Donghae

I tightly clenched my heart and without any hesitation, my body moved forward into her sight.

"What--what did you just say?" I stuttered. She looked at me with widened eyes and gave me a little bow.

"Oh-- Donghae oppa-- When did you get here?"

"I got here a while ago." I sat myself on the chair which layed beside her bed.

"So-- Did you hear everything I just said?"

"Yeah, I did.." I paused, "...Did you remember some of your past?"

She cleared before speaking, "I suppose so... But I don't really remember much--"

"Then what were you just saying back then?"

"Oppa, why are you acting this way? It doesn't really concern you--"

"It does concern me--"

"We haven't seen each other for two months and you approach me like this?"

Hae, what are you doing?

"I--I'm sorry, Miyoung. I don't know what got into me," I sighed, "I'm just very curious about it."

"Ah, arrasso."

"So..."

"From what I remember, he was my first love."

You're kidding me, right?

Was I really the first guy you've ever loved?

"From the moment our eyes met, I fell in love," She giggled.

"He must've really been something, huh?"

"Yeah, he was. A bunch of girls liked him, which amazed me."

A smirk appeared on my face.

"It wasn't only his looks that attracted many people, but his personality too."

"His personality?..."

"De ~ Whenever I'd talk him, even if I had a bad day, hearing his sweet voice would make me happy..."

I don't understand.

Why is she saying all these good things about me?

She hasn't once mentioned about me breaking her heart.

"Oh." I rested my chin on my hand, "I'm wondering-- Did he put you through pain?"

I want to know how you felt back then.

So at least I'd be reminded how much of a fool I was.

"No. He didn't at all."

My eyes widened.

"No? He didn't do anything at all to cause you to cry?"

"Anio." She blankly stared at me.

How could she not remember me being a jerk to her?

Or how she'd always try to avoid being around me because she knew that she'd burtst out into tears?

"Yah, Miyoung," I scratched my head, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"What was your favorite memory of him?"

"Uhh," She thought aloud before smiling widely, "When we first talked on the phone."

"Then .. What was your worst memory of him?"

"It was probably when he didn't show up."

"Show up where?"

"He said that he'd meet me in front of the gymnasium at lunch, but he didn't appear," She giggled.

I couldn't bring myself to say anymore.

My heart felt like it was being stabbed a million times by a sharp knife.

She doesn't remember anything else.

She doesn't remember the day I poured kimchi on her... 

Or the day I rejected her outside of the library...

Or even all of those times we bumped into each other at the bulgogi restaurant.

Her memory stops during the time we just met.

Back when all the happy memories were present; 

When we talked on the phone everyday about semester exams, our friends, our interests;

How we'd always try to meet up at school but end up failing because one of us would be too busy to even make it.

Everything after that... Are all just a faded portion from her memory.

"Oh," I nodded at her, "Araso." 

I slowly picked myself up from the chair and expressionlessly stared out the window.

To think that today I was acutally going to tell her that I was the guy that she use to love 2 years ago...

I don't know if I'm willing to do it anymore.

I looked down at Miyoung, who blankly stared at me from where she layed.

Miyoung, I'd tell you the truth... But first, I want you to know that the memories we created back then weren't all good. Most of them were bad. I want you to be aware that the guy you use to love back then, put you through pain, misery, agony. He made you cry, he made you suffer... He wasn't a good guy at all.

It'd be easier to have you running back in my arms if I told you the truth right now, because you think you know the person he was.

But I'm going to play fair and wait until you remember what I really did to you, so that you'd know the truth.

The real truth.

---------------------------------------------

"Miyoung," A voice suddenly echoed within the room, "It's time for your checkup."

I turned around to see her nurse behind me, pushing a wheel chair towards Miyoung.

"Oh-- Yes~" Miyoung smiled, slowly lifting the cover of her bed to free herself from its embrace, "I guess I'll see you later, oppa?"

I quickly nodded at her, watching her as she'd sit herself down on the wheel chair.

"You must be Miyoung's friend from school, right?" The nurse turned to me.

"Ne~" I said, giving her a 90 degree angle bow.

"You'll be seeing her again after today ~"

"What?" I blinked my eyes twice.

"She's coming back to school after today," The nurse laughed, "She's fully recovered and ready to be discharged from here."

"Oh~" I smiled, "Ne~"

"Silly oppa," Miyoung stuck her tongue out at me, "I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay?"

"Araso." I nodded. She glanced at me one more time before the nurse pushed the wheel chair out of the room.

My eyes only watched as the two blurred from my vision.

I remained still, thinking about what had happened a few moments ago.

Knowing that she still cherishes those first memories we created is one thing. But the fact that she doesn't remember anything else is another. 
How long will it take until she realizes the truth?

I stared out at the sky from the window.

Please let it be soon.

This is killing me.