June 01, 2022

* * *

The morning rose again.

The once dark skies gone long, replaced by the bright morning star. 

Moon has taken its rest, sun ruling the heavens happily and brightly yet again.

The rose-pink sheets soon shuffled and a figure shot up, a tall figure to be exact. Her black hair was a total mess and her eyes were visibly squinted. Wobbling out her room was the hardest part of waking up to be exact, especially on a Monday. She thought yesterday was the day she finally regains her energy, since well, that's what weekends are for, right? But, heck, she had to finish all her projects and run to the city square and buy stuff for school. And yes, it was greatly exhausting. 

And before she knew it, Monday was here like lightning.

"Good morning." she yawned as she saw her "mother" preparing her breakfast. 

"Good morning, my young and beautiful Haneun!" Hakyeon replied, smiling brightly as per usual. After a hard time wobbling her way out of her room and to the kitchen, she sat down on the wooden chair before trying to take a second to return to her dreamland but was brought back by a soft and playful hand chop on her neck. 

"What was that for?!" she hissed.

"No sleeping on the dining table, missy." Hakyeon giggled playfully. "Wash up, breakfast's about to be served, dear."

"I'm taking a bath, what's the use of washing before doing so? It's a waste of water." Haneun counters with her typical emotionless face, earning a "tch" and another hand chop from her mother. 

"Quit taking smart, Cha Haneun! I am still your mother!" Hakyeon pouts.

"And that's just one of the biggest mysteries in my life, just so you know." Haneun smirks.

"What?"

"On how you got to be a mom. You're darn immature to be one!"

"Hey, I'm a mom and most importantly, your mother." he glares.

"Whatever." she huffs and leans on the chair as Hakyeon serves her breakfast, bacon and eggs. Grabbing her table utensils, she begins eating while Hakyeon prepares his. Afterwards, the two dines together, half of it with Hakyeon blabbering about nonsense and Haneun suffering her mother's unstoppable mouth. After eating, which she was rather glad off, she silently makes her way back to her room to begin preparing for school. 

The clock ticked and tocked and in a flash, Haneun was already done. 

Her black hair was combed neatly but it was still midly wet and she had too much powder on some parts of her face and nape. Her vest wasn't even fixed properly, but she claims that she's done. "Mom, I'm going." she says faintly, but greatly audible for Hakyeon.

"Stop. Right. There." Hakyeon orders, making the young teen stop on her tracks and look at her mother once again.

"What?" she blinks.

"Come here." he gestures, making Haneun obey diligently and in an instant, her vest was moved and fixed with Hakyeon's careful hands. A white towel crosses her face and nape, wiping off the excess powder on her skin. Without her noticing, she was dragged back to her room again, this time, a comb and a hair dryer on Hakyeon's hands. 

"Seriously?" Haneun glares.

"Your hair is wet. You shouldn't leave it wet! It'll get damaged if not dried well and properly!" Hakyeon cries in worry. "And I don't want my baby girl to have damaged hair at such a young age!" 

"So... does that mean that it's okay if I'm older?"

"No! Definitely not!" 

"Oh, alright." she nods as her mother combs her wet and black hair. She felt the warm air from the hair dryer and it pains her when Hakyeon tries to remove the tangles. Sure, she claims that her hair was fixed neatly, but it wasn't even combed properly. Ironic for a young and growing lady like her, right?

"Ouch!" Haneun hissed as she glares at her mother. "Seriously?" 

"Hey, it's your fault that you didn't comb properly." Hakyeon grinned. "Now, stay still and stop moving your head. You'll be late if you keep on wasting time!"

"Hey, look who's talking, my diva-ish mother!" 

"Yah!"

A soft snicker escapes Haneun's lips as she eyes her caring mother brushing her hair and trying to dry it properly just the way he likes. The tangles were soon gone and her once soaking-wet hair was now dried well. Plus, it's fixed neatly. Neatly as in neatly this time. "There, this is neat." Hakyeon smiles as he playfully pinches Haneun's cheeks. "Soft~"

"Mom, quit it." Haneun pouts as she swats away his hands. "And you know I'm not the neat-type of girl, so deal with it." she sighs. 

"Wait, I forgot something." Hakyeon cries as he grabs a hair-accessory and carefully places it on Haneun's hair. It was a pure-white colored flower clip with a few rose-pink tainted petals to pair the white ones. It was a perfect match and seeing her reflection on a nearby mirror, Haneun actually was amazed on how she looked.

"You look fantastic!" Hakyeon praises as he back-hugs his daughter. "My pretty, little Haneun."

"I'm not little." Haneun says as she eyes her mother behind. "I'm getting taller per second, and soon, I'll be as tall as you! By two years perhaps. Heck, maybe taller than you!"

"No! I shall not allow it! You got my height genes, alright?" Hakyeon jokes. "You'll be short too."

"No way is that gonna happen, mom." she says, rolling her eyes playfully. "I'll go now, I'll be late if I hang around here more. See you, mom." she says, kissing Hakyeon's cheek before walking out their house with poise. Hakyeon smiles as he watches his teenage daughter exit their house, but soon, that smile vanishes as he eyes the same white diary he gave her yesterday.

"It's just a waste of time, mom. A waste of time."

Those words echoed in his head. It made him feel extremely gloom. A diary was his best friend before, and maybe, just maybe, it would be too for his Haneun too. But no, he was wrong. It was nothing but something "useless" and "wasteful" for her. 

Maybe she isn't really like him in some aspects despite being his daughter.

She is Cha Haneun, not Cha Hakeyon.

"My baby girl's growing up." he smiles, wiping the threatening tears off his eyes due to extreme agony over the white diary. "Oh well, I guess I should place this in her room in case she needs it, right?" he giggles as he happily skips towards Haneun's room.

Haneun's messy room. "Oh, what a jungle. Has she brought the Amazon along with her after that class!?" Hakyeon exclaims.

* * * 

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Haneun calmly makes her way inside the building. A few familiar faces were seen but she simply ignores them all. She doesn't even bother returning their greeting. 

She's a cold lass, ironic to her mother's persona.

She hears a lot on how she looks so pretty like her mother, Hakyeon. On how bright-faced she is like him. On how she is like this and that like her mother physically. But inside? They're total opposites. Hakyeon's super bright, not to mention, a BIG troublemaker that loves to bother his daughter 24/7. Haneun's the serious and mature young lassie. She's emotionless that others think she's a cyborg when she was in elementary. It's stupid, but yes, it happened. Two words: kids' imagination.

And when she reached middle school, where she is now, lots ask her where she got that cold attitude. Well, how should she know? She doesn't know.

"I don't know" was always her typical answer in those questions. 

And as per usual day, a pair of arms s around her neck, making her stop on her tracks and push the figure behind her down due to reflex. Thank god that there weren't much people in that corridor, or else he would be embarrassed to death. "Argh! I give up, I give up! Lemme go, Cha Haneun!" the boy's voice cried. Haneun, of course, does so.

The black haired male coughs dramatically as he grasps his own neck, his chubby cheeks bloated. "Yoo Changhyun, never, again, never do that to me again, alright?" Haneun glares as she fixes her hair and vest. "Geez."

"I told you to call me Ricky, didn't I?" he giggled. "Come on, call me Ricky!"

"Quit annoying her, will you?" Changjo, another black haired male, but this time taller that Ricky and nearly the same height as Haneun, appears as he scratches his head. "You're being a baby!"

"I am no baby!"

"Yoo Ricky, Choi Changjo, ever heard of the phrase 'shut up' in your lives?!" Niel, the taller black-headed male glared as he walked towards the three. "No wonder Haneun here is super annoyed at you."

"Add you in the annoying list, Niel-oppa." she sighs as she crosses her arms. "Where're the seniors?"

"Here." Lee Byunghyun, better know as L.Joe or "blonde guy", says as he raises his hand. The brownish-headed male beside him, Chunji, raises his hand to and waves it as they make their way towards the group.

"G'morning." Minsoo, better known as the bad-boy C.A.P, greets before yawning. 

"Nothing is good about this morning, oppa." Haneun glares as she sighs. "Good grief, can't one day go peacefully for once?!" she hisses.

"We love being around Haneun though." Ricky cutely whines. "And I don't want to leave my best friend alone, would I? It'll make Ricky feel very, very bad!"

"I was never your best friend. Never was since first grade nor will be." Haneun growls. "Buzz off."

"We're trying to be warm and close to you here." Chunji pouts. "Come on, Haneun. Warm up a bit on us." 

"No."

"Please?"

"Still no."

"With a cherry on top?" L.Joe attempts.

"Not even you can do, oppa."

"How about two cherries on top?" C.A.P tries.

"No." 

"Ah, let's add sprinkles there and a thousand more cherries!" Niel laughs.

"That's another no. And ew, I don't like sprinkles." Haneun cried.

"... Are you seriously a girl though? You're too boyish." Changjo gasps dramatically. 

"Idiot, of course I am!" Haneun sighs. "Good grief..."

"... Prove it!" C.A.P laughs maniaclly.

"ert." Haneun hisses before walking away from the group, making the six males whine and cry out Haneun's name while trying to run after the young lady, but alas, she was a fast walker.

Like her mother.

* * *

Hours slowly ticked by and as per usual, it was boring Cha Haneun out. Her eyes wandered here and there and her mind was far from what the teacher was teaching. Her eyes sometimes met with Changjo's sleepy eyes or sometimes, took glimpses of Ricky sneaking to his dreamland behind his book, happily sleeping. 

The three of them were uninterested in the topic like the rest of the class.

To speak frankly, there were just too much activities done, she felt her chest slowly tightening. She even felt pains. Not only in school, but when she does heavy works!

Haneun was soon brought back to the real world when their teacher calls her and gestures her to come near her. "Ms. Cha, would you be kind enough to place these papers in my table in the faculty room?" their teacher asks.

"I wouldn't mind." Haneun cooly asks, earning a soft "thank you" from the teacher as she grabs the papers and hugs them to prevent them from falling down and what so ever. "Excuse me." Haneun says as she exits the room.

To be honest, she really disliked going out the room to run errands for her teachers. Her point was that they had hands and legs that they can use to do their own errands instead of asking others to do so. 

But in this case, she really didn't mind since that class was too boring.

"These are heavy as heck." Haneun panted as she slowed her walking pace gradually. Soon, she felt her chest tighten again, and it was bothersome and painful! Slowly, she placed the papers down and clutched her chest tightly. Her breathing slowly became abnormal as well, and she slowly panicked inside. 

And soon, her vision out and the next thing she felt was something cold against her cheek.

* * *

"Haneun?"

"Haneun, are you awake?"

The voices were the first thing she determined in her surroundings as her eyes slowly opened. To her surprise, she was facing the white ceiling and she was placed in a soft bed. The school nurse was there beside her but an unfamiliar doctor, whom Haneun was sure wasn't from their school, stood beside her, putting something in his bag. "Where am I?" Haneun croacked.

"Clinic." the nurse answers softly. "A teacher found you unconscious outside her current room and hurriedly brought you here out of panic and worry. What happened?"

"My chest." she starts. "It felt painful and tight that I couldn't breathe that I just passed out." 

"Dear, I've tried checking your heartbeat and I heard irregular beats. I am suspecting something but I am not sure on what it is. If you want, would you mind if you stop by the hospital to see me? It's something important and concerning you yourself in this." the doctor worriedly states.

"I don't mind." Haneun says. "But I'll have to go home soon or mom would be worried."

"Of course, dear. Of course." 

"Rest for a while, Haneun." the nurse instructed. "It's for the best."

"Alright..."

* * *

The day passed quickly. Haneun calmly walks towards her residence and pulls out her keys to the house. To her surprise, the door was unlocked, meaning that Hakyeon was home first. "I'm home." she calls out. "Sorry if I'm a bit late, mom."

"Ah, you're back, Haneun! Where've you been?" Hakyeon cries out in worry as he runs towards his daughter to cup her cheeks. "Why're you home late? Did something go on?"

"Nothing important, mom." she faintly voices out. "Travelling home got delayed, that's all."

"Sure?"

"Don't you trust your own daughter?" 

"Of course I do, but-"

"Trust me, it's just the travelling vehicles." she insists before heading to her room. "I'll go change now. What's for dinner?"

"Your favorite?" Hakyeon winks.

"Cool." she nods and shuts the door close.

Behind the door, she begins sobbing hard, tears rolling down her cheeks before she falls on her knees. She tries to be as quiet as she can but her uncontrollable emotions were bursting out of her range of control. Her tears rolled down her now flushed-pink cheeks as she tries to walk over her bed. Once she was on her bed, she spots the same diary her mother had given her yesterday as a birthday present. Now, she gets its use.

Wobbling towards her study table, she flips over the diary and grabs her favorite purple pen and starts scribbling words as tears rolled down her cheeks, some even dripping down on the paper she's scribbling on. Using her free left hand, she wipes the tears away. Once she was done, she closes the diary, puts the pen down and buries her head on the pillow, hoping that all the pain would vanish like magic she used to believe in.

06-01-22

I found out something just now, despite it existing for months, no, years before now. It's gotten a lot worse too. It's something I can't bear to accept. 

Mom told me to write whatever happens to me per day, right? So that... I can recall them and read over them as time goes by? A diary, he said, could keep memories your brain can't keep. And maybe... this diary is useful at all.

You see, I just learned that I'm suffering a severe case of heart sickness. My heart's beating slows down and it's predictable when it'll finally take it's rest. My days are counted, alright?

And I've got only 30 days. I need to spend my last 30 days well.

I've got lots of questions to be answered. I need lots of answers to my mysteries right now. 

Because 30 days ain't enough for a dying person like me. 

That's all.