Ever since Byul had suicidal thoughts, she’s been thinking of ways to actually try them but in the end lose the courage too. When she had thoughts of cutting Byul would mess with her wrist and blankly stare at nothing as she tries imaging how it would feel like.

Kai on the other hand was worried about his girlfriend. He really cares. He sees Byul just blankly stare at nothing, mess with her wrist often but he never thought she would think about harming herself. He doesn’t want to think about it nor does he want to see it actually happen.

Not only his girlfriend but Kai and Sehun haven’t talked to each other since they talked in the alley. When Kai tries to start a conversation with Sehun, he would just leave or ignore him. In the beginning Kai felt bad. He missed his best friend dearly and was scared that they would never be friends again. He doesn’t know what he would do without Sehun but as time passed he realized he did nothing wrong and that Sehun was just being a drama queen so he gave up on talking to Sehun.

But Byul cares about their relationship. She hates to see the boys ignore each other. She hates to see one roll their eyes at one another and she especially hates the fact this is all her fault.

Every night she would cry thinking about how bad other peoples life has been to make hers better. She would sometimes hold the knife to her wrist but never have the courage to actually do it. No matter how much she’s in pain, or how much things are bothering her, she never had the guts.

Byul is home alone most of the time. She’s used to it now. Baekhyun comes home later and later but Byul doesn’t really care anymore. Even if she is curious about where he was she never had the guts to ask him. She was scared. Scared she might make things worse.

At school, she barely opens . At home she doesn’t dare open even when no one is home. Her brain is filled with pain; her heart is full with dirt. Dirt that is impossible to clean. It’s impossible to clean her already filled up heart cause once you do it would only be filled up again with more dirt, more pain and more bull.

She wishes everything would be back to normal. Back to normal as in she never said yes to Kai, never heard Sehun and Kai fighting, never let Baekhyun hit her and most importantly, wished her parents where back abusing her.

If only that one night she didn’t make that call to Baekhyun or even better not have been 1 minute late back home. None of this would have happened.

No one knows about her parents. No one should and no one will unless Baekhyun tells. That never came up into her mind until she thought about her parents.

‘Baekhyun would never tell anyone right?’ She hugged her knees as she sat in the dark kitchen floor.

‘He wouldn’t tell his new friends right?’ Tears were threatening to slowly burst out but she shut them tight.

‘Did he already tell them? Are they going to tell the whole school?’ More and more questions invaded her mind and she was soon about to lose it.

She clenched her fist tightly trying too getting rid of the thought that Baekhyun told someone but nothing worked. Her body started to shake and she felt her first tear roll down her face.

Sitting alone in the dark kitchen. Alone in the empty house. But she knew if she stayed longer she would go nuts. She knew if she stayed in this position she would have to go through her annoying brain with all the questions.

Byul slowly got up and in a turn of a head she saw knifes in there spot. She just stared at them no thoughts at all. Before she can reach for it she ran out of the house.

BYUL POV

While I was just walking clearing my mind off, I saw 2 familiar looking people. Stopping in my spot, I walked back a little and hid behind the wall as I saw Baekhyun and Kai in an alley.

Moving up the closest I can I listen to their conversation.

“What’s gone into you Baekhyun? You were never like this. Clubs, drugs, drinking, using people, come on snap out of it this isn’t you!”

“No, this is me. What’s so bad about a little change? I like my friends now better than I liked it with you guys.” I felt a stab in the heart.

“What about Byul? Are you really going to just leave her hanging like this? Your best friends, the person who was with you through thick and thin, are you really just going to leave her like this?” I can hear Kai raise his voice a little and if I actually saw them I’m guessing he was clenching his fist stopping himself from punching Baekhyun in the face.

“She was never a help anyways. If anything, it was me who helped her with everything. Whenever her parents hurt her, it was always me helping and taking care of her. I wished I didn’t save her that day or I would have been so much freer than I am now. My parents are giving all their attention to her. I never wanted her to move in with us.”

It felt like the world just stopped. He told Kai. He didn’t want me. He never liked me.

There was silence for a while until Kai broke it, “You’re not Baekhyun. No, you can’t be Baekhyun... Baekhyun cared about his friends, and he loved his family and was always the mood maker… Who are you?”

Nothing was heard, just by his voice he was smirking, “Me? Who am I? I don’t know, you should ask yourself that. I’m not that Baekhyun anymore. I’m greater and bigger than that Baekhyun. Don’t worry, I haven’t started anything yet."

Once I heard footsteps, I quickly moved behind the trash can so he wouldn’t notice and luckily, he didn’t. I saw him pass by and my tears fell. I felt worthless, like I was just a piece of trash.

Baekhyun was my everything. He was my friend the only family member I had but yet I was nothing to him. So this is how it feels like to love someone so much but yet you didn’t, no, never meant a thing to them.

I covered my mouth, hoping my cries weren’t noticeable. I was pounding my chest trying to stop it from being in so much pain. I felt like I was just stabbed in the heart 100 times but yet I’m not dead and can feel every stab. My train of thought was messed up; nothing was going on in my mind. Tears after tears stained my face and soon I was out of control.

I wanted to get rid of this pain. It was killing me and all I thought about was to get rid of it. With my weak and shaky legs I ran home that was only 2 blocks down and entered the house. No one was home. No one will ever be home.

I ran to the kitchen, the lights and ran right to the knives on the counter I saw before I left. With only thinking that this will stop the pain I slid it across my wrist. The pain was unbearable, I let out a bloody cry but it felt good. I felt myself calm down a little. Seeing the blood seep out of my skin I craved for another one. On the other wrist, I slid the knife and let out another cry. It felt so good but I knew I had to stop but my mind was telling me to keep going.

Before I made another mark the knife was snatched out of my hand and I looked up to see his face. “B-baekhyun… Ba-baekhyun....”

“Are you crazy Byul do you want to die?!”

Hearing the voice only made me realize it wasn’t Baekhyun, it was Kai and Sehun. “Just let me die I don’t deserve to live!” I tried taking the knife out of Sehun hand but he dropped it on the floor, his face was wet and so was Kai.

I fell to the floor holding my head from the pain. My head was throbbing like someone was hitting me with a bat and the marks on my arms were burning. My heart felt like it was slowly dying and soon I got light headed. I couldn’t hear the screams anymore from Sehun or Kai.

Looking at them both in the face, my arms gave in and soon, I felt myself blackout.

I’m finally dead.