“Jonghyun help him! Somebody please!”

The man rushed over and turned Jinki over to his side gently, swallowing the lump in his throat as he moved to check his pulse. Jonghyun’s heart dropped into his stomach it seemed when he didn’t feel a single thump of the man’s heart and he looked up with wide eyes. Minho was yelling for help, for the medical team that had been waiting at the finish line, but it was too loud and no one seemed to notice them. “Minho!”

“Huh?” His voice cracked, his big eyes showing Jonghyun just how panicked he was.

“Calm down okay? I’m going to go get help. You aren’t helping Jinki by flipping out.” Jonghyun said softly, even though his own heart was beating a million times a minute as he cradled the older man in his arms. He bundled up his sweatshirt and placed it under Jinki’s head before running over to the medical team. 

All Minho wanted to do was help or at least be there to hold Jinki close to him as they waited, but he couldn’t. He felt completely helpless as he watched the man he loved more than anything lay unmoving on the burning pavement. As Jonghyun returned with the medical team Minho watched as the two men checked his pulse. One leaned down close to his slightly parted lips, probably to see if he was still breathing, and the other ran over to where the rest of their supplies were.

“He’s in complete cardiac arrest.” One informed the other once he returned as he began to press his chest.

Minho had felt inferior many times before. He had felt broken and useless, and for a while he believed that it would have just been easier if the car had killed him, but never once did he feel so utterly useless as he watched the emt forcefully press against Jinki’s chest hard and blow a short breath into his mouth. Over and over, and all Minho could do was watch the older man’s lips to see if a breath would come out of them. It seemed like forever but then older man gasped as a harsh breath left his lips. The emt let out a breath of his own as he slid an oxygen mask onto Jinki’s face. All Minho wanted to do was be able to stand up, rush over to him to at least hold his hand. Jinki needed him more than he had ever had, to have someone there for him, but because he was so defective he couldn’t even do that for him. He hadn’t even been able to go get help for him. If Jonghyun hadn’t been there who knows how long it would have taken for the medical team to get over to help the older man. Not once in his life had he ever regretted and loathed his condition more than he did then.

And because he couldn’t help him, couldn’t focus on the one thing that really mattered, his mind could continue to run a million times a minute. He had caused this. He knew that he was the reason that Jinki had collapsed. It had been his condition and the older man’s huge loving heart that had prompted them doing the race in the first place.

He thought about what it would be like if Jinki never had come around that night that he had. Would they be together? Would the events that followed still had? Or would the older man be happy and living with some nice girl having tons of kids? Minho had no idea about the what ifs, but he figured that the man wouldn’t be unconscious with an oxygen mask in the middle of a huge crowd if that night had never happened.

His heart was pumping fast, blood rushing past his ears cutting off his sense of hearing as he focused on the older man. People were beginning to notice, but their murmuring and talking didn’t matter. Jonghyun’s hands that were pressing against his shoulders didn’t matter. All that matter was how Jinki’s chest was rising and falling in the normal rhythm; even if it was only because of the oxygen mask that was placed over his mouth and nose.

As he was gently lifted onto the gurney and the rods were locked into place the medical team ran to call the hospital and talk to the police to move the people out of the way. Minho rolled over to the man, and after reaching up he gently gripped the older man’s fingers. Jinki’s normally warn fingers were cold and clammy. Minho gulped as he looked at the beautiful profile of the man, because he looked so peaceful as if sleeping but he wasn’t.

After Jinki was loaded into the ambulance the emt turned to ask if someone wanted to come with them to the hospital. He wanted to go with Jinki - wanted to hold his hand and wanted the older man to know that he wasn’t alone – but he couldn’t because of his stupid condition. He turned to tell Jonghyun to go, but when he did he saw the man shaking his head. The emt nodded his head and closed the ambulance doors behind his partner before getting into the driver’s seat and turning on the sirens.

“Why didn’t you go with him? He needs someone with him.” Minho asked, his voice giving away just how worried he was, and how fast his heart was beating against his ribs.

“Because my best friend needs me more. Let’s get you to the hospital Minho.”

                                                                        ----

 When they arrived at the hospital Jinki was already in a room and being stabilized. Minho understood it when they weren’t allowed to go back then, but then the doctor came out and told them that the older man was stable and resting.

“When can we go and see him?” Minho asked softly, his eyes tired and red.

The doctor shook his head. “Only family can enter the room to see Mr. Lee.”

“I am his family.” Minho insisted.

“Not by blood, so we can’t let you in sir. I’m sorry.” Then he was turning and walking away, and Minho wanted to launch his shoe at his head.

When a nurse walked passed him that he remembered seeing attending to Jinki he caught her attention. “Excuse me, but can you tell me about Lee Jinki’s condition please?”

She eyed him warily. “Are you family?”

“Yes.”

She seemed reluctant but she finally sighed, “He’s stable, but hasn’t woken up yet.”

“Is he in pain?” Minho asked slowly.

“Not anymore sir.” Then she was gone, saying she had another patient to check up on.

“Minho we should go. I can take-“ Jonghyun began as they sat in the waiting room.

“No.”

“Minho you need to-“                                                                                                                        

But Minho interrupted him again. “No. I’m staying here until they let me back to see him.” 

“That could take hours.”

Minho still stared at the doors that lead back to where Jinki was. “I really don’t care. I’ll be sitting here until I can go and see him.”

“I can roll you out of here.”

That made Minho looked up at him. His eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I would.”

Jonghyun knew that Minho was stubborn; he always had been, but now that it was about Jinki –the one man that really treated him like he wasn’t different from everyone and the man he loved more than anything- he knew that it was even worse. Minho needed to sleep, he already had bags under his eyes and they were puffy from his panicked crying back at the race when he was yelling for help. Could he pull the man out of this waiting room and out to car? Yes, would he? No.

Minho had battled depression for years, and even after he finally pulled himself together enough to get into college he still suffered from it. Jonghyun had tried everything, and most of the time the younger man would be okay, but there had been times he could do nothing as the younger man cried himself to sleep. Then Jinki happened. The older man pulled Minho from the depths of his depression and made him feel like he was worth something. If Minho lost Jinki Jonghyun had no idea how he would cope.

“Please… just I need to see him.” Minho’s voice cracked as he looked up at his best friend. “I have to know he’s okay.”

Jonghyun swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, before reaching out and wiping the tear that had fallen from the man’s eyelashes. “I’ll go see what I can do to get you back there.”

                                                                        ----

It took him 20 minutes of arguing with the nurse at the front desk, another 15 of threats to call security and finally Jinki’s doctor came out. He was beyond pissed, because apparently he believed that just telling them that they couldn’t see him was enough, but before Jonghyun could say anything Minho already was moving through the doors.

“You can’t see him.” The doctor repeated after running to stand in front of the determined man.

Minho glared. “If you don’t take me to him I will roll over you and find him myself.”

“He’s not in the right condition for any visitor. Just family.”

“I’m his ing partner for god sakes.” Jonghyun was shocked into silence then, because Minho never cussed and especially not to a doctor. “His emergency contact too. So why don’t you step aside and either lead me to my Partner or stay out of my way while I go do it myself.”

The doctor stared wide eyed at the man in the wheelchair for a moment; his mouth opening and closing like a fish, but he finally sighed and nodded. “Fine. But only one of you.”

Jonghyun gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and a reassuring smile before Minho was pushing his hands against his wheels and following the doctor through the big doors. As they approached one of the doors the doctor stopped and motioned inside. “He’s sleeping. You can talk to him, just not too loudly okay?”

Minho nodded and took a deep breath before rolling in. The door was shut behind him, the small window by the door allowed the nurse on duty to look inside if need be. Minho looked at the man in the bed, and his heart sunk even further than it already was.

He gulped and reached out to hold the older man’s hand, and he in a breath at how cold it was compared to normal. He looked at the tubes and wires that were connected to the man’s chest, and wrist; at the oxygen that was still being given to the man through his nose.

“I’m sorry.” He began. He knew he had to do this slowly, because if he didn’t his emotions would get the better of him, but as he said the last word his throat was already clenching. “For causing you harm. I shouldn’t have said yes to the stupid race.”

He lifted the man’s hand and gently placed a kiss on his knuckles. “I love you Jinki… please don’t leave me. I don’t know what’s wrong and what happened and why it did because they won’t tell me anything. I had to curse and make a scene just to get back here to see you. I just… I can’t lose you Baby.”

He hiccupped and in a harsh breath as the tears finally fell from his eyes. He pressed Jinki’s knuckles against his lips once more as he looked up at the man’s blank peaceful face. “It seems like I’m in a dream. It feels like I haven’t been breathing since the moment you collapsed, and I just want to wake up; I want to breathe again Jinki.

“I should have been there for you. I should have been holding you when you collapsed and been there to hold your hand in that ambulance, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t because of my stupid ing chair. This is my entire fault… I’m so sorry for leaving you alone. But I’m here now. I won’t leave you alone again.” He gave the man’s hand a gentle squeeze before moving the gold ring that was around his ring finger a little around the slightly stubby digit. Minho softly smiled, “They still let you wear it.”

He wiped his nose with the back of his hand and laughed shortly. “Look at me. I’m a complete mess, but I can still see you standing there with that big goofy smile on your face as you call me your Sunshine and tell me I’m beautiful even when I’m crying.”

Minho sighed and leaned his head against the bed, still holding the man’s hand. This was again one of those times he wished he wasn’t in the chair, because all he wanted to do right then was climb into the bed and hold the man close, but then he knew that even if he could walk and stand that he wouldn’t be able to do that because of all the tubes. “I love you Jinki, just I need you to wake up so I can smother you in it.”

                                                              -----

The next afternoon Minho was still in the same spot; though Jonghyun managed to take him home to clean him up enough to be presentable. He had been reluctant, but the slightly older man persuaded him enough to go finally. There was a book in his lap, which he was softly reading out loud like he knew the older man liked, when he heard Jinki groan. He looked up quickly, hoping that it was because the man was finally waking up, and his heart leapt when he saw the man’s eyes slowly opening.

The man blinked a couple times before moving his head slowly toward the younger man. A small smile tugged on the corners of the man’s mouth as he said, “Sunshine.” His usually calm collected voice cracked and was soft, but it was still completely beautiful to Minho.

Minho reached out and gripped the man’s fingers; bring the hand up to his lips as relief washed over him. “Oh god Jinki.”

Jinki smiled at him, but before he could say anything the doctor was rushing in. “Oh you’re awake. I saw the jump in your heartbeat and got worried.”

Jinki looked between Minho and the doctor, as if questioning. “This is Doctor Kim. He’s been looking after you.”

“What… happened?”  

“You collapsed at the race Mr. Lee. You went through cardiac arrest.” The doctor replied calmly as he checked over the man. “Did you know that you have a heart condition?”

Minho’s eyes widened, “A what?”

Jinki shook his head as the doctor continued. “Mr. Lee, you have a condition called HCM. It’s why your heart stopped.”

“Will I be okay?”

The doctor smiled. “There are medications that help reduce the thickness of the left side of your heart. You’ll be okay as long as you eat healthy, take your meds, and reduce the extreme physical exertion that you put your body through during that race. Any questions?” Jinki shook his head. “Then I’ll be back in here to go over the medication soon. Just rest okay?”  

The doctor left, and Minho turned to say something to the older man but Jinki was gently shaking his head. “Just.. can you get up here?” Minho looked at the bed for a moment and nodded. “Then lay with me.”

It took him a moment, but after Jinki scooted over slightly Minho lifted himself from his chair and onto the bed. He curled into the older man’s side, mindful of all the tubes and wires, and nuzzled his cheek into his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop with that.” Jinki said softly, his voice was quiet and weak. “I just want you to hold me, so I don’t want to hear how you blame yourself.”

“I caused this. You can’t deny that.”

He felt Jinki’s warm lips pressing against his hair. “Think about this, without you I never would have found out I had it. So you could have just added years onto my life Sunshine.” Minho opened his mouth to speak, but the older man’s soft chuckle stopped him from doing so (not that he actually had something to say). “I love you okay? Now I want sleepy cuddles. Think you can give me that?”

Minho nuzzled closer. “Of course.”

He knew that Jinki would have to take medicine, and that as soon as they got home he would be researching the condition, but right then relief washed over him. Jinki was awake, and though he had a heart condition, he was alive; alive and holding him close. That’s all that mattered.

He could wait until the time that he took the older man home, because he knew that the older man would be against resting and not doing all the things he usually did; Like lifting Minho onto the bed, or the couch, or the bathtub. Yeah, Jinki wouldn’t like that too well.