S: Quandary
Be Extant, Stay Around
" Because the rough floor was like my regrets that remain; Because I hated my heart for not treating you well
You are getting farther away, even my tears are emptied; I call out to you, it hurts so much but I keep shouting "
Sungmin, one of the hottest thirteen guys - excluding Leeteuk and Kangin, as they come later in their life - is a psychologist that teams up with his other colleagues to open a psychological clinic. However, the male is pretty flexible as he doesn't stick to only doing his job at the institution only. The mental disorder specialization psychologist also works with private institutions, who might call him, asking for his assessment regarding their workers or whoever they seem fit to seek the psychologist's advice - or so they called it.
For the most part, the young psychologist can read behaviors of all genre of life; a child, an adolescent or even the most difficult one, the adult. He even can define one's feeling, actions, thinking just by observing the little things everyone else will overlook.
Nonetheless, he forgets that his specialty works the charm only to some extend of people. And that explains why he doesn't have any clues on what has been going on to his friend Yesung on the night they had dinner last time. Neither has he appeared to actually know what is in Ryeohyun's mind when he saw the little girl hiding against the lawyer's chest, looking all flustered.
Though he quite sure that he is the only one who witnessing the whole small incident, he can't bring himself to brush it off like the incident doesn't happen in the first place - it haunts him and the thoughts itself suffocate him enough, that they never seem to give a room for his brain to actually breathe normally.
And he thanks Eunhyuk, really for dragging him out from his dilemma today. The latter coaxes the psychologist for almost thirty minutes to accompany him to a dinner party. The psychologist might think 'Why he out of all people?' - but surprisingly, the strange occasion in the last two days after the wedding-of-the-year, he simply agrees with the executive after Eunhyuk has done babbling and reasoning out why he needs the male as a companion to the formal party.
In fact, he doesn't complain or rather open his mouth, at all throughout the party. He just smile brightly like he always does, trying to be responsive as possible to whoever passes him and the executives. But that doesn't enough apparently to keep all the flirty guys and women alike away.
So, once Eunhyuk senses someone is standing to the elder male too close to his liking, trying to buy time to converse with the psychologist; the executives abruptly ends his whatever business talking before striding towards the said male, and grabs the slender male by the arm out from the hall.
"I'm sorry." Eunhyuk profusely apologizes, afraid that the male will blow off his head right then and there. And silence exchanges with the regret acknowledgment.
While the executive might believe that Sungmin is actually too pissed to talk to him, because of the persistent, annoying end he told earlier, the young CEO has some idea that this is not his fault alone. It has to be something else that makes the psychologist can't vocal out the concern, or even express it with words.
"Min, are you okay? Are you having a fever?" Eunhyuk brings the back of his right hand to the latter forehead almost instinctively. "No, you're not having a fever." Tilting his head side by side, he continues, "Maybe I tired you out. Besides you don't like this kind of gathering. Come on, I send you home." Eunhyuk babbles out, not really noticing the blank look on the elder face.
The executive then intertwines his fingers with the elder's, walking and leading the other towards Eunhyuk's expensive car. Sungmin who too preoccupied doesn't realize this - the interlaced hands - because he actually will forcefully pull his hands away from such act. He only enjoys himself if certain designer does that to him, not anyone else.
While Eunhyuk prepares himself for the outburst from the elder, he can say that he is quite surprised when he feels the psychologist tightens the hold. But, of course the executive reminds himself that Sungmin probably doesn't realize what he has been doing. Nevertheless, he can't help to feel extremely giddy over the fact that he can finally relish his fantasy to actually touch the smooth surface of the other hands, though he is the only one who secretly enjoys this.
When both of male has seated on their respective seats on Eunhyuk's car, Sungmin then blurts something out, so slow, so soft that if Eunhyuk doesn't stare at the pretty male beside him attentively, he wouldn't hear the exact words.
"He wants us to move on."
"Huh?" The only response the executive can draw out.
But Sungmin, who still in his world stays silence. Closing his eyes, the psychologist leans his body against the passenger seat, wanting the world to stop exhausting him from whatever it is.
Eunhyuk too startled to say anything, keeps eyes training on the other male. His whirling thoughts trying to figure out what the 'move on' part means - the only words he manages to catch on. Yet when the brain doesn't want to cooperate with him, and the passive Sungmin adds into the equation, the executive gives up. Igniting the fuel mixture in an internal-combustion engine to life, he backs out from the parking lot before driving them out to the highway.
If only driving can simply throws questions out from the window, he would always choose this option and make it as his number one habit.
Sadly, that's not how life operates.
Just after humming the engine down, and before the male behind the wheel can maneuver the gear to the parking mode, Sungmin touches his hand, instantly freezing him up, confusion clouding his mind.
Retracting his hand, Sungmin stares at the executive. "He doesn't love Ryeowook with all his heart anymore. Do you believe him?"
"Who is him?"
"He said that we all should move on, because we have our own lives to take care of." Laughing bitterly, Sungmin drops his gaze. "He must be out of his mind to say such things."
"The move on thing...?" Slowly Eunhyuk replies with a question, while his hands swiftly switching the gear to P mode.
"Ha... I can't believe it, after all this time, for freaking eight years he's just going to give up. Love doesn't supposed to make us feel weak, right? Right?!"
Maybe one would flinch away at the sudden outburst, but not him. The executive quickly wraps his strong arms around the other male albeit meeting with some powerful struggle before it dies down, trapping between the chest.
"I should never bring the conversation up. But then he should know not to ask me to simply move on! Because, that the hardest thing he asks me to do."
For the life of Lee Sungmin, he really respects Yesung for the endless love the lawyer harbors towards the designer. And if the same decent guy gives merit to someone else while at the same time demote his own self for thinking he does not deserve the beautiful Ryeowook, then what he should think then?
The deep, highly admiration suddenly loses its hold, falling out of balance, falls everything within him apart. No, his heart is still remaining intact - fortunately - but he can't say the same thing to his mind right now.
The wiring in his head waiting for any moments now, before the smooth sharp jab snaps everything within him, shutting him off completely.
Does that mean he should backs away, too?
Does that mean he has to give up, now the chances are seem too slim to pull through?
Does that mean Yesung really and actually loses his mind like he thought he is, or the lawyer simply wants to prepare himself for another heartbreak?
The psychologist doesn't even notice by now that he actually cries in front of people, in front of his friend. The salty tears of Sungmin drench Eunhyuk's tux and falls onto the executive's heart. Startled by this, Eunhyuk does what he does best - tightens his hand around the crying male more, while sliding his hand up and down on the latter backside. The heaviness of his heart can't contain when the elder tugs his dress shirt tightly, desperately as in trying to control the tears but to no avail. The tears keep on pouring like a landslide from the steep slope, unstoppable.
"... You move on, because you have to." Practically, the executive maybe or maybe not know who tells Sungmin about the 'move on' thing, but he doesn't about to take a guess now. Because what matters now is to pacify the whimpering male in his arm, albeit he doesn't know how to, he just uttering anything to make the cry stop - that is his goal, for the night.
"... But you bring him in your heart." Perhaps, Eunhyuk knows all along what troubling the elder the moment the 'move on' slips out the psychologist mouth. He just pretends that it doesn't hurt him, pretends that he doesn't acknowledge anything.
It's hurt truth to be told, because when you love someone, it's never over, and the flame never dies out.
For the most part, the young psychologist can read behaviors of all genre of life; a child, an adolescent or even the most difficult one, the adult. He even can define one's feeling, actions, thinking just by observing the little things everyone else will overlook.
Nonetheless, he forgets that his specialty works the charm only to some extend of people. And that explains why he doesn't have any clues on what has been going on to his friend Yesung on the night they had dinner last time. Neither has he appeared to actually know what is in Ryeohyun's mind when he saw the little girl hiding against the lawyer's chest, looking all flustered.
Though he quite sure that he is the only one who witnessing the whole small incident, he can't bring himself to brush it off like the incident doesn't happen in the first place - it haunts him and the thoughts itself suffocate him enough, that they never seem to give a room for his brain to actually breathe normally.
And he thanks Eunhyuk, really for dragging him out from his dilemma today. The latter coaxes the psychologist for almost thirty minutes to accompany him to a dinner party. The psychologist might think 'Why he out of all people?' - but surprisingly, the strange occasion in the last two days after the wedding-of-the-year, he simply agrees with the executive after Eunhyuk has done babbling and reasoning out why he needs the male as a companion to the formal party.
In fact, he doesn't complain or rather open his mouth, at all throughout the party. He just smile brightly like he always does, trying to be responsive as possible to whoever passes him and the executives. But that doesn't enough apparently to keep all the flirty guys and women alike away.
So, once Eunhyuk senses someone is standing to the elder male too close to his liking, trying to buy time to converse with the psychologist; the executives abruptly ends his whatever business talking before striding towards the said male, and grabs the slender male by the arm out from the hall.
"I'm sorry." Eunhyuk profusely apologizes, afraid that the male will blow off his head right then and there. And silence exchanges with the regret acknowledgment.
While the executive might believe that Sungmin is actually too pissed to talk to him, because of the persistent, annoying end he told earlier, the young CEO has some idea that this is not his fault alone. It has to be something else that makes the psychologist can't vocal out the concern, or even express it with words.
"Min, are you okay? Are you having a fever?" Eunhyuk brings the back of his right hand to the latter forehead almost instinctively. "No, you're not having a fever." Tilting his head side by side, he continues, "Maybe I tired you out. Besides you don't like this kind of gathering. Come on, I send you home." Eunhyuk babbles out, not really noticing the blank look on the elder face.
The executive then intertwines his fingers with the elder's, walking and leading the other towards Eunhyuk's expensive car. Sungmin who too preoccupied doesn't realize this - the interlaced hands - because he actually will forcefully pull his hands away from such act. He only enjoys himself if certain designer does that to him, not anyone else.
While Eunhyuk prepares himself for the outburst from the elder, he can say that he is quite surprised when he feels the psychologist tightens the hold. But, of course the executive reminds himself that Sungmin probably doesn't realize what he has been doing. Nevertheless, he can't help to feel extremely giddy over the fact that he can finally relish his fantasy to actually touch the smooth surface of the other hands, though he is the only one who secretly enjoys this.
When both of male has seated on their respective seats on Eunhyuk's car, Sungmin then blurts something out, so slow, so soft that if Eunhyuk doesn't stare at the pretty male beside him attentively, he wouldn't hear the exact words.
"He wants us to move on."
"Huh?" The only response the executive can draw out.
But Sungmin, who still in his world stays silence. Closing his eyes, the psychologist leans his body against the passenger seat, wanting the world to stop exhausting him from whatever it is.
Eunhyuk too startled to say anything, keeps eyes training on the other male. His whirling thoughts trying to figure out what the 'move on' part means - the only words he manages to catch on. Yet when the brain doesn't want to cooperate with him, and the passive Sungmin adds into the equation, the executive gives up. Igniting the fuel mixture in an internal-combustion engine to life, he backs out from the parking lot before driving them out to the highway.
If only driving can simply throws questions out from the window, he would always choose this option and make it as his number one habit.
Sadly, that's not how life operates.
Just after humming the engine down, and before the male behind the wheel can maneuver the gear to the parking mode, Sungmin touches his hand, instantly freezing him up, confusion clouding his mind.
Retracting his hand, Sungmin stares at the executive. "He doesn't love Ryeowook with all his heart anymore. Do you believe him?"
"Who is him?"
"He said that we all should move on, because we have our own lives to take care of." Laughing bitterly, Sungmin drops his gaze. "He must be out of his mind to say such things."
"The move on thing...?" Slowly Eunhyuk replies with a question, while his hands swiftly switching the gear to P mode.
"Ha... I can't believe it, after all this time, for freaking eight years he's just going to give up. Love doesn't supposed to make us feel weak, right? Right?!"
Maybe one would flinch away at the sudden outburst, but not him. The executive quickly wraps his strong arms around the other male albeit meeting with some powerful struggle before it dies down, trapping between the chest.
"I should never bring the conversation up. But then he should know not to ask me to simply move on! Because, that the hardest thing he asks me to do."
For the life of Lee Sungmin, he really respects Yesung for the endless love the lawyer harbors towards the designer. And if the same decent guy gives merit to someone else while at the same time demote his own self for thinking he does not deserve the beautiful Ryeowook, then what he should think then?
The deep, highly admiration suddenly loses its hold, falling out of balance, falls everything within him apart. No, his heart is still remaining intact - fortunately - but he can't say the same thing to his mind right now.
The wiring in his head waiting for any moments now, before the smooth sharp jab snaps everything within him, shutting him off completely.
Does that mean he should backs away, too?
Does that mean he has to give up, now the chances are seem too slim to pull through?
Does that mean Yesung really and actually loses his mind like he thought he is, or the lawyer simply wants to prepare himself for another heartbreak?
The psychologist doesn't even notice by now that he actually cries in front of people, in front of his friend. The salty tears of Sungmin drench Eunhyuk's tux and falls onto the executive's heart. Startled by this, Eunhyuk does what he does best - tightens his hand around the crying male more, while sliding his hand up and down on the latter backside. The heaviness of his heart can't contain when the elder tugs his dress shirt tightly, desperately as in trying to control the tears but to no avail. The tears keep on pouring like a landslide from the steep slope, unstoppable.
"... You move on, because you have to." Practically, the executive maybe or maybe not know who tells Sungmin about the 'move on' thing, but he doesn't about to take a guess now. Because what matters now is to pacify the whimpering male in his arm, albeit he doesn't know how to, he just uttering anything to make the cry stop - that is his goal, for the night.
"... But you bring him in your heart." Perhaps, Eunhyuk knows all along what troubling the elder the moment the 'move on' slips out the psychologist mouth. He just pretends that it doesn't hurt him, pretends that he doesn't acknowledge anything.
It's hurt truth to be told, because when you love someone, it's never over, and the flame never dies out.
.......
Shindong drops Ryeowook in front of the gate, because the designer demands him not to drive into the driveway of the house, just stop outside the house will do. It's almost ten, the dark purple night shining the world with the sparkling tiny silver stars across the skyline.
The designer impeccably knows that he's been worrying his cute daughter all day long, and he doesn't bother to actually check upon his phone - for sure there are series of missed calls he gets. Big mistake ever he has done - along with many others - that he doesn't contact Ryeohyun, even for mere seconds, or else he should tell the little girl that he has something comes up. Oh well, he's too insane to actually think that he should do that, at the very least.
Walking slowly towards the front door, Ryeowook doesn't minding his surrounding, not noticing the familiar silver car at the other side of the driveway. Too engrossed with many thing all at once, the slender male doesn't realize he actually has reaches the door knob.
Blinking his eyes, he gently turns the knob, anxiety brewing his whole being. Somehow, he secretly relieves that his daughter doesn't wait up for him in the living room, because if she had then it surely weighs in the burden some more. Not that it will lessen the weight. After all, it stills his fault for not telling his daughter regarding his whereabouts.
But the more he ponders about the fact, the more guiltiness comes rushing in his veins.
"Where have you be--"
The brief moment he locks his eyes on his daughter, Ryeowook can make out that the bright smile of Ryeohyun has turns to a straight line.
Frown slightly, Ryeohyun climbs down the stairs and walks over to her young father.
"Silly daddy, why are you crying?" Very soft, the little girl asks. Wrapping her small hands around the male, Ryeohyun can feel that her eyes are tearing up.
The designer impeccably knows that he's been worrying his cute daughter all day long, and he doesn't bother to actually check upon his phone - for sure there are series of missed calls he gets. Big mistake ever he has done - along with many others - that he doesn't contact Ryeohyun, even for mere seconds, or else he should tell the little girl that he has something comes up. Oh well, he's too insane to actually think that he should do that, at the very least.
Walking slowly towards the front door, Ryeowook doesn't minding his surrounding, not noticing the familiar silver car at the other side of the driveway. Too engrossed with many thing all at once, the slender male doesn't realize he actually has reaches the door knob.
Blinking his eyes, he gently turns the knob, anxiety brewing his whole being. Somehow, he secretly relieves that his daughter doesn't wait up for him in the living room, because if she had then it surely weighs in the burden some more. Not that it will lessen the weight. After all, it stills his fault for not telling his daughter regarding his whereabouts.
But the more he ponders about the fact, the more guiltiness comes rushing in his veins.
"Where have you be--"
The brief moment he locks his eyes on his daughter, Ryeowook can make out that the bright smile of Ryeohyun has turns to a straight line.
Frown slightly, Ryeohyun climbs down the stairs and walks over to her young father.
"Silly daddy, why are you crying?" Very soft, the little girl asks. Wrapping her small hands around the male, Ryeohyun can feel that her eyes are tearing up.
Till this very day, Ryeohyun never knows why each time she sees the tears flowing from her father's orb, she will start to feel the same thing, too. It amazes her that she seems to understand what her father feels though she doesn't exactly sure what makes her father cries in the first place. It feels like whenever Ryeowook cries, her brain instantly sends some nerves to do exactly that.
"Do you have any idea how stupid I felt that I lost my chances to see him, for the last time? And it took me freaking two years, to come to the full realization!"
Tears that Ryeowook succeeds in holding back at the cemetery come gushing down harshly, wetting the soft cheeks, blurring everything in front of him.
If the designer really conscious, he would never cry a river like what he does right now in front of his daughter - because that is his policy - never breakdown in front of your daughter. Act everything is still within your control, even just a little.
But things begin to become harder for the young father to actually claim everything is still within his reach when the matter keeps diverging away far from him, refuse to be solved the way he wants them to be. And things suddenly become too devastated for him to handle and almost instantly he drowns in the strong waves of the unlock floodgates, engulfing his whole being to the pit of the Earth.
"Do you honestly know what I felt? Up till now, I blame myself, for being such an ignorant, dense and freaking slow for never sees those obtuse lies."
Kyuhyun who still watches the heart-wrenching mess from the stairs, steps down. He kneels down in front of Ryeowook as the male has falls onto his knees; and touches the slender male's nape, gently while attempting to calm down the little girl at the same time.
Once the little girl loosens her hands on her father's neck, Kyuhyun pulls Ryeowook closer to him, burying the designer's head in his chest.
If the lanky doctor wants to compare the whimpering male he encountered weeks ago in the basement to this sobbing mess in his arm now, he can't actually - because crying Ryeowook is equivalent to his ripped heart that has being smashed into millions of pieces, scattered all over, impossible to repair it back without some strenuous, arduous efforts from his part.
"But then I know someone else might feel worse than I am now. Perhaps, that's okay. Perhaps, that is enough, for me to know that someone else also experiencing the same thing as me...but, I don't think so. Because, love leaves... maybe that's why it hurts."
"Do you have any idea how stupid I felt that I lost my chances to see him, for the last time? And it took me freaking two years, to come to the full realization!"
Tears that Ryeowook succeeds in holding back at the cemetery come gushing down harshly, wetting the soft cheeks, blurring everything in front of him.
If the designer really conscious, he would never cry a river like what he does right now in front of his daughter - because that is his policy - never breakdown in front of your daughter. Act everything is still within your control, even just a little.
But things begin to become harder for the young father to actually claim everything is still within his reach when the matter keeps diverging away far from him, refuse to be solved the way he wants them to be. And things suddenly become too devastated for him to handle and almost instantly he drowns in the strong waves of the unlock floodgates, engulfing his whole being to the pit of the Earth.
"Do you honestly know what I felt? Up till now, I blame myself, for being such an ignorant, dense and freaking slow for never sees those obtuse lies."
Kyuhyun who still watches the heart-wrenching mess from the stairs, steps down. He kneels down in front of Ryeowook as the male has falls onto his knees; and touches the slender male's nape, gently while attempting to calm down the little girl at the same time.
Once the little girl loosens her hands on her father's neck, Kyuhyun pulls Ryeowook closer to him, burying the designer's head in his chest.
If the lanky doctor wants to compare the whimpering male he encountered weeks ago in the basement to this sobbing mess in his arm now, he can't actually - because crying Ryeowook is equivalent to his ripped heart that has being smashed into millions of pieces, scattered all over, impossible to repair it back without some strenuous, arduous efforts from his part.
"But then I know someone else might feel worse than I am now. Perhaps, that's okay. Perhaps, that is enough, for me to know that someone else also experiencing the same thing as me...but, I don't think so. Because, love leaves... maybe that's why it hurts."
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