AFTERGLOW

They only got a few hours of sleep before getting up again and heading back to the C&M building, though they were used to getting up earlier and earlier nowadays. Sleep was something to sneak in during breaks in the practice room, more of a luxury than a necessity. Jaejoong did regret leaving the bed more than he usually did, thanks to Yunho being there in it with him, but there was no ignoring the alarm clock and the morning light streaming through his mini-blinds. A new day had come, and they needed to rise to meet it.

They ate a quick breakfast with Jaejoong's parents, then made the walk down the block to the agency. Seungmin was eating a bagel sleepily when they walked in, and Chansik was running through the dance from the day before. None of the staff was around at the moment; they were most likely still in their offices, going through the agenda for the day.

“Yunho hyung, Jaejoong hyung,” Chansik said, pausing the audio. “I got one of my friends from another agency to confirm that the new hip-hop group will performing at Lotte World this evening. Up for going?”

Jaejoong had completely forgotten to talk to Yunho about Chansik's offer and steer him towards saying no to it, so he inwardly groaned when Yunho answered with an upbeat, “Sure!” So much for another night in together, though of a night in did entail being there with his parents the next room over. Tame kisses were better than no kisses at all, but just being able to spend time with Yunho was more important than anything else. He could still do that while going to Lotte World with Chansik, so he had no right to complain.

“Is Seungmin ah not coming?” Jaejoong asked.

“Seungmin ah has to do his homework,” Seungmin said, sticking out his tongue. “I don't see why it matters, it's not like school is going to matter once I debut.”

“Ah, so you're planning on being an idol for the rest of your life, then?” Yunho asked. “When you're in your fifties?”

“I'll just go into producing.”

“You have to have some idea about how the market works to do that, you know.”

“Can't I just learn from hands-on experience?”

“Hands-on experience isn't necessarily going to make you any cleverer if you don't understand your basics.”

“Yunho hyung, you sound like a grandpa.”

Jaejoong snickered. Yunho was good at sounding responsible, but Jaejoong knew all about his past of skipping school to watch B-Boy teams, and then flunking his tests. Being around the younger boys seemed to trigger his more adult side, or maybe he was still just used to lecturing Changmin back home.

While they waited for the staff to come out from their offices, they ran through their dance a few more times, and practiced a few short acapella pieces they'd been working on. Jaejoong thought their sound was still a bit uneven-- they didn't have a member yet who sang in a higher tone, and Chansik's vocals weren't very good compared to his rapping-- but he was sure it would get better when they added new trainees to the team.

While they were wrapping up one of their songs, C&M's CEO Sung Hyunsoo walked into the practice room, decked out in one of his trademark tacky suits-- this one featured a pastel blue blazer paired with a salmon pink tie. The four of them stood up straighter. Hyunsoo nim had an easy going personality and dressed like he was in a gag show, but that didn't mean he wasn't tough. He had very big plans for C&M, plans that depended on having a second star group, so he had high expectations for all of them.

Hyunsoo rubbed his chin, listening to the last few notes of their song. “I'm assuming if you're all here to be idols, you'd each like to be a popular member, correct?” he said, looking back and forth between them. “The handsome members start off as everybody's favorites, but if you don't have a voice to back it up, you can bet they will turn their attention to someone who is handsome and has something else to offer. So next time you sing together, try to sing as if you're the best singer in the group rather than letting yourself be outshined by the real best singer.”

The four of them nodded dutifully.

“As for now, I have an announcement I'm sure some of you will be thrilled to hear.” He rolled his eyes, though Jaejoong was sure it was done with playfulness. “Starkiss is in the building, and when they heard you would be coming in, they said they would like to meet you.”

“REALLY?” Seungmin practically yelled. Hyunsoo nim lifted an eyebrow, and Seungmin grinned sheepishly. “I mean, that would be very nice.”

“Let me remind you that just because there's four of them and four of you doesn't mean that this is a match making session,” Hyungsoo nim said, looking directly at Seungmin. “They are not here for your personal satisfaction. They are sunbaes and mentors, four talented individuals who have taken a very similar path to the one you're taking right now. Am I understood?”

They nodded again.

“Then be on your best behavior and prove you have the professionalism to go head to head with our Starkiss.” Hyunsoo nim went back and opened the door, letting Gaeun, Saehee, Brie, and Soorin enter into the practice room.

Jaejoong was surprised at first by how normal they looked. Wiped clean of the stage makeup they always wore for their lives and photoshoots, they came across as more simple and unassuming than the idols he was used to seeing on TV. Saehee's vibrant red hair still had a case of bedhead, and Gaeun flannel shirt looked wrinkled, as if she had thrown it on in a hurry. Only Soorin retained her aloof and mysterious stage persona out of the four of them, but even that didn't come across as powerfully as it did when she was fully styled.

They lined up neatly and did their traditional, “Hello, we are Starkiss!” chant before bowing and letting the trainees bow back. Once the formalities were out of the way, they scanned the four of them up and down. Jaejoong suddenly felt nervous. Being able to impress their sunbaes was an important thing, but right now they were just a bunch of scrawny high school kids who were only just beginning their journey. How could they possibly stack up to all of the real idols Starkiss knew and worked with?

Gaeun was the first one to speak up. “Omo, aren't they all so cute? Were we ever that young? I'm starting to feel like an auntie just looking at them.”

“You're only twenty-two, unni,” Saehee said, shaking her head. “The oldest one must be around the same age as Soorin ah, right?” She pointed to Chansik.

“I'm not the oldest one,” Chansik said, quite calmly compared to Seungmin who was shaking with nervous energy next to him. “That would be Jaejoong hyung.”

“Jaejoong?” Brie guessed, pointing to Yunho.

Do I really look younger than all the other trainees?, Jaejoong wondered. At least no one was pulling a Jimin and accusing him of being a girl, but still.

“I'm Jung Yunho,” Yunho clarified. “Me and Kim Jaejoong--” he pointed to Jaejoong-- “are in our fourth year of high school. Seo Chansik is a third year, and Lee Seungmin is a second year.”

“Omo, a second year?” Saehee gasped, looking at Seungmin. “That is young!”

Seungmin smiled at her, though he looked a little bit deflated at her comment. His crush was twenty, and not exactly in any position to have an interest in a fifteen year-old.

“Hyunsoo nim has told us a little bit about you guys,” Gaeun said. “It might be scary to be the first round of trainees accepted into the company, but if you manage yourselves well, you'll be ready to welcome new members to the team and help them along the way. I was one of the very first trainees C&M accepted, along with Saehee ah. It took a few months for other girls to come along, and out of them, Brie and Soorin ah were the ones to stick it out here with us, and that's how we became Starkiss. You guys have a lot of work ahead of you, but you look like you're willing to try hard. Hwaiting!” She did a cute little fist pump for them, which made them laugh.

“Noona, you have a stage today, right?” Seungmin asked, perking up again. “Can you tell us about what it's like to perform at the music shows?”

Gaeun glanced at her watch. “Sure, we have some time. Come on over here.” She gestured them over to the couches. Yunho, Chansik, Seungmin, Saehee, and Brie went to join her, but when Jaejoong tried to follow, Soorin's hand at his elbow stopped him.

“You are a main vocal,” she said to him in her whispery voice, which was difficult to hear over the chatter of their other members. There was no questioning inflection in her tone, so it came across as a statement, something she already knew. Just the opposite of Minhee, he remembered. For her, everything was a question. He absently wondered how Minhee was doing, and if Junsu had ever told her that things had worked out between Yunho and Jaejoong. He hoped she'd found herself a proper boyfriend and was happier now than when he'd left.

But now wasn't the time to be thinking about that. “Yeah,” Jaejoong answered her, with a degree of humility. He wasn't anywhere close to her level yet, so he hoped she wasn't going to ask for a demonstration. He thought he had a lot more work to do before he could perform for somebody like her.

“You're also the one who writes songs. Hyunsoo nim told me.”

“Yes...” Jaejoong said again. “Do you write, too?”

“No,” Soorin said. The expression on her face had not yet shifted in the slightest, and she still looked perfectly blank. “Songwriters need to discuss their songs. That is something no one would want to hear me do.”

What am I supposed to say to that? He couldn't tell if Soorin was upset by this perception of her, or if she had deliberately made herself this way. As someone who had been misunderstood by people for most of his life, he wanted to say something encouraging to her, but he couldn't even tell if that was she wanted, or if she was exactly the way she wanted to be.

“Can you write songs for other people,” she said, saving him from the need to respond to her earlier statement. There was still no inflection in her voice, but this one was a question he was clearly supposed to answer.

“You mean songs about other people, or songs to give to someone else to sing?”

“The second one.”

“I don't know,” Jaejoong said. “I haven't done that yet. But if I had to guess... you'd still be writing the song from your own perspective of things, and that will come across. But the singer would still bring their own sense of what the song meant to them when they performed it. It would be interesting to try.”

“But in the end, the lyrics will tell the writer's story,” Soorin said, staring him so firmly in the eyes that it unnerved him. “When you have a story to tell, you keep on telling it. Even if you say you'll write something else, you'll just keep telling your same old story, even if it's hidden in other words. But your same old story is the most beautiful thing you can ever say. Because it's the truth.” The corners of her lips twitched. “Someone I used to know said that to me. Do you think it's true.”

Jaejoong wasn't sure he completely understood her. If he thought about it, almost every song he'd ever written had to do with Yunho in some way or another. Even before they'd met, Jaejoong had been obsessed with the idea of falling in love, and, sadly, having to face up to the likelihood of losing the person he cared about, something he was now praying would never come true. Was that his same old story? He didn't know. He'd only been writing songs for a few years, and it would be too earlier to say he didn't have any other story in him.

“I think it's true,” she said, not waiting for him to answer. “But I also think not everyone knows how to tell their story properly. It gets lost in your soul, and then no one, not even you, can find it anymore. You should be careful, and always say what you mean to say before you forget it altogether, Jaejoong-who-writes-songs.”

Leaving him with that, she walked right over to the couch and perched on the armrest next to Brie as if they'd never even spoken together in the first place. She didn't even look back at him, but stared fixedly at Gaeun as she continued to talk about breath control on stage, or whatever it was they had been talking about.

What an odd person, Jaejoong thought, shaking his head. I don't think I even understood close to half of what that conversation was even about. No wonder nobody quite knows what to make of her.

He also retreated back to the couches, taking the open seat next to Yunho. Yunho glanced up at him questioningly, but Jaejoong could only shrug. Whatever Yunho had been able to pick up from Gaeun probably made more sense than what Soorin had told him.

After another ten minutes, Starkiss's manager popped into the room. “Ladies, we've got to leave for our schedule now. You can talk more with the trainees later.”

“All right, then, let's get to it!” The four of them hopped to their feet and bowed. “If you have a chance, please watch our stage well.”

“We will!” Seungmin said, grinning so hard that it looked like his face would crack. Jaejoong glanced at Yunho out of the corner of his eyes. He at least didn't look much different than he had when Starkiss had walked first walked in, thankfully. Jaejoong trusted him, but all the same, the fact that he used to go out with girls (or girl-- according to Yoochun, Minhee had been the only one) was a bit worrisome when he considered that these four were only the first of many other idols they would one day meet.

When Starkiss was gone, their own trainers came in to start them on their schedule for the day. They went through some basic lessons in interviewing and variety before splitting up to meet with their vocal coaches, which was always Jaejoong's favorite part of their training. The more he learned about the technicalities of singing, the better work he could do on his original songs. Though it had been awhile since he'd actually had the free time to write something new, he was looking forward to being able to sit down and figure out his music on a deeper level than he had before.

It was late in the afternoon by time they were free to go. Since Yunho had taken the bus up and Chansik didn't have a license, they need to head back to Jaejoong's to get his car to head over to Lotte World.

“By the way, did you ever get enough to buy a new truck?” Jaejoong asked Yunho as they piled into the ancient sedan that had been passed down through all his sisters.

“I think I have enough, but I'm holding off,” Yunho said. “If I can keep on taking the bus up here, I may not even have to replace it. I mean, if we can safely debut and everything, I can move here and won't need a truck anymore, right?”

Since Yunho was still in school, it would at least take until the year ended for him to be able to move up to the city, but the thought brightened Jaejoong up. It wouldn't be long now before they could be together for longer, even if that meant sharing a dorm with other members.

“If you're not going to spend the money on a truck, what are you going to do with it? Buy new recording equipment?”

“I'll spend it on what I think is important,” Yunho said, winking.

Jaejoong flushed, thinking of his couple ring. They didn't wear them openly whenever they were at the company, but his was currently strung around his neck and buried underneath his shirt.

“Do you think we'll be able to go on a membership training trip with the company soon?” Chansik asked from the backseat.

“I think they'll probably do that whenever they bring in more trainees and have a better idea of when we're actually going to debut,” Yunho answered. “Why?”

“You and Jaejoong hyung are already best friends, and I'd like to be closer to hyung, too. I bet Seungmin feels the same way...”

“I actually think the only people Seungmin ah wants to be close to is Starkiss, honestly,” Jaejoong said, laughing. “But we don't need membership training right now, do we? The three of us are going out on our own.”

“And if you ever have anything you want to ask us, go on ahead,” Yunho added. “We'd like to be friends, too.”

For the rest of the car trip, Chansik peppered them with questions-- mainly about Jaejoong's songs and how the two of them had gotten to know each other so well-- which Jaejoong was more than happy to answer. Chansik still reminded him a lot of Changmin, who he was really starting to miss. Junsu was most likely too busy to visit right now, but Yoochun and Changmin still hadn't come up for a weekend, and Jaejoong was a bit homesick for Yoochun's particular brand of “encouraging” and Changmin's constant mooching.

By time they reached the amusement park, there was only a small crowd surrounding the pavilion where the group was supposed to perform. The nearby signboard said it would still be an hour until the show began, so they had some time to look around before they needed to be at the stage.

“Want to grab some food?” Yunho asked. “We haven't eaten yet.”

“My treat,” Jaejoong offered. Yunho looked like he was going to protest for a moment, but then he stopped abruptly. Jaejoong was the oldest of the three of them, so it would look weird to Chansik if Yunho insisted on paying. Jaejoong didn't mind-- he still owed plenty Yunho for his generosity over the summer, among other things.

The three of them stopped by a snack stand and made an order. “It's kind of weird, isn't it?” Chansik pointed out. “We could come back here eventually and have everyone know who we are. It'll be so different.”

Yunho shuddered. “As much as I want all of us to be popular, I'm worried about that part. I know some of the more popular groups have stalkers and everything.”

“I don't think I really do anything that would be interesting enough to spy on, though.”

“You will,” Jaejoong reminded him. “Interviews, photoshoots, reality shows, special stages... and even if you still manage to do boring things in your spare times, it'll still matter to the fans who love you.”

Chansik sighed. “It's still weird to think like that. I'm not all that popular in school. Or at least I wasn't.”

“Me either.” Jaejoong glanced at Yunho. “I guess you and Seungmin will be the most ready for it, huh?”

Yunho shrugged. “I don't remember any of my classmates going as far as to stalk me, though, so it's not like I'll know anything about handling that. Besides, won't I also have to look out for you, too?”

“But Jaejoong hyung is older than you,” Chansik pointed out, as if the few days age difference magically made Jaejoong the stronger of the two.

“Er, well, I'm bigger than him, aren't I?”

“In that case, shouldn't I be the one to look after Jaejoong hyung?” He had a point: he was taller than Yunho, if only by just a little.

“We're all pretty tall, so I don't think that's the issue here,” Jaejoong said quickly. “I'm sure we'll all do our share of looking after each other. But as for now, no one really cares about us at all, so we're fine.”

Right when Jaejoong finished eating, his phone started going off in his pocket. He glanced down at the screen. It was Changmin. Jaejoong glanced over at Yunho in surprise; usually if Yunho was away, Changmin called him instead, and if he had anything to say to Jaejoong, Yunho would pass the phone over. Maybe Yunho hadn't heard his ringtone over the noise in the park?

“Sorry, guys, but I have to step out for a minute,” Jaejoong said, waving his phone. “If you want to go over to the gift shop, I'll meet you there in a little bit.”

“Don't get lost and pass out somewhere,” Yunho called after him. Jaejoong just shook his head and laughed.

“Changmin ah,” he said, once he'd accepted the call. “What's up?”

“It sounds loud in the background,” Changmin said. “Where are you, hyung?”

“No 'Hello, I've missed you so much, Jaejoong hyung?'”

“Do you want me to hang up?”

“And miss out on talking to my favorite dongsaeng? Of course not!”

“Where are you?”

“I'm at Lotte World with Yunho and one of the other trainees,” Jaejoong answered.

“Which one? The ulzzang or the rapper?” Yunho had told him about them, Jaejoong assumed.

“The rapper. He actually reminds me a lot of you. He's tall and looks too old to be a sixteen years old, but he's got the same cute and needy side that you do.”

Jaejoong had expected Changmin to get mad at the 'cute' and 'needy' part, but he was strangely silent on the other line. Did you call just to ask me where I am, or did you actually have anything to say, Changminnie?

“Hyung,” Changmin said finally, his voice coming across as somewhat annoyed. “I'm coming over next weekend.”

“Really?” Jaejoong asked, surprised by the abrupt shift in conversation. “Is Yoochun ah coming up with you?”

“No, just me.” He paused. “You said Yunho was there with you and this other person?”

“Yeah, he's here. Do you want me to go back and get him so you can talk?”

“No.” Changmin's voice seriously sounded sour; Jaejoong hoped nothing was wrong with him. “Just don't forget. Next weekend, I'll come up after school.”

“Is there anything in particular you'd like to do?”

“Eat hyung's cooking.”

“I figured that much, but nothing else?”

There was another long pause on the other end. “I'll see you then. I'm hanging up now.” And sure enough, the call clicked off a second later.

“What the heck is wrong with him?” Jaejoong wondered out loud. Changmin usually wasn't like that, at least from what Jaejoong knew of him. If something bothered him, he didn't bite his tongue about it, and even if he didn't feel comfortable yet whining to Jaejoong about it, he'd at least talk to Yunho.

Jaejoong made his way back to the gift shop, where Chansik and Yunho were trying on animal ears together. The sight of them lightened Jaejoong's mood. For two such manly looking guys, they really were so cute.

“That was Changmin ah,” he told Yunho when he caught up to them. “Is he doing okay?”

“Eh? When I left him, he was just fine. Is something wrong?”

“He sounded off. Oh, and he's coming up next weekend out of nowhere.”

“Who is Changmin ah?” Chansik asked.

“Yunho's best friend from back home,” Jaejoong answered absently. “He's Seungmin ah's age, but he's tall like you and loves to eat.”

“I thought you were Yunho hyung's best friend.”

“Me? I've only known Yunho for a few months, and Changmin's known him since forever. I'm more like...” Jaejoong trailed off. The new boyfriend? Is there anyway I can say that without saying that?

Yunho came to his rescue. “Jaejoongie's my muse,” Yunho said, slinging his arm around Jaejoong's shoulder. “He was the one who encouraged me to audition, so we were able to become close because of that. Anyways, I think Changmin should be fine. Although...”

“Although?”

“There is one thing he's been bothered about... did you tell him we were out with Chansik ah?”

“Yeah. He asked.”

“Then that's probably it,” Yunho laughed. “Changminnie's just being jealous.”

“Jealous?” Jaejoong lifted an eyebrow. “Changmin gets jealous?”

“Not normally, but he's actually feeling kind of abandoned at the moment. He was only prepared to lose you at the end of the summer, but now I'm gone all the time, and Junsu's gone now, too...” Yunho trailed off. “And, well, I may have made up a few stories about how you regularly make three course dinners for Chansik and Seungmin ah, and that they're your new favorite dongsaengs so you've pretty much forgotten all about him...”

“YUNHO!” Jaejoong yelled, whacking him on the arm. “Are you trying to make him mad at me?”

“No! I just got tired of him complaining all the time about how my cooking's not as good as yours, so I thought a little bit of revenge was in order. And besides, I miss you all the time, too, and having him bring it up every other second doesn't make it easier!”

Jaejoong flushed, though he was still annoyed at Yunho for causing trouble with Changmin that he'd have to deal with later. Being missed by anyone was still novel to him, and it was strangely satisfying to know he was on their mind when they were back home, as much as they were on his.

Still, Yunho had obviously forgotten that Chansik was still standing right there, and was now looking at them in utter confusion. Don't worry, Chansik ah, he just misses his muse, that's all. Perfectly normal. Jaejoong shook his head. He had expected himself to make these kinds of slips, not Yunho.

“Well, I'll just have to let Changmin know that I have a lot of precious dongsaengs now,” Jaejoong said, smiling at Chansik. “And if you lie to him again, I'll stop letting you stay over when you're coming to the agency on the weekend.”

“But Jaejoongie!” Yunho's lower lip jutted out into a pout, and he looked so cute that Jaejoong wanted to kiss him, in spite of his annoyance. He loved Yunho's adorable side almost as much as his protective, manly side, and even under these circumstances, he was happy to see it. If you keep on falling in love with me even half as much as I fall in love with you every second, I won't ever have to worry about you losing your feelings for me when I'm gone, Jaejoong thought. Even if it makes you feel bad inside, just please keep on missing me.

Smiling, he linked arms with Chansik and Yunho. “Come on, let's have our very first membership training with the three of us. C&M trainees, hwaiting!”

Yunho smiled back at him, and though it wasn't quite the same thing as a night together in Jaejoong's room, just seeing the happiness there in his eyes was a special feeling all the same.

I love you,
The foolish you,
You're so precious to me
As much as the sun that rises above you,
I'll keep you safe as much as you've waited for me, with this glaring heart,
All the dreams I've prayed for,
They're going towards you with my sincere scent
I hope that my wishes of smiling next to you every new morning,
Will be able to come true