The smell of rubbing alcohol burned his nose and he suddenly found himself second-guessing his decision to come to the hospital. The sight of the needle JiHoo was prepping didn’t help either. To his right, WooBin’s gaze were also focused on the instruments laid out on the tray beside the chair.

“Ready?” JiHoo asked, rolling up YiJung’s sleeve casually.

“Anyo.” He shook his head quickly, shifting uncomfortably in the chair. His eyes were wide and he pulled his arm away from JiHoo’s gloved hands.

“Ya. Really?” JiHoo looked amused at the potter’s childish reaction. “WooBin, it’s not that bad right?” He looked over at his other friend who had grown a shade paler as he backed further into the corner. JiHoo couldn’t help but stifle laughter at the sight of them. “I can’t believe you’re both this uncomfortable with needles. Especially you, WooBin.” As he spoke, JiHoo took YiJung firmly by the wrist and applied the disinfectant in a circular motion. Flinching, he pulled his hand back, breaking the hold. “Would you rather one of the student nurses do this?” He asked playfully.

YiJung shook his head quickly, holding out his arm. “Anyo, just make it quick.”

“I’ll give you candy when you’re done,” he joked, “both of you.”

Swiftly and efficiently he cleaned the skin once more, gently inserting the needle into the crook of YiJung’s arm. Blood flowed into the clear plastic tubing, filling three vials that were expertly placed by skilled hands. YiJung had his eyes scrunched closed, putting like a kindergartener still while WooBin was staring at the ceiling absentmindedly.

“Done.” JiHoo announced, applying a band-aid to the spot as YiJung opened one eye curiously. He laughed again at his friends before filling out the rest of the paperwork. “The lab is rushing the tests because you are a VIP patient. You should hear back in a couple of hours. You can stay here if you like but I doubt you want to.”

YiJung rolled his sleeve back down, and JiHoo saw him take a lingering look at the fading bruises on his wrist before he looked back up. “Thanks.”

JiHoo nodded, “Keep your phone with you. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

He loved watching her sleep, always had.

To JunPyo, it still seemed so unreal that here she was, in his house, wearing his ring on her left hand. He sighed, resisting the urge to jump in bed and curl up next to her. Unfortunately he was well aware that both his mother and father were home and permission to have his fiancée stay overnight in the guest room was not the same as being allowed to stay in that roomwith her. So for now, he just watched her thinking about what it had felt like to hold her in his arms under the stars, carrying her to the car when she’s fallen asleep and then to the guest room when they arrived home.

Smiling he leaned over to kiss her forehead. Pulling back to look at her sleeping face one more time, he slipped a small note beneath her pillow gently before leaving.

I’m leaving first- didn’t want to wake you. I’ll call you after the meeting. Saranghae, ~J

It didn’t happen very often, but this one once of the few times since they’d been friends, that he felt uncomfortable being a part of YiJung’s personal business.

WooBin leaned against the wall, keeping out of the way and feeling out of place. He knew his relationship with YiJung was close-knit, and therefore they kept nothing from each other, but something inside of him felt like he was prying by being in the room while the doctor delivered the results of his practically-a-brother’s tests. He was thankful, in a way, that he couldn’t see YiJung’s face at the moment. This whole situation was becoming increasingly more disconcerting and he wasn’t sure if he’s be able to maintain composure if he watched the potter receive bad news.

Almost businesslike, the doctor began to speak.  “So YiJung, your blood work showed some concerning results. Preliminary tests show an elevated white count. You could be fighting an infection of some sort but your other symptoms are indicative of a different issue. I recommend another test to be certain.”

“Another blood test?” He saw YiJung’s shoulders become significantly tenser with each second. His own muscles were tightening around his chest, making it harder to breathe normally. His stomach was squirming with anxiety and he couldn’t even imagine what YiJung must be experiencing.

“Not exactly,” the doctor continued. “This one is called a bone marrow aspiration. Basically, we extract some bone marrow from your hip bone. Then we can look at those cells to get more detailed information. We have the space so we are going to go ahead and schedule you an appointment for tomorrow.”

  The shock of the statement overwhelmed him and WooBin couldn’t help but interject before YiJung had a chance to speak again. “So soon?”

The doctor looked up as if he’s forgotten there was someone else in the room. “It’s important we come to conclusive results as soon as possible.”

“Wha-“ YiJung raised a hand to WooBin, signaling him to stop. Swallowing hard, he clenched his jaw and did as requested.

With an unsteady voice, YiJung asked the question which was burning in the back of WooBin’s mind. “What is it we could be dealing with here?”

“Best case, some form of anemia. Worst, some form of cancer. But we can’t be sure until we complete this test.” There was a torrent of silence that came crashing down on the room before the doctor tentatively broke the plane. “Do you have any questions?” WooBin did. He had a million and one questions, but it wasn’t his place to ask right now. Right now, all he could think about was protecting YiJung who was looking away.

Reacting on instinct, WooBin reached out to rest a hand on YiJung’s shoulder. The reaction was immediate and violent as his touch was swatted away. The next words from the potter’s mouth were cold and distant as he retreated somewhere inside himself.

“Anyo. Thank You.”

Most of the other students hated writing charts, but he had always found some enjoyment in quiet, alone time.

JiHoo sighed wearily. Ordinarily charting was easy to accomplish, a nice break from the usual business of medical school, but tonight he was distracted. Throwing his pen down, he reached across the desk for the newest-looking folder. Opening it he stared once more at the results of the blood panel even though he was sure he knew it by heart.

“So YiJung,” he murmured, running his finger along the name on the file. It seemed impossible that this could be happening but here was the proof before him. Tossing the file away in disbelief, he reached for his phone.

There was no one to call. JanDi and JunPyo were on a date, absorbed with each other’s presence and ultimately unreachable. YiJung wasn’t speaking to anyone since the morning’s appointment and JiHoo knew that when he wanted to be left alone it was best to do so. WooBin had turned his phone off out of frustration and fear. Alone with the scariest piece of paper he’d ever looked at, JiHoo didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t remember being this numb since after his parent’s accident. Unconsciously he touched the scar beneath his eye. He needed someone to distract himself, someone he could give and give and give to so he could forget everything else.

GaEul.

The thought hit him like a tornado, fast and strong and irrational. He thought about GaEul who was beautifully innocent and being thrown into a situation that could only lead to suffering.At this thought he felt guilty for even entertaining the thought but his tired doubts were stronger, persevering in this battle. Jandi has JunPyo now. They have each other and there’s no longer a need for me to follow her around, he thought to himself.

More confused than ever, he laid his aching head on the desk. The room was dark, silent, and he found himself readily welcoming the simplicity of dreamless sleep.

He couldn’t bring himself to call her.

YiJung had dismissed WooBin as soon as he had pulled into the drive. He’d spent the night alone, staring down a bottle of wine with her stuck in his mind.

He broke the seal on the bottle, pouring it into a glass and swirling it gently with his good hand. Sighing heavily, he pushed the glass across the table so it was beyond his reach. With such an important test in the morning, he should not be drinking tonight. Besides, he reminded himself, there was no conclusive answer yet.

Holding his breath, he flipped his phone around in his hands as he exhaled.

She answered almost immediately, practically taking his ear off with her shriek. “YiJung-ah, are you alright?”

Shakily, he answered in as steady of a voice as possible. “GaEul… sorry I missed your calls. I was- out… with WooBin.” It wasn’t a total lie, but it still felt wrong to be deceiving her. “I just must have lost track of time. Mian.”

“Oh.” She sounded disappointed and it made him feel even guiltier for leaving her alone for the whole day. But not was not a time for apology and he needed to spit out exactly what is was he was trying to say before he lost his nerve.

“Listen GaEul, I have something I need to tell you.”

“Would you like me to come over?” She sounded so excited at the prospect, but he knew he would not be able to handle her presence at the moment. He was more frightened of hurting her in this mood than he was of his potential health issues.

“Anyo, I- I’d rather be alone for a bit if that’s okay.” She grew very quiet and he clenched his hand tighter around the phone to stop it from shaking.“GaEul,” he swallowed anxiously. “Today, with WooBin we weren’t just hanging out.”

“You weren’t…?”

“Anyo, I spoke with a doctor.”

“But… I thought- I thought you said you were feeling better.” Her concern made him hurt even more as his eyes drifted back to the alcohol. His mouth had become increasingly more dry and he his lips nervously before continuing.

“They want me to come to the hospital tomorrow- for a test.”

“I’ll take the day off.” Her answer was immediate and painfully sincere.

“Anyo, your students will worry.” He quickly blurted, hoping it didn’t sound too harsh.

“But YiJung…”

He felt as if his voice was going to break and he felt like he could barely continue the conversation. “I’ll have WooBin pick you up from school and you can meet us at the hospital, ok?”

“YiJung…”

“GaEul.” He was fighting the urge to hang up but he until he gave her some sort of reassurance.

“Everything’s okay, right?” Her voice was so small and fragile and he knew if would break them both to deliver bad news.

“Yes,” he forced himself to lie to her. “I’ll be fine GaEul.”

I'll be fine.