One month passed since the little motel episode and now I was living with the rest of the boys in the mansion. It was better than being homeless but then again, I think I’d pick the latter over the idea of being surrounded by people who hold guns in their back pockets, ready to use them whenever they needed to.

Despite this little factor, I was able to have back the life I was living, or used to live; but now I had a stupid bodyguard stuck in my behind every time I had to go somewhere. Can’t be more discreet than having someone follow me around all day. Even during my dance practices, that bodyguard had to stay stuck by the door and watch out just in case something ever happens to me.

I didn’t have much of a choice since the big show that was coming and it was going to be my big break; it’s the only thing that kept me going and I can’t give that up too.

With the days passing by, I tried to move on regarding my break up with Hyunseung but with the box of pictures Joon found in the trailer, I couldn’t help myself but stare at them every night. I don’t know how I’m suppose to be feeling about this; I mean… they were his pictures and I thought that I wouldn’t matter to him since our relationship was a lie but looking at them, I couldn’t help myself but wonder if he did really love me; if through the years, he did really care about me…

That would explain why he was reluctant on pulling the trigger, right?

If he wanted to kill me, then he would’ve done it the second he met me but instead it took three years before he finally acted; that should mean something…

And even in that time, I got closer to Joon, believe it or not. I guess, he isn’t the cold and isolated man I thought he was. I was really grateful that he was helping me getting through all of this but sometimes it only makes me realize that that’s my reality from now on; to hide and protect myself from the man that is after me for whatever reason.

After that encounter in the motel room, I remember feeling so scared and weak; I kept dreaming about this moment almost every night, ending up with sleepless nights and dark circles under my eyes.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

Watching the boys train with their men, it made me want to become stronger. I’m tired of feeling this way and I need something, some kind of push to help me stand on my own. I’m afraid but I don’t have a choice; I’m not always going to have someone by my side and the loss of my parents are proof of that: I decided that I needed to feed my body with proper muscles if I was ever going to be attacked once again, so I could be prepared for the next time; I can’t have the boys on my back 24/7, I’m a big girl and I can do this.

I walked down the hallway and straight into the kitchen where I found them eating their morning breakfast. I greeted them and made my way to Joon who was quietly eating out of his cereal bowl.

“Joon?”

He looked in my direction with slightly puffy cheeks and I couldn’t help myself but lightly giggle at the dork side he was showing me, a very first I might add. Noticing that I wanted to talk to him he quickly swallowed and gave all his attention towards me without erasing that smile.

I couldn’t stop staring and it looks like he saw this since he had to call my name out to catch my attention.

“What’s up?”

“Oh, hmm… Can we talk in private for a moment?”

He nodded and got up from his seat and started walking where I quickly followed him out of the kitchen. He lead me towards the living room and took a seat on the couch to which I sat next to him, turning my body so I could be facing him.

“What did you want to talk about?”

I took in a deep breath while looking down and took a moment before looking back at him as he was patiently waiting to see what I wanted.

“I want to get stronger.”

“Huh?”

“Physically strong, I mean.”

“I still don’t understand…”

“I don’t really know how to say this to you without freaking you out…” I mumbled hoping he didn’t hear me when I looked back down.

“Seonya, what’s wrong?” Hearing the concern in his voice made my heart hurt. I bit my lower lip and looked at him in the eyes, gathering all the courage I had left.

“I heard that you were the best fighter out of everybody and I was hoping you could help me… I want to learn how to fight…”

“Fight?”

“Well more learn self-defense, but yeah it’s probably just the same thing anyways…”

“W-why do you want to do that?” The way he looked at me made me suddenly regret my decision for asking him for help but a part of me didn’t want to back down and I know that I really needed this.

“I can’t always rely on you guys to protect me. I have to know how to defend myself, or at least just learn some basic moves… Please?”

He let out a breath while thinking through my proposal and it made me nervous. Just the way he had his thinking face on and seeing the frown on his face made me think that he wasn’t going to accept the idea of helping me.

I didn’t want to hear him say ‘no’ to me so I got up from my seat and was about to let him know that it was okay but he grabbed my hand and got up to face me while he showed me a little smile.

“I’ll help you.”

“Thank you, it really means a lot.” I smiled at him with a wave of relief washing over me.

“When do you want to start?”

“Hmm, well I have my dance practices everyday so after that?”

“Perfect.”

He let go of my hand and I thanked him one more time before leaving him as I told him that I will be back in the afternoon, after I was done with my dance practice.

The day came and went and I was finally back at the mansion.

Once inside, I ran up the stairs and straight to my room where I threw my bag on the floor and changed into more comfortable clothes as I picked out a simple pair of sweatpants and a short sleeves shirt before going back downstairs to the training room where Joon was, already starting.

“Starting without me I see?”

He turned around and smiled at me, suddenly making me nervous.

‘Why the hell am I nervous?!’

I was rubbing my hands together trying to calm myself as I saw him walking towards me.

‘Grey sweatpants and a tight white tank top. Wow… that’s… whoa…’

“Seonya?”

I didn’t realize I dazed out until he called my name. Out of nowhere he was standing close to me making me hold my breath. “Ready to start?”

“Mhmm.” I quickly nodded my head and he backed away, letting me breathe.

“How about some warm ups and then we’ll start with some easy reflex moves.”

“Sounds perfect!”

We started warming up as I followed his movements, guiding me with every gesture I needed to do. After a good thirty minutes of this, he started to show me some easy techniques of self-defense.

I tried my best to focus but having him so close to me, it was becoming hard to breathe especially since I was almost running out of breath.

He was standing behind me and so close, I could feel his breath tickling my neck sending shivers all over my spine. I tried to listen to what he was saying and only put my focus on his words but it was becoming so hard, I almost forgot what we were doing in the first place.

“Are you listening to me? Seonya~”

All of a sudden I found him standing in front of me, catching me completely off guard. “Huh? What happened?”

“What happened? You dozed out, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Mhmm, yea.”

“How about we stop for today and continue tomorrow?”

“Sure…”

He ruffled my hair and smiled at me before walking away, leaving me alone in the training room.

I looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall and noticed that already two hours passed.

“Really? It feels like we just got started!” I huffed out and walked out of the training room, turning the lights off and made my way back to the bedroom where I ran off to the bathroom for a quick shower, finally having some time to myself until the same routine carried out for the next day and the few days after that.

Back in the training room, the techniques Joon was showing me were becoming more complex, making it hard for me to follow them.

“Yah! Go slowly, I can’t follow what you’re doing!”

He chuckled, obviously amused at my outburst and I only glared at him with a pout, annoyed that he was having his fun.

“Come here.” I walked closer to him and stood in front of him, ready for what was next.

“Turn around.” I did as he told and turned around, waiting patiently for the next step.

“Now, what you have to do is swiftly turn around but pull your feet in the air so you could reach the face and kick.”

“O-okay.” my hands and placing them opposite my chest, I turned around like he said and lifted my feet in the air but he caught it with his hand, taking me by surprise, which almost made me fall backwards if it wasn’t for him pulling me towards him as he still held onto my leg.

I had his face only inches away from mine with my eyes staring straight into his before looking down on his lips, having this sudden urge to kiss him. I don’t know why though, it’s not like I had some kind of feelings for him but right now all I could feel was something strange going on in the pit of my stomach; I could also feel my heart beat so fast, I felt as if it was going to pop out anytime, especially with the way he was looking at me.

He had an intense gaze, this I knew, but I really couldn’t tell what he was thinking; I got so caught up into looking at him, the next thing I knew, I saw him leaning closer to me only to have a pair of soft lips pressed against mine, cutting my breath short while my heart stopped for just one second, leaving me numb.

I didn’t understand what was happening but I couldn’t pull myself away; something inside of me just pushed me closer to him as I found my hands gripping onto his shirt, feeling myself getting overwhelmed by the kiss, sweet yet… somehow strong.

My mind went blank the moment I responded to his kiss, shy and uncertain if I should be doing this but that’s when I felt his one arm around my waist with the other one still holding on my leg, turning the kiss into a more passionate touch.

I don’t know what happened next but now I could hear him breathe as I saw his chest move up and down, the same way I was heavily breathing. I slowly looked up only to have him stare back at me again; his expression was still unreadable to me but his hold got stronger. I bit the inner part of my bottom lip and leaned back closer to him until my lips were hovering above his, ready to kiss him again.

But this time, he hasn’t moved at all; I saw him clenching his jaw, as if he was holding back.

His hold on my leg loosened until he completely let it go. Being the dancer I was, I was able to smoothly stand back on my two feet while still looking at him. I tried leaning closer with my lips pressed against his but he gently pushed me back, which pained me.

“I-I’m sorry but… I can’t…” He whispered but his words were loud enough to my ears, making me cringe.

He took small steps backwards until he was at an arm length distance away from me and looked me in the eyes with a hurt expression, tearing me even further apart in just short seconds.

He apologized once again and walked away, leaving me standing alone.

I don’t why I was hurt, but I could hear my heart break again and tears came with it, hitting me hard.

My knees were feeling weak making me crouch down where I wrapped my arms around my legs while hiding my face from the embarrassment I just went through.

I couldn’t understand why he pushed me away now when just moments ago, he’s the one that kissed me first.

I sat down and wiped my tears away, finding it ridiculous to be crying like that, but just thinking of how stupid I must’ve looked made it hard to contain myself.

Walking away from the training room, he stopped in his tracks when he heard her softly cry.

It broke his heart to push her away like that but he couldn’t kiss her because if he did, he knew that he wouldn’t stop.

And to him, he felt like he would betray his Love even though she wasn’t here anymore.

He kept on walking until he reached for his bedroom and softly closed the door before leaning his back against it and slid down to the floor.

His mind went back to what just happened and he felt his heart squeeze. He didn’t know what took over him to have done something like this and a part of him does regret his action. 

Though several years passed, he still felt like he wasn’t allowed to fall in love with another woman, not when his heart still belonged to someone else and he felt horrible to put Seonya through something like this; leading her on was never his intention.

All he wanted to do was to help her out but the emotions got out of hand and now there were two broken hearts that were found.

The one that never healed and the one that just dropped on the floor.