Hangeng’s POV

As I walked inside my dorm, I could already feel a headache coming up. So after changing into more comfortable clothes, I took the sapphire blue box with me then laid down on my bed to rest for a while…

I was running away from something. It was hard to tell what from but I was crying and I wanted to be out of their lives. It wasn’t their fault. I knew this much. But for some reason, I didn’t want to see them anymore. They were getting closer… and closer… until finally I reached the desk to check in at the airport. I took my bags and ran into the airplane and flew away. I was the only one there. I felt scared, alone, unloved and upset. I looked out… but all I could see were their faces…

Heechul crying…

Leeteuk and Yesung too upset to speak…

Siwon praying hard for me…

Kyuhyun wiping his and Ryeowook’s tears…

Sungmin, Kangin and Shindong’s hardened face…

Eunhyuk and Donghae on the floor not controlling his tears…

Henry and Zhou Mi… they depended on me…

Have I let everyone down? Did I do the right thing? Or not? Would I ever go back to see them at least once? Do they miss me?

No.

I looked away. I waited impatiently until I arrived at my destination. I will stay there forever. Maybe become a dance teacher? I should call my parents when I arrive. But maybe that would worry them? I’ll call them after a few months. Will anyone try to get in contact with me during this time? I should get rid of my phone.

There was a loud noise, when suddenly the TV screen switched itself on.

It was Super Junior performing. I’m not there. Why am I not there? We weren’t having any concerts this whole month. Heechul is crying. But why? Everyone is there but me.

I looked at the date and to my horror, it had already been 8 months since I left. Why am I still in the plane? How did time fly so fast? What’s going on? I looked back at the date… it’s now been a year.

What’s going on???

I woke up very suddenly, sweating from the dream and panting with my heart racing fast. I quickly went to the bathroom to freshen up then changed out of my sweat top to a nice warm one.

When I got back to my bed, I noticed the sapphire blue box on the floor. I picked it up and sat it down on my lap.

‘I have to check it sometime soon… might as well do it now,’ I thought, and with a shaking finger, I slowly started to open the box.

The first thing I saw was a Hankyung poster with my face on it and ‘Saranghae Hankyung’ next to it. I took it out, when unexpectedly, lots of other merchandise of me fell out. There were pens, posters, banners, mini cardboard cutouts, old album covers with my signature on it, etc.

I couldn’t take it anymore… tears were already rolling down my cheek. I quickly took the lid and shut the box again. Then put all the merchandise under my bed.

‘I’ll check the other things in the box later,’ I thought.

Somehow, this all seemed too hard for me. I didn’t know what to think, feel and do. I felt like I was to blame for everything.

I thought ELFs didn’t miss me anymore. I thought Super Junior don’t miss me anymore. Was I wrong?

No. I had to do this.

With a deep breath, I took the box out again and opened it to reveal 2 CDs and a simple (also sapphire) book. I turned the book around it my hands, carefully inspecting it, then opened it to the first page…

DEAR HANGENG

My name is Sian. I am en ELF.

However, I must confess that I became an ELF when ‘Mr Simple’ came out. Back then; I didn’t even know you existed.

Slowly, I came to realize that Super Junior was actually missing members. I researched every member’s profiles and watched videos from your debut days to present, when finally I found out.

You are one of the missing members.

I apologize if I have made you upset in any way. I know I don’t know the full story, I only know what you revealed in interviews. I am not here to force you back into Super Junior; I am only here to support you and let you know that your ELFs are still with you, supporting you with every step…

I couldn’t continue. My hands were slightly shaking.

‘Calm down Hangeng’ I told myself, and turned the page to reveal our old debut photos. It was like a Super Junior timeline.

As I looked at each picture, I laughed, I smiled, I cried, I wished… to see them again.

Near the end of the book, were Super Junior’s signatures. The signatures were on different pieces of paper, which was glued on to this book.

‘I guess the members didn’t know were this would end up to.’

I closed the book and put both the merchandise and the book in the box again after taking out the CDs. I left the box on the table, but then thought about people coming in and going through my stuff… I didn’t want that to happen. This is private. I want to hide this and not talk about any of this to anyone. There’s no one I can turn to at the moment. I used to have someone. But I guess not anymore… I am too scared to see him.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you for reading! ^^

please comment and tell me what you like and dont like. i will improve it according to your comments :)

PEACE OUT READERS!! *bows*