June 02, 2022

* * *

"Haneun."

"Hey, Haneun."

"Hello?! Earth to Haneun, can you hear me?"

"I can hear your annoying voice loud and clear, Ricky. Now, stop poking my cheeks before you make any holes on them!" 

The loud booming voice of the female startled the shorter male, making him retrieve his hand in shock and fear. Greatly annoyed of her childhood friend, Haneun averts her eyes away and practically rolls them in the process before staring outside the window once again, watching the trees dance along the wind's orchestra with the little flowers joining along.

"Quit giving Ricky such a cold shoulder, Haneun." Changjo sighs, tapping the female's shoulder as Ricky hides behind him. "C'mon, what happened to that once caring and loving Cha Haneun back then?" he asks. "What has happened to you? You've changed."

"I've been like this always." Haneun answered. "I think it's you guys who've noticed it late."

"No, you've changed." Changjo frowned.

"As much as I hate to say it, Changjo is right, Haneun." Ricky sobbed in a fake matter, making Changjo hit his head and Haneun, roll her eyes in annoyance once again.

"See? You're doing that expression again!" Ricky exclaimed.

"What expression?" Haneun questioned.

"That... rolling the eye expression!" 

"Please, mom does it all the time..." Haneun scowled. "Why shouldn't I? I mean, mom's been doing that since I was a kid so I must've taken after him in no time. Deal with it, boys."

"Still! You said that you were a lot mature than your mom, so you've got to know what's right and wrong, right? And you're thirteen!" Ricky counters in a loud voice.

"And so are you, and look, you act like a giant baby who wants attention and gains it with his disgusting cutie-patootie acts and whines!" the female defended. "Sheesh, you're one to talk, aren't you?"

"Hey, hey, take it easy with Ricky!" Changjo burst out in anger as he stretches his arms in front of Ricky, in a defending manner. His expression was crumpled as Haneun retained her expressionless face. "What's wrong with you?! We're trying to get closer to you like we used to. Me, Ricky, Niel-hyung, Byunghyun-hyung, Chanhee-hyung and Minsoo-hyung! What ever happened to the seven of us? We were so close back then, but then-"

"Enough, Changjo." Ricky sobbed, this time, it was nothing fake. Tears spilled down his eyes as he wiped them with his hands. "That's enough. Maybe... Haneun doesn't like us anymore. We should leave her alone if that's the case. We shouldn't push ourselves to the limit."

"... I think you're right." Changjo nods as he glares at the female. "And I think this is what you want as well. We get it, this is the end. This friendship is over. Goodbye, Cha Haneun." he says in a firm manner before facing his back to her. Together, the boys make their way out of the classroom while Haneun sighs as she fixes her eyes outside. Her typical expressionless face was plastered but inside.

... She felt her heart break into a million pieces.

* * *

"Locked."

Haneun sighs as she noticed that the doorknob of their house was locked. Probably, her mom wasn't home from work yet. Hakyeon is a pretty busy man of himself, just so he can support Haneun all by himself. That's how hard being a single parent was, and Haneun was well aware of that. Reacher for her pocket, she tried to feel for the key inside, and thankfully, she took grasp of the metal. 

A spin of the key here and a turn of the doorknob and the door was open in a second. Haneun has been doing this since she was in her younger days. Second or third grade perhaps? 

Hakyeon was always not home when she was. He'd often come late and that upsets a part of her, at the same time, lightens the other. Who won't be happy when the noisy guy is gone? That was her exact point.

Inside, Haneun makes her way inside her room and wastes no time in changing slow. Her uniform was thrown into the laundy basket and in a second, she was dressed in an overgrown gray shirt and pale blue shorts to match the top. Afterwards, she gets the bread and her favorite strawberry jam out of the fridge and makes herself two sandwiches. She then, afterwards, plops down the couch and turns the television on. 

This was just like any other days when Hakyeon wasn't home before her.

And to her surprise, just minutes after her arrival, the door bursts open and there he was. 

Hakyeon was home.

"Oh, you're home!" Hakyeon greets his daugther, who was munching on her sandwich as she stares at her mother.

"Welcome back." she greets back with a full mouth.

"Don't talk with a full mouth, sweetie pie." he laughs, as he puts his bag down and ruffles Haneun's black hair, earning a rather furious and annoyed glare from the young lady. "So, how was school?" Hakyeon asks as he makes his way to the kitchen.

"Good... I guess?" Haneun answers as her fixed eyes don't leave the television.

"You sound unsure, sweetie. What happened? Something bad?" he asks again.

"No. I'm sure that it went good." Haneun defended. "How'd yours go, mom?"

"Ah, tiring! Our company's going down into berserk!" Hakyeon breathed as he sits down on a chair, right hand on his head. "It's heck, I say. If we don't get a rise in our sales, we're decreasing members and worse, the company might shut down or be transferred to that crappy buyer-"

"Mom, language." Haneun sighs.

"Sorry, stress overtaking me." Hakyeon laughs. "Anyways, we're trying our best and I do pray that we get a bit of improvement quickly or consequences would be given!"

"I'm sure your company would improve, mom. Don't loose hope." Haneun says.

"Mhm! You're a positive thinker like me!" Hakyeon nods, grinning brightly. "We'll improve sooner or later for sure! We just need to not give up and everything."

"... Got it from you, I guess?"

"Surely, you got it from me!" Hakyeon giggles cutely as he walks towards the closets to check on their food. To his surprise, they're nearly out of food stocks and condiments. The next thing that distracted Haneun was her mom's ear-piercing screech, which made her jolt up all of the sudden. "What's wrong with you?!" Haneun exclaims.

"We need to buy some stuff, Haneun! Quick, get changing into something cute!" Hakyeon orders, pointing at her room.

"I don't want to change into something cute that'll make me a living doll! I'll dress what I want." Haneun glares as she stands up lazily and heads to her room. Hakyeon hurries to his room as well, dressing up in a blinding speed.

Haneun soon comes out, dressed in her typical skinny jeans and her most liked purple shirt, matched with a black and sleeveless blazzer. Her hair was kept in place by a paerl white headband. She waited solid three more minutes before Hakyeon came out of his room, and to her surprise and annoyance, her own mother was dressed fittingly to his role.

In simplier words, Hakyeon dressed as a woman in a dress with a girl's wig on.

"I look wonderful, don't I?" Hakyeon asks, twirling in fascination. "Don't I?"

"I am gonna puke." Haneun expressionlessly said as she glared at her mother. "For goodness' sake, you are a man! You might be a mom but you are a man! Off with the disgusting dress and wig and most importantly, the annoying make-up! I don't want others to think that you're some pedo crossdresser, alright?!"

"Geez, calm your horsies, Haneun. I was kidding!" Hakyeon laughs.

"Would you consider me vomitting on your beloved dress a joke then?" Haneun counters.

"... Point taken, give me a minute." Hakyeon sighs in defeat before he wobbles back to his room to change. In a more appropriate clothing.

* * *

Like what she expected, Seoul was always a lot more beautiful at night. Thousands of colorful light gave life to the once and still buzzing city. Despite the year reaching its first half, Haneun still felt the cold instead of summer. 

Walking beside her mother, Haneun's eyes scanned the windows of a few shop, spotting a few interesting things in the process. Her quietness was deafening but Hakyeon knew exactly what ran inside the young teen's mind. "Found something?" he asks as he eyes his daughter.

"Nothing useful." Haneun answers.

"Yet interesting, yes?"

"... Yes."

"Should we check it out after we finish our grocery shopping then, sweetie?" 

"If it doesn't bother you, why not?"

"Alright. Let's finish shopping early so we can stroll around the city more!" Hakyeon cries as he drags his daughter behind while he runs at full speed towards the nearest grocery store. Of course, he had to drag a rather surprise and furious daughter of his along due to his sudden childish actions. The two then began shopping for this and that and within a couple of minutes, they were done, thus, as promised, they make their way to that one particular store that caught Haneun's attention a while ago.

Inside, Haneun's eyes explored the cute stuffed toys displayed while Hakyeon stood and looked at them along. "This looks cute, doesn't it, Haneun?" Hakeyon questioned, bringing up a pink teddy bear near his chest.

"It looks cute, mom." Haneun faintly smiles as she continues looking around. On the third shelf, she spots a black and white dog-like stuff toy seemingly looking at her with its big and black beady eyes. "Look, mom, this looks adorable." she calls out.

"Hey, yeah! It does. It looks extremely cute!" Hakyeon squealed.  

"It reminds me of someone too." she frowned.

"Oh? Who?"

"Ricky. Yoo Ricky." 

Hakyeon pauses for a while and taps his chin, recalling that familiar-sounding name. Then, his expression lights up as he snaps his fingers. "Ah, that Ricky boy! Yoo Changhyun, right? That boy with the squishy cheeks?" he asks excitedly. 

"Yes, him." Haneun nods.

"Aw, I love that boy! He's so adorable that I want to cuddle him all day long!" 

"Mhm, and well... it reminds me of him. He's like a puppy, y'know?"

"I think he looks more like a chipmunk with puffy cheeks!" Hakyeon giggled, making Haneun roll her eyes and bring her attention back at the big-eyed stuffed toy. She blinks a few times and averts her eyes back to her mom, who was looking and adoring how cute the other toys were. "Mom." she calls out, earning Hakyeon's attention in an instant.

"Yes, sweetie?" Hakyeon smiles.

"... Did you ever have an incident back then where... your friends hated you for who you are and left you?" she asks, not having the courage to make eye contact with the male. Hakyeon tilts his head and blinks a few times before tapping his chin again.

"Well, lots were annoyed on how noisy and naggy I was back then. In fact, a few friends of mine hated it and practically left me because of that." Hakyeon told, making Haneun listen attentively.

"Was it... painful? When they left you?"

"Of course. It's painful when a friend leaves you because they hate who you are."

"... What happened then?"

Hakyeon cracks a smile and giggles before he places his hand on top of Haneun's head, a bright expression given to the young lady. "Well, I tried making up with them and eventually, we became the best of friends! Unexpectedly, we did. Sometimes, in life, what you see as 'okay' isn't okay for others. Take my persona for an instance. My naggy and noisy self might be okay for me but it's annoying to others."

"I can agree to that." Haneun smirks.

"Anyway, it's good to solve misunderstandings. Like, for example, explaining to them why you are such or maybe making a few adjustments. A friend may never be replaced so it'll be quite a waste if you loose one just like that."

Haneun soon nods after Hakyeon answers her question. Her eyes soon found their way to meet the toy's eyes and that made her faintly smile for some reason. She made a decision. "Mom." she calls out as she pushes the toy near his chest. "Can we buy this fellow?"

"Do you like it? We can buy two if you want." Hakyeon smiles brightly.

"No, one's good enough for me."

"Alright, if that's what you want." he nods as he grabs the toy and walks towards the cashier to purchase it, Haneun walking beside him, her eyes suddenly lit up.

* * *

Ding Dong.

"Coming!" Ricky cries out as he runs towards the door. He hurriedly turned the doorknob around and nearly screeched and stumbled upon seeing who was in front of him. 

A familiar, long and black haired female. Her charcoal-orbs radiated despite the darkness behind her. "H-Haneun? What're you doing here?" Ricky gasps in terror, nervousness and astonishment.

"Hey, Ricky! Who's at the door?" Changjo asks as he runs towards his ally. Much similar to Ricky's emotions, just add fury in it, Changjo had his mouth ajar and his motions halted. The two males couldn't believe who came by and visited them.

"What're you here for this time, hm, Cha Haneun? I thought you don't like our company?" Changjo questioned as he gave the female "that" look of his before crossing his arms. "Besides, I made myself clear, right? We bid our goodbyes-"

"I came by to apologize." she cuts off, head lowered because of her disliking eye contact. The words that came out of her lips practically shocked the two more. They took a half step back due to fear because of Haneun's sudden different actions. 

"What? Dude, are you sick or something?" Changjo blinked as he tried feeling Haneun's forehead. "You're not burning."

"I'm not sick." she answered as she finally looked up, revealing her now softened eyes. Different from her lifeless eyes back at school, these were totally the opposite. Even the gullible Ricky noticed such difference! 

"What's wrong?" Ricky blinked in worry, finally stepping closer to his friend. "Look, we really are the ones to be sorry because of what we said earlier about, you know, cutting our friendship. We're sorry, so don't be sorry, Haneun-"

"No, you don't understand. My persona made you irritated. You guys are my friends, especially Ricky who's my best friend. I gave you guys a cold shoulder and gave inappropriate expressions around you. I'm sorry." Haneun apologized, looking at Changjo and Ricky's eyes. "I hope you can forgive me. And... I bought Ricky this." she said, offering a paper bag at the male. Excited and curious, Ricky slowly peels off the bag and finds the dog stuff toy looking at him.

"Is this... for me?" Ricky gasps.

"Yes. I bought it for you because it reminds me on how puppy-ish you are towards us." Haneun says, trying to crack up a faint smile. Ricky breaks down into tears as he gives the female a tight hug before sobbing uncontrollably. 

"Oh gosh, of course you're forgiven, Haneun! You're my best friend, I can't bear to not forgive you! You're my forever and dearest best friend!" Ricky wails. "I owe so much to you!"

"You don't, Ricky. In fact, I am the one at owe here." Haneun smiles as she pats the shorter's back before averting her eyes at Changjo. "As for you, Jonghyun."

"Changjo'll do." he smiles brightly. "It's okay, you're forgiven." he grins before joining the group hug. Haneun feels the weight in her chest finally vanish. She finally got her friends back and she won't ever dare to do anything to risk that precious thing again.

"Hey, can we have lunch together?" Haneun asks as she breaks the hug, blinking a few times. Her emotionless face was plastered again, but this time, Changjo and Ricky saw deeper emotions through her softened eyes. 

"With the hyungs?" Ricky asked, his expression of excitement bursting out.

"Why not?" Changjo nodded, making Haneun nod and manage a true yet faint smile to put on her face as she faced her friends. 

06-02-22

This day went well. It started rough but it managed to have a smooth road by the end of the day. 

Mom and I walked around Seoul together and we found this really cute stuff-toy shop which sells really adorable animal stuff toys. Lots got my eye but this specific one shone among the rest. It was a black-white puppy toy and it looked a lot like Ricky. Well, a proper word there is "resembled".

By the start of the day, Chagnjo and Ricky got upset on me because I was giving them a cold shoulder often. I never wanted to do that but that persona makes who ever Cha Haneun is, right?

Back to the topic, I asked mom if he had the same incident I had this morning. Of course, I didn't tell him that me, Changjo and Ricky fought. I asked him indirectly. 

He said that it happened to him before and it was really painful. I can assure that myself. But, he never expected that he can mend that once broken friendship again. He told me that nothing or no one can replace your friend so why bother loosing it? He's right, for the first time. I can't bother loosing Ricky or Changjo, and that goes the same with Niel-oppa, L.Joe-oppa, Chunji-oppa and C.A.P-oppa. 

I bought that stuff toy for Ricky since he resembled it and I gave him that lately. He cried, and he looked ugly. Yes, he looked ugly. 

Anyway, we made up and I'm never risking our friendship again. Never. Friendship is the next thing that I value next to family.