Joori couldn't stop thinking of all the inappropiate things she wanted to do with Jonghyun, but she knew that if she did, she would never get Onew back from the evil chicken man Key. The stupid chicken man with the half shaven head that made him look  like an actual chicken. Why didn't her family have a chicken business too? Geez, it would have been so much easier to get guys if her family had a chicken farm.

"Hey...where are we going?" Jonghyun's somewhat husky but VERY y voice pulled her from her little reverie.

"I'm Joori."

"I didn't ask you who you were."

"Didn't you?" Joori turned to her eyebrow at him. Jonghyun's eyes widened for a second, then promptly closed when he realized that he wouldn't be able to see her pupils no matter how wide he opened his eyes. He gave up and turned back.

"We're going to my house by the way, and you're going to make me tofu. Alot of it. I want a full 5 course meal of nothing but tofu."

Jonghyun stared at her. Was this lady crazy? 5 course meal of tofu? Was he being dragged off to film Iron Chef Korea?

"I get paid for this...right?" Jonghyun's resolve faltered at Joori's angry glare.

"You will do as I say, no questions asked. Actually, you're going to help me get my boyfriend back by making the most delicious meal that you have ever made in your life. Otherwise..." Joori paused and cackled maliciously.

"Otherwise what?"

"There are so many things that I want to do to you, Jonghyun, and not all of them are as fun as you think they are..."
 

Key's kitchen was quite greasy and somewhat dirty, but then again, who's kitchen wouldn't be dirty if they were frying chicken all day long? Onew was impressed. And Key's delicious body was even yummier now that he wasn't wearing so many layers.....-mind travels to dirty places-

"Want to stay for dinner?"

"Yes. Of course I will- after all, chicken doesn't get any fresher than this."

Key chuckled and proceeded to breaking up the chicken he had just sadistically tortured to death, Onew carefully watching his each and every move. The way his knife deftly cut through the skin to reveal the bone, the way he used the chainsaw to hack the ribcage in half...Onew stared at Key the way a master admires his best creation. Key could feel Onew's eyes on him, but he tried the best he could to focus on sawing the chicken open.

"Why are you blushing?" Onew asked Key lazily as he drew chicken nests on his back.

"What? No, I'm not blushing. What you smokin'?

"You, and you're making me high........." Onew sniffed Key's hair, making Key drop the chainsaw covered in bits of chicken bone. He even smells like chicken, Onew thought happily, and he's so smart too. Who knew that hens took 30-35 breaths/minute and roosters 18-20? Or that a chicken's heart beats 280-315 times a minute? And just the way he washes his hands is so seductive...yum....Onew began drooling onto Key's neck. Key drew his sopping wet hands from the sink, wiped Onew's saliva off his neck and back onto Onew's nose. He turned around and pecked Onew's cheek.

"I think we ought to be somewhere else right now..."

Onew twisted his hand into Key's crown (in other words his red hair) and pulled him closer. "And where," he breathed, "should that be?"

"In my-"

Key was cut off by a sudden blast of Shinee's Mexicana Chicken song coming from Onew's phone. "MEXICANA~~~" it blared loudly, ruining the atmosphere in an instant.

"God dammit; who's calling me?" Onew pulled out his phone and saw a big "FRIED CHICKEN LADY J.J." on caller ID. He smirked. J.J.? Who cared about her, now that he had someone much better to go to for chicken? He slipped his phone back into his pocket and smiled as seductively as he could at Key.

"Let's go then."

Jonghyun heard swearing in the living room as he cut his soft tofu for tofu soup in the kitchen. So this guy named Onew wasn't picking up was he? He cussed, ticked off that Joori had actually meant it when she had told him that she wanted him to cook a 5 course tofu meal to get her boyfriend back. To think that someone was actually using him to get their boyfriend back was just beyond belief for Jonghyun- after all, every time a girl had told him that, they were just looking for an excuse to get close to him. And yet, Joori was actually serious.

"UGH! He's not picking up!" Joori came storming into the kitchen, on the verge of tears. Jonghyun looked up to see her her lips as she stared at his back. Pft, so she was falling for him? Why make such a big show out of it? If she wanted him she should have just said so.

"So now what? Is it just the 2 of us then?" Jonghyun wiped his hands and stirred the soup, standing so as to fully expose his back to Joori. Joori sighed and unconsciously began his back, cold fingers leaving a trail of goosebumps. 

"I guess so, but all this tofu is a bit much for--" The door bell rang, breaking Joori's train of thought. She looked stunned for a second, then she broke out sprinting towards the front door.

"OOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!"

The door opened and Joori threw herself at the thin figure standing in the doorway. "Onew! Oh, I missed you." Joori stood on her tippy toes and was about to peck him on the cheek when a hand pushed her away.

"Noona, as much as I absolutely adore you, I don't think this is appropiate."

"What? Of course this is appropiate. And why are you calling me 'noona'? You should call me Joori."

"Um.." He pushed her off and walked into the light of the living room, childish face lighting up at the sight of the table full of food. "Actually, can we wait a bit? I'm kind of hungry." Without waiting for an answer, he began wolfing down the tofu.

"Of course, of course! Food always comes first, right On-" Taemin stared at Joori with a mouthful of Mapo tofu (I know this isn't Korean, but I like mapo tofu so too bad XD). Jonghyun model walked in and sat opposite Taemin.

"This is Onew, Joori?"

Taemin smiled, cheeks puffed from tofu. "Nope! I'm Taemin, noona's softspot. I'm the only one that she makes jajangmyun for. And who might hyung be?"

"Jonghyun, the tofu man. I cooked all 5 courses," he declared proudly, looking at Joori for confirmation. Joori, on the other hand, was too busy squatting in her emo corner.

"Joori?"

"Noona? Noona? Hey Onew hyung-"

Joori's head instantly jerked up at the mention of Onew's name, only to see Jonghyun and Taemin looking at her, faces full of concern. Or at least, Taemin was. Jonghyun was looking more like...well...never mind...

"YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Joori suddenly stood up and roared as loud as she ever had, setting off a 7.8 earthquake in the process. "Screw Onew! Taemin, noona's fine, noona just has to find another type of meat. Noona will never think of chicken or Onew again. I WILL AVENGE MY PRIDE MUAHAHAHAHA."

Taemin looked at Jonghyun and shrugged. "She said that last time too, when she saw Onew eating Mexicana chicken. Nothing ever happened though."

"Mexicana chicken?"

Taemin, Jonghyun and Joori turned to see a human sized chicken standing in front of them. Joori broke the awkward silence first, with an enraged howl and a hard fist aiming straight for the chicken's eye.

"OUCH! WTF LADY. I'M THE DELIVERY GUY. " The poor guy in the chicken suit rolled over on the floor in pain.

"Who,"growled Joori,"ordered MEXICANA CHICKEN?!!?"

Jonghyun shyly raised his hand. He was instantly met with Joori's full blown wrath. "I didn't know, sorry, I was just craving fried chicken..."

"NO one, do you hear me, is to ever order Mexicana chicken again. Do you hear me? NEVER ORDER MEXICANA CHICKEN AGAIN."

"...right....sure...whatever you say...."

Taemin chuckled coldly and sat back against the wall. "Jonghyun hyung," he said, taking a bite out of a chicken thigh," thanks. And now you can have fun with noona. Alot of fun."

Jonghyun turned back to see Joori sharpening her butcher's knife.