Baby Steps - Chapter  Four

“Morning guys.” I came down for my cup of coffee. “Smells nice.” I smiled as Sehun handed me a cup.

“Luhan made it before he left. He’s getting pretty good at this.” Kyungsoo grinned as he took a slip. “I wonder what he did to it.”

I laughed. “He probably mixed all the brands of coffee you have together.” I took a seat and watched as the others did the same.

“Okay Claire, what do you want?” Chanyeol asked.

“I know it’s been only a couple of days but you are up so early! This is ungodly for you!” Sehun flashed his phone. “It’s six in the morning! Even Suho’s not back yet!”

“Suho?”

“Kris’s driver.” Kyungsoo said.

“Ah…so anyway, guys…I have this crazy idea.” I started.

“Oh dear god.” Luhan took a deep breath. “Go on?”

“Should I be scared?” Sehun asked.

I chuckled and gave him a wink. “Maybe. Anyway, I say we leave Camellia home alone with Kris.” I said. “Not now, it doesn’t have to be now. Maybe when the two warm up to each other a little or when she starts talking. We can pick a day when we all go out and you know…leave em home alone.”

 

“Crazy girl.”

I jumped when the voice came out of nowhere.  “Who said that?”

“Claire, is your phone in our pocket? Because damn, you got one talented . Remember that one time during junior year when your phone , unlocked itself and called the pizza place on speaker? WHILE IT WAS IN YOUR POCKET? I was so weak.”

I laughed and pulled my phone out. “Hey Joe.”

“Baby girl, why didn’t you call me? I was so worried.” Joe said.

“Raising a little kid is harder then it seems.” I said. “Camellia’s been nice to me so…I didn’t pull my hair out yet.”

 

“Who’s Joe?” Chanyeol asked.

“I’m her best friend.” Joe said over the phone. “You taking care of my girl, right?”

“You have a boyfriend…?” Sehun asked.

“Yeah, are you disappointed?” Joe asked.

I rolled my eyes.

“Kinda.” Sehun frowned.

“I’m kidding! We’re just best friends; I see you’ve already grown quite fond of Claire. I’m just saying, you gotta get past me to go out with her.” Joe said. “By the way, Claire?”

“Yeah?”

“Are any of these boys …hot?” Joe asked.

I threw my head back laughing. “Oh my God, only you would ask that.” I giggled.

“Well? Are they?”

“I think Chanyeol’s really cute.” I shot him a smile. Chanyeol blushed and put his hands together, he shook them while he flushed red. “Oh stop it you.”

 

I covered the speaker and whispered to the boys. “Joe’s gay.”

I proceeded to continuing the phone call while Chanyeol freaked out. It wasn’t long before I heard Camellia crying.

“Whoa?! Who’s mating call is that? Sounds like a whale.” Joe said.

I laughed. “It’s Camellia, got to go. Text me!” I said.

“Okay girly, have fun.”

 

After breakfast, Camellia and I sat in the kitchen; I propped my iPad up on the counter and watched dramas while she colored.

Sehun came running down the steps. “Claire! Kris wants to see you…”

 

I walked into his room with a scared Camellia on my hip. “Yes?”

“Sit.”

I took a seat, I started to understand why Camellia was so scared of him; he intimidated me as well.

“How tall are you?” He asked.

“Five ten…” I mumbled. “Why?”

“I need another model for a runway show. And you meet all the requirements. Sehun’s choices are pretty spot on.” Kris chuckled.

“Okay, whatever, I’ll do it but…You have to do something for me in return.” I said.

“And that is?”

I turned Camellia around. “Do I need to say more?”

“C-Claire…”

“How is it that you’ve already warmed up to me within the first week of meeting me yet you can’t even spend time with your own daughter of two years? Tell me.”

Kris sighed. “I’m busy.” He mumbled.

I put Camellia down. “Go play with Sehunnie, he’s outside.” She gave me a nod before waddling out.

“You’re not busy, you’re a coward.” I said.

“What?!”

“You’re a coward; you’re scared to spend time with Camellia because every time you look at her, she reminds you of Cara. You’re scared to hang around her because you know at one point; all of your memories will come crashing back.” I said. “You’re scared of the pain aren’t you? You don’t want to cry in front of Camellia.”

Kris looked down at his phone. “That’s not true.”

“Spend a day with Camellia.” I snapped. “It’s not that hard, she’s a beautiful little girl. It’s a shame she’s scared of you.” I muttered.

“Why are you mad? She’s my daughter.” Kris said.

I scoffed. “Are you sure she’s your daughter? Are you sure you’re her father? Because you don’t act like it at all. It ticks me off okay? The fact that she’s never heard an ‘I love you’ from you. She doesn’t know what it’s like to have a father, you were never around.” I said.

“Yes I was!”

“Holding her for the first ten minutes of her life doesn’t count. Loving her until the person you loved the most passed away, doesn’t count. Sticking around until her mother died, doesn’t count.” I said.

I stood up. “Rethink all of this, she’s your daughter. It’s your fault she’s alive, you made her.” I didn’t want to get all scientific but how else would I drill this into his head? “What would Cara think?” I said.

He flinched. That hit him hard. I shouldn’t have mentioned Cara.

“Hey…I’m sorry. But she’s gone and there’s nothing you can do about it except move on and raise your daughter who looks up to you.” I said softly.

 

Then he lost his . KRIS LOST HIS . I THOUGHT HE WAS MANLY UP UNTIL NOW.

 

Kris started crying. HE STARTED CRYING, YOU KNOW HOW AWKWARD THIS WAS? HE’S SO TALL AND INTIMIDATING THEN HE STARTS CRYING.

 

“I miss her so much.” He  bite his lip as a tear rolled down his cheek. “She supported me when everyone else laughed.”

“Sehun supports you, Luhan does, and Suho too…Kyungsoo does. Camellia does…I do.” I said. I frowned; it made my heart ache seeing someone as strong as Kris break down.

“Have you talked to anyone about this?” I asked.

He shook his head. “It’s been two years since someone mentioned her.” Kris sniffed and grabbed a tissue.

“Do you want to talk? It feels better after you spill your heart out, I promise.”

***

“…And then when the doctor mentioned terminal cancer…I just…I felt like dying. I couldn’t imagine a life without her.” Kris was shaking.

Now I was teary, when Chanyeol told me about this, he left out all the details.

“…Then I stopped looking after Camellia, Chanyeol looked after her until you came. I feel like .” Kris hiccupped. “She must hate me. I missed two birthdays.”

“She’s turning three in a few months, you should be there.” I said softly.

Kris shrugged. “I don’t know if I could break the ice between us. We’re strangers practically, I can’t just come into her life suddenly when I was absent for two whole years.”

“Yeah, you can’t just come into her life like that. Kris, you can take baby steps. Warm up to her slowly, I know a smile would make her day.” I said. I stood up from my seat and walked over to Kris. He looked like a mess.

I reached to give him a hug. “No one’s ever gotten you to speak about your feelings like that, yeah?”

“You yelled at me.” Kris frowned.

“I know, I’m sorry.” I chuckled. “But hey, at least you’re up for parenthood.” I teased.

 

I pulled away. “Wait.”

 

I came back with Camellia in my arms. She clung onto my t-shirt as if she knew I was going to put her down. “Camellia, daddy doesn’t feel good. Can you give him a hug? Please? It’ll make him happy.” I whispered.

She looked at me with those eyes full of fear.

“Daddy doesn’t bite, he’s really sweet. Can you give daddy a hug? He feels terrible, look at him.” I turned around and watched as Camellia frowned a little.

“Camellia? Please? Do it for me.”

She looked at me and nodded.

 

I walked over to Kris who had his head buried in his arms. I tapped him on the shoulder and smiled when he looked up at me.

His voice cracked. “C-Camellia?”

I put her down on his lap. I watched as she stood up and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck. Kris sat there in shock, his cheeks turned rosy from the sudden contact. He slowly reached to hug her back.

 

I couldn’t help but smile like an idiot the whole time. 

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