June 08, 2022

* * *

"Haneun, can you pass me the marker?"

"Here."

"I think it needs more color, dude."

"Ricky's right. It looks plain."

"Calm down, I've got this."

For the meantime, Changjo, Ricky and Haneun were busy preparing their class presentation of the theme "family". With their lessons about family, of course all existing activities and projects have that as the theme, and using the materials Haneun bought the other night, they were already putting their ideas into action.

Changjo, who is in charge of designing and everything, had Ricky and Haneun completely amazed. Aside from dancing side by side with Ricky, he also has this great hidden creativity in him. Haneun, meanwhile, was busy looking and observing the two in work. Besides, she was afraid that she might mess the whole thing up.

"Alright, let's get into real work." Changjo said as he faced the two. "Who's starting first?" he asked as he eyed the two with curiousity and expectations.

"The one whose birthday comes first?" Ricky suggested.

"If you wanted to go first, you could've said." Haneun sighed as she glared at the shorter male, making Ricky excitedly giggle and grab the marker from Changjo's hand. 

"Alright! First, I'll write my parents' name." he narrated as he scribbled down the names of his beloved mother and his brother's name in the boxes located in a tree-like drawing Changjo made earlier. The boxes were also under a box with the name "Yoo Changhyun" in it. Afterwards, he smiles in satisfaction. "Done, can we design it according to our own likings later?" he cutely asks.

"Sure." Changjo nods. "Haneun, your turn." he says, handing her a black marker.

"You go first. I'll go last." Haneun replies as she declines the offer. 

"But your birthday's next to Ricky's-"

"Don't care. You go first, Changjo." she debated, leaving Changjo to sigh in defeat and simply comply with her plea. Like Ricky, he writes his parent's name in the boxes underneath the box with the name "Choi Jonghyun" in it. Afterwards, the name of his older sister was written down. "Done, your turn, Haneun." he says, handing her the black marker.

Haneun nods and with somewhat nervous hands and a blank face, she scribbles down the last name of her mother and literally pauses for seconds. She can't let others know that her mother was a boy, right? 

But she had to write down her mother's name too. 

Left with no choice, she writes down "Cha Hakyeon" down, making the two blink in confusion. "Hey, hey, isn't Hakyeon a guy's name?" Ricky blinked as he pointed at the name writted under the "mother" box. "I believe that's her dad's name though." Changjo butts in.

"That's my mom for real." Haneun debated. "Who are you to judge what my mother's name is when you're not my mom's parents in the first place? That's how my grandparents named mom, deal with it." she glared.

"Alright, calm down, smoky pants." Changjo laughed before averting his attention on their work once again, an unsure frown crossing his face. "Are you done already?" he questioned.

"Yes." Haneun nods, earning a confused look from the two. 

* * *

Alright, thank you for the wonderful presentation, group four." Mrs. Choi clapped along with the whole class. "Group five, come up here and show the whole class your little presentation of the theme 'family'." she instructed, making Changjo, Ricky and Haneun walk in front of the class, just beside the teacher's table. With Ricky and Changjo holding the colored cartolina paper, Haneun was given the role of explaining the whole presentation. 

Using her soft voice, she begins to talk in front of the whole class, which she feels very uncomfortable in.

In one class, there's always this one, distant student, right? That one person that stays distant from the rest as if that person has his or her own world existing, a lot different from the real world of course. And in this case, that's Haneun herself.

Because of the fact that she doesn't express herself that well and that her voice is too soft when talking, she doesn't fit with the others well. Other from the guys she hang around often, namely Ricky, Changjo, Niel, L.Joe, Chunji and C.A.P, she doesn't socialize with others. She simply locks herself away from the others... which is a lot more comfortable for her.

And now, she felt her heart jumping out in nervousness.

With deep words and intelligence heard from her way of talking, she grabbed  lots of attention and interests. Within minutes, they were done and in unison, they bowed and headed back to their seats. Haneun tried regaining her composure once she had sat down on her seat, calming herself down from the stage fright she has.

Other groups presented well too, and in moments, they were already done. Soon, they were dismissed by Mrs. Choi and were preparing for lunch time already. Ricky and Changjo were the ones assigned to help Mrs. Choi carry a few books and papers to her office while Haneun was busy tidying her place up. 

To her surprise, a group of girls approached her, an intimidating and proud aura sensable for Haneun. Slowly, she lifts her head up and with a blank face, she stares at them. "Seriously? Hakyeon? What girl name is that?" one mocked, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "That's crappy, who'd name their daughter Hakyeon? I mean, that's like the ugliest girl's name!"

"It's more fitting for a boy!" another laughed. "That's right, maybe your mom's a tomboy!"

Silent, Haneun's eyes were filled with small anger by the way they mocked her mother. They might've been simply mocking and joking about her mom's name, but they were totally unaware that her mom is a he. "Leave my mom be." she softly defended.

"Said something, weird girl?" one snorted. "Oh, I'm sorry. I never knew you can talk at all!" she chuckled, followed by a mocking laughter from her friends behind. "You were fidgeting in front, as if you were trying to gain attention!"

"To get attention, yes. For you to listen." she countered.

"Liar. You were simply trying to impress the boys!"

"I'm not a flirt like you girls are." Haneun stated out, rolling her eyes. "Now, if you have nothing good to say, please leave. I would greatly appreciate that, thank you very much." she bowed.

"Why you-! Just because you're the teacher's pet doesn't mean you can act all high on us!" one hissed.

"At least we have our mom's names given nicely and are sure to be fit for a lady, unlike yours!" another girl growled. "And plus, we've got our daddies with us! Where's yours? Left you because of your ugly-named mommy?"

Anger built up in Haneun as she tried controlling herself from swinging her hand to slap those girls' faces. Of course, knowing that was wrong and that she was in public, she carefully held it in. "You're such a weirdo!" one cried out, enough for everyone to hear.

"Yah!" Niel cried out from outside as he came dashing inside Haneun's room to push the girls away from flocking over the suffocated Haneun. "Hey, leave her be! She's not doing anything to you!" he growled.

"And who're you to act all mighty on us?" one of them asked, eyeing Niel mockingly.

"Oh-! He's Ahn Daniel! He's the mighty senior in their year!" another answered, making everyone freeze and slowly walk away with rolling eyes and mocking expressions on their faces. Once they were gone, Niel averts his attention to the fury-filled female, grabbing her shoulder. 

"Haneun? Haneun, are you okay? Did they hurt you?" he worriedly asked, scanning his face for any marks of wounds or bruises or small scratches. "Did they do anything bad to you?"

"No. I'm okay." she softly answers, head lowered.

"Those heartless freaks... if only they knew about your situation, they'll-"

"Oppa, you promised." Haneun eyes, worry in her eyes and fear written all over her. "You promised, and I expect you not to break it."

"I won't, don't worry." he smiled softly. "Come, let's get going to join the hyungs. They're probably waiting for us down in the canteen." he says, holding Haneun's hand tightly, pulling the female behind him. Haneun, meanwhile, remains her emotionless face as they walked off the room to meet the others, who Niel thinks are waiting in the canteen already.

But despite the emotionless face she wears.

She was simply concealing the pain, not letting anyone get in her feelings and see. She simply didn't show her pain.

Don't let them in, don't let them see.

Conceal.

Don't feel.

Don't let them now.

Those were the words she repeated all over, in her mind.

* * *

Click.

"Haneun, I'm home!" Hakyeon calls out as he shuts the front door close. By both the sound of the door opening and closing, and also Hakyeon's voice echoing in her ears, Haneun comes out of her room to greet her warmly. "Welcome back." she plainly greets.

"You seem down, something happened?" Hakyeon curiously asks as he plops down the couch to rest his aching feet. Hesitating, Haneun shakes her head slightly before slowly walking towards her mom and shyly sitting beside him.

Noticing this, Hakyeon pouts as he taps his daughter's shoulder in a worried matter. "Haneun, is something wrong?" Hakyeon questioned, eyeing the female intensely.

"No, mom. Nothing's wrong." Haneun softly answers, not even bothering to answer him while looking straight in his eyes. Of course, Hakyeon softly chuckles as he assures something by the tone of his child's voice. 

"You're a horrible liar, Cha Haneun." he giggled, making Haneun jolt lightly. "Come on, spit it out, what happened?" he asks again. 

With courage slowly gathered, Haneun takes a deep breath and faces her mother, eyeing her. "Mom, do you like your name?" Haneun asks, surprising and confusing Hakyeon at the same moment. "What are you trying to say?" Hakyeon blinked.

"Says itself, do you like the name given to you?" she asks again.

"Of course. My parents gave it to me." Hakyeon answered.

"Did your parents give you the name 'Hakyeon' for a reason or because it simply sounded nice or something?" the curious teen asks again, confusing Hakyeon again and this time, making him doubt a bit.

"Cha Haneun, are you sick or something?"

"Just answer me, mom." she sighs.

Hakyeon pauses and thinks for a bit, crossing his arms and pursing his lips. A few seconds passed before Hakyeon finally speaks again, garnering Haneun's attention again. "Well, I did ask them when I was little on why they named me Hakyeon... and they gave me no answer." he replied, making Haneun nod and give out a faint "oh" sound. Before the teen can speak again, Hakyeon cuts her and speaks once more. "But, as far as I know, names aren't given willy-nilly. They're given for a reason, not only because it's the child's right, but because it represents the parents' love for him or her."

"Was that the same feeling you had when you had me?" Haneun questioned.

"Of course. Why, Haneun doesn't only sound nice and pretty, but it also is close to my name. It shows and symbolizes my big love for you at some point." Hakyeon smiles. 

Haneun nods and without any warnings, falls on her mother's lap, closing her eyes as she finally drifts to sleep. Hakyeon, who was about to scold her for not sleeping before dinner, simply smiled sweetly and ran his fingers through Haneun's soft, black hair. "Dear, why do you suddenly ask such questions?" Hakyeon, this time, asked.

Haneun was silent for a few seconds and when Hakyeon was already assured that Haneun wasn't going to reply, she did. "A few classmates of mine were teasing me on how your name wasn't suited in the motherly role." she mumbled.

"Eh? Why so?" Hakyeon blinks.

"They're unaware that you're a male, so they kept on teasing me that Hakyeon's not a girl name and didn't suited you. I really got ticked off."

"Because they teased you of my name?"

"No. I got ticked off because they teased you of your name. If they only knew that you're a guy, they won't be talking like that." Haneun frowns as she curled her hands into a fist. "I hate that they tease you that way. I really hate it... so I tried defending you but Niel-oppa came by and protected me before I broke all hell loose."

Hakyeon, both hurt and touched, simply giggles softly and places his hand on top of Haneun's head. "That's brave of you to stand up on me, Haneun." he smiles. "I'm proud of you, except the hell-loosing part." he giggles. Haneun simply kept quiet as she closed her eyes again, drifting off to sleep completely. Hakyeon, meanwhile, smiles softly as he closes his eyes, resting them due to tiredness.

06-08-22

Names are a symbol of love and care.

My classmates were total jerks for saying such horrible stuff about my mom's name. If only they knew that my mom's name is wonderful, since well, he's a GUY. Hakyeon's a nice name for a guy, alright? It's not nice, it's GREAT. I think it suits mom a lot too!

Something that really won't get over me is that my chest hurt lately. It tightened when I felt extreme anger while those punks talked bad about mom. I guess extreme emotions can also affect my sickness, huh? Well, it's still a theory so I'm not yet assuring that part. But... it's good if I kept them under control.

Haneun, according to mom, is a wonderful name. It's near his and that it symbolizes his love for me the done I can to this world.