JUST ANOTHER GIRL

“All right, Changmin,” the video director called out. “You're a pillar of reason in this sea of chaos. Isolate yourself from these people around you. They represent all the poisons of the world, and you are ABOVE THAT!”

The extras and “poisons of the world” looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Changmin simply rolled his eyes. Usually they would start off shooting their dance footage, but since they didn't want to hold up the extras in their long filming schedule, they were taking care of Changmin's club scene first, so he was getting the brunt of the director's initial fervor. More than the rest of them, Changmin hated being rambled at, but as soon as the camera was pointed at him, he immediately became exactly what the director requested. He gazed over the sea of dancers as if he saw something beyond them, something that rendered them meaningless. Their faces and features seemed to blur before Jaejoong's eyes, and he could only look at Changmin and his plainly displayed inner turmoil.

“I still can't see him as a pillar of reason,” Junsu said, looking at the filming monitor.

“He's definitely a pillar, all right,” Yoochun muttered.

“Changminnie's good at this already,” Yunho said, grinning. “He looks so much more mature from our last concept. He's growing up so well.” Junsu and Yoochun snorted.

Jaejoong looked up from the screen and watched the extras dancing around Changmin. Shinwon was as eye-catching as ever, but Jongwoo's skills stood out the most. There wasn't room to break out any of his b-boy dancing, but the technical level of his movements was still there. Jaejoong really hoped Hyunsoo nim lived up to his promised that the remaining five trainees would debut within the next year. He was already talking about opening up more auditions, potentially for another girl group, so he probably wanted to move ahead with the talent he had, since they were getting better and better by the day.

He also glanced over to Dami. She looked gorgeous, but despite her dance 'lesson' with Yunho, the movements didn't come as naturally to her as they did for the other dancers. All the same, she made even that look fitting. Not everyone who went to clubs moved like pros, and she looked exactly like that; someone who couldn't do it perfectly, but still felt the music and was little by little getting into the flow.

“Jaejoongie,” Yunho said, leaning into his ear. “Are you sure everything's okay? You haven't been looking all there today. Did something happen at your shooting with noona today?”

“It was pre-recorded,” Jaejoong said, avoiding looking into Yunho's eyes. “There was barely anything to go wrong.”

“Then what is it?”

Jaejoong finally looked over his shoulder. Really? How can you not get it? How would you like it if it was me with 'a girl like that' hanging onto me? Would you want me to pretend it had never happened, when I knew it would hurt you? I have that done to you before, and I said I wouldn't anymore, so how can you so easily?

“I'm anxious about getting the routine right,” Jaejoong said flatly. “It's difficult this time.”

“You'll be fine. You were really doing well on it during our last few practices.” He placed a hand on his shoulder, and Jaejoong almost shrugged it off. But as annoyed as he was, it wasn't worth fighting about here. In any case, Yunho had always been more genial than him. To him, having a close relationship with the people he met came naturally. Being friendly with Dami wouldn't be out of character, but still, the memory of the smile he'd given her still nagged at Jaejoong. Couldn't he tell that she was favoring him, and for what reason?

The director's booming voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “Nice expressions,” he yelled out to Changmin. “Now, for your screams. Belt out those 'No's! Throw your whole body into them! Live like no one's watching!”

“But if I did this in a club, everyone would notice,” Changmin pointed out.

“Don't forget that these are the poisons of the world! They care for only themselves. And you, the pillar of reason, are suffering from their indifference! It's torturing you! FEEL that agony. I want to SEE it on your face.”

Changmin accordingly threw his whole body into his screams, and everyone danced around him blindly. It looked so real that Jaejoong wanted to cry. He felt it, the agony Changmin was supposed to be portraying. Yunho's hand was still on his shoulder, so he stepped forward and let it slide off. He wasn't in the mood to be comforted. Maybe he would later. Maybe they'd go backstage and he'd confess how anxious seeing Dami with Yunho made him feel, and Yunho would tell him she was nothing, and he was only being kind as the leader of DBSK. Jaejoong could put it behind him and learn to be more trusting of both Yunho and himself. But for now, he let the feelings gnaw at him. This wouldn't be the last time this would happen, to either of them. He wondered if it would ever stop bothering him, or if he would always feel these useless feelings of envy until they ate him away completely from his fragile insides.

0o0

They had to perform their routine several times before the director was satisfied, but most of the extras stuck around to watch them with their back up dancers, even though it was closing in on late evening. Jaejoong had half hoped that Dami would have a schedule to leave for, but she stayed as well, taking the seat in front of the filming monitor to watch as they danced.

Still, it was easy to put her from his mind when he was occupied in taking on the routine. As soon as they finished, they'd move on to the cathedral where Jaejoong was doing his individual shots, and she wouldn't be following. When the director finally approved of their take, Jaejoong was more than ready to leap into the van and leave right then and there, but of course the camera crew had to pack up, and the DBSK members needed their hair and make up retouched after the amount of sweating they'd been doing.

But as soon as the director called cut, Dami immediately got up out of her seat and stepped in front of Jaejoong as he went to walk back to the side building. “I need to borrow you,” she said.

“I need to go back to styling.”

“I wasn't asking.” Her smile had vanished, and before he knew it, she'd grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and was pulling him outside the building to the side alley.

“Dami-ssi, I'm not sure if this is-”

“Now, now, Jaejoong ah. No need to play at being nice to me anymore. I can tell when I'm not liked.” She poked her sharp fingernail into his cheek. “Now let's just be completely honest with each other from now on. I would have from the very beginning if it wasn't for that stylist hanging around and not knowing when the rest of your group would show up. I usually don't like having a winning hand if I can't share it.”

“Really, this is-”

She reached into her purse and pulled out a handful of photos, which she turned face up. Jaejoong looked at them. They were of him and Soorin at the hospital courtyard, her arms wrapped around him and her crying face disguised by his shoulder. How? He thought back to that day wildly. Learning that they'd had their picture taken as they'd fled the bookstore hadn't been much of a surprise. He'd thought he'd heard someone following them back then, but those footsteps had faded away long before they reached the hospital. Why would someone follow them further? He looked up at Dami. Why would she?

“I see I've piqued your interest,” she said, smiling. “You were a nobody when this happened, so you must be wondering why would anyone go after your poor, pitiful sunbae? Frankly, I couldn't care less about that freak, however useful she's proven. It's Saehee I'm after.”

“Saehee noona?” Jaejoong asked, not quite following the situation. “I don't get it. You've never worked in a drama with her. Why does she matter to you?

“Because she took from me what she had no right to take,” Dami yelled. “I was interested in Minjun for years, even back when he was bit actor taking blink-and-you-miss roles in dramas. I was the one who pulled him up from obscurity and got him a role in a film with me. It was because of that he was able to be a drama star and have the fame he couldn't dream of having before. And how does he thank me? By hooking up with some air headed idol who isn't even good enough to stand in the same room in me!”

Her smile twisted into something terrible, and Jaejoong took a step back. “I knew about it,” she continued. “I alerted the tabloids to that date they got caught on, thinking it would kill her career. I got his fans to hate her, and some of the group's fans to lose faith in her for hindering the others. But it wasn't enough. I needed something else on Starkiss, whether it had to do with Saehee or not. I had them followed. Gaeun had nothing more than a Disney relationship with her childhood friend that everyone would think was just darling when they found out. Brie turned up nothing. I never expected anything from Soorin, so imagine my surprise when the contact keeping tabs on her told me she'd been spotted leaving the C&M building with a beautiful boy in tow.”

Is she psychotic?, Jaejoong thought faintly. She had them followed just because the person she liked started dating Saehee noona? He wanted to call the cops on her, but she still had the photos of him in her hands. He knew the real circumstances behind those pictures, but to someone else they would look bad. It would be horrible for Soorin if the wrong person saw those images. The popularity of DBSK was continuing to grow, and their fans still saw them as fiances and princes that belonged only to them. If they suspected Soorin of having anything to do with Jaejoong, they'd tear her apart. The popularity of Starkiss would take another hit, and it might prove to be too much. He couldn't let that happen. She deserved more than that.

“Why didn't you give those pictures to the tabloid?” Jaejoong asked, hiding his shaking hands behind his back. “The pictures of us leaving the bookstore were hardly scandalous.”

She scowled. “I wasn't the one who sent those in. Those were from some fan or another who wanted to earn some cash off a hot tip. It messed everything up, too. Your company stepped in and cleared up the issue and got everyone excited about you debuting. I thought I'd still send them in and wreck your career before it even started, but I waited. I still thought it would be much more satisfying to get something on Saehee, and break her and Minjun up. Getting something against Soorin felt almost worthless in comparison, and besides, I didn't have any reason to pick on a beautiful new trainee.”

“Then why-”

“Then why am I bringing them up now? Because Minjun doesn't matter anymore. I'd love to bring Saehee down still, but I can do it on my own time. Ever since I saw his music video with Gaeun, my interests have changed to your Jung Yunho. I'm sure I don't have to explain that to you, of all people. He's impressive enough to make Minjun look like a toad in comparison. Just listening to him speak has the power to melt your heart, doesn't it?” Her harsh expression melted into an almost sickeningly sweet smile. “I wasn't lying when I said I was a fan of DBSK. I've followed all of your interviews and shows and photoshoots with a dedication beyond even your precious Cassiopeia members. And I'm not going to have my target snatched again.”

Your target. Just hearing the expression infuriated Jaejoong, but he held it back. It didn't seem safe to set her off now, particularly with the photos of Soorin still firmly in her hands. “And how is blackmailing me over Soorin going to help matters?” he asked instead, fighting to keep his voice even.

“Because I know Soorin isn't really your girlfriend.” She pulled out a digital camera and flicked the photo display on. The first picture was one of Jaejoong leaving the C&M building. She zoomed in to his chest, where his couple ring had slipped out from under his V-neck. “It's the same as his,” she said. “Not very compelling, I know, but I'm more thorough than that.” She flipped to the next shots. Yunho and him walking down the street, Yunho's hand wrapped around his wrist. The two of them at a restaurant on one of their days off. The two of them hugging backstage after a music show.

“I-Is it against the law to be close to my members?” Jaejoong stammered. She's had people stalking us, too, he realized. The pictures themselves didn't prove anything, but what else could they had seen or heard? Did she perhaps have something worse on him that she wasn't showing?

“I'm not stupid,” Dami snapped. “Of course this all could just be skinship. You've done as much with all your other members. And for couple items, you were just wearing the same shirt as Junsu ah the other day. I know this is all worthless as blackmail. But you aren't. You're too easy to read. Your eyes worship the ground he walks on. I don't know how much he cares about you or not, but when it comes to you, all people will need is a valid seed of doubt to figure it out. Give me the slightest opening, and I will destroy you with this. How is someone like you worthy of being at his side? I've followed you for long enough to know that you are nothing compared to him. You hide behind those laughs and extravagant personality of yours, but in your heart, you can't watch him without squirming and doubting yourself. Your kind of love is twisted. You're sick.” She spit the last word out disgustedly. “I can accept Saehee as a rival. But I'm not stepping aside for you. I have dignity as a woman, and there's nothing that you can give him, even as pretty as you are, that I can't give ten times over. How can you? You're a man.”

Jaejoong felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. Secretly, he'd told himself these same things over and over, but it hurt worse to have someone else say it to him upfront. I know I'm weak. I know I don't trust in myself. But I love him. What do you want me to do? Do I have to step aside just because I'm like this? Do I have to hand him over to you, someone who cheats to get her way and punishes anyone who keeps her from getting what she wants?

“What do you want, Dami-ssi?” Jaejoong asked tiredly. “If you want to date him, tell him so. It's not like I can stop you.”

“You certainly can't. But I wouldn't blame Yunho ah if he would up beguiled by you all the same. You're a pretty face. You dote on him. As your member, he has a better reason to want to please you over me. That's why you're breaking up with him.”

“What?”

“You are dating, aren't you? End it. Unless you want these pictures of Soorin on the front page of the entertainment section.”

“We're not dating,” Jaejoong said quickly. “If it's just an infatuation on my part, what's it got to do with you?”

“Then it shouldn't be too difficult to separate yourself from him when you're not on camera and not interfere when I step in. In fact, you'd be doing yourself a favor if you just gave up completely and moved on to Soorin. Freaks of a feather should flock together.”

“You say that as if you're behaving normally here,” Jaejoong snapped. “You're as bad as a sasaeng. I could call the police on you for stalking.”

“Do that and I'll take you down with me. You should be more observant. A contact of mine has been recording this entire conversation for me in exchange for helping her get a part in a drama. Shouldn't take too long to trim out the part about you confessing to your infatuation and spread it around online. I'm sure your company would love to deal with having a homoual idol on their hands, particularly one who is in love with the leader of his group.” She nodded to the dumpster down the alley. One of the other extras was leaning behind it, holding her phone out and smiling guiltily at him.

“Anyways, I've held you back here long enough. The others will come looking. Just keep in mind that your actions won't just affect you anymore. Think of pitiful little Soorin and her precious Starkiss. Think of DBSK and everything you've been able to do with them. It could all fall apart in a moment. If you rip apart what I want from me, I'll rip everything away from you.”

She stashed her photos back into her purse and calmly walked back onto the set. Jaejoong stayed leaning against the wall, his heart pounding. Were this anyone else, he'd report them without thinking. There was clearly something wrong with her if she thought her methods were okay, and she'd admitted herself that she'd been having both Starkiss and DBSK followed to get the images. She may have done the exact same thing to Minjun back when he was her target. But he couldn't act rashly while those images were still out there. The shots of him and Yunho wouldn't do much damage, but he couldn't let the photos involving Soorin or the recording of what he'd said about Yunho to get out.

His phone buzzed, and Yunho's number showed on the screen. His hands shook as he answered. “Yunho?”

“Where are you?” Yunho yelled. “Did you completely forget about touch up? The van's almost ready to move to the next location, and your stylist says you haven't come in yet!”

“I'm sorry,” Jaejoong said softly. “I'll go in. I was showing Dami-ssi to the restroom.”

“There's staff for that, you don't have time to get held up.” Yunho's voice softened. “Jaejoong, you really don't sound good. Are you really fine for making it through the rest of the shooting? Your solo shots are next, but I could ask them to postpone if you need to rest.”

“I'll be okay,” Jaejoong said. “I'll go in now. I'm hanging up.”

He switched off his phone and took a deep breath. He'd think of what to do later. He needed to finish his filming now, and he couldn't wear what had just happened on his face. Dami was right that he was weak when it came to fighting for himself, but he wouldn't let DBSK down.

Jaejoong closed his eyes one more time and let everything drain from his mind, then stepped back through the doors, leaving it all behind him.

0o0

They continued filming into the next day, and Jaejoong tried to spend the time he wasn't needed on set resting. His mind was still numb, and his dreams unsettled. He couldn't break up with Yunho. It was unthinkable. He couldn't open his mouth and tell Yunho he didn't love him, that he didn't want to be together. But he couldn't let anything happen to Soorin and Starkiss either. They didn't deserve another scandal, and Soorin who had already suffered so much was the last person who needed to be bullied for “stealing” away a precious oppa, even though she had done no such thing. Could he at least distance himself from Yunho for awhile for their sakes? As long as Dami was convinced she was getting her fair chance, wouldn't it be fine?

But she'd had her fair chance with Minjun. They'd acted together before he'd met Saehee, and he still hadn't chosen her. If she tried for Yunho and he rejected her, who was to say that she wouldn't release the photos of Jaejoong and Soorin in retaliation? The only way he could solve anything was to get his hands on the pictures, and the original SD card. The recording was a lower priority. He'd confessed to liking Yunho, but hadn't involved the other three members or implied that Yunho loved him back. If the recording got out, it would be his problem more than anyone else's.

But that's not the only ending, Jaejoong reminded himself bitterly. She could go for Yunho and win. He didn't seem so opposed to her today. And that will really show me how much I'm actually worth.

All the same, he couldn't see himself allowing that to happen either. It would be one thing if she was just another girl and had managed to legitimately win Yunho over. But she had stalked their sunbaes and DBSK as well. She had no qualms about destroying Starkiss's career, even though Soorin, Brie, and Gaeun had no involvement in Minjun and Saehee's relationship. Even if she did manage to win Yunho, there was no telling who else would earn her ire and if even Yunho would wind up suffering from it.

“Hyung.” Junsu had found him where he'd camped out on the string of chairs at the back of the set with a blanket and pillow. “We're finished. We can go home now.”

“No other schedules?” he murmured, rubbing his eyes.

“Not immediately. We can get some more sleep in.”

“Good.” He picked himself and folded the blanket over the chair. “Where's everyone else?”

“Yoochun and Changmin ah are probably off dozing somewhere, too. Yunho hyung was monitoring, so he's probably making sure everything is okay with the video director.” Junsu wiped his sweaty face. “That was one hell of a filming. Are you holding up okay?”

“As okay as can be expected.”

“Let's go get everyone else, then.”

Changmin had fallen asleep on the chair next to their snack table, and Yoochun finally turned up dozing on top of the filming crew's pile of coats. Jaejoong and Junsu roused both of them, then found Yunho and headed out to the vans.

“Good work today,” Yunho said, holding back a yawn. “I was going over the shots with the director, and everyone looks great.”

“Mmm,” Yoochun said. “Great. Now comes the part where we can sleep until we feel like humans again.”

Jaejoong glanced over at Yunho. Out of all of them, he alone hadn't taken any naps during filming. He was probably dead on his feet, but he'd focused on monitoring everything for all of their sakes. Jaejoong felt a sharp pang in his chest. How could he reward that by distancing himself from Yunho? Sure, he'd been upset with him earlier, but all that had whittled away to pity. Pity that Yunho, who deserved everything, was saddled with him, the person who would only be making him suffer more without being able to explain himself.

As soon as they were in the car, Yunho grabbed his mini-pillow and pressed it against Jaejoong's shoulder. “Can I sleep for a little bit, Jae?” he asked drowsily. “I promise I won't leave my eyes open and freak you out again.”

Jaejoong nodded. He knew this was breaking the terms Dami had set, but she could only monitor him so far. He could be safe here, he thought. He didn't know where else or for how long, but if he could be a comfort to him where no one else was watching, he would.

Yunho rested his head against the pillow on his shoulder. Jaejoong closed his eyes and held back the tears of frustration and exhaustion that threatened to hit him. He'd promised Yunho's mother that he would protect him, but there was only so much he could do when he was part of what was causing so much trouble. He hadn't been careful with Soorin. He'd been less careful with his own feelings. Yunho had understood that they needed to be a secret, but Jaejoong had gotten too accustomed to having the right people find out. So many people had warned him of the possibility of his luck running out, and now that it had, he'd put Yunho, Soorin, Saehee, Gaeun, Brie, and himself in jeopardy as a result of his own foolishness. How could he possibly make it right?

There was only one thing to do. If Dami was hell bent on ruining someone, it would have to be him and him alone. He'd figure out a way to get Soorin and Yunho out of it. He'd take Dami down with him, but no one else.

Jaejoong ran his hand through Yunho's hair. “I'm sorry,” he whispered. But Yunho was already safely asleep without a single idea in the world as to what Jaejoong had gotten them both into.  

Please piss off
What kind of lie are you gonna say now?
Shut that mouth
I won’t be deceived anymore