiJung nodded in agreement. “Kamsahmnidah.

A knock at the door interrupted the conversation. JiHoo had returned with another doctor, one he did not recognize. There was a sudden uncomfortable silence and he became increasingly aware the neither WooBin nor JiHoo would make eye contact with him.

"So YiJung. I'm Doctor Kim. I have the results from the preliminary testing as well as the latest biopsy. Unfortunately, your bone marrow showed signs of abnormal white cells. This and the documented fatigue, brusing, and nosebleeds you've been experiencing are all indicative of acute lymphocytic leukemia. I'm sorry."

The room went hazy as he tried to process the words. His throat grew dry and he wanted desperately for one of his friends to look at him.

"JiHoo." The slenderer of the two was looking down, but raised his gaze at the mention of his name. YiJung looked at him with a face of disbelief and confusion.

Slowly, JiHoo spoke in a faraway voice as if reciting lines from a textbook.

 "Leukemia, it’s a type of cancer.”