HUG

Jaejoong couldn't ever remember being this tired before in his life. Everything felt as if it was happening in a blur. After all their time spent in the practice room going over their routine again and again until their muscles were aching and they were drenched in sweat, here they were on the set of their first MV. There were cameras and equipment Jaejoong had never seen before in his entire life throughout the room, and the monitor he was sitting in front of projected images from the set laid out on the far end of the room. Changmin was doing his part now, lip synching along with their audio track over the loud speakers. It still made Jaejoong shiver. People would be listening to his songs-- their songs-- on the radio before he knew it. They'd be watching their video and wanting to know more about them. The person who spent his time locked away in his room, hiding from the world and hiding from himself was going to be pushed back even further, letting his real self emerge. He was going to become someone people would want to know, and to love, even.

Something cold touched his cheek, and he looked up. Yunho was holding out some bottled water to him. Jaejoong took it from him gratefully. They were all wearing long sleeves even though it was August and quite warm out, accounting for the fact that the video itself was supposed to be a lead in to fall. They'd already shot their dance footage, but even though the worst of it was over, even stepping under the hot lights for their solo scenes was oppressive.

“Changminnie's so cute,” Yunho said fondly, looking at the screen. “Did you see when he kissed the cat?”

“He'll probably be coughing up furballs later.”

“If he does, he'll aim for Junsu's shoes. No worries for us.” Yunho sat down beside him, studying Changmin on the monitor. “It makes me feel weird to watch him like this. Is this the same little brat who's been mooching off of me since the moment we've met?”

“He's growing up nicely, isn't he? Sixteen years old and everything.”

“Yeah. He'll become a responsible young adult soon. Or as much of one as he can be.” Yunho tapped Changmin's cheeks on the screen. “I'm glad they're making me leader. I want to be able to take care of everyone.”

“As long as you don't burden yourself,” Jaejoong said anxiously. “We are old enough now. We can take care of ourselves to some degree.”

“I know. But I'm not just thinking of you eating well or drinking water or getting the proper amount of sleep. I'm thinking of everything else, too.” He reached out to Jaejoong's hair. “Maybe it won't even be necessary. Maybe everything is and always will be fine from here on out.” He smiled a little sadly, though, as if he knew better. Because he knew better.

The director called Yunho up for his solo shots, and Changmin walked back to take the place where he'd been sitting next to Jaejoong. Jaejoong hooked their arms together and leaned his head on Changmin's shoulder. He'd been big from the moment Jaejoong met him, and he was only getting taller. Like Yunho, Jaejoong also felt an urge to protect him from everything, but at the same time, he had faith that he'd be fine, even when they were in the spotlight. He had a big heart and was softer than they sometimes gave him credit for, but he knew how to stand up for himself when it counted.

“Tired, hyung?” Changmin asked.

“Very. But it will be worth it when this finishes. Our debut video. The first proper view our fans will have of us together.”

“Did you really have to write that line about the kittens, though?”

“Considering what happened before writing those lines, I'd have thought you'd prefer singing about kittens over the alternative.”

“Point taken. But what about all those other songs you sang in the summer with Yunho hyung? Why couldn't we have debuted with those instead?”

“The time for those will come later. Right now we have to worry about getting fans to begin with and introducing ourselves to them. Hyunsoo nim and Stanley nim know the strategy behind that better than we do.”

Changmin groaned. “Don't remind me. I watched the member teaser video they submitted for Junsu hyung. What is this fictional charisma he supposedly has?”

Jaejoong couldn't help laughing. So far they had released teasers for Junsu, Yunho, and Changmin. Yunho was by far the most popular with older fans, while the rest were still debating the question of who was cuter: angel-faced Junsu or giant baby Changmin. Regardless, they were still the most talked about upcoming debut, helped in part by Starkiss also getting to promote them during their stages for their summer special single. Normally, Jaejoong would have felt bothered by them hogging some of Starkiss's spotlight during their promotions, but Gaeun assured him that they would much rather share the occasional tidbit about DBSK then answer even more questions about Saehee's love life.

Jaejoong watched Yunho's face flashing on the screen and smiled. He'd worried for awhile about what sharing Yunho with the rest of the world would be like, but after watching his MV with Gaeun, his teaser video, and now the shots of him on their MV set, the fear had gone away a little bit. He was very proud of the Yunho everyone else would get to see-- the beautiful dancer, the charming leader, the singer with the commanding tone. There would still be parts of him that only the other four of them had access to, and even parts that only Jaejoong would get to see.

“Ah, Changminnie,” Jaejoong said, giving him a hard squeeze on the shoulder. “Even when we debut, you still have to be our sweet little baby, okay?”

Changmin pulled away, looking appalled. “When was I ever your sweet little baby?”

“Even if we continue to grow from here on,” Jaejoong said softly, “we can still hang on to some things, right?”

Changmin sighed, but relented with a smile. “Then you still have to be the crazy hyung who seduced Yunho and pulled all of us into this, in that case.”

Jaejoong laughed and smacked him on the arm. “I guess I can live with that.”

0o0

Hyunsoo nim reserved everyone a room at a popular downtown restaurant on the eve of their debut. It was a company-wide celebration, so not only did the C&M staff get a table, but Starkiss and vocal groups one and two came along, too. Jaejoong was half tempted to call Seungmin over from the new company he'd joined to round them out, but decided to keep their promise to meet again onstage as it was.

“Ahh, so hungry,” Changmin groaned, cracking open his menu. “Since the company is paying for it, will it be deducted from my eventual paycheck if I order to most expensive thing on the menu?”

“Go right ahead,” Brie said, waving her hands. “In fact, I'm planning on matching you plate for plate tonight, mate. I've been on a diet ever since promotions, and it's time to let loose.”

“I don't care about food, I just need a drink,” Gaeun said, flipping through her options. “You youngsters, pay no attention to noona tonight, all right? I'm just treating myself a little.”

“Just as long as you don't get up and start dancing on the table by time the night's over,” Shinwon joked.

“I can't make any promises. Especially if they have karaoke nearby somewhere.”

Jaejoong opened his own copy of the menu, his eyes widening. Since he liked cooking so much and his family couldn't often afford to treat all his siblings to restaurant meals, it had been ages since he'd eaten out. The options overwhelmed him, but he knew he had to take advantage of the company's generosity while he still could. According to the Starkiss noonas, as soon as you got busy with a schedule, eating was the first thing pushed to the side. There was a chance it would be different for them since there wasn't as much pressure for them to diet, but he didn't want to hedge all his bets on that.

Fortunately for Gaeun, the waiters were quick with their drinks. “A toast!” she immediately called out. “For DBSK and their debut music video! For great success on their live stages! For Jung Yunho! For Kim Jaejoong! For Park Yoochun! For Kim Junsu! For Shim Changmin! Gunbae!”

“Gunbae!” They clinked their glasses together and drank, though only the older girls and staff actually had any alcohol to speak of. Jaejoong had almost made a case for their group to at least have a little bit of wine with dinner, but with their debut stage less than a day away, it was better to play it safe.

“Your debut video was really so good, hyung,” Chansik said, addressing Jaejoong. “I've been replaying your part nonstop since it came out.”

“No, the best part was definitely when Changmin hyung kissed the cat,” Haejin insisted.

“I like the part where your ears turned red when you sang 'oh baby,'” Soorin said earnestly. “And Junsu ah's voice was beautiful.”

“My ears did not turn red!” Jaejoong protested. He wondered for a moment if Soorin was just teasing him since he was fairly certain his hair had covered his ears for all of his shots, but with her tone of voice, it wasn't too certain.

“I liked it better than our debut single, honestly,” Saehee asked. “When we came out, everyone wanted you to have these kitschy songs to introduce yourself to world, as if they couldn't figure out your name on their own. I swear to god, if I have to sing that song and spell S-T-A-R-K-I-S-S one more time...”

“Too bad our fans keep on requesting it at our signing events,” Brie sighed.

“Anyways, how were the online comments for it?”

“Pretty good, noona,” Yoochun said. “Everyone wants to know what our name means, but they thought the song was cool.”

“Because Jaejoongie wrote it,” Yunho said proudly.

“Every one of us seems to have a pretty even divide of early fans,” Junsu said. “Yunho's still the most well-known member, though.”

“Was my scandal with Jaejoong ah not big enough?” Soorin asked.

“It was just the right size, noona,” Yunho said quickly. “He'll be plenty popular soon enough.”

“They all will be,” Gaeun said, staring into her beer glass thoughtfully. “I may not be an expert like Hyunsoo nim, but the harmonies are no joke. The longer you work together, the better they'll get. You guys better do a collaboration with us, by the way. Starkiss could always stand to get better with harmonies, too.”

“I hope we'll be able to work hard and get to their level, too,” Chaozhi said. “Our sunbaes are all so talented.”

“You will,” Yunho said, patting him on the back. “After all, it was you who helped us find our precious name, so we'll do whatever we can for you, too.”

“Just all of you be good so you don't wind up like your big bad noona,” Saehee said, laughing. “Stay 'single' until you're thirty, or at least don't get caught until then. You may think you want the whole world to acknowledge your love, but you're probably wrong.”

“Speaking from experience, darling?” Brie asked.

“Oh, you.”

“I think they shouldn't date at all for awhile,” Chansik said, glaring at Yunho. “It's the job of rookies to focus on music.”

“Maybe for the others, but Jaejoong-ssi at least should know a thing or two for those songs he writes,” Soorin said. “Have you not seen his audition tape, Chansik ah?”

Chansik shook his head.

“You should. I don't think such an audition would be possible without the power of love.”

“Eh?” Jongwoo said, lifting an eyebrow. “You've got that kind of experience, hyung?”

“N-not exactly,” Jaejoong said, his face flaming.

“Hyung used to have a puppy love girlfriend in middle school, isn't that right?” Yoochun stepped in.

“Oh, yeah... we were very attached.”

Chansik looked like he wanted to say something, but Shinwon reached out and grabbed his nose with chopsticks and the two of them got caught up in arguing with other, putting the subject to an end.

They had to stop talking after awhile when the food came and they lost themselves to stuffing their mouths with everything they'd ordered. Brie kept her word and matched Changmin's appetite, though he won out in the end by stealing Junsu's portion of steamed rice. After the meal was most of the way finished, Gaeun pulled the rest of Starkiss off to one of the karaoke rooms to unleash some of her drunken confidence, and the other vocal groups tagged along to watch. Jaejoong glanced at the clock, his nerves setting in. This time tomorrow their debut stage would be long over, and they'd be preparing for the next one. It would be exhausting, but the prospect still thrilled him. He'd felt invisible for so long that he wanted to do something special now that he was brave enough to be seen.

Yoochun flipped through his phone, pulling up the new comments on their video. “People know who we are now,” he said in amazement. “It feels like a dream.”

“One that we'll probably never wake up from,” Junsu said. “We have our first interview tomorrow after our stage. Then they'll really start to get to know us.”

“If they don't run screaming in the other direction,” Changmin said, grinning.

“We're just going to have to have a stage that makes them scream for all the right reasons,” Yunho said firmly. “And if anyone can do it, we can.”

“For our dream!” Yoochun said, lifting his glass.

“For our music,” Changmin said.

“For each other,” Yunho said.

Jaejoong grinned, joining his glass with theirs. “For C&M.”

“For Cassiopeia!” Junsu said, calling out the loudest. They slammed their drinks together, for everything they wanted and everything they were on the verge of reaching at each other's sides.

0o0

It was complete and utter organized chaos backstage. Jaejoong barely had to move at all before he was pushed to one direction or the other by staff. From the make up chair to the hair stylist to the wardrobe rack where their bright white stage outfits hung. Brushes tickled his cheeks, hands reached out from every direction to straighten his shirt or adjust the position of his microphone, people he didn't know would muss his long hair, adjusting strands he was certain weren't even out of place. He felt like he was in a stupor. He could hear Junsu running through vocal exercises somewhere in the background and Yoochun and Changmin chattering close to him, but nothing felt as if it was properly registering. This is happening, he repeated to himself firmly, but his anxiety and anticipation were both still pulling him out of the moment, making him feel as if he was watching everything distantly, as if it was all outside of his control.

“Feeling nervous?” the stylist noona asked sympathetically, sweeping concealer underneath his eyes.

“Oh... yes, I guess.”

“Don't worry. I've been in this business for awhile now, and I haven't seen anyone completely tank during their debut stage yet. Just remember that the audience will be feeling nervous on your behalf, too, so you can let them take care of that part and just dedicate yourself to doing your best.”

“But won't there be people like the anti-fans you read about online?”

“Ah, yes. And the truth is that they're mostly online. This may sound cheesy, but as long as your fans outshine them, you have nothing to worry about. You're the hoobae of Starkiss, right? Their motto is that as long as they take care of and love each other, their fans will take care of them in return and protect them when they need it. There's a reason why they were able to come back with a single after poor Saehee ah's scnadal. You should learn well from them, all right?”

Jaejoong nodded. Take care of each other, and our fans will take care of us. They could do that. That was what they'd always done, and he just had to have faith that their fans would fall in line behind them.

Suddenly, Yunho's hand was on his shoulder. “Jae, we need to say hello to our sunbaes,” he said gently. “You ready?”

Jaejoong took Yunho's hands and rose to his feet. “I don't know. Do I look ready?”

“You look great. I've always thought white suited you.” He lifted his hand and Jaejoong's hair for just a moment. “You don't have anything to be afraid of. Remember the first time you sang for me? You didn't even have the training or experience you have now, but still it was enough for me to begin falling in love. I don't see how everyone else will be able to help falling under your spell.”

“Weren't you a special case, though?”

“Maybe. But special or not, your voice is still beautiful. And our voices are beautiful together.”

The five of them went through the backstage rooms, handing out their singles to everyone else performing at the music station. Jaejoong almost had a heart attack when he met Kangta, but he managed to choke out the proper niceties and keep his cool up until Kangta shook his hand. Yunho practically had to drag him out of the room and quietly scold him for 'cheating' before he calmed down again.

“Are our parents going to come and see us backstage?” Junsu asked bouncing on the balls of his heels. He still hadn't made up him them fully, but they would still be attending the stage together along with the parents of the other members.

“They'll come see us after the stage is over,” Yunho answered. “The doors haven't even opened yet since they're still doing rehearsals. We should actually be called for ours, soon.”

Yoochun's eyes watered. “I think I'm going to lose it the second I stand on stage, hyung.”

“If you have to cry, then get it out of your system during practice.” Yunho looked at the rest of them. “You're all okay?”

Jaejoong nodded. The raw excitement was starting to come back to him. He hadn't stood on a real stage by himself, much less with people he cared about as much as Yunho, Yoochun, Junsu, and Changmin. A part of him was still a bit numb, but he knew they would only ever be able to have their first performance once. He wanted to make it count and burn it into his mind so he would remember it forever, even when their performing days were long over.

The staff finally called them up on the main stage and started them off with a mic test. C&M had gone for a very minimal stage design for them, so it was up to them to be the focal point of their performance. When their backing track started playing on the loudspeakers, they immediately fell into the familiarity of their routine. Even though their minds were on delivering each step perfectly and staying where they needed to be on stage, it was simply fun to sing together, just as it had always been. It was just their managers and staff in the audience right now, but a rush of adrenaline came over when he thought of the other people who would soon be there. Not because they had to be, but because they wanted to see them.

As soon as they finished their practice, Yoochun started sniffling. “Can't even wait for the real thing, can you?” Junsu yelled, but he immediately ran over to wrap his arms around Yoochun's back.

“Sorry. It's just so...”

“We know, hyung,” Changmin said, rapping him on the head. “It's fine.”

Yoochun nodded wordlessly and squinted his tears away. “We sounded good, but let's do it even better for when our fans are here. Our Cassiopeia.”

Backstage, they watched the audience start filling up little by little. Everyone had their lightsticks turned off for now, so it was hard to see how many were red-- the color C&M has designated for them before debut. The young girls flocked closest to the stage, but Jaejoong thought he could see a handful of older adults closer to the back. As happy as he was that his mother, father, and sisters could be there, he was most anxious about Yunho's family. It wasn't like they would be able to guess his and Yunho's relationship just by looking at him, but would it even matter if they liked him initially if they would only come to hate him when they found out?

They just can't find out, in that case, he told himself. But that thought hardly made him happier. How long would he have to fake away his feelings? Was it just for as long as he was famous, or as long as he was alive, too?

Yunho rested his chin on Jaejoong's shoulder. “What are you thinking of?” he asked.

“About how excited I am.”

“Liar. I know you better than to fall for that. If there's something you're worried about, look at that.” He reached out a hand and pointed to a spot on the screen. A handful of girls in the audience were showing off their lightsticks, toying with them and turning them off and on. The ones in their hands turned red in their hands before they flicked them off again.

“Oh,” Jaejoong whispered, his heart immediately lightening. “Red is such a pretty color, isn't it?”

“It is,” Yunho said, grinning. “So be sure there's a smile on your face when we go out to see them, all right?”

0o0

When he went out to see them, he had his smile, and his pounding heart. It was the exact same stage he'd walked out on before, but suddenly it seemed bigger than it had before. They were so close; he could even make out some of the details of their faces clearly. But at the same time, they were so far. He was standing on the stage before them, on higher ground, looking down. He wasn't the same person who could walk among them normally like he could just days before. He was someone they held in their eyes now. He loved it and was terrified at the same time.

Their lightsticks flicked on, dyeing the stage around them red, and their eyes looked up at them with anticipation. They only knew them from “Hug,” Yunho's music video, and C&M's reputation, but if that was enough for them to start putting their faith in them already, he knew he couldn't let them down. They would live up to that faith. They would become even better. They would climb to the very top for the sake of all the people who were waiting for them and watching.

Music started playing in the background. The sound of heartbeats, which rang over his own. The first lines were his. Yunho may have been their leader, but he was the one who needed to start them off on the right note for all the eyes watching them in the venue, and all those who would be watching them at home, too. Strangely, he didn't feel the pressure as much as he thought he would. He just wanted to make them happy.

Jaejoong took a deep breath, opened his mouth, and started to sing.

If just for one day, I want to be the bed in your room, oh baby...