17.“The key to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” -Albert Einstein

Yongguk had been asked many times where he gained his inspiration for his lyrics and his work. He had moved on from production to painting as well and he always replied with a smile and a quote; “The key to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” This lead to controversy wondering if Yongguk was working tandem with someone else and taking their ideas along with the credit. He would never tell or speak out on it, but that sure wasn’t the case. Everyone who knew Yongguk knew he got his ideas from talking to Daehyun face to face, but Daehyun never spoke back.

                It was a technique that programmers used where they’d speak to a rubber duck when trying to figure out what was wrong in a code, and Yongguk talked to Daehyun as if to bounce ideas off him when in reality he was picking at a hangnail or scrolling through Twitter. He didn’t mind it. He saw it as a performance art almost because Yongguk was the kind of guy to title that if he ever did. His creativity was at its peak when he could just look at someone he cared so much for. He saw Daehyun’s nose and he made a piece about the injustices of the industries beauty standards and people were both livid and moved by the lyrics. He saw Daehyun’s eyes and was reminded of everything beautiful in life and while he was never good at writing ballads, the one he wrote then came out okay.

                It was hard changing the pronouns and the descriptions in his song though because sometimes it didn’t just fit for girls. He couldn’t talk about how their deep voices lulled him into relaxation or how it was cute when he watched his eyes twitch when eyeliner was being put on because the average girl is used to that. He’d have to say that some fictional girl’s voice was the last thing he wanted to hear before his eyes shut and how she was pretty with or without makeup but it didn’t matter what he thought because it was all up to her on how she wanted to look. The fans ate it up because it was empowerment to women and even his sister, Natasha, told him it was a bold move, but it was a bold move in the right direction.

                He remade his Soundcloud one day and there would he slowly ease himself to put out more daring music. He didn’t change the pronouns but he sung in a higher voice as if to mimic a girl’s thoughts and words. Speculation would always run ramped but he never had to admit what was really flowing through his head and through his veins there was this creativity that held so much but he was still so stunted by rules and regulations.  If he could, he’d write about war and famine and death and all the wrongs he sees on the news. He’d speak of art and music like it was supposed to be spoken about; unbarred. No protocols. Raw and passionate. Not like these cookie cutter boys and girls that the industry was dishing out today. No one wanted to be audacious anymore. No one wanted to do new dances or make songs that left an impact and raised hell.

                He needed more people in the industry that had that gut. He needed more idols that spoke out against bullying. He needed more idols that said it was okay to be gay fearlessly. He needed more girls saying that as a woman they deserved more. He’d look up and down Daehyun’s body as they sat in the studio face to face and he’d try to dig deep inside himself and find that courage but now that he was free and his contract was up, it wasn’t his place. He’d write songs for other people but they’d still be about how this measly idol rap game was fake and how they came from the underground when in reality they threw that away for lights and fame.

                Yongguk didn’t blame them. He sat back at his desk and he wished that Daehyun was there because he was in a rut. Maybe he should have told people where he got his inspiration, but he wouldn’t lend out Daehyun to anyone else. He was his and his alone. Daehyun was his muse. He was an open notebook and he didn’t even know it. There was just so much he felt when he looked at the boy and sometimes it was happiness. There were days where he’d be furious and there was times when he’d break down into tears and they ran down his face as he scratched away at papers with a dulled pencil in his hand. He wondered who Einstein’s inspiration and then he wondered how such a smart man even needed someone to look up to.

                It was then he realized that the person who you look up to doesn’t need to be better than you in a field or at all. You didn’t need a reason. Just like art, sometimes art is art for the sake of it. There didn’t need to be an underlying reason for his words, and just like that, Yongguk thought of something new and what he hoped to be inspiring to maybe someone else. Lyrics came down on the page he was opened up to and they filled up the lines like a flood would a city after a downpour. This was his storm. This was his thunder and lightning and this was what rocked his world. Even without Daehyun there, Yongguk was inspired. Begrudgingly, he realized his true source. Yongguk couldn’t hide his creativity even if he tried. He was only one man, and he couldn’t hide the entire world.