THE BED IN YOUR ROOM

Changmin shifted in their bed, waking Jaejoong up. He had four of his volumes of manhwa resting on his legs, and one open in his right hand. His left hand was busy shoveling his “emergency snack rations” into his open mouth.

“Is it morning?” Jaejoong grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Yeah, but it's still pretty early. I woke up because you kept kicking me with your cold feet, hyung”

“That's because you kept trying to use your giraffe body to push me out of bed.” Jaejoong turned and looked over at Yoochun and Junsu's bed. Junsu had an eye cracked open, but Yoochun was still sleeping soundly.

“Hyung?” Junsu asked groggily. “What time are we supposed to be leaving by?”

“Afternoon, I think.”

“Hm. That doesn't leave us much time to play soccer.”

“Hyung, the ground was completely covered in snow,” Chagmin pointed out. “Who would want to play soccer?”

“Me?”

“Sorry, Junsu ah, but by time we eat and get all nine trainees ready, there probably won't be time for soccer,” Jaejoong said.

“Then this wasn't much of a vacation.” Junsu swung his arm around and smacked Yoochun. “Time to get up, Yoochunnie.”

“Not interested,” Yoochun muttered.

“C'mon. Remember, we have something important to do this morning.”

“Like what?” Jaejoong asked.

“Oh, nothing. Do you want to take a shower first, hyung? Yoochun and I still have some waking up to do.”

Jaejoong shrugged and grabbed his clothes from his bag. His phone sat on top, but there were no messages from Yunho yet. His filming had most likely wrapped up, and he was probably dead tired. Jaejoong would be seeing him when he got home, so he decided not to bother him in case he was already asleep.

When he finished taking his brief shower, he pulled on a dry pair of jeans and a sweater, hoping they wouldn't have time to squeeze in a last minute snowball fight before they left. His clothes from yesterday were still damp, and he didn't want to sit through a car trip with completely wet clothing. Although with Junsu around, they'd be more likely to get roped into a last minute soccer game, which could wind up just as messy.

Jaejoong went to drop his towel back off in the room, but no one was there anymore. He could hear some activity in the kitchen, so he assumed breakfast was ready, and that the rest of them would get ready after they finished eating.

He hopped down the steps and popped into the kitchen. Everyone, including the other five trainees, were circled around the table, waiting for him. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAEJOONG HYUNG!” they chanted in unison. Junsu set off streamers, and they all burst into a chorus of saengil chukha hamnida.

Jaejoong clapped his hand over his mouth, hiding his grin. No one other than his family had ever celebrated his birthday with him, and even then, the celebrations had been modest. He had such a big family that it was troublesome to throw massive parties each time one of them had a birthday, so he'd never made a big deal out of it. When he'd gone moody when he was older, he'd even wanted everyone to outright ignore his special day and let it go so he wouldn't have to put up with the fuss.

But this was nice, he realized as he smiled at the new family he'd made at C&M. Junsu, Yoochun, and Changmin lifting up a strawberry and cream cake with eighteen candles. Jongwoo, Chaozhi, and Haejin setting off noise makers. Shinwon slipping a party hat onto his head and even Chansik smiling at him with a little less hurt than the night before.

“Thanks, everyone,” he said, finally lowering his hand and exposing his smiling face. “Thank you so much.”

“Make a wish, hyung!” Junsu said.

Jaejoong closed his eyes. Please let's have everyone debut well and stay happy and healthy this year. If I can have that, I won't ask for anything else. He thought about adding that he wanted to stay together well with Yunho, too, but that was wish he knew was better answered through his own efforts rather than divine intervention.

Taking a deep breath, he blew out the eighteen candles at once and smiled as everyone cheered for him. He'd had strawberry and cream cakes in his life, but there hadn't been a single one that tasted near as wonderful as this.

0o0

It had only been a short trip, but Jaejoong felt perfectly refreshed by time he made it back. Rather than sleeping during the car trip again, the four of them had played all the variety show games they could do in their limited space and even sampled a few punishment games, which made Jaejoong glad he was sitting in the front seat and too hard to reach for forehead flicks. When they got tired of that, Yongsoo flicked on the radio and they sang along to all the songs they knew, practicing their harmonization even though Yunho was missing. They were technically still on vacation, but the itch to work on their singing was still there. Jaejoong knew they were anxiously waiting to begin working on their debut single, so he made a promise to himself to finish with his draft of the lyrics by the end of the week.

Hauling his bag over his shoulder, Jaejoong threw open the door to his house and stepped in. His mother was waiting for him with a big hug, kiss, and “happy birthday,” and fussed over him getting enough food and sleep while he was away.

“Yunho goon came in early this morning,” she said after Jaejoong was thoroughly pinched and prodded. “He's passed out in one of the rooms upstairs. I swear, if you're not careful, this company of yours will run you ragged, you hear?”

Jaejoong went upstairs to check in on him. Sure enough, Yunho was sprawled out on his bed, a hoodie covering his damp hair. He'd probably taken a shower before he'd fallen asleep, since he smelled like Jaejoong's coconut milk shampoo. Jaejoong took a seat on the bed next to him, running his hands across Yunho's cheek. “You've worked hard,” he said quietly, leaning over to kiss his forehead. “Thank you.”

Yunho yawned and cracked open an eye. “Jaejoongie?”

“Ah- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.”

“No, I wanted to see you.” He lifted up an arm and pulled Jaejoong down into bed beside him. “Did you have fun, Boojae?”

“Yeah, it was nice. I missed you, though. Everything went well with filming?”

“It went really well, I think. I can't wait for you to see it.” Yunho intertwined their legs at the ankle. He was obviously too tired to feel much of anything from it, but Jaejoong's skin flushed at the contact. “Happy birthday, baby.”

“Thank you. All the trainees got me a cake.”

“Hmmm. I wish I could have been there. I'm such a no good boyfriend.”

“You're here right now.”

“And too tired to do much of anything.” Still, he leaned forward and gave Jaejoong a peck on the lips. “I'm probably going to need to sleep for most of today, to be honest. But come back home with me tomorrow. I have a present for you there.”

“A present? But you said we shouldn't spend our money again right after Christmas, and that we should just wait for our anniversary this summer before giving something again.” Their budget was still tight and probably wouldn't be looking up until they debuted in the fall.

“It's not exactly a gift that costed anything. You'll see.” Yunho's eyes fluttered shut again. “God, I'm so tired. I know you probably want to celebrate with your family... but could you stay with me just for a little?”

“Spoiled.”

“Mmmm.” Yunho held him close and dozed off against his chest. Jaejoong cradled his head, closing his eyes as well. He'd slept just fine the night before, but he thought it would be better with Yunho there, just like everything else was. He wanted to celebrate with his family a little bit, too, but that could wait. For now, something else was more important, and little by little he felt the feeling of distance closing in his heart as every other troubling thought was pushed from his mind. Here was where he was happiest, so he sank into the feeling and let it fill him up and chase his doubts away to a place where he didn't have to be afraid, only in love.

0o0

The two of them slept until the late afternoon when Jaejoong finally had to slip off and spend some time with his parents. He'd told them that he'd had his cake already, so his mother immediately set to work cooking up a big dinner for him.

“Any of my sisters dropping by?” he asked.

“It's a work night, so they said they'd stop by on the weekend, sweetie. I also mentioned that you already had a guest today and would be a little tired after your membership training.”

“I don't know how much of a guest Yunho will be,” Jaejoong said wryly. “He's planning on sleeping for as much as possible. By the way, I'm going back with him to his house tomorrow.”

His mother's eyes sharpened. “His aunt will be there?”

“Yeah. Anyways, that's the only day we can really celebrate both his birthday and mine with him being fully awake. He's going back to his parents' on his real birthday.”

“I'll allow it, then. Not that can I stop you, Mr. Eighteen-year-old. I'm going to have to trust you to make decisions for yourself.”

When dinner finished cooking, Jaejoong went upstairs to rouse Yunho. He was still a bit drowsy throughout dinner, but he tried to listen attentively while Jaejoong talked about the MT. He left out the parts about the conversation with Chansik and Shinwon and hoped that Yunho would stay oblivious to that particular situation for the time being. Yunho seemed more suspicious of women having an interest in Jaejoong over men, even though he was well aware of Jaejoong's preferences. He supposed he had Minhee to thank for that, since the incident with her had been the one to stick out in Yunho's mind.

Yunho also shared a few stories about the MV shooting. K.Will had been kind and supportive, and working with Gaeun had been surprisingly fun. Putting her idol persona aside, she was a country girl at heart, and switched into dialect whenever the cameras were turned away from her. She and Yunho had managed to get along, so they decided to put the incident with Soorin behind them for now.

“And what was your storyline?” Jaejoong asked, preferring to know before having to watch the video itself.

“High school romance, passing notes in class and things like that.” He smiled. “Very innocent.”

“Innocent? Maybe you can help me finish writing the lyrics for our debut song.”

“Still haven't finished?”

“I have parts of it done.”

“Well, we'll see about giving you some inspiration to finish it,” Yunho said with a wink. Jaejoong flushed and turned his head away. Seriously, how was he supposed to write something innocent when he felt the way that he did?

0o0

Yunho dozed for the majority of the evening, and Jaejoong finally joined him around ten when he started getting tired as well. His parents were under the impression that Yunho was sleeping in one of his sisters' rooms, so he could get away with it this time. He didn't want to wake him, so he simply kissed him on the nose and slid in beside him, resting his head on his shoulder. Yunho sighed in his sleep but didn't stir, and Jaejoong fell into peaceful sleep breathing in the scent of his skin.

Yunho shook him awake in the morning. “Let's get an early start getting back,” he murmured into Jaejoong's ear. Jaejoong turned his body to face Yunho, and before he knew it, Yunho had slid on top of him, giving a good morning kiss. He was already dressed, and his mouth tasted of mint toothpaste. Jaejoong was still half asleep, and accepted the kiss with a hazy sense of bliss. This is how it should be, he thought, winding his arms around Yunho's back. Waking up to this, taking my fill of this.

Jaejoong pulled away when the kiss started reaching a dangerous point. “I'm not going to be able to get an early start if you do this to me,” he whispered.

“Mmm.” Yunho laughed. “Sorry, I got carried away. Today's an important day, too. The only day you had on this world before I came into it.”

“Why did it take seventeen years to find you, though?”

“You can't rush fate, baby.” Yunho hopped off the bed. “But I can rush you. Let's get going.”

Jaejoong threw on a warm outfit, and the two of them set off for the early morning bus. It was snowing again, so the trip was slow going and made even slower by Yunho agonizingly toying with his hands underneath the spot where their coats hid them from the other passengers on the bus. Yunho ran his thumb up and down every one of Jaejoong's fingers, then danced his fingers across his palm with all the elegance his own body showed when he was performing. Then, right at the moment when Jaejoong shivered with want, Yunho took their hands and laced them together. His wrist pressed against Jaejoong's bracelet. I won't let go of your hand.

“You're wearing your ring,” he said softly.

“We aren't at the company, now.” Jaejoong looked down at Yunho's hand. “You're wearing yours, too.”

“I wore it all throughout filming. The stylist noona liked it.”

“Wearing something like that in a romantic comedy MV with someone else? How bad of you."

“Just my little way of saying that I love only you.”

Jaejoong in his breath. Could the bus honestly go any slower? If Auntie Minjung was home, he didn't know how much he could even do with Yunho when he was there, but he wanted whatever he could get. This may have been the anniversary of the only day they hadn't been on the planet together, but Jaejoong wanted to fill it with him now, to erase the parts of him that had suffered from his absence for the previous seventeen years.

The bus finally dropped them off on Yunho's block, and they stopped by the house to set their things down. “Let's go out and walk for awhile,” Yunho said quietly. “The snow is pretty, isn't it?”

Jaejoong nodded. “Shouldn't we pay our respects to Auntie Minjung first?”

“Later,” Yunho said, smiling. He took hold of Jaejoong's hand and pulled him down the street. It was different from the last time they had done this. There were no children out shrieking in their yards; it was a school day, and everyone was either at work or sheltered in their classrooms, watching the snow falling from the windows. Jaejoong looked up, letting the snowflakes fall against his cheeks. The world was quiet and still. Other than the chill of the snow, the only other thing he could feel was the warmth of Yunho's hand.

“It's peaceful,” Yunho said. “It could be one of the last peaceful moments we have for years. I keep telling myself that.”

“They will have to let us rest from time to time,” Jaejoong said, trying to be cheerful. “It's not like there won't be times when we can relax a little.”

“I know. I didn't say I was being reasonable. It just feels like everyday we're crossing a point where we won't be able to go back. I'm happy, but it feels a little sad at the same time.”

“There's probably no such thing as going back to begin with.”

“Yeah. Going forward and dragging everything we want to take with us is the way it goes. Isn't that what we've been doing so far?” He stepped forward and slid his hands up to Jaejoong's cold cheeks, letting the tips of his fingers bury themselves in his hair. “This is our dream. Sometimes I just want to run with you to it, and other times I want to protect you from it with everything I have. Do you feel as confused as I do?”

Jaejoong nodded. “Just as badly.”

“Ha. I feel like it would be better if one of us had an idea what we're doing, but I'm kind of relieved. If I couldn't keep my head around you and you were always perfectly fine, what would they make me?”

“A fool? But we're both fools.” Jaejoong leaned his forehead against Yunho's. “I've never felt like my head's been on perfectly straight since I laid eyes on you, honestly.”

“Good.” Yunho leaned in and pressed their lips together. They were in the middle of the street where anyone could see them, but Jaejoong didn't care. In fact, the thought made him even more excited. Why should they have to hide this moment, or any other moment together? There was nothing to be ashamed of if they loved each other. The rest of the world was wrong. This wasn't anything else but right.

“Let's mess our heads up some more,” Yunho said, pulling away with a smile and a laugh. “Come on.” He grabbed Jaejoong's hand, and they ran back down the street together, kicking up snow as they went. Other than the sound of their laughter, the world remained silent. He wondered for a moment if it was only them in the world after all, if everyone had left to set them free.

The house was also still quiet when they got back, and their things remained where they'd left them in the front hall. Auntie Minjung apparently wasn't around, after all. “How long?” Jaejoong asked, peeling off his boots.

“All day,” Yunho said, his smile suddenly anxious. “Auntie's at my parents', helping get ready for my party tomorrow. I kind of...” He bit his lips. “I lied and told her that the filming was today so she thought I wouldn't be here. So you and I could...”

“Eh?” Jaejoong felt his cheeks heating up. “Oh...”

“You... don't want to?”

“Oh, no. I definitely want to! Not that I'm overeager...” He stopped short, shaking his head. “No, that's not right. I'm overeager. For months now. I've wanted...” He couldn't finish with how badly his body was shaking. He grabbed hold of Yunho's arm, holding himself steady.

“It's okay,” Yunho whispered. “I'll take care of you.”

They climbed the stairs together, the air between them electric. When Yunho kissed him, Jaejoong thought he would leap out of his skin. Instead, he closed his eyes and tried to still his breathing. In, out. Don't think, just feel. You want this, you want this so badly. There's nothing to be afraid of as long as you trust in him.

Yunho's lips pulled away from him and went to his wrist, to the patch of skin underneath his bracelet where he kissed his pulse point. “I love you, I love you so much,” he whispered. “More than anybody, ever. I just want you to feel how much.”

Jaejoong nodded, leaning back. The bed springs creaked beneath their weight, and he felt himself relaxing a little. I'm glad it's here, where this whole thing started. Memory after memory flooded him. Yunho playing his songs on his guitar, Yunho wrapping his arms around his back while he cried, Yunho fighting with him, Yunho kissing him, Yunho touching him, Yunho, beautiful Yunho. A love so big his heart ached just thinking of it. He raised his head to kiss Yunho, sighing as their bodies slid together. Their hands tangled, grabbing at their clothes, their skin already heating up although it hadn't been long since they'd been outside. Jaejoong loved the hard muscles of Yunho's body, the way they felt beneath his hands. Whenever they embraced, it made him feel safe, as if Yunho really would be able to take care of him perfectly.

“Boojae,” Yunho whispered, his voice tickling against his skin. “You're so beautiful.”

“Hmm? I'm a guy, can't you think of a better compliment than that?”

“You're y. You're beautiful. I want you.”

Jaejoong shivered. “As much as I want you?”

“I don't know,” Yunho laughed, running his hands down Jaejoong's chest and down to his waist. “How much is that?”

“Can't you see for yourself?”

“I'd rather you just showed me.”

“You...” Jaejoong grinned, wrapping his legs around Yunho's and kissing him deeply. “I love you. I'll show you anything you want.”

It was different from what he'd been expecting. Better. Yunho was careful with him, always keeping his eye out for signs of pain, which of course was inevitable. But it was pain of a different kind, Jaejoong realized. Pain with pleasure chasing after it, soothing everything else away. Even if Yunho hadn't been doing everything to make him feel incredible, like he was dying but yet more alive than he'd ever been before, just looking at his face would have made it good. He'd never been looked like that before, as if he was everything in someone else's world. Having those eyes upon him, having the person he loved more than anything joined together with him was enough to drive him crazy. He could barely think straight, but he tried to give it all back, everything he was feeling. He wanted Yunho to feel as good as he did and understand all the love he was feeling.

“God,” Yunho hissed, collapsing onto him. “You're incredible.”

Jaejoong couldn't say anything with how out of breath he was, so he leaned in and kissed Yunho's shoulder. He thought he would feel a bit more embarrassed when it was all over. He was sure he must have looked and sounded crazed at times, but he really didn't mind the thought of Yunho seeing him like that. He loved Yunho enough to let him see everything, to come undone without regrets.

“You okay?” Yunho asked, rolling off to take some of the weight from Jaejoong's body. “I didn't... overdo it?”

“I think so,” Jaejoong said, shifting his body. His hips were definitely sore, and his body felt a dull ache that was half pain and half lingering ecstasy. It wasn't such a bad price to pay, in his estimation. It might have been a pain if they had practice right away, but he figured he had enough time to recover before he needed to dance again. “You said we have all day, right? Give me a little bit, and you can overdo it.”

Yunho's mouth fell open. “You're serious? You're not taking your stamina lightly, are you?”

Jaejoong sighed, massaging his hips. “Honestly, my lower body really isn't so strong. But I don't have anything to do tomorrow, unlike you. I don't care if I have to spend it recovering. It would be worse for me if I got to have you just the once and had to face up to all these months where we'll be too busy. It was... good for me, too, so of course I'd want to...”

Yunho grinned and wound his arms around Jaejoong. “Ah, be careful what you're saying to me. I thought you wanted some recovery time.”

“I do. Because there's also something else I need to do.” He leaned over the edge of the bed and pulled his notebook out of his bag, wincing as his hips protested at the sudden movement. He opened it up to half-filled page and began to write. Just for one day, I would like to be the bed in your room, oh baby, I want to hold you to my chest more warmly. I want to know you a little more through your smallest whispers-

Yunho looked over his shoulders. “Eh? Is that the kind of song you'd normally write after making love?”

“Shut up,” Jaejoong said. “I'm trying to write.”

In my heart, in my soul, although this love is a bit clumsy it's everything in the world, I want to give it to you-

“Clumsy?” Yunho said, sounding wounded.

“Not a comment about you,” Jaejoong said distractedly. It was strange how easily the words flowed to him now. What he'd just done was anything but innocent, but the refreshed feeling in his heart made it easier to put everything into lyrics. The happiness he felt, and the love as well. The beautiful, complicated love that could sometimes manifest itself so simply when he least expected it.

“Can I sing it to you?” Jaejoong asked, finally looking up from his notebook. “I need to make sure it fits with the melody.”

Yunho sat up, grinning. “Do you know how long it's been since you've performed something you wrote for me? Of course I want to hear it.”

Jaejoong smiled back, and tapped out the beat on his bare knee. It didn't feel right singing it on his own, since in his mind the parts were given to the five of them where each of them fit best, but still, it was worth it just to see the smile growing on Yunho's face. It definitely needed some work, but he couldn't wait to hear them singing it together. Their debut song. The secret of his love hidden in the beds and diaries and kittens. I'm so thankful, I'm so happy, even if I come short a bit, until forever by your side I want to be your lover.

When he finished, Yunho grinned and gently took the notebook from Jaejoong's hands and set it down on the floor. “Time's up again, Boojae,” he said, pulling his body into his arms. “Weren't we going to have two debut songs?”

“Yeah...”

A pair of lips teased along his jawline. “Then we have to pull some more inspiration out, don't we?”