A/N: Thanks again for the support :D I'm having a fun time writing and hearing what you all have to say!

BORN FREE, SADLY

It had stopped raining by time the bus pulled up to the stop, which Jaejoong was grateful for since he already had his hands full of bags and couldn't reach his umbrella without doing a juggling act. He would hate for Yunho's new microphones to wind up damaged after everything he had done to bring them back in the first place, and he was sure the plants in the garden that he and Auntie Minjung had tried to protect needed a break from the downpour, too.

He could see both Yunho and Changmin sitting on the porch as he walked down the street to the house. Changmin saw him first and lept up to his feet to help him with his excess baggage.

“Hyung, please don't go away anymore” Changmin said as soon as he had filled his arms with bags of clothing. “As soon as you left, Yunho hyung made me come over and play video games with him for hours because he was bored.”

“Don't you like video games?”

“He accused me of cheating at all of them because I'm better than him.” Changmin rolled his eyes. “And then he lied and said you were coming back to cook dinner, but you didn't, and I had to eat Auntie Minjung's 'cooking' with him.” He looked down at the bags in his hands. “Are there any leftovers in here from your dinner?”

“Sorry, but I ate it all.” He jokingly poked Changmin's cheek. “But it looks like you're getting a bit chubby up here, are you sure you need more food?”

“Hyung,” Changmin said witheringly, swatting his hand away. “This is all your fault, you know. If you don't stop spoiling Yunho hyung, he's going to get grouchy and make other people do it when you're gone.”

“Don't you go around telling Jaejoongie what to do, Changmin,” Yunho scolded once he'd also gotten up and joined them. “You should aim to be more like your hyung.” He turned to look at Jaejoong, smiling. “Welcome back. Did you have a nice trip?”

“Very nice,” Jaejoong said, his heart pounding pleasantly at the sight of Yunho's face. Had it really only been a few hours since he'd seen it? He could barely believe it had just been that morning that he'd had dangerous thoughts about Yunho while writing his song, and only a day ago that he and Yunho hadn't even been speaking to each other. So much felt different from before that it was if the days were dragging him along on a roller coaster and ing him every which way until his heart wasn't sure what to do anymore.

“You brought a lot back,” Yunho pointed out, nodding at Jaejoong's bags. “Is that all clothes? Ah, that's too bad, I got kind of used to seeing you in mine.”

“Hyung, you sound like a ert,” Changmin said, wrinkling his nose.

Yunho laughed. “I was just joking! Most of my old jeans were going through the knees and the back pockets, anyways. We can't have Jaejoongie exposing himself at work, can we?” He glanced down at the bag of equipment still in Jaejoong's hands. “What's that one?”

Jaejoong handed it to him. “It's a gift. For you.”

“For me?” Yunho opened it all the way and began pulling out the different sizes of microphones one by one along with their rounded filters. When he reached the bottom of the bag, he uncovered the software discs and stared at them as if he couldn't fully understand what they were. His mouth kept opening and shutting in wordless shock.

Even Changmin looked impressed. “You could afford all of that? It looks like a professional brand.”

“My sister's boyfriend works at a studio,” Jaejoong said, waiting for Yunho to show more of a reaction. “I got a really big discount for most of it, and my sister let me take the CDs for free.”

“Jae...” Yunho glanced at all the items in his hands and those remaining in the bag. “All of this... I really get to have all this?”

“Yeah. You said you wanted to record, right? So now we can do it together while I'm here for the summer.”

“And how much do I owe you for all of it?”

“You don't,” Jaejoong said quickly. “It really wasn't all that much. And I want you to be able to spend your work money on a new truck, so I thought I could at least do this much for you since my sister had a connection to someone in the indust-”

Before Jaejoong could finish his sentence, Yunho had thrown his arms around his neck and was pulling him close. “Ah, what to do with you?” he whispered softly by Jaejoong's ear. “Changmin is right, if you keep on spoiling me like this, I...” He trailed off.

“Errrrr, well then,” Changmin said, clearing his throat. “Now that Jaejoong hyung is back and everything, I think I'll just go.”

“You do that,” Yunho said, his voice still a little bit dazed. He released Jaejoong from his arms and took a step back. “I want to set this up right away. Let's go.”

“Goodbye to you, too.” Changmin looked back and forth between Yunho and Jaejoong curiously. “God, you guys are weird.”

0o0

It took them a good hour to figure out how to plug everything in, even though the set was most likely the most basic stuff Dayoung's boyfriend had on hand. After the worked the microphones out, they began installing some of the software and scoping out its capabilities on Yunho's PC, which was unfortunately old and a little bit sluggish.

“Installing looks like it's going to take awhile,” Yunho said, looking around proudly at everything they had already set up. “While we wait, can I take a look at your new song?”

“Sure.” Jaejoong handed his notebook over to him. “I haven't decided on a melody on this one yet, so any help you could give me...”

Yunho began reading along and bobbing his head to whatever tune he was imagining for it. Jaejoong smiled to himself. He'd fallen in love with writing songs even more because of this. Before, when it had just been himself reading them, they'd been a form of catharsis he couldn't find anywhere else, but now they were like a bridge connecting him to Yunho. More than anything else, they were what had brought them together and were holding them in place in whatever relationship they were building.

“I like this,” Yunho said. “It seems... a little bit more y than your other songs, I guess?”

I wrote it while thinking of you, so naturally...

“But this...” He pointed at the beginnings of the first song Jaejoong had started writing on the other page. “Why didn't you finish this one?”

“Ah, that...” Jaejoong didn't know how to explain it to Yunho, so he didn't immediately answer. Yunho had already started reading the first few lines, and he couldn't really stop him at this point, even though he wasn't quite sure he wanted him to see it just yet. IDS had been more of a filtered response to what he thought about Yunho, but this song represented the rawest form of his emotions. The want, untempered, desperate, fearful. He was glad he hadn't written it out fully yet so Yunho wouldn't be able to see it completely exposed for what it was.

Yunho's lips pursed as he read the lines Jaejoong had written. “This seems more like you, actually. More honest.”

“I was worried that you might think I was indulging in more sad songs.”

“If you can't help coming up with sad songs, you can't help it. That's no reason to stop writing what's in your heart. Just...” Yunho closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Who is that song about?”

“W-what?” Jaejoong said, his face turning red. “Why would that matter?”

“You said you were just imagining with your other songs, but doesn't this feel a little more pointed? Like it's about a real love and a real pain?” Yunho studied Jaejoong with a frown. “Or am I wrong?”

“You're...” Jaejoong shook his head. “Look, I'm not always thinking about a particular person when I'm writing, sometimes it's a feeling I'm thinking of, and it's just a-”

“Just a song,” Yunho finished for him. “Right.” He handed Jaejoong's notebook back to him. “You should finish. They're beautiful lyrics. And... I'm sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“Even if you say you don't, you must have someone you like to be able to write something like that, and it feels like I'm holding you back.”

“Holding... me back?” What on earth is he talking about? He obviously hasn't figured out that it's him, so who the hell would he think it was?

Yunho shook his head. “Forget it. Just finish it honestly, okay?”

“...all right?” Jaejoong took his notebook and looked down at the words he had already written. Because I was born as me, I couldn't understand...

Of course Yunho wouldn't be able to get it either. That was the point. They were born free, but lived so blindly. Jaejoong couldn't have what he wanted, and Yunho wouldn't recognize his want because it wasn't supposed to exist. He could give him all the heaven and hell in the world, but Jaejoong would never be able to have him truly.

“I was in such a good mood this evening, too,” Jaejoong sighed, picking up his pencil.

“I'm sorry,” Yunho said, finally shaking off his dark expression and looking genuinely contrite. “Do it when you feel like it. In fact, wouldn't it be better if you just found someone good to fall in love with so you didn't have to feel such unhappy things?”

Jaejoong stared at him for a minute, and then burst out laughing. It was just too much, having Yunho insulting himself without even realizing it. It was almost so funny to him that he wanted to give in and explain the joke to Yunho himself, but the ridiculousness of it only made him laugh harder until tears were pricking at the corners of his eyes.

“Why is that funny?” Yunho wondered, looking somewhat wounded.

“Nothing, nothing,” Jaejoong said, wiping his eyes. “I was thinking of something else. Hey, look, isn't the installation finished? Open it up and we'll see what it does.”

The program wound up being too complicated for Jaejoong to understand it immediately, but Yunho messed with it for awhile and figured out a bit of how it worked, and how they could put vocal and instrumental tracks together and even mix electronic beats for the more dance pop sound that was in these days. Since they were new to it, most of the things they came up with sounded uneven and scattered, but it was still fun to mess around with it and create music in a different form.

“We should try recording one of your vocal parts, Jaejoongie,” Yunho suggested, nodding towards one of the microphones. “Could you sing a bit of Mine to try it out? Since that was the first song we learned together, and all?”

Jaejoong leaned forward, hovering his lips near the microphone's filter. “Are we really going to do this? I feel a bit nervous, all of a sudden.”

“If you can't do this much, you'll never be able to audition.” Yunho smiled at him gently. “Besides, it'll just be me hearing it for now, and you already know that I love your voice.”

Hearing that renewed Jaejoong's confidence, so he gave Yunho the nod to go ahead and start recording. They didn't have a backing track to work with, so it was difficult at first. He had to play the melody he and Yunho had come up with in his head, factoring in every pause and instrumental part they had tried. He was sure he had made a mess of it by time they finished, but when Yunho played it back, his breath was taken away. His voice sounded odd without any music supporting it, but it was still the first time he'd heard it being played back to him before, and it amazed him. This is what I sound like. All that frustration I funneled into writing Mine sounds like this to other people.

Grinning like an idiot, he threw his arms around Yunho's shoulders, for the very first time bringing them into contact by himself. “Thank you,” he said. “Thank you, I love it so much.”

Yunho looked surprised, but he cleared his throat and recovered quickly. “No need to thank me, since you were the one who bought all this stuff. It'll be even better when we can get a backing track worked out.”

Feeling emboldened by the sensation of Yunho against him, Jaejoong lowered his voice. “Yunho?”

“Yeah?”

“I have a feeling you misunderstood my song earlier. So when I finish it, you have to make the melody for me and let me sing it properly for you so you won't have to worry about holding me back or anything stupid like that.”

“It isn't stupid,” Yunho muttered. “I think I know more about the situation than you think I do.”

Jaejoong pulled away. “Do you really?” Bull, Jung Yunho. If you knew in the slightest, we wouldn't be having this kind of a conversation right now.

“No thanks to you.” Yunho shrugged him off just a little and went back to toying with his program. “But it doesn't matter now. Let's just work on this and make it even more perfect. You brought that agency application back with you for a reason, and we're going to make you their number one pick by the end of the summer.”

“Whatever you say,” Jaejoong said, stepping back to the microphone, but he had to wonder this time if he was the one with the troubled heart here, or if it was Yunho after all.

0o0

Even though it had stopped raining, it was still overcast the next day, and the crowds were thin at the reopened market. Most people who visited scurried through as if they expected the rain to fall again at any moment, so business wound up being light and brisk all morning.

“Hmmm, I'm feeling in the mood for fried chicken for lunch,” Yunho sighed, stretching out his limbs. “If only someone sold that here.”

“Isn't there a fast food place down the block? You could stop there and let me take over the booth for awhile. There's not too many customers, anyways.”

“Sure, if that's okay with you. I'll buy some for you, too.” Yunho pulled out his wallet and counted his money. “Yup, I definitely have enough. Just hold tight for a few minutes!”

Almost as soon as Yunho had left, Jaejoong's cell phone buzzed. Yunho had sent his number to Junsu, Changmin, and Yoochun last night, and Junsu's number was the one that popped up on the screen with the text message alert.

“Minhee noona's been staking out your booth from ours all morning, be prepared” was all it said. Be prepared? What the heck would she do? Yunho was gone, and if she wanted to talk to Jaejoong, he'd already acknowledged the fact that she and Yunho wanted to get back together, even if he didn't want it to be true...

“Um, Jaejoong-ssi?”

He looked up, and sure enough, there was Minhee standing in front of the booth. If anything, she looked cuter than the first time he'd seen her, much to his annoyance. She wore her long hair down and straightened, though she held her bangs back with two glitter clips in bright colors to contrast with her dark brown hair. In spite of the overcast weather, she'd dressed in a bright sundress with strappy sandals. He tried to force a smile for her, but he wasn't sure it was working.

“How have you been?” she asked. “When I saw you the other day, it looked like maybe you and Yunho-ssi were fighting?”

Yeah, and I wonder why. “We're fine now,” Jaejoong said instead.

“Oh, that's good. I was hoping... really, really hoping that what I said hadn't been troublesome to you. I didn't mean it to be, but Junsu said I probably came on too strong, and that you're a little bit shy so I should be more careful next time, but I...” She shuffled back and forth on her feet. “It feels like you've been avoiding me, and I wanted to be sure I hadn't upset you. Because I'd still like to hear an answer from you, if you can give me one?”

“An answer,” Jaejoong repeated, remembering how Junsu and Yoochun referenced a question he hadn't remembered receiving. “I'm sorry, Minhee-ssi, but I wasn't feeling well that day, and I think I may have misheard you. What question did you ask?”

Minhee's mouth fell open, and she turned bright red. “Ah, so that was it... I thought you looked distracted, but I didn't know...” She bit her lip. “Aish, and this was hard enough the first time, too! How to say? I'm going to come off as sounding creepy, but I noticed you from when you first came to work here. At first I was interested to see who my ex-boyfriend's new friend was, but the whole thing with Yunho... we were never all that compatible to begin with, right? Warm and really popular guys like that aren't even my type, but I'd heard he was a musician and I really like artistic types, so I thought we could work out after all? But then he wound up being so into it that I figured that he really didn't care about me all that much in comparison?”

Jaejoong tilted his head. What she was saying was close to what Yoochun had said-- that they hadn't known each other well and hadn't found much common ground when they were 'dating.' But if that was the case, then why...?

She wrung her hands. “I know I offered to try again with him if he got properly serious, but when I saw you and heard about you from Junsu, I realized you were the type I was trying to make him be. From watching you, I know you're not like him. You're more distant and internal, and watching you approach everything so earnestly made my heart pound... that's why I asked if you would consider maybe going out with me sometime so I can get to know you better?”

Jaejoong stared at her blankly. Oh my god. How the hell did I misunderstand her so badly? She likes me? That whole thing last time was her explaining that she had changed her decision about Yunho for me?

His stomach sank. As relieved as he was that Minhee wasn't interested in Yunho, it did put him in the position of standing in the way of Yunho and the girl he still liked. He'd have to be upfront about this, wouldn't he? They'd probably wind up fighting all over again, but it would have to be better than having Yunho hear about it from someone else.

“Jaejoong-ssi?” Minhee repeated, her face falling. “Ah, you're getting distracted all over again even though you heard me properly this time. It's no good, right?”

“...were you aware at all that Yunho probably wants to get back with you?” Jaejoong asked.

“That would surprise me. After I told him that I would consider dating him again, he was the one who told me that I would be happier if I tried to find someone who could look after me better.”

“He's a nice guy like that. That's something he might say even if he didn't mean it.”

“So accepting me would make your relationship difficult? I understand that, but I still really like you and want you to consider me if it's in any way possible.”

Jaejoong shook his head. “I'm sorry. I'm really flattered by what you said, but...” The moment the words were out of his mouth, he could already see tears filling her eyes. She was legitimately upset, and any stupid excuse he made up would only make her feel worse. He could understand that, now that he was in love with Yunho. She didn't know him well enough to be that consumed by her feelings, but even in these early stages it could hurt badly if you had your hopes up.

He looked both ways to make sure their conversation was still private and leaned forward. “I'm sorry, but Yunho is the one I like,” he said. It was the first time he had ever said as much out loud, and the sound of the words out in the open made his heart throb. It wasn't the same as whatever pain Minhee was feeling, but it was pain of his own because of love, and he felt all the more sorry that he couldn't be what she was expecting of him.

Minhee took a step back. “Yunho?” she said, as if she couldn't quite understand.

“In that way. I'm sorry. That's why I can't say 'yes' to you.”

“But Yunho...” Her brow knotted. “He isn't...”

“I know. But that's how it is all the same. That's why I didn't listen to you when you confessed to me the first time. Because I thought you were trying to get back together with him.”

Minhee remained speechless for a few more moments, torn between the tears still in her eyes and the bewilderment over what Jaejoong had said. “I don't know what to think,” she said, finally. “Is it just him, or are you...?”

“He's the first person I've liked, but yeah... it wouldn't work with a girl, I don't think.”

Minhee released a long and frustrated sigh. “That's that, then. I can't expect you to have a change of heart if that's the way it is for you, but... aish, to be beaten by Yunho of all people does not make me happy at all. It felt really special to have you be the one in my heart, but I guess I'm back to square one?” She reached out and pressed her hand over his. “If it isn't troublesome to you, can I keep you there a little longer? Until I can move on properly, that is?”

“It's not like I would be able to stop you. Besides, I feel as if I owe you something for being so rude last time. I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the way of hearing you out.”

Minhee smiled waveringly. “And I guess you are a little bit like him, after all. This kind of kindness is so familiar.” She clutched onto his hand just a little bit tighter for a moment, and just as she was loosening her grip to let go, another hand came in between theirs, forcing them roughly apart.

Yunho stepped in between them, his face darkened by a scowl even more fearsome than the one he'd given Junwoo and Seunghee. His eyes darted back and forth between Jaejoong and Minhee, making it difficult to tell who exactly his anger was directed at. Jaejoong shivered. This was the last thing he'd wanted to happen. Even if he had to tell Yunho about Minhee, he'd wanted it to be privately and not in situation like this. The way it was now would only hurt Yunho's heart with thoughts that his friend was chasing after his ex-girlfriend behind his back.

“Minhee,” Yunho said icily. “I think you'd better leave now.”

“He wasn't doing anything, Yunho, I was just-”

“Please.” Yunho's gaze turned to Jaejoong. “Weren't you done talking?”

Jaejoong winced, dropping his hand away. It didn't matter if Minhee liked Yunho or not, after all. Yunho still loved her, and now he was going to be furious about Jaejoong getting in the way of it. For some reason, knowing that felt even more painful than when he'd misunderstood Minhee in the first place and thought their love was mutual. Now he had unintentionally become a person who was standing in the way of Yunho's happiness, and that idea hit him harder than being the one who harbored an unrequited love. I never meant for Yunho to suffer this, too, I was going to step aside graciously, but now...

He opened his mouth, wanting to say everything he was thinking, but there was no way to do that safely without putting his own heart pitifully on the chopping block. He met Yunho's hardened gaze then turned his own eyes away, realizing in his heart that their relationship was finally crossing over to a point where he wouldn't be able to ever get it back. 

Because I was born as me, I couldn’t know
About this common kiss and this rough heart
My dear, you taught me the exit to the hidden memories

I’m feeling oh my way?
Isn’t it too late?
At the narrowed crossroads, you put wings on me
Heaven shines on you, shines on you