B.i/Hanbin’s POV

[Going to YG cafeteria for lunch. Friday]

Bobby placed his hand on my shoulder. “Hanbin-a, are we good?”

“Yeahh” I said effortlessly

“One month. Just one month and we’ll be good” - Bobby

I didn’t answer

“Haay…..My friend, after all we’ve been through you want to throw it away?” - Bobby

“I’m not throwing anything away. I’m just tired of this place…”

Then we reached the cafeteria. Minho hyung was there. With a girl.

“Hyung!!!” everybody greeted him

“Oh kids! Nice timing. Wazzup?”

“Doing good as always” – Bobby

I recognized the girl. She smiled at us.

“Ow. It’s Dannah. She’s just passing by” Then we greeted Dannah Noona.

“Good you’re here. I’m just going to the bathroom.” – Dannah

Then she left. We got our food and seated with Minho hyung.

“Ugh. Here it is again.. – Joonhwe

“What, I’m not joking. Watch the broadcast or search it in the internet. It’s really a hot topic. Haha – Minho

“What is it?”

“He’s saying another girl group member said she likes him and that she wants them together on we got married.” - Jinhwan

“Are you making things up again hyung? Aigoo. Whatever. As if you could actually date them.” – Bobby

“Yeah. You’re still a timid guy around girls you know. You’re all talk,”

“It’s true I’m telling you! And you know we can’t date anyone now idiots” – Minho

“Don’t use that excuse coward” – Bobby

“Ah. Remember the show they were in and he’s obviously very nervous? We laughed so hard about that. You can’t even look at them in the eye! What the hell hyung!” – Joonhwe

“The one with D-UNIT?” - Yoonhyung

“AH. Yeah I remember that. HAHAHAHA. Seriously hyung you’re embarrassing!” – Donghyuk

We were already all laughing. He was already getting embarrassed. Haha

“That was funny but the most embarrassing moment he had so far was when he received an award on MAMA recently.”

“O my god. Yeah. That was..o my god,” – Bobby

“When I saw that I felt embarrassed to” – Yoonhyung

“It was an accident! You never know when will you tripped!” - Minho

“Tripping is good hyung. But tripping and trying to get hold on Miss Suzy to prevent you fall IS NOT GOOD OKAY”

“Did you really touched her….?” – Bobby whispered

“I did not!” – Minho

“But the pictures has your hand on her..” – Joonhwe

He breathed heavily. He’s kinda blushing. Haha

“Okay. My hands were like this (he demonstrated it to Donghyuk who’s beside him) I did not rest my palm on her….get it? God. But seriously that happened in only 2 seconds but I was killed for a month because of that. Haay!” - Minho

“Ah! What’s even funny was….(he can’t stop he’s laugh) when….(giggles) when Seungyoon hyung tried to help him but ended up touching his .” – Joonhwe

Everybody then bursted in laughs!

“Were you trying to make a scene that night? HAHAHAHA”  - Jinhwan

“That’s why I was more embarrassed! Seriously I was the victim of the night there! Aigoo!” - Minho

Hahahahahha. Aigoo. This moments. We rarely see them these days. Before we would plan and schedule a get together once in a while but it never worked out mostly. So we just let destiny make us see each other. Haha. How corny is that. But you know, the unexpected is always better.

But my worries aren’t still cooling off. Minho hyung saw me.

“By the way, Hanbin-a..what’s up?” – Minho

“Good.” I tried my best voice

“You’re almost there. Don’t worry too much.” – Minho

“Yeah..”

With my best winter coats, I strolled around Han river again. At sunsets when I have time I go here. This has been a hobby for quite a while. No, not a while. For three years.

There only few people. Since it’s really stupid to come here this cold winter night. Not if you’re with your partner like these cuddling people here. Aigoo. Or if you’re just stupid like me.

 I raised the volume of my earphones. Next song played was The Motto by Drake. Ugh. I thought I already deleted this before. Press next.

Are we really debuting next year? Though I’ve waited for this long enough why can’t I feel any excitement? I really can’t feel it coming. I have been always chasing the day of our debut. But it’s been 6 years since I became a trainee and I’ve felt my worst 3 years ago. I’ve received much hurt and even if I tried to heal that the wounds will always be there. Haay..

I was a foolish as a kid. Why did I took this route? Why of all talents I learned Hip-hop? Why of all people GD hyung? I picked a stone and threw it at the river. Everytime I come here I would think of this. Even now that our debut date is coming I’m still undecided. Haay~

I stopped and sat. Hmm..ugh, couples. How frustrating it is for a guy to be single for 21 years seriously. I looked around again. Haha. This girl is rapping there while playing at her ipad. She’s alone but enjoying. How admirable of her. I hope I can be like that. But we’re on different worlds. I’m bound to a world I’m regretting little by little.

When WIN was broadcasted and I was introduced to the world the people expected me so much. The next GD?! For someone who was acknowledge by the people and even GD Hyung to be his successor was a jackpot. Back when I was 12 years old I’ve seen my light in music. Everybody around me recognized my talent at a young age. I was uplifted by that and pursued a dream. A dream which I never taught would also destroy me. It wasn’t my entire fault that we lost in WIN, I know. But receiving criticisms after that made me realize that I wasn’t being me. I was trying to be the next G-Dragon. I decided to quit.

When I shared my thoughts to my team 2 years ago we almost broke. Bobby hyung bought his plane ticket. Everything was on fire when I decided that. I was already determined to quit but when the staffs told me, “The others can quit but please not you B.i. You’re our precious stone here. If you don’t want your team we can all fire them and found you better members. Just don’t go,” That moment I realized how a monster I was. How selfish am I and how cruel of me to destroy my team’s dreams? I ran to them and apologized so much. Then I stood up again, not chasing for my dreams but stood up for my team. After that they said I’ve aged a lot. That I changed a lot.

Yoonhyung hyung who doesn’t even speak so much once talked to me one on one. He decided to quit too. He said he wanted to pursue his acting career. But he also kept that because he doesn’t want to destroy our bound. “But now, if you’re just thinking that you’re pursuing this because of us I think you should just quit. I hated the idea that you are caged in us because you are our leader and that we are stopping you from your own dreams. If you’re really determined to go, it’s okay. We’ve already discussed this before and after much thoughts if we found the right reasons we can disband” I said no. For the years we’ve been through I know so well that we are all inlove with music. So I can’t let this team disappear.

I discussed to the team why thoughts again. Saying we can just drop from this agency and find another. I hated this entertainment when those staffs said those things to my members. But they disagreed of course. I never told them what the staffs told me. They said we just need to hold on a little longer and all this chaos will be over. Then the day came when the company decided to debut us. But those thoughts still wander in my head. I’m still thinking of quitting this company cause I have a very bad feeling about our debut. I don’t know but since that day, I don’t want to trust this company anymore.