“Perhaps - I want the old days back again and they'll never come back, and I am haunted by the memory of them and of the world falling about my ears. ”  

-Gone with the Wind

Spring

Spring came. They say that spring is the best time of the year because you can feel the warmth of the sun, smell the fresh air, and see the green grass and blooming flowers but for me, of course it isn’t. Nothing changed. He didn’t come back, the now unfamiliar man whom I always thought to be my real father still treated me coldly but he still let me stay in the mansion. My brothers, Jonghyun and Key oppa, took over the company, making them busier than they already were. Dad who turned out to be my real dad invited me to live with him and Taemin but I refused his offer as it might be awkward and strange if Minho sees me there if ever he comes back.

“Dad, I’m sorry for acting like...that.” I didn’t elaborate any further as he already knew what I meant by that. I acted foolish and I was blinded by my anger that I never accepted him to be my real dad.

“It’s okay, Min Hee...I understand.” He smiled kindly, his brown eyes showed that he was still sad and yet happy at the same time, maybe because of Minho leaving unexpectedly. It was a shock to me. I thought that if I go to their house—here—that I’d find him in his room but I only found an empty room. 

“Oh. Noona! Are you going to move in here?” Taemin was wearing his “fake” glasses, probably going out to get some girls. His hair was styled in a different way and he looked more...more mature than the last time I saw him which was last month, winter.

“Here? Uh...” I bit my lip with dad looking at me expectantly, probably hoping me to say yes.

“Don’t you want to live here with us instead of living in that house? Don’t you feel lonely?” I do feel lonely, I wanted to say but I just smiled and said, “Dad, Taemin, I’m fine. I’m used to it, don’t worry about me.”

He’s back to his old habits: being a playboy, Lee Taemin.

I held my phone closer to my ear. “Yah, Lee Taemin? Where are you? Dad tells me that you have been doing things.” A girl’s voice can be heard on the other line but it was soon drowned by the voice of Taemin, “Noona, I’m with a girl...you don’t want her to think that I’m talking to my girlfriend right? Got to go!” with that, he ended the call.

Onew, working as hard as ever, wanting to keep his mind away from his problems.

It was already closing time, I saw Onew wiping some mugs at the front counter. He looked up when he heard the door open and said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you here for a while.” He stopped from wiping the mugs and sat down on a couch, patting the empty space beside it. Well...he was right; I haven’t come here since last month.

“Things happened.” I said, seating comfortably beside him.

“Hey...about the blind date...I haven’t talked to you about it yet. How...how was it?” He looked everywhere but me while biting his lip and playing with his fingers.

I grunted, “What about it? Are you begging me to spare your life? I can’t believe you set me up with an old man.” The image of the man in my head was a blur and all I know is that I didn’t want to see that man again. I shook my head, wanting to remove the image from my head and faced Onew when he looked at me confusedly.

“What? Why would I describe him?” I asked incredulously, picturing Minho in my mind with his bistre hair, his gleaming eyes and his dark coloured clothes, smiling at me just like the time when he brought me home for the first time.

“I thought...You...uh...actually... I set you two up for the date.” He said nervously, scooting on the other end of the chair, probably expecting me to snap at him and smack his head but, “That’s impossible...he wasn’t wearing red.” I said calmly, remembering the time I bumped into him at the mall.

“Well, were you?” No. I was silent, speechless at how funny how fate plays with us without truly making us stay together just like when we were kids.

Lastly, Jung Min Hee. I’m still me; the only difference is that I feel lonelier than ever. So, this is what feels like being left by someone? This is how you felt Choi Minho? Are you getting your revenge on me? Well, you succeeded so please, come back.

Summer

Summer was a blur, it was too hot for me to realize what was happening around me and all I ever thought about is When will he come back? But, there’s this one day that my senses were so alert that I noticed everything in my surroundings. It was the day that I couldn’t quite forget even if I wanted to. A day that I wished didn’t happen. Did he come back? Did we get reunited once again? No.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5

Beads of sweat slowly started trickling down my face, the sun glared at me as if it wanted to burn me. I fanned my face with my hands. My hair was drawn back slickly on a tight pony tail, still vibrant red. My shirt felt very sticky against my sweaty skin.

“When snowflakes fall in the summer, that’s when I’ll stop loving you.” I quoted from a song that I don’t even know the title. Huh. Even in these awful circumstances, my mind is still filled with the things Minho wanted me to throw away.

4, 3, 2, 1

I crossed the familiar road, our stranger meeting still flashed in my mind. My mind darted back to the times we had endless bickering, the days we had fun and the night I regretted the most. If only I was fast enough to make up my mind and make a decision then, it might have made even the slightest of difference. If only...but it’s too late. I don’t know where he went or when he’ll come back or if he will still come back. I stopped at the middle of the road, the memories of how we met went darting in my mind like flash images.

“Minho.” I whispered, as if he could actually hear me wherever he is.

My eyes flicked on the bunch of teenagers passing the streets. They were holding buckets of something, prob